Cat

Whispered

Hi, I have two cats, 5 years old. Neutered male and female, brother and sister.

Lately the sister has been disappearing for days on end, turning up for food, obviously starving, then heading off for a few nights. I had suspected she had taken to another family, but she's so hungry when she comes back I don't think this is the case.

Do you think if her brother is bullying her she would disappear like that? He's much bigger than her, but she's much more fiery. I haven't started locking her in yet, because if it is him causing it, it would stress her to be locked in with him. Not sure what to do really.

What other reasons could there be for her running off like that? She's extremly tame and loves people so I don't think she's just fed up of living with us. She's such a delicate little thing, I would hate to think of her as being driven out of the house for whatever reason.

Any suggestions?

MsFifers

Hi Helena
How do the two cats get on otherwise? Is the boy cat staring her down or blocking her from her food or litter trays if you have those? You would probably notice other signs of bullying if it was going on, rather than just the girl cat taking off. If they are getting on ok you might see them grooming each other or nose bumping hello occasionally.

It might just be that she is having too good a time hunting.

Maybe you could try playing with her more - giving her a chance to get her hunting instincts engaged on toys, feathers etc? Then she wouldn't have to go looking elsewhere for the excitement!

I've heard that Felliway pheromone stuff is great too - it might make her home smell more comfy and she would be less likely to wander.

If it was me, I know I'd be inclined to keep her in till I figured it out. You wouldn't want the situation where she doesn't come home some day.:(

Whispered

Hiya, they tolerate each other when they are going to sleep they will curl up etc but during the day they just pass each other. He doesn't block her from the food, but has tried, I've stopped him though. He'll allow her to clean him for a few mins then swat her away, he never grooms her. I have often seen her lash out at him, or him at her for no reason except they were walking past each other, there's a pair of them in it, and it never esclates into anything more than a "slap", no claws or anything. But he's a lot bigger than her.

I will keep her in and try observe their behaviour together, is there a way I can make sure he's not bullying her?

We have feathers etc for them to play with, and they spend a lot of time with me. Maybe some new interesting toys.

MsFifers

Its a hard one to figure out then. If they sleep together like that I would reckon they don't hate each other! My 2 will have the odd slap/chase (like, every couple of days!) and my friend's 2 cats do the same - so I think its quite normal as long as they aren't hurting each other and it isn't happening all the time.

If there is hissing, spitting, raised haunches and tail, spiked up hair - then things are getting serious!:D I think other signs of stress would be going to the toilet in places they shouldn't or hiding all the time.

I don't really know what to suggest tbh! Maybe she just has an adventurous spirit!

Whispered

Well at the moment they are curled up on my bed, wouldn't you know, the black one is on the white duvet cover and the white one is on the black throw. :rolleyes: typical.

She seems happy in the house, relaxed etc so maybe she does just prefer to be out. Could be the weather, Miller (the boy) has been much more clingy than usual, could be just reacting in different ways the the crap, heavy weather we're having. Although why she prefers to be out in the rain I have no idea!

I was cuddling her a few mins ago and got a distinct smell of car off her, she must be sheltering under a car when she's out. I'm going to keep her in and see how she gets on.

mary123

Just a thought, yrs ago when i lived in the uk something similiar was happening with my cat, who also was a very timid little girl. Brought her to vets, she was already spayed. to cut along story short one eve when we were coming home, we had a cat flap, we seen that our little girl was been bullied by another cat who i think was a Tom, tried to get to her but she went tearing down the street, again she was gone for days. While waiting for to come home, (was looking but couldnt find her) we got rid of the flap. From then on she became my first indoor kitty. We did build a run for her.

BlackCat2008

I have what would call a hunting cat and she in her prime would go missing for days on end and the minute she came through the door it would rain or get really cold, but I still couldn't figure were she was going, my colonies at this stage was reaching over twenty with six of them kittens and three or four teenagers as such, I had a routine to get them in at night but the adults all stopped answering me and would be missing when Missy the hunting cat went missing so for their safety I had to find out were they were going, for about a week I followed them and no luck they all tuck of in different directions and they all came home starving.

I went around to the chipper one night and the owner said to me I haven't seen your cat in a few days is she OK the rest still come round alright, I didn't even know he knew my cat? I told him she had gotten cut and was on meds for a few days so had to be keet in, but I drilled him about what he meant he said he missed his own cats that health and safety told him he had to get rid of them even though they were out door cats and he loved to see mine and they came around every night at closing time (1 o'clock) to be feed at first it was only Missy then one by one they all started to appear and that he always tuck the bones out of the food as he new the dangers. As it happened some one in the shop over heard and asked if they were all mine and that they came to them at about 11 o'clock she said the same first Missy then the rest. She also told me that her neighbour feed them in the morning. It was beginning to get weird as two other people also said the same. I asked why they all feed them that they were well feed at home and wanted for nothing.

