How long before sex?

LegacyUser

I am in my late twenties, and am just over a long term relationship. I never slept around when I was younger, and am now enjoying seeing guys and flirting again.

Im just not sure how long is normal to wait until sex anymore. I feel like I need to be with someone for 6 months or something before sex, but Im getting the impression most guys will not wait around that long.

Ive never had a one night stand or anything. I just couldnt.

Victor

Its up to the two of you to decide. Of course, there are stages before full intercourse.

AARRRGH

You're right, most guys won't wait that long, but if you give in you'll just make yourself unhappy.

Six months is a very long time though... especially in today's slutty world.

I know people are going to say "the right guy will wait". I don't know if that's true.

As Victor says, taking things along in stages is probably the best route.

RedXIV

When you feel comfortable enough. thats pretty much the best answer i can give you. I'll assume you don't want to do it after a first date, i'm nice like that but 6 months is a bit harsh.

Women have been assuring me from thousands of sources that ye love sex as much as us guys. So when you decide you trust the guy enough to have it with him, i say go for it. If both of you want it, why let a messed up ideal of society dictate when it happens?

Best of luck

Red

Madame Razz

You wait until it feels right.

I think 6 months might be a little unreasonable though, to be totally frank.

Personally, as a woman, if i was really into somebody i simply couldn't wait that long, i'd want them long before that, but if you have that level of self restraint fair play to you.

As for one night satnds, they happen, they aren't the nicest, usually, but most people will have one at some satge in their life.

All i can say to you is get out there and go with the flow.

You'd never know where the tide might take you;)

Dudess

Waiting six months is putting sex on a pedestal that it doesn't deserve to be on. It's a basic human need and you should keep telling yourself you deserve it and are not a slut for feeling that way. You shouldn't feel pressured into having sex immediately either, but if you want to, do so.

STUBBORNGIRL

if and when it feels right - thats how long! There is no length of time to wait - however i really do believe that sex on first night more than likely will not develop into anything concrete.

Go with the flow and if it feels right why deprive yourself - once you are careful then there is no harm in letting go!!! Enjoy it!

LegacyUser

The right guy waited 2 years for me:)

Imho, if he won't wait 6 months, he's the wrong guy

Susannahmia

Whenever you feel totally comfortable op.

I was out of a long term relationship a few months back and am now in a relationship with new guy.

At first I was planning on waiting a lot longer but I ended up waiting about a month.

This guy was really great and I felt under no pressure to do anything with him or under any time limit.

Actually if I had felt that I was under any pressure I probably wouldn't have been ready so soon but as I felt so comfortable with him it really wasn't an issue.

brian_ire

Notaprude wrote: »

The right guy waited 2 years for me:)

Imho, if he won't wait 6 months, he's the wrong guy

I think you forgot to finish you're sentence, he's the wrong guy for you, not necessarily for the OP.

To the OP, life is too short to be living it by set guidelines, eg 6 months before sex etc... That is unless you want to right a self-help book, then you can fill it wilth plenty of rules like this.

Talliesin

Somewhere between 5 seconds and a few years.

fasty

In my experience, the longest I've waited is anywhere between the first proper date and a few weeks. Everyone's said it over an over, when it feels right, it's time but don't make a big deal out of it or you'll be disappointed. Just keep on doing it!

MIN2511

There is no right or wrong when it comes to having sex, people and couples are different some men like the chase others don't and some might wait others wont.

There is no time constraint when it comes to sex just go with the flow..

Human basic needs = shelter, cloth, food and SEX!!!!!!;)

The world we live in focuses a lot on sex, it's not the unwanted fruit it's a fruit we have and should explore further

Mrs OBumble

Every single time that you have sex, there is a possibility that you will get pregnant. No matter what precautions you take, no matter even if you've had your tubes tied etc. There's always a chance, albeit sometimes very small.

Therefore do no have sex with anyone until you are prepared to accept the consequences. That may mean a ferry trip to England and an abortion. Or it may mean having the man in your life for the rest of your life. This doesn't necessarily mean marriage, it may just be as the estranged father of the child. But do think about whether you really want a child of yours to grow up without knowing it's father.

