Parents, College & Money...

LegacyUser

Right so Im panicking. I haven't worked all summer as I've been ill and unable to basically leave the house save the odd weekend where I've been dragged out by friends. I have NO money. I have five euro to my name. No joke. I've no savings, no post office account and I cant work, as I have severe depression and when I was working in my last job I nearly went lost it being under so much pressure.

I have no other choice than to ask my parents for the money, I feel like SH1TE taking money off them. I had a job for most of last year on Friday nites and saturdays which paid for my socialising and that before I got sick and the rents paid for reg and books etc but I paid them back so didnt have this overwhelming feeling of guilt!

I've 3 younger sisters all in school aswel, and I just feel awful asking for them to pay for college. Im not asking them to pay for my socialising but the cost of books, transport etc is unreal.

I know Im not the worst off, I do live at home so thats one less thing Ive to pay for but I just dont feel like Im worthy taking money off them. I dont qualify for an allowance because my dad earns over the limit...

Should I feel guilty or just get over it?

Wagon

Apply for a grant man. See what you can get off the government, they're the ones who want people to get qualified and work till your 70, so they can pay for it I never bothered but im sure i could have gotten something in hindsight. Then just get part time work and that'll pay for the piss ups. Even just throw 40 euro into the bank each week to save and by the end of the year you'll have a **** load of money. Then you'll avoid these worries which shouldn't happen til your 40 anyway

Are you in a position to get through the next year in college health wise?

If you are then, I don't see a reason to be guilty.

You'll repay them by helping out when your qualified.

cooker3

I was the same. I hate asking parents for money, they ended up paying for first 2 years
But think of it as investment. If you do well then you will earn far far more then the 900 odd euro you need and you can pay them back if you feel inclined.

Nevyn

Can you get a student loan ?

mikemac

Wagon wrote: »

Apply for a grant man. See what you can get off the government, they're the ones who want people to get qualified and work till your 70, so they can pay for it I never bothered but im sure i could have gotten something in hindsight.

You never bothered to apply and you could have been eligible? You must be rich to turn down a couple of thousand every year. Or lazy, not sure which.

OP, check out if you are entitled but it could be Christmas before you see anything.
Sure you'll pay back any grant money 100 times over once you get a good graduate job and a good salary. So it's better if you apply than struggle to finish your course

RealistSpy

Apply for back to education.

Carsinian Thau

You could borrow the money from them and pay it back at a later date when you're able to. That's what you did for the accommodation.
I know that it's a long term solution so you'll have to deal with the short-term guilt but at least you'll be making an effort.

Also, as the other posters said, check what grants etc. you are entitled to. That could completely fix the problem. Your college should have a financial support advisor or something like that at least.

sunnyside

I'm sure your parents are aware that they'll have to help you financially with college. I doubt it'll come as any huge surprise to them. After all they know you've just finished school and haven't been working etc.

Do apply for a grant and you should be able to get a student loan. Your parents will probably need to sign a form to secure this though.

You probably need to get some treatment for your depression as well. College is a very sociable place so you'll need to feel up to meeting people instead of wanting to stay in bed all day.

stovelid

If your parents can afford it, it's fine.

Pay them back when you can, or get them to guarantee a loan.

I agree with the others though: if you intend to pay of socializing by work through college, study + work may put you under even more pressure than before, so I would advise you to get help with your issues.

irishpacker

Hey mate,

I'm kinda in the same boat as you, my parents pretty much pay for college, although I do have a part time job which covers my social life but still... I absolutely HATE asking for anything. My parents can afford to support me, we're honest about that sort of thing, but still I hate being dependant. The way my parents see it though is that they are giving me the chance to a proper education which will result in me having a proper job and full life. In otherwords an investment. So as long as I get good grades and make something of myself, I wont feel bad. And neither should you.

davyjose

This might sound harsh, but I don't mean to cause offnce:

Basically, how are you healthy enough to go to college, but not to work? There are plenty of part time jobs out there that are a hell of a lot less taxing than going to college TBH (plenty of full time ones too).

As for feeling guilty, I don't think there are a massive amount of students out there that are entirely self-sufficient. Everyone's parent's dig them out to a large degree, and the ones that don't are on grants.

MagicMarker

OP, they're your parents, they will gladly pay for your fees. Just make sure to pay them back, get a part time job, do chores around the house, cook etc.

Tis no biggy.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the advice OPs... talked to mam about it this morning and she said not to worry, I can pay them back when Im good and ready, most students have to rely on parents to get themselves off the ground...