I was told they are so mannerly and waited till the food is put down before they shared it, that puzzled me with over twenty cats it was normally a feeding frenzy at my place for dinner ? But then one said they are great at getting rid of the mice and rats as we live near a river, I knew it wasn't for nothing but that was OK I know the people were good to them and kept an eye out for them so I worked out the hours they were being feed and went to the chipper for last orders and would call them home from there, the first night I did it a man half locked on his bike ran right up a lamp post in fits of laughter as their were 10 or more cats walking behind me in a straight line on the wall all in perfect order he thought it was the funnest thing he'd ever seen,and when I looked behind they were following me like perfect little soldiers and still eat me out of house and home, I didn't mind though as I was just glad to know they were in at night but as Missy got older I had to stop them as she was beginning to look more like the size of a whale than a cat.

Chance's are your cat has found a second owner or something to amuse her I've had three cats that lived between me and two others a year or month hear and there, put a collar on her with a no. to phone you and if she has taken with some one else then hopefully they will ring, I also spoke to some one at the vets a few days ago who tuck on a kitten when the mammy was killed and at around six months the kitten went Missing for a few days and came back neutered as the cat was sick when I meet them and the vet said the same he had to find out who else she go's to encase they too had her at the vets and the problem wasn't that she was sick just that she was getting two doses of meds as they couldn't find anything wrong with her but she was still sick, so worth checking out were she is going. She is probably bringing a different scent home with her too, and the male is not happy with it and thats why you think there.
not getting on.

Hope some of that long story helps you a cat never go's hungry when it knows were food is so chances are she is getting food else were.

Whispered

There are loads of unneutered toms going around so it could be a case of one of them at her. We did have a problem a while back with a tom coming in if I left a window open and spraying all over the place, but he hasn't been back in a few weeks (I attached a note to his collar). She has access 24/7 to the house, but just does not seem to bother.

My garden is too small for a run, but I have been trying to find a way to enclose the garden itself without having to put a net right the way over, nobody is willing to even price it.

Blackcat, you walking home from the chipper with an army of cats is something I would love to see!

I think I might bring her to the vet, just to be sure she's ok because I heard cats tend to go missing if they are sick, is this true?

BlackCat2008

My cats have been house cats for the last year or so but I miss they way they use to follow me it was funny they even stood still while I helped the man back up, good thing the nieghbours are well use to me.

I came accross this site I haven't had a chance to read it yet but it looks ok and hopefully it will give you some idea of whats going on.

http://www.veterinarypartner.com/content.plx?P=SRC&S=2&SourceID=18

Whispered

Hi, sorry for resurecting an old thread, but I have discovered that my female cat is being bullied, by my tom.

In fact, he has become very difficult in general. Demanding food, attention etc by crying at the top of his voice, and I have tried to ignore him, but it just gets worse and worse, louder and louder. If he is in the room he will climb all over you mewing, if he's not in the room he will claw the door, he has even tried to tear up the carpet outside our bedroom looking for attention. When you open the door, he will race down to his food bowl and look at you like he hasn't been fed in days. He's adorable, but when his behaviour is starting to affect my nights sleep and my work durning the day (I work from home a bit) then it's getting too much.

I can work on his behaviour towards me by being stricter with him, but how can I stop him from bullying his sister? He's giving her an awful time.

Sigma Force

Are they both neutered/spayed?

Check out kittenadoption.ie there's some info on cat behaviour but if you contact them as well they might be able to offer soem advice on what to do next.

I would advise keeping cats indoors anyway, keeps them safe from being taken by another family, hit by car, abused by passers by, attacked by dogs or other cats etc.

carwash_2006

With this sort of bullying sometimes the best thing can be a bit of ignoring. Only pay him attention if he is being nice, if you react to him bullying the female then he is getting attention, sometimes you really have to be tough on the ignoring.

I know someone else who had a cat that was behaving a bit like this in some ways. She was told this, to only pay him attention when he came up to her nicely, she wasn't even allowed to talk to him when she came home in the evenings, she had to wait for him to come up to her in a calm friendly way. She was also told to shut him in a different room for at least an hour each day while she give the other cat plenty of attention. I think this was as much to give the other cat a break and help her confidence as to have an affect on the bully.

When you say you can be stricter with him, just be careful that you aren't paying him loads of attention when he is being bold. It's sometimes harder to ignore cats when they are being bold, cause they really seem to know exactly what to do to make us feel like we have to do something about it now. But it does work, always remember though that it can take 6 weeks or sometimes a bit more to change a cats behaviour and you must be completely disciplined during that period or you will be starting from scratch again after any slip.

Good luck!

lostinnappies

Me thinks she has found some friends. It might be a case of some of your not so close neighbours are paying her attention and not feeding her. Cats love to have more then one meal ticket. shes a cheeky one.

If her brother isnt obvously chasing her or smaking her or growling at her then i doubt it is him.

Whispered

Guineapigrescue wrote: »

Are they both neutered/spayed?
.

of course, they were done when they were only a few months old.

