Normal? Or abusing my power?

LegacyUser

Okay well, I work as a letting agent, when I do a viewing I meet prospective tenants, do my best to be fair despite peoples differences and suitabilities, show them around, compile a shortlist for the landlord, and help him choose.
Today I met the woman of my dreams. I'm 29, she is 21/22. I showed her an apartment with her friend and I'm inlove. I think you know where this is going. I know as an agent who considers themself to be just, fair, and genuine in his job that I must advise the landlord on a different person who deserves it more and would be more suitable. I cannot offer her the place basically. Id love to ask her out or something but under the circumstances we met maybe its wrong to have someones private details and then use them to ask her for a date. I was thinking maybe I could write her an email explaining how she wasnt successful on this try but I'd try get her somewhere else and then have a link to my page on facebook or something. Aw I'm lost... What would you do?For starters am I too old.

Darragh29

Your just shy of 30 and she's just 21 maybe 22! I think you're pushin water up a hill there for a start mate!

MIN2511

Age is nothing but a number!!! ^^^^


OP, it's a delicate situation... You have her details if she's into you then you are using it and if she's not then you are abusing it.

Do you think she likes you or may like you in any way? Did she make comments, flirt any signs?

OptionA: Ring her, tell her you are sorry she didn't get the apartment but you would like to take her on a date(sounds decent to me)
OptionB: Ring her, tell her she didn't get the apartment and forget about it



What have you got to lose?

girl_friday

Personally I wouldn't consider you too old but its up to each individual where there boundries lie.

In relation to asking her out I would advise you to be careful about it. If she saw it as an abuse of your position and reported it to your line manager what would the response be!! I know I'd be careful not to risk my job over something like this given the current economic situation! Certainly offer to show her more places, paticularly ones that she and her friend would have a better chance of being successful with.

This would give you the opportunity to find out more about her. As it stands she could have a boyfriend. If showing her a property again you could point out features that would be good if a 'friend' were to stay (eg big sitting room, spare room) and ask if they expected many guests (to which she may say boyfriend). You could also point out local pubs etc and it would be a way to find out where she usually goes out and what she is into...

It seems a bit soon to be in love but who knows what will happen down the line!! Good luck with it!!

sunny2004

ask her out for coffee !
Be very polite !
and go for it !


Or buy the place she was looking at and rent it to her but get a claus that allows you to stay over and marry her...

My heart goes out to you man..
go for it !

MysticalSoul

A girl I used to work with dated a guy from HR once who got her number from the HR files. To be honest it isn't right to use personal details for such matters. Does your company have any rules about this type of thing? If someone used their role to get my personal details I would see it as being a bit sleazy to be honest.

thebaldsoprano

Well, if you can't give her the apartment that really is quite a shame indeed. You'll just have to help her find somewhere else and show her a few more places...

Go for it dude!

AARRRGH

You're not in love, you're infatuated. Wait a few weeks and you won't care about her.

If she complained to your boss, you'd probably get in trouble. I'd leave her alone...

Alternatively, you could offer to keep looking for places for her, and help her find a home. A friendship might blossom.

LegacyUser

i think Mr AAAArgh might be right, and sane... maybe keep the eye out for her and help her find another place. Maybe men meet women everyday and fall in love but lack of contact for a few days or weeks usually does it.
Thnaks for the replies

BizzyLizzy

Why am I thinking of Suzy Lamplugh the setate agent who was murdered in the Uk after making an appointment to show a house to a "client"? !!! :eek:


Steer clear man!

StormWarrior

Tbh, if I signed up to an estate agent and they then abused my personal details in that way, I would consider complaining to their manager and taking my business elsewhere.

Karen_*

+1 at what Stormwarrior said. think of your job OP and don't jeopardise it. And as Aargh said, its infatuation and not love. Unless you're very sure don't risk your job!

Overheal

conorconundrum wrote: »

I was thinking maybe I could write her an email explaining how she wasnt successful on this try but I'd try get her somewhere else

There you go. A businessy-ish letter though, not "I love you with mouth come let me find you shagpad rawr."

Carsinian Thau

MIN2511 wrote: »

Age is nothing but a number!!! ^^^^


OP, it's a delicate situation... You have her details if she's into you then you are using it and if she's not then you are abusing it.

Do you think she likes you or may like you in any way? Did she make comments, flirt any signs?