And in reply to the poster who asked how I wasnt well enough to go to college but not to work, I was working until June I was only diagnosed in May towards the very end of college (up until then Id just been ignoring the feelings etc) , then the doc recomended I left work as the stress of the job wasnt helping matters (I know it was only part-time but my boss was the devil incarnate) so I left... I've since been attending counselling with a friend of a friend and taking time out with various people, my relationships with whom were upsetting me and were in need of repair... I've just needed to take the summer to take time to myself etc

But thats not the point, I just wanted to make sure I wasnt over-reacting, thanks guys!

girl_friday

I don't think disability allowance is means tested and you can get it while you live at home... Have you looked into that?? Its almost €200/week so would be a big help to you I'm sure... Doesn't have to be a permanent thing as they can review it regularly on medical advice... Good luck with everything!!

LegacyUser

As the user name suggests, im in the same position as the op only im goin into my 3rd yr of college and il be 20 at the end of the year and never had a job longer than a week or 2 due to very bad anixety and depression.

I really dont know what to do anymore, il be goin back to college in less than a month and il need the parents to pay for yet another year they cant afford and i feel so bad. Ive been threatend of getting kicked out of the house if i dont get a job but i just cant do it no matter how much i want to, im physically not able to go look for one i get so worked up about to the point were i get physically sick. I cant deal with it and i could only imagine if i had to deal with customers day in and out in a store never mind other staff and management on my back. Wouldnt last more than a few days.

Wtf is wrong with me? Since i finished college for summer (Mid may) iv basically been sitting in my room, in bed/on here 16hrs a day almost everyday. Iv no money to do anything as a result so i cant realy socialise, not that i really like to as iv bad social anixety and im usually hiding away ina club or bar till ive enough gargle in me not to care and forget. Ive lost soo many friends because of it, my gf last month (Bitch btw, since i helped her through worse and was always there) and ive my whole family against me because they dont understand. Literally shoving job applications in my face aswell as applying for jobs for me telling me not to be affraid. If onlt it was that ****ing simple...

I just want crawl into a hole and die, nobody would notice anyway..

Victor

sameposition wrote: »

Iv no money to do anything as a result so i cant realy socialise, not that i really like to as iv bad social anixety

Are you getting treatment for this?

geminilady

Just a few things there from your post...

Have you applied for a grant to help you out? They may be able to help you out financially. You could ring your local county council and they may be able to help.

You said that you have anxiety and depression have you ever talked to anyone about your feelings? You say you were there for your ex girlfriend but have you neglected yourself in the process? Your feelings wont go away if you keep the buried they will only get worse. Have you thought about talking to your GP or the samaritans 1850 60 90 90 or you could email jo. jo@samaritans.org

What about taking up a hobby or something new to enjoy?

Don't give up. You will be missed.

Perhaps because you think your parents dont back you is because they dont really understand you fully, have you had a proper chat with them to tell them how your feeling? Sometimes people just need an extra shove to understand

Anyway.. please dont harm yourself, if you ever what a chat just pm me.
Good luck, wish you the best.

Cateym

Parents, as far as I can see it, don't really mind supporting their kids through their education. I was a very proud person and wouldn't let mine, partly because I had 5 younger siblings in school and partly because I didn't get on with my dad and didn't want to be still dependent on him at the age of 19.

Other people (like my sister and sister in law) have no problem sponging away, taking every penny they can get. That is pathetic in my eyes. Unless a course is really demanding (or you are sick as in your case) a few hours a week in a part time job should go a long way.

As the other posters have said, apply for the grant. You just never know. The cut-off amount changes almost every year so you could get it this year. Also depending on what sort of illness you have, you may even be entitled to a disability allowance that would go a long way. Failing all that, take a reasonable sized loan to see you through.

paperclip2

RealistSpy wrote: »

Apply for back to education.

Unfortunately to get the Back to Education Allowance you need to be in receipt of a a social welfare payment for a minimum period of 12 months before starting college. This period comes down to 9 months if you are registered with FAS as a NEAPs client. DSFA are pretty strict about this.

OP, apply for a grant anyway. You might be entitled to something. Also all colleges have student hardship funds that you could possibly get some assistance from once you are in situ. Good luck.

deisemum

I'm a mum and I'd hate to think a child of mind would feel guilty about my husband and myself funding them through college. I see that as part and parcel of rearing my children.

If my children want to go to college I'd prefer them to be focused on studying and not have to work too much during term time. They can always work for my husband over the summer holidays or Saturdays term time.;)

GuiltyMoney as a mum I'd much prefer you did what you did and spend your summer concentrating on your health issues. Hopefully you'll be working for a long time once you're qualified. Don't feel guilty.