I know this won't be a popular view, taking responsibility for yourself never is. And it's not the nice simple "X months" that you were looking for. Tough. Life isn't that simple.

bruce wayne

JustMary wrote: »

Every single time that you have sex, there is a possibility that you will get pregnant. No matter what precautions you take, no matter even if you've had your tubes tied etc. There's always a chance, albeit sometimes very small.

Therefore do no have sex with anyone until you are prepared to accept the consequences. That may mean a ferry trip to England and an abortion. Or it may mean having the man in your life for the rest of your life. This doesn't necessarily mean marriage, it may just be as the estranged father of the child. But do think about whether you really want a child of yours to grow up without knowing it's father.

I know this won't be a popular view, taking responsibility for yourself never is. And it's not the nice simple "X months" that you were looking for. Tough. Life isn't that simple.

LOL:D:D

LegacyUser

Id wait about six weeks myself in general...for me its about right..but everyone is different of course. For me its enought time to suss out the guy and whats happening. Its enough time not to be "easy" also....for me anyway. Personally..six months is a bit unrealistic unless your 18 or something.

Beruthiel

bruce wayne wrote: »

LOL:D:D

Posting in PI requires you to have helpful advice for the OP or refrain from posting.
B

slutoraprude wrote:

I feel like I need to be with someone for 6 months or something before sex, but Im getting the impression most guys will not wait around that long.

OP
It's all relative. When you're 16 waiting two years is reasonable.
But once you become an adult it's basically doing what you feel like when you want.
Personally, I wouldn't wait 6 months for someone to put out, life's too short and I ain't getting any younger.

bruce wayne

Quote:
Originally Posted by bruce wayne View Post
LOL
Posting in PI requires you to have helpful advice for the OP or refrain from posting.
B


My apologies your right.

My advice is dont listen to JustMary's advice.

You should wait until it feels right, simple as. But you should bear in mind not all men would wait six months, particularly in their late twenties....mid teens maybe...but not late twenties.

good luck

tobiesheba

I think to a certain exten JustMary has a point but realistically this isn't how people act. But I imagine that anyone who has ever become pregnant after a one-night stand or what I call "one last time" sex with an ex has wished they'd thought like that.

All relationships are different and while you mightn't be comfortable having sex with some partners for months there are other instances where you want it straight off. It's all about finding something that ye're both comfortable with.

If you're not having comfortable having sex for six months don't coz there's nothing worse than feeling bad about it after the event.

jester77

JustMary wrote: »

Every single time that you have sex, there is a possibility that you will get pregnant. No matter what precautions you take, no matter even if you've had your tubes tied etc. There's always a chance, albeit sometimes very small.

Therefore do no have sex with anyone until you are prepared to accept the consequences. That may mean a ferry trip to England and an abortion. Or it may mean having the man in your life for the rest of your life. This doesn't necessarily mean marriage, it may just be as the estranged father of the child. But do think about whether you really want a child of yours to grow up without knowing it's father.

I know this won't be a popular view, taking responsibility for yourself never is. And it's not the nice simple "X months" that you were looking for. Tough. Life isn't that simple.

Ah now, you could say the same about not getting into a car because you might crash. Wear your seatbelt and drive carefully and you will drastically reduce your chances. Same with sex.

OP, just communicate with your partner and talk about it and you'll get a good idea how he/she feels about sex. Most people won't wait 6 months but if you're not ready don't feel pressured into it.

Signpost

I love the way its assumed that the fella is just going to want sex at her convience... Ok thats prob a stupid comment... Y put a time line on it? Waiting for the enivitable counting down the days den! Never too bothered bout it and never put on pressure and never kept waitin too long! The fun is in the chase aswell! I say do it when your knickers are telling you to rip em off and not even think about it till then! We do have other thoughts than sex for about 12 mins a day!

pug_lover

Honestly now...6 months. You are an adult. We all have needs.

I am in much the same situation as yourself. Out of the relationship now about 6 months and have only met someone in the past few weeks... I'm not ashamed to say I'm absolutely gagging for it at this stage. 3rd date is tonight and I am definitely going to be getting me some

Its just sex, it's really not that big a deal unless you want to make it that way.... Just do ti whenever you feel like it

SarahJ

How long is a piece of string!!
Seriously, its up to the individual, first night if you want, or wait till ur married!!

biko

I have the highest of respect for women but 6 months is much too long, unless you are a virgin and this is your first relationship (which is not the case here).

