Losing the plot

LegacyUser

Hi,
Just wanted to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any advice. Basically, I went away for a year last year, I got back last November and have felt very much isolated since I got back. People moved on and I felt like I got left behind, nobody's fault it's just life. Anyway found it very hard to get a job when I got back and took the first job that was offered to me in January.

Skip forward a few months and I'm genuinely unhappy in the job, incredibly depressed and finding a huge lack of support in the job. I have tried talking to my sister and brother about my depression, my sister doesn't see me as a priority and won't even acknoeledge my depression, my brother gets uncomfortable if I mention it. My best friend is very good but I hate venting on her. I don't feel comfortable telling my parents however I think it has come to a point where I have to tell them.

I was attending a counsellor but I left as I felt she offered me nothing and she was quite expensive and I couldn't afford her fee every week. I am looking into alternatives and have a virtual library of self help books. I have no boyfriend, a very limited circle of friends and as I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder find it very hard to meet new people.

Back to the work situation, a month ago I made a terrible error (as a nurse, this was serious). Today I was called into an evaluation of the incident and my general performance overall. It was awful, every part of my evaluation was at the lowest level a really really terrible evaluation. 2 years ago I would not have recieved a review like this. It really has come to a point where I think my world is crashing in around me. The word incompetent was mentioned. The assessment was an awful experience as well and I really feel as though they are trying to push me out of the job. I am terrible in the situations I got into today and found it very to explain my self and it sounded like I was being hostile and unwilling to accept blame.

I have been toying with the idea of going back to college next year full time to do a degree in something else as I've been feeling my heart has not been in the job for the last little while and mistakes like the one I made are just not acceptable in the role of a nurse.

I have to attend a meeting with HR tomorrow and I think it may be a meeting to settle up my holidays and when I can leave etc. I am dreading it. I know I am not happy there but I now have nothing to fall back on as I am unlikely to get a good reference from this employer now. Even I am not getting the heave ho tomorrow, I do not feel like I can continue to work for people who look at me in such a poor light. Does anyone have any advice about where I can go from here? Thanks

Go-Go-Gadget

A year out at a different pace, although relaxing it can be tragic if you dont hit the ground running at the same speed you took off at.

My best friend is very good but I hate venting on her

One thing one of my friends told me about before when he was getting over some problems in his life was contacting someone annonymously, much like what you are doing here but im conversation. The only problem is do not reveal yourself as it may make yourself feel guilty for removing your mask.

Im sure there are chatrooms with such topics on the internet in which you can find likeminded people, if you have no luck with that, feel free to contact me, again, anonnymously and id be happen to listen to your vent :P Im well practiced in it

Jackovarian

well... thats a dilly of a pickle!

ive been in that situation, and well, its got so bad i began to revel in it. so... im probably no help. but, I mean, there is no quick fix to anything in life, anything thats worthwhile at least. like you arent gonna wake up in the morning and suddenly feel better about everything. but if you try focus on one thing to be happy about everyday you will soon find yourself having things to keep you interested in living!

it may not be what you want, but a partner is what you need. wheter it be a physical relationship or just a digital relationship with a kind of anonymous person.

honestly you just need something to stimulate your brain and work through the rough patch.
i decided to write and record 2 albums! lol

and, well, friends do come and go, i lost all my college friends thanks to erasmus and work exp. totally messed up all our relationships, inc girlfriend. so, look upon everything as a fresh start, and then it becomes your choice wheter or not to dwell and or include the past into your future. but whats important is that you are in charge!

hope that waffle helps, if not, get some pop tarts! they are yummy!

MIN2511

You are confused!

You did the whole travelling and you came back home and you don't know where to start from....

Not that simple, first you have to get over the travelling while your mates moved on with their lives.. What did you expect?
And then focus on your career, tbh why don't you stop working for a month(if you can afford to), bum around and either decide to go back to college or look for another job.

minidazzler

So, you hate your job? Your job doesn't like you? - I know I am ignorant of a few facts here but with the info supplied I say quit and do what you want with your life.

Don't stick to a place you hate because it's all you have. Go back to college if thats what you want. I would prefer to be happy and poor than, unhappy and have cash anyday.

LegacyUser

Guys, thanks a million for all the help, it's great to just get a fresh perspective on the whole thing. I more or less made up my mind to leave the job yesterday after I posted my first post, just writing it down seemed to make it easier to make the decision. I had the meeting with HR today and told them I wanted to resign, they thought I was being rash and over reacting to the situation yesterday, the initial meeting. I spoke with a colleague this morning before I attended the HR meeting and felt 110% better when I told her I wanted to leave.
I now have to meet with HR on Friday again to discuss where I want to go from here. I reiterated it several times that I wanted to leave but they just told me to come back to them when I had thought about it some more. I know in my heart it is absolutely the best decision to leave the job as I have very negative thoughts about the place now and it is to me now the place where I was at my lowest and I will always see it as "that" place.
I feel like I am in a completely different place to the place I was in yesterday, I wish they had just taken my notice today and not leave me hanging around until Friday.
Minidazzler I totally agree I would rather be poor and happy than depressed and in the money. I realise it's a long road out of this depression but I think a major step forward would be to get out of the situation altogether. Thanks a million guys, you've made a huge difference hearing your opinions.