Few quick jokes

lorweld · 12-08-2008 1:37pm #1

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: 'It is illegal to
put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four'
'Quattro is just the name of the automobile,' the Englishman
retorts disbelievingly. 'Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons.'' You cannot pull that one on me,' replies Paddy 'Quattro means
four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore
breaking the law.
'The Englishmen replies angrily, 'You idiot! Call your
supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!'
'Sorry,' responds Paddy, 'Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat
Uno.'

***************************************** ****************
Following a night out with a few friends, Paddy brought them back to show off his new flat.
After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the
large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the guests asked 'Why, that's my Speaking Clock' Paddy replied.
'How does it work?'
'I'll show you', says Paddy giving the gong an ear-shattering
blow with an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
'For, *****sake, you *****, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!'

**********************************************************
Paddy excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going
to get married.
He says, 'Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other
female friends in addition to my fiancé, and you try and guess
which one I'm going to marry'.
The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, 'Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry.'
She immediately replies, 'The red-head in the middle.'
'That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?

'I don't like her.'