Once you meet someone and you're both serious and exclusive I see no reason to wait beyond that.

Annie Bananie

There is no set time and that time varies for everyone.
I's up to you really. When you are ready and feel like sleeping with him, then do it.

Not before that just because he or anyone else says so. And I would see no need waiting longer then you want either for the same reason.

SpookyDoll

Notaprude wrote: »

The right guy waited 2 years for me:)

Imho, if he won't wait 6 months, he's the wrong guy

:eek: blerdy hell ! Im not sure whether to be impressed or depressed! lol
Why did you not want to do him sooner....just curious like?

I confess myself and Mr Spooky did it on the 2nd night...:o.....I thought it would be curtains for sure, but ** months later he often says to me "this is the longest one night stand ever"

Anyway, I reckon thats the exception rather than the rule, I would think maybe after 8-10 dates maybe? If all is going well !!!

snooks x

pug_lover wrote: »

Honestly now...6 months. You are an adult. We all have needs.

I am in much the same situation as yourself. Out of the relationship now about 6 months and have only met someone in the past few weeks... I'm not ashamed to say I'm absolutely gagging for it at this stage. 3rd date is tonight and I am definitely going to be getting me some

Its just sex, it's really not that big a deal unless you want to make it that way.... Just do ti whenever you feel like it

I totally agree ...i think alot of people in general are not telling the total truth about how long they are waiting!! girls in their late twenties probably truthfully dont wait that long! do it whenever u feel u wanna...i would onli wait to build up some anticipation and make it better....not out of wanting da guy to prove his commitment or anything...if he really likes ya it shudnt matter if youve done it on the first date.. imao! i would be sooooo scared doin it after 6 months ...talk about putting pressure on yourself to make it damn good!

Amtmann

I think it's highly unreasonable to expect a guy in his mid-twenties onwards to wait 6 months before sex. I certainly wouldn't. Personally, I think you've placed sex up on an altar that it doesn't need to be on.

For me, any more than a month and I start to wonder what's wrong with the girl. But that's just me -- I'm not saying there is anything wrong with you, OP, I just wouldn't wait a fraction of that time. Most men (and I think most women) wouldn't either. As another poster said, I ain't getting any younger.

My thought processes would be something like this:

After a month, we still haven't had sex. Why? Either:

a) she's spoofing and doesn't really like me, in which case she's using me as an emotional crutch or to keep up appearances;

b) she's a prude, and that's not good;

c) she has a lot of issues about sex, in which case she could be religious or very old-fashioned, or just a bit too regimental for my liking;

d) she has zero sex drive, and if I wait six months and find she's no good in the sack, then that's somewhat of a waste because I could have been having just as much emotional closeness from someone else these past six months AND been having great sex, too;

e) what if I agree to wait, and in six months' time she claims she's still "not ready" and wants to wait another few months? Will I ever have sex with this girl? What if it's a let down when we do?

OP, that's just me. I'm a very sexual guy, so if I'm asked to wait six months, I won't, for two reasons: 1) I don't see the point of being in a sexless relationship at my age, even if she claims it's only temporary; and 2) I'd take that as a sign that we have two extremely different value systems.

The only thing I'd say to you is if you do find a guy who'll wait six months, for God's sake don't discount digital and oral sex at least. Give him a glimpse of the delights in store, so to speak, or he could easily get fed up of waiting and feel unattractive and unappreciated.

McGinty

I think it's highly unreasonable to expect a guy in his mid-twenties onwards to wait 6 months before sex. I certainly wouldn't. Personally, I think you've placed sex up on an altar that it doesn't need to be on.

For me, any more than a month and I start to wonder what's wrong with the girl. But that's just me -- I'm not saying there is anything wrong with you, OP, I just wouldn't wait a fraction of that time. Most men (and I think most women) wouldn't either. As another poster said, I ain't getting any younger.

