Trapped

scatty

i have been married for 14 years and have three beautiful young children ,life should be perfect but i can't stand to be in the same room as my husband .He is forever moaning about the house not been clean enough ,the kids been too noisy ,he shouts at me and the kids and will often be very nasty verbally to us all , the rows are terrible.i moved here from england and left my family behind ,my husbands family live very close to us and my husbands mother says she doesn't know why he is always so angry she doesn't like to in his company as he is also very rude to her.
anyway the long and short of all this is i know he will never accept that there is a problem and if he does he will blame everyone else !i feel i have no one to help me i am a stay at home mum with little to no chance of been able to earn any money of my own.i have absolutly no self confidence as been told that i am fat, ugly and stupid on a daily basis has left me feeling useless .
if it wasn't for my kids life would be unbearable and i feel they deserve better ,but i really don't know what to do ,for all his faults they love their father .as i once did .

Flojo

Hiya hun I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, I know what its like my father was the same to my mum and me.

If you get on well with your husbands mam maybe try confide in her? or any friends that live near you for that matter. At least get some support network going, maybe they can babysit the kids for a bit while you go somewhere and take the time to think about you and your husbands future together.
Give your husband an ultimatum - shape up or get out. Thats all you can do really. Try sit him down and find out whats bugging him. Maybe suggest marraige counselling if its not already too late. But by the sounds of it its already waaay too late.
If hes full of false promises and your pretty sure hes not going to change then why stay there? You dont need to rely on him. It will only be more upsetting for you and your kids in the long run. Trust me I know.

You shouldnt have to put up with this hun, he sounds like a right pig.
Dont listen to those awful things he says to you. He obviously does not deserve you.

YOU ARE NOT USELESS!!

I cant imagine how difficult it must be going through this while living so far from your family.

If nothing works:
One option could be moving back to your family - although that could cause some complications (kids having to move schools, your husband and his family not agreeing etc).

or

Make him move out for a while - would give you both a breather and might make him realise what he's missing and he might cop the feck on.

If thats not an option:

You could rent somewhere locally and get maintenence off your husband aswell and benifits that would keep you going until you can sort out a babysitter and get a part-time job.

It can be done!! It might seem tough but you just need to be strong and get to it. I would also suggest getting some counselling for yourself!

I really wish you the best of luck, please keep this post updated with how your getting on.

Take care xx

MagicMarker

Sit him down, tell him you no longer love him. Tell him he needs to either seek help or leave. Then stick to your guns.

If you allow this relationship to continue as it is then the damage that it will have on your children will be unthinkable.

scatty

If you allow this relationship to continue as it is then the damage that it will have on your children will be unthinkable.[/quote]
i do know your right, but it is not easy to split up a family and i want to feel i have tried everything i can before i give up and walk away i feel i owe my children this!! i also need to look into how i will be able to provide for my children so i am not letting this relationship carry on i am simply looking for a way out

MagicMarker

How old are your children?

Unfortunately, you are not the one who has to try here, he is. And if he's not willing to, then you have to rethink your priorities.

As for providing for your children, if you split up he still has a responsibility in this area, so i wouldn't worry too much just yet, besides, even if times were hard, it's hardly a reason to stay in such an environment.

Nevyn

Have you tried couples counselling or would you consider it or mediation to find a way to seperate in a constructive way ?

When you are a stay at home mother with no income of you own it is very hard to try and make plans to separate
as you don't have the independent where with all rent somewhere to move to or get a loan to do so or even to see a solicitor.

Miss Fluff

You poor thing. You should definitely give couples counselling a go although he sounds like a complete monster. When did this behaviour start? Is he a drinker?

Does he look after you and the kids financially? If so I'd start ferriting away as much money as possible OP.