Just a few

Pub

A man goes to the doctor for his wife's test results.

Mr Smith : "I'm here for Mrs Smith's test results."

Receptionist : "Oh, I'm sorry Mr Smith, there's been a problem. We have two sets of test results for a Mrs Smith and we don't know which belongs to your wife..... I'm afraid it's bad news or terrible news. One test shows Alzheimer's Disease, the other shows Aids!"

Mr Smith: "That's awful! What should I do?"
Receptionist: "The doctor suggests you drop her off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't shag her."


This is a O' Brother sorry in advance :rolleyes:

A wee Belfast boy came home from school in tears.
'What's the matter, son?' asked his mammy.
'We were doing sums today, Mammy,' he said.
'And were they too hard?'
'Well, the teacher said either I couldn't count, or I was stupid, or all three.'

I hope I don't burn in heck for this one

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked."
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?"
But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door."
So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.
Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, "Who is it?"
"Blind man," a man's voice comes back.

So she opens the door, and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, "Great tits, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?"

lint316

you slightly redeemed yourself with the last one. In other words it wasnt as bad as the first 2. I wouldnt give up the day job if I was you

r3nu4l

I loved the second joke:)

lorweld

Second one v good I'd heard the other two before! Well done:) I've run out of thanks sorry!

Mahatma coat

second ones is great

bazwaldo

God yiz are picky, I thought they were all great

rocky25

Me laughed

megadodge

I loved the first one.