Social networking ettiquette

Magpie!

Not a current PI for me but was in last relationship and will come up again if future I suppose.

Last year i ended a long term relationship which predated Bebo, Facebook and texting. God those were simpler times!

Then I got involved with a younger guy and encountered all sorts of issues I never had before. One being Bebo.

Now we are both on it, I don't use it much, mostly for putting up pics for my friends to see. He'd be on it a fair bit more than me but still not everyday or anyhting like it.

We are 'Friends' on Bebo so when I'd log on I'd have a quick nosey at his page too.

Now here is the weirdness. We were doing the long distance thing, and had agreed it wasn't exclusive, but after the first couple of months neither of us were with anyone else. Still had the option to though. So I suppose whenever I looked at his page I was wary of seeing something i didn't want to and was probably guilty of overanalysing stuff his mates or females friends would post. But I'd still look coz well I'm only human like!

We never communicated through Bebo ourselves so I wouldn't bother leaving a message if I had been on he mightn't see it for a couple of days and we'd be texting everyday.

Guys always seem more paranoid about 'crazy women stalkers' so i wouldn't really mention having been on his page. That combined with the fact that he has more of his life up there on display than I would, and the fact that i was i suppose looking out for signs of him being with other people left me feeling kinda guilty.

I'd never mention anything I saw on there. Eg one weekend we weren't meeting I gathered from Bebo that he was going away with his mates. We still did the whole "up to anything exciting this weekend" conversation. Even though i knew what he was doing, and then felt even more of a weirdo.

Coz it was long distance and we didn't get to see each other that much that the time we did have was just for us and I never met any of his friends, or he mine. But I know a lot of their names and how he knows them from Bebo e.g. someone posting saying they'd see him at training or whatever.

Then he's tell me stories about people that I felt I already knew something about and i'd feel even weirder.

Now he wasn't remotely secretive with me. Told me all his news and stories. Nothing I ever saw online contradicted anything he told me. And he had no problem saying stff to me like "God your sister is really into (hobby/music/whatever) isn't she?" which he would only have known by lookeing at her page via mine so it's not like he was shy about letting on that he'd been on my page and nosing through my 'Friends' pages.

I don't know what I'm asking really. I suppose the last time I was single it just wasn't usual to have all this info about a person available, it feels weird to have access to it now, even if the person is putting it out there for the world to read and knows you are likely to see it. It's just a whole new dimension dating that's throwing me a bit.

05D

Good Post!!

So so true!

We are all stalkers on BEBO!

silvine

Welcome to the 21st century.

05D

Everyone is the same though.

Thats out only saving grace!

bstar

most ppl stalk on bebo so they dont generally mind if u see something on someones page and mention it. the ppl who dont want you to see anything keep their pages private for that reason. so as long as its a public profile whats the harm?

Magpie!

silvine wrote: »

Welcome to the 21st century.

I don't like it! Can we go back to 1998 please? :cool:

05D

Yeah back to being penpals!!!

Magpie!

I think it made me feel weird because my page would look very quiet. There might not be new comments for a couple of weeks at a time. But I'm at the stage of my life where theres a wedding, christening or 30th birthday every bloody weekend. So I might get a text 2 or 3 times a week from friends "Pics from Sat night are up" and log on and look at them.

But I was afraid he'd think I was only logging on to go stalking him. With the casual nature of the relationship and the fact that I was probably always more into him and he was into me. I dunno it always felt like the elephant in the room when he'd launch into a story that I already knew about.

master-d

Yep thought it was a bit freaky when I met some freinds of a freind one night who were able to tell how they felt like they knew me because they had been looking at my bebo page and were asking me about photos and freinds in common they had seen on my bebo. Im not saying I dont have a glance at freinds of freinds bebo pages, we all do a bit of bebo stalking every once and a while, but the detail these guys could go into was unreal, Iv put my page on private since.......

SarahJ

I think Bebo / Myspace / Facebook is an epidemic more than anyhting at this stage. I find myself looking at my bfs page alot, maybe even sometimes signing in as him!!

SpookyDoll

Ive got to the stage now where FB etc makes me cringe, i never get time to update mine anyway so I was thinking of commiting Facebook suicide there recently. Anyone know how its done?

SarahJ

I know a girl who put ur BABY SCAN on her bebo. WTF!!

05D

I'm firm believer of not putting any photo's of children (nieces, nephews, neighbours) on bebo far too mucg information about people's personal lives up there and there is far too many weirdos out there with access!

SarahJ

05D wrote: »

I'm firm believer of not putting any photo's of children (nieces, nephews, neighbours) on bebo far too mucg information about people's personal lives up there and there is far too many weirdos out there with access!