My thought processes would be something like this:

After a month, we still haven't had sex. Why? Either:

a) she's spoofing and doesn't really like me, in which case she's using me as an emotional crutch or to keep up appearances;

b) she's a prude, and that's not good;

c) she has a lot of issues about sex, in which case she could be religious or very old-fashioned, or just a bit too regimental for my liking;

d) she has zero sex drive, and if I wait six months and find she's no good in the sack, then that's somewhat of a waste because I could have been having just as much emotional closeness from someone else these past six months AND been having great sex, too;

e) what if I agree to wait, and in six months' time she claims she's still "not ready" and wants to wait another few months? Will I ever have sex with this girl? What if it's a let down when we do?

OP, that's just me. I'm a very sexual guy, so if I'm asked to wait six months, I won't, for two reasons: 1) I don't see the point of being in a sexless relationship at my age, even if she claims it's only temporary; and 2) I'd take that as a sign that we have two extremely different value systems.

The only thing I'd say to you is if you do find a guy who'll wait six months, for God's sake don't discount digital and oral sex at least. Give him a glimpse of the delights in store, so to speak, or he could easily get fed up of waiting and feel unattractive and unappreciated.

This is very good advice but is not just applicable to men only, there is plenty of us women who would feel the same.

sunnyside

snooks x wrote: »

i would be sooooo scared doin it after 6 months ...talk about putting pressure on yourself to make it damn good!

Me too, by then it's become such a big deal, it's much easier if it's part of the relationship from the start.

Furet wrote: »

so if I'm asked to wait six months, I won't, for two reasons: 1) I don't see the point of being in a sexless relationship at my age, even if she claims it's only temporary; and 2) I'd take that as a sign that we have two extremely different value systems.

The only thing I'd say to you is if you do find a guy who'll wait six months, for God's sake don't discount digital and oral sex at least. Give him a glimpse of the delights in store, so to speak, or he could easily get fed up of waiting and feel unattractive and unappreciated.

I like that you would be honest enough to tell the girl that. I think it's reasonable especially about the different value systems.


Reading through the replies I also wanted to ask about oral, etc. Is that also something the OP or others wouldn't do for 6 months?

snooks x

Sunnyside quotes: Reading through the replies I also wanted to ask about oral, etc. Is that also something the OP or others wouldn't do for 6 months?[/quote]

Yeah im wondering that too as there are only so many stages you can go through before intercourse...but if the issue for the OP is about sleeping around surly they wouldnt be having oral sex first? as for me that would take alot more trust.

if shes giving him oral delights first she may aswell go on ahead because any shred of dignity she thinks shes keeping will have surly gone out the window right there!

davyjose

Notaprude wrote: »

Imho, if he won't wait 6 months, he's the wrong guy

Alternatively, if she wants him to wait 6 months, she's the wrong girl. I don't see anything wrong with a guy getting frustrated at being deprived of a vital part of any relationship.
Don't get me wrong, each to their own and all that, but I really can't see how someone could wait that long unless they had some real deep-seeded issues regarding sex.

MagicMarker

6 Months?

Our Survey Says... EEH UHHHH!

6 months is way too long. More than a month is pushing it.

LegacyUser

6 months way to long!! It depends really I think. Some people see each other for a while without ever being bf, gf while some get together really quick. What im saying is it depends on your status with the person, if you bf, gf then i don't think it should be long at all, you clearly trust him enough because you call him you boyfriend. If you make him wait 6 months chances are he'll leave or if he does stay hes been getting some else where to satisfy himself before you put out. I do agree you should be comfortable doing it, but 6months?? no way half a year is a long time, you have to think about him as well!

As for the person with the guy who waited 2 years......hes either ugly or got its somewhere else because that's crazy, unless you were 15 at the time

Giggidy

I'm sorry 6 months is ridiculous in this day and age. Why deprive yourself and him of sex?? Saying that I'm not saying jump right into bed with him. I agree wait until you comfortable but if you not comfortable with someone after spending a good amount of time with them over a month then maybe that person is not for you. Basically what I'm saying is if it takes you 6 months just to be comfortable with the guy then he clearly is not for you and you should save him his breath. That is why i think a month is sufficient 2 months max!!! if your not comfortable with him then move on.

I was seeing some for over 2 months, maybe 3....well anyway I got nothing out of it, not even a meesely **** and I feel I was just tagged along.....making him wait long also damages his confidence. You have to think of him as well as yourself