Advice urgently needed - Is it too late??

coolbeans

Hey everyone,
Never really posted much here but advice would be much appreciated. I'm a 27 year old guy (postgrad student) with some serious self esteem issues which really affect the way I interact with people. In short I'm long term depressed which is an emotional response to a traumatic enough past. Blah, blah half the country has "issues" but I wanna address these without going down the anti-d route. Anyway I'm quite athletically fit and would like to get into some clubs or something similar to fill my evenings and to perhaps find something that I'm truly passionate about in life. I think it's time that I found a real interest and I'm literally willing to try anything although my crippling shyness gets in the way.
I'm particularly interested in cycling, running, swimming etc although I'm not very good at any of them. I'd also be interested in amateur dramatics, (I was in a school play once) because I feel that acting in whatever capacity would be a great way to get to know people and increase my confidence.
I'm not short of friends but I feel that I'm getting to an age where I fear I'll end up drifting with no purpose or place in life.
If it comes to that I don't know what I'll do.
Suggestions please especially for organisations or clubs who'd welcome a quiet, retiring guy who'll do what he's told and won't let anyone down.

PS: I really have been feeling desperate over the last six months and it's time to do something about it.

Jack Sheehan

I cant give any suggestions but i think anywhere would be glad to have you. What are you thinking its too late for?

Vegeta

Do you find it interesting you picked solo sports such as running, swimming and cycling

Would you not consider some team sports

Maybe some work for charity could be particularly self rewarding and a very group orientated activity

Put yourself outside your comfort zone, go to social events. Boards Beers, a movie going group like zabbo is running

Where are you based, if its dublin or similar there are loads of things for you to get into.

junior_apollo

Im a scout leader myself... would you think about something like that - its voluntary and you get the outdoors stuff along with the socailising with other leaders at events... and you get the added bonus of helping out and teaching kids... just a thought...

AARRRGH

You should consider counselling if you already haven't done so. I know a few people who go to a counsellor and it seems to be very effective.

Regarding shyness... try to remind yourself that people won't realise you're shy. You can easily fake it. I know this is easier said than done, but maybe it'll help you feel less self-conscious if you keep it in mind.

As stated by an above poster, every club will be delighted you joined. Are there any social groups or types of people you feel more comfortable around? For example, if you're more shy around women then men, then maybe go for GAA or something like that...

Btw, as someone who was shy in his early teens, the best cure is forcing yourself to talk to people. I did that and now I'm an over-confident bastard.

drunkmonkey

junior_apollo wrote: »

Im a scout leader myself... would you think about something like that - its voluntary and you get the outdoors stuff along with the socailising with other leaders at events... and you get the added bonus of helping out and teaching kids... just a thought...

I helped out with the scouts for a while and I really enjoyed it, the kids are great crack and will make you laugh, eveyone in the orginisation I bumped into was very nice, There's a good bit of team work involved and it's pretty intresting....it could be a very good place to start, I'm sure they's be happy to have somone with good qualities like yourself on board......

biko

Join junior B GAA? They won't expect too much of you so it's easy to stay with it if you're reasonably fit and fast.

Dancor

Have you thought about a martial art of some sort, could be good for your self-esteem, Maybe 5 a-side soccor, that can be very sociable.

RedXIV

I second martial arts, always a great club atmosphere and improves confidence greatly!

Barty

coolbeans wrote: »

I'm quite athletically fit........ I'm particularly interested in cycling, running, swimming

Perhaps a triathlon club would interest you? I am not in one and have never done a triathlon, but a couple of mates say it's great fun, all the people in the clubs are very helpful, you can train on your own or with others in the club, and if/when you 'get a great kick' out of completing a triathlon!

thebaldsoprano

coolbeans wrote: »

I'd also be interested in amateur dramatics, (I was in a school play once) because I feel that acting in whatever capacity would be a great way to get to know people and increase my confidence.

I did some acting courses here: http://www.gaietyschool.com and they were bloody brilliant!

There's a really nice lady who still teaches beginners courses there, if you start on her course you'll be grand

PM me if you're interested and I'll give you the details...

kmick

How about tag rugby - all levels are catered for - its a mixed sport. Maybe find a team that goes for a few beers after. Amateur dramatics - why not - just remember the sorts of people who do these things tend to neer shut up so you better be able to stand up for yourself. It would be ideal for you.

coolbeans

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

I cant give any suggestions but i think anywhere would be glad to have you. What are you thinking its too late for?

Ah in short, I'm an eternal pessimist especially regarding myself.

I have done some community work. I worked (full-time) in the Simon Community for a year which was basically volunteering considering the pay. I'd like to say I found it fulfilling but I didn't. Seeing older gents giving up on life or just living for drink scared the living sh1t out of me and increased my depression. Believe me that was a BIG step out of my comfort zone.

Boy scouts. Never been in 'em but I'd give it a go. To be honest I know very little about them. Anyway anything I do I'd be aiming to improve my interpersonal and practical skills.

