Should I feel this guilty?

LegacyUser

I'm male, straight, and sometimes part-time as a model. I was doing a shoot for a friend of a friend's portfolio. He's gay, and a bit of a flirt, but that never bothers me, I can deal with flirts. We shared a few drinks during and after the shoot and I admit I probably drank a good bit more than I should have.
He offered me a massage afterwards. I've never thought a massage as really a sexual thing, so I jumped at the offer. I'd paid for them before, and here he was offering a free one. This one was a little... more than I expected however. My privacy was protected at all times by a towel, but I was uncomfortable much of the time. I had to stop him at one point as I thought his hands were getting a little close. I'd told him I wanted to give my girlfriend a massage, so he began demonstrating what I should do for her (this only really involved a lighter touch etc.) Had I been less inebriated I would have tolerated it less. But I wasn't, and I naively went along with it, accepting this pretence. Soon after I left off thinking nothing of it.

In the cold light of sobriety it's clear there was at least some sexual aspect to it, one-sided as it was. In retrospect, this worries me greatly, that I may somehow have unintentionally betrayed my girlfriend. Had I been single, I'd simply laugh it off as idle foolishness on my part.

Am I over-reacting? Or should I feel guilty? Being true to her is almost my raison d'etre, I couldn't forgive myself if I betrayed her trust.

I try to think of an analogous situation, where a lesbian is giving her a massage. But that doesn't really work... Even a very unattractive man (a hunchback with no teeth say, so I'd definitely not feel threatened), I'm hard pressed to envisage anger towards her. I'm quite secure in this relationship, and rarely experience jealousy. I may be tempted to have words with this hunchback, but that's about the sum of it.

Marksie

should you feel guilty?
No, you made a bit of a mistake.
But if he wasn't gay would you feel as guilty and uncomfortable.?

He didn't proceed further and you didn't encourage.
Just move on but don't get yourself in the same predicament.

AngryBadger

Shudders wrote: »

should I feel guilty?

No.Unless you/re in some way attracted to this guy then you`ve done nothing wrong. Saying that, if you are attracted to this scenario, then maybe you need to explore this for your own sakes, but if you need to, then be honest with your girlfriend.

ronbyrne2005

Forget about it. Non issue, you had no intention of engaging in gay sex and you did'nt betray your GF. Forget he was gay. he only masaged you after all. Guys who gave you a professional massage before could have been gay and gotten off on it. Girls who have given you a professional massage before could have gotten off on it. Move on.

AARRRGH

It's a mistake, and in a few years you'll laugh it off.

Your girlfriend will probably think it's hilarious too.

Don't worry about it!

pookie82

I think it's a bit odd that you randomly decided to accept a massage from a gay guy you'd been drinking with on a shoot and never suspected any sexual aspect to it. If it was a girl would you have accepted one so freely?

But it sounds like you genuinely didn't think anything of it and no, you definitely didn't cheat. Maybe you've provided him with some playtime material but other than that you certainly didn't cheat.