Guineapigrescue wrote: »

I would advise keeping cats indoors anyway, keeps them safe from being taken by another family, hit by car, abused by passers by, attacked by dogs or other cats etc.

The issue isn't that she is staying away now, she has settled back in and is at home most of the time. The issue is that while in the house, she is being bullied by her brother. I see your point in keeping cats indoors, but having looked at all of our circumstances, I think that having a few hours freedom in the evening is the best thing for my two.

carwash_2006 wrote: »

With this sort of bullying sometimes the best thing can be a bit of ignoring. Only pay him attention if he is being nice, if you react to him bullying the female then he is getting attention, sometimes you really have to be tough on the ignoring.

I can imagine, it's very hard though lately, as I kind of feel like it is because I was ignoring his behaviour he's now getting worse and really not giving her a minutes peace.

carwash_2006 wrote: »

I know someone else who had a cat that was behaving a bit like this in some ways. She was told this, to only pay him attention when he came up to her nicely, she wasn't even allowed to talk to him when she came home in the evenings, she had to wait for him to come up to her in a calm friendly way. She was also told to shut him in a different room for at least an hour each day while she give the other cat plenty of attention. I think this was as much to give the other cat a break and help her confidence as to have an affect on the bully.

I am very guilty of doing the whole "hellooooooooo kitty" gushy thing when I get in in the evenings, he hears the door opening and comes thundering down to greet you. (Mewing all the way) So it's kind of hard to resist. Makes a lot of sense to give her an hour alone, I might start doing that, I was also considering moving his bed into the kitchen and shutting him in there at night, and leaving her to sleep in the landing where she usually does.

carwash_2006 wrote: »

When you say you can be stricter with him, just be careful that you aren't paying him loads of attention when he is being bold. It's sometimes harder to ignore cats when they are being bold, cause they really seem to know exactly what to do to make us feel like we have to do something about it now. But it does work, always remember though that it can take 6 weeks or sometimes a bit more to change a cats behaviour and you must be completely disciplined during that period or you will be starting from scratch again after any slip.!

It's true, masters of manipulation. I think I will manage, but not sure about my boyfriend who is getting very annoyed at listening to miller 24/7 whenever he wants something. It's hard to persuade someone not to react to it.

lostinnappies wrote: »

Me thinks she has found some friends. It might be a case of some of your not so close neighbours are paying her attention and not feeding her. Cats love to have more then one meal ticket. shes a cheeky one.

She hasn't gone missing in a while, but when she was missing she was coming home half starved so I don't think she was being fed.

lostinnappies wrote: »

If her brother isnt obvously chasing her or smaking her or growling at her then i doubt it is him.

When I started this thread he wasn't doing anything too bad, but now he's worse. It's definately him, but then, what confuses me is that she seems to strike out at him a bit too, but it's generally while she's backing out of his way, or running to get away from him. Poor thing, and I feel guilty, as a firm believer in the idea that animals don't have problems, people do, I know I went wrong somewhere with them. I just don't see where.

carwash_2006

Poor thing, and I feel guilty, as a firm believer in the idea that animals don't have problems, people do, I know I went wrong somewhere with them. I just don't see where.

While this is for the most part very true, there are also personalities within animals that just don't click with the circumstances straight away. Also depending on the age, they do go through phases of behaviour and if you can ignore undesirable behaviour when they are going through a phase it can help stop it from becoming the norm. I would think that this is a phase for him, if he is attacking her to try and get your attention then it is even more vital that you thoroughly ignore him when he does it.

I would say give her her time alone with you. I'm not sure if it would be best to seperate them at night as sometimes that can make things worse. Perhaps see how things go for a while first. I would make sure that you try and pay him his attention while he is being nice, perhaps you could end a cuddly session after he has been a nice boy with a good long tiring play session. If you have a DaBird cat toy they are fab for wearing them out, otherwise any wand toy or laser mouse is vital for working off excess energy. If you wear him out he won't be so likely to pick on her.

MsFifers

I notice my cats are crankier with each other when they are hungry or not feeling the best. Is there any chance he has an irritation of some kind?

Playing with them is good - but I find the dominant one can usually find a way to get all the attention. The favourite even-handed game in my house is to roll little pieces of their dry food across the floor and they stalk and chase it like it is prey, and then they get the reward of something to eat when they catch it. It makes them play in turns so maybe might help build the relationship between them.

Felliway is supposed to release positive cat pheromone smells, so maybe you could try that also. I haven't ever tried it, so would be interested to learn if you get any results.

wazzoraybelle

Is there any sign that your queen might be ill, I have a sick queen at the minute and my tom , who usually gets on very well with her, will not socialise with her and will give her a good smack if she gets too close to her. Maybe your tom is picking up a signal that your cat isn't well and the aggression is a instinctual defense mechanism (i.e. to avoid contracting an illness)

Whispered

Oh, never thought of that, I suppose a trip to the vet for a full check up might be in order so.

Thanks