Re the solo sports. I play a bit of five a side if we can get the numbers together but I way under-perform due to lack of confidence. When I'm with people I know and am comfortable with, I amaze myself, but in a typical game I'm nothing short of shocking. All in the head I know.....

GAA is the one thing I'll have to shoot down straight away. I never played hurling or football and it's unlikely at 27 that I'll be able to get into it now. I may be wrong but I doubt it.

Counselling. Yes I go but he's on holidays at the moment and that on its own is proving to be insufficient although it really does lighten the load. Please keep the suggestions coming in.
This really is a cry for help here lads and ladettes. I've been contemplating and planning suicide for the last month but I can't do it due to the hurt it would cause to others. I am afraid I'll have a particularly bad week though and do something, well, stupid.

Going offline now but I'll be back. Appreciate the responses.

junior_apollo

coolbeans wrote: »

Ah in short, I'm an eternal pessimist especially regarding myself.

I have done some community work. I worked (full-time) in the Simon Community for a year which was basically volunteering considering the pay. I'd like to say I found it fulfilling but I didn't. Seeing older gents giving up on life or just living for drink scared the living sh1t out of me and increased my depression. Believe me that was a BIG step out of my comfort zone.

Boy scouts. Never been in 'em but I'd give it a go. To be honest I know very little about them. Anyway anything I do I'd be aiming to improve my interpersonal and practical skills.

Re the solo sports. I play a bit of five a side if we can get the numbers together but I way under-perform due to lack of confidence. When I'm with people I know and am comfortable with, I amaze myself, but in a typical game I'm nothing short of shocking. All in the head I know.....

GAA is the one thing I'll have to shoot down straight away. I never played hurling or football and it's unlikely at 27 that I'll be able to get into it now. I may be wrong but I doubt it.

Counselling. Yes I go but he's on holidays at the moment and that on its own is proving to be insufficient although it really does lighten the load. Please keep the suggestions coming in.
This really is a cry for help here lads and ladettes. I've been contemplating and planning suicide for the last month but I can't do it due to the hurt it would cause to others. I am afraid I'll have a particularly bad week though and do something, well, stupid.

Going offline now but I'll be back. Appreciate the responses.

Ok well ya have to do a Police and Mental screening for scout leader position - so wipe that off the cards then too...

What about cinema groups..? No sports and social groups in work?
Hill walking and mountaineering are excellent for exercise and also clearing your head... plus can do in groups/on your own - in correct locations/conditions...

coolbeans

kmick wrote: »

How about tag rugby - all levels are catered for - its a mixed sport. Maybe find a team that goes for a few beers after. Amateur dramatics - why not - just remember the sorts of people who do these things tend to neer shut up so you better be able to stand up for yourself. It would be ideal for you.

Do they play tag rugby during the autumn/winter? If so where?

AARRRGH

coolbeans wrote:

Advice urgently needed - Is it too late??

I just wanted to pick you up on this bit.

It is never too late, so never give up. People go through years of pain and then come out the other side happy and settled. They are always glad they never gave up.

Just keep trying to improve your life and yourself, and it'll eventually work out.

That is guaranteed!

coolbeans

AARRRGH wrote: »

I just wanted to pick you up on this bit.

It is never too late, so never give up. People go through years of pain and then come out the other side happy and settled. They are always glad they never gave up.

Just keep trying to improve your life and yourself, and it'll eventually work out.

That is guaranteed!

Thanks for that. At times i find it very difficult to see the wood from the trees. Anyway my budget is pretty limited and I'm based in Dublin as a student. Keep 'em comin'!

RedXIV

in dublin as a student eh? join the club my friend! now i'm not a member of a huge amount of things in dublin, but if ya want someone to go with ya somewhere for that first time nerves, let me know, i'm always game to try something new

Dudess

Definitely not too late - that's a promise

It only feels like that to you because you're now in the second half of your 20s, heading towards the latter end, and this is a time that you realise "****, it's time to grow up" but that doesn't mean for one second that it's too late.

You're actually still very young. Limitations are imposed by ourselves, not the age we are. Sure, if you were 50 years older you wouldn't have as much options as you do now, so maybe that puts things in perspective for you - you're in your prime so get out there and live!

Best of luck with it...

coolbeans

RedXIV wrote: »

in dublin as a student eh? join the club my friend! now i'm not a member of a huge amount of things in dublin, but if ya want someone to go with ya somewhere for that first time nerves, let me know, i'm always game to try something new

Right sounds good. Carpe diem and all that:p. Suggestions? I'm thinking of the amateur dramatics and probably something else. PM me if necessary. Gotta get offline now anyway. I'm up for anything and sick of social conventions subtly dictating what we can and can't do in life. Ugh....rant over

RedXIV

never done anything like dramatics before but like i said, i'll give anything a shot once

will PM details anyway