Fully backed. So many weirdos out there, its scary.

05D

And Bebo mobile now.

There's no getting away from it!

whiskeyman

05D wrote: »

There's no getting away from it!

Yes there is.

I don't use any of them.
Signed up for Facebook last year, but I never touch it. Couldn't be arsed, and I only phone, email or txt my mates anyway. I couldn't care less if you thought I had 158 'friends' or got virtual presents or flash super wall pics or whatever.

My g/f uses Bebo on occasions, but moreso to see what her mates are up to!
I couldn't be bothered checking her site. She could have hundreds of lads after her there. I trust her, so that's that.

MagicMarker

I don't use any of that ****e either, had a myspace page back in the day and eventually set up a bebo/facebook thing... Was so sick of it and decided to delete them all.

I'm now a far happier person:)

milod

OP it seems to me the perfect solution is avoid these sites and have nothing to do with any guy that does. I've never understood the need to maintain a public diary. Most people I know have grown out of it by age 30 or so.

The fact that you also had a non-exclusive relationship with someone that does maintain a public diary, is yet another misjudgment. Non-exclusive relationships are simply an excuse for one or other partner to f**k around without having to feel too guilty about it. Bebo, Facebook, etc just provide the reluctant partner in the non-exclusive relationship with something to fret about...

Magpie!

milod wrote: »

OP it seems to me the perfect solution is avoid these sites and have nothing to do with any guy that does. I've never understood the need to maintain a public diary. Most people I know have grown out of it by age 30 or so.

The fact that you also had a non-exclusive relationship with someone that does maintain a public diary, is yet another misjudgment. Non-exclusive relationships are simply an excuse for one or other partner to f**k around without having to feel too guilty about it. Bebo, Facebook, etc just provide the reluctant partner in the non-exclusive relationship with something to fret about...

He was 20 and in college so having the Bebo was completely understandable.
The non-exclusivity was due to distance and neither of us wanting to be tied down (him too young and me just out of a long term thing) but otherwise I agree with everything you said.

pookie82

I think that anyone who's on bebo should immediately be taken off the electoral register.

Seriously though, it's such a juvenile load of tripe. I never have and never will sign up to any of it. It's done nothing but break people up, upset ex's who see a new girl/guy in pics on it, been used to bitch and boast.... and the scariest things about it is the tragic amount of young girls on it who have clearly spent a few hours in their bedroom alone with just a camera and a million different arm leverages to get the right shot of their pout before posting the lot.

I only look at friend's pages if they're abroad and have photos on it or sth. if i want to share photos of a hol or something I do it in private through e-mail. It's a sad testament to the times when updating your bebo account is the largest pastime of our nation's youth. (God I sound old!!! :-) )

McSween

pookie82 wrote: »

and the scariest things about it is the tragic amount of young girls on it who have clearly spent a few hours in their bedroom alone with just a camera and a million different arm leverages to get the right shot of their pout before posting the lot.

very true, and they all look exactly the same!

rikerdonegal

I find these appeal of these sites a little bewildering, to be honest.

Last year I signed up with several of them because I read that they were a great publicity tool (for my podcast), but - apart from that - I don't use them at all. I find Facebook particularly weird.

Bebo, I found after signing up, was utterly useless for my needs (not allowing me to quickly post HTML and quickly get out). I was gonna delete it, but it turned out that several of my family/friends were on there and it was handy to check pics and stuff that they wanted me to see. I just copy/past my iPod music list in there now as a means to keep it looking alive from week to week.

A friend of mine, however, has recently gone online for the first time and successfully used Bebo/Facebook to find three old friends that she worked with many years ago overseas. She thinks that these social sites are the best thing ever. So, I suppose, they do have their uses.

It depends on what you get from them, I suppose, and OP, it sound like Bebo is bringing out a side of you that you are not happy with. That's the bottom line, really. For you.

Some people can handle having lots of booze in the house, some can't. Recognise which one you are and act accordingly.

snooks x

the same kind of thing happened to me..id been seeing a guy long distance and i didnt see it working out because of that but we are still best friends.he didnt want to finish it but then i had seen a few randomers being added obviously from zoosk.so i went mad"how can u say u really liked me when all along uve been using zoosk"! its horrible going through a break up too and not being able to resist the urge to look into their page.i cant imagine what il be like when pictures go up of a new girlfriend etc!

but im sure he knows well u have been looking at his page and all his comments especially if he has said hes been looking at yours.i wouldnt worry.

im not working at the moment and i find i would spend alot of time on it and get nothing else done.im thinking of deleting my bebo because somtimes it makes me jealous of other peoples lives all the travelling they are doing etc when i should be getting a life of my own!