How to deal with losing a guy...

LurkingLady

For the longest time now, I liked this guy - after lots and lots of agonising over the age-old question of whether he likes me or likes me not, the miracle happened - living on the opposite sides of the country - we managed to meet up, had the best of time and kissed at the end of the night.
Sweet, right?
Wrong.
Turned out there was no chemistry.
The freaking irony....

Anyway, he's a gentleman so he did not comment, met up with me the next day and some time after that and stayed in contact, texting, mailing and all that jazz. But the message was clear - it's not gonna work out. A peck on a cheek after a kissing date is pretty much a tell-tale sign

The thing is, I can't stop caring about him. I don't need much thrill in a relationship and I believe that chemistry is also something you sometimes need to work on, and it's been ages since I met someone that intelligent, funny and interesting... But for him it must have been important enough, and I understand that. And lets be honest. I''m pretty sure I'm a terrible kisser, so can't blame the guy really

He's important to me. And if we can't be together then I want at least to be friends. So cutting off all contact is out of question.

The question is how to deal with it all. How to come to terms with the fact that it's never gonna be anything more than friendship between us? I care about him so much. I keep thinking about him and beating myself over the fact that I'm not pretty enough, am a bad kisser.... And that's such a stupid thing to do when you're in your mid-twenties. Such a teenage stuff

Anyway, any advice on how to deal with learning that you've got no chance with a guy you care about so much?

Wurly

Ok firstly, will you stop berating yourself. How can you be so sure you're a bad kisser? Have you ever kissed yourself?

Please do not take this too personally. Just because this guy isn't into you, doesn't mean that you are not attractive etc. No matter how gorgeous we are, not everyone is gonna fancy us. That's a fact.

I know you wanna stay friends and that's fine. But that's hard when one person feels more than the other and each want different things.

The only thing that can cure this feeling you've got is time - a sucky answer but the truth. You need to create a bit of distance imo for a while. Come to terms with the idea of being just friends and then giving it a go.

Good luck.

Karen_*

Why do you think you're a terrible kisser?

OP I went out with a guy for four years and thought he was a fab kisser. We split up and I met him around six months later. I totally didn't fancy him anymore and the chemistry was gone but I kissed him. And I really didn't enjoy the kiss although truth be told he did it no different to before. so when there's chemistry there the kiss is going to feel fabulous. But when there's no spark it feels like nothing and even unpleasant.

So unless you bite severely or kiss like you're a washing machine then you aren't a bad kisser.

and like Tri said, just because one guy doesn't fancy you doesn't mean no one will. You don't fancy everyone yourself!