OptionA: Ring her, tell her you are sorry she didn't get the apartment but you would like to take her on a date(sounds decent to me)
OptionB: Ring her, tell her she didn't get the apartment and forget about it



What have you got to lose?

Completely right. Both about your age and your options.
I'd advise you to use option A though.
Regardless as to whether it works or not it's not abuse of power.

spurious

Option C: Ring her, tell her she didn't get the apartment, but if you can ever help her out with ANYTHING* in the future to get in touch.

*tone of voice is everything here.

If she's interested, this leaves it up to her and avoids you risking being stalkerish.

LegacyUser

Crashed out and burned I'm afraid...
Sat around 7 texted her saying how I was sorry she didnt get the place and if she needed any other help or advice to ask me. Texted back saying she got somewhere that it was nice etc, and thanks for trying, so I just texted saying congrats and not to go too hard partying... and that was it. was hoping she'ed say going out or whatever and then we could get away from the getting the place thing but how and ever its all over. oh well...!

AARRRGH

Don't text her again! It's over.

valleyoftheunos

Fair play OP you didn't cross the line, you kept it at a professional level and left it to her to take it further, which she didn't. Had you used her details to ask her out and she hadn't appreciated it she could have complained and you could have lost your job. not worth the risk.

thebaldsoprano

Yeah, fair play - you'll never know if you don't try!

Agreed about not texting her again, you gave it a shot and there're plenty of other fish in the sea...

STUBBORNGIRL

conorconundrum wrote: »

Crashed out and burned I'm afraid...
Sat around 7 texted her saying how I was sorry she didnt get the place and if she needed any other help or advice to ask me. Texted back saying she got somewhere that it was nice etc, and thanks for trying, so I just texted saying congrats and not to go too hard partying... and that was it. was hoping she'ed say going out or whatever and then we could get away from the getting the place thing but how and ever its all over. oh well...!

Ah Op you should have rang her! really Text messages are the worst form of communication!

Anyway no point in should haves - whats done is done! I am a firm believer in whats for you wont pass you - so if this girl was meant for you then destiny will bring ye together! so Hang in there you never know when your paths may cross again!

Good luck to you though.

Tefral

im sorry this happened...obviously for a reason

i must ask though..if you are a member of the scs or similar professional org.. you'd be kicked out for influening the landlord to suit your gains

well done on drawing the line

Overheal

conorconundrum wrote: »

Crashed out and burned I'm afraid...
Sat around 7 texted her saying how I was sorry she didnt get the place and if she needed any other help or advice to ask me. Texted back saying she got somewhere that it was nice etc, and thanks for trying, so I just texted saying congrats and not to go too hard partying... and that was it. was hoping she'ed say going out or whatever and then we could get away from the getting the place thing but how and ever its all over. oh well...!

oh cheer up now, thats hardly a crash and burn... more like a swing and a miss. no harm no foul. etc. :pac:

[Jackass]

conorconundrum wrote: »

Crashed out and burned I'm afraid...
Sat around 7 texted her saying how I was sorry she didnt get the place and if she needed any other help or advice to ask me. Texted back saying she got somewhere that it was nice etc, and thanks for trying, so I just texted saying congrats and not to go too hard partying... and that was it. was hoping she'ed say going out or whatever and then we could get away from the getting the place thing but how and ever its all over. oh well...!

TEXT:

"Hey, how are you settling in to the new place? I know this is kind of cheesey, but I really wanted to ask you before and felt that I couldn't under the circumstances, but would you fancy going out for a drink with me some night?"

Oh god, not sure if that's the right text, but make something up man, just send it asking her out, what have you got to lose???

Even if there's a 1% chance she'll write back saying ok, it's better than the 0% chance you have right now by not talking to her!!

And she probably wont think you're a stalker.

Seriously though. Do it.

DublinWriter

Maybe it's just me, but someone who's acting as the rep of a letting agent during one of this country's biggest property slumps and who thinks that he has "power" to "abuse" in the first place seems a bit risable to me and smacks of deeper self-worth issues happening just below the surface.

OP Dude, you need to know the difference between 'love' and 'infatuation'. How much can you actually, genuinely fall in love for someone after a 30 minute property run down?

Freefant

OP i demand u risk ur job and ask her out.... the future of this thread depends on it..... now stand tall man ....

Darragh29

Freefant wrote: »

OP i demand u risk ur job and ask her out.... the future of this thread depends on it..... now stand tall man ....

If he had half a chance, he'd already know! I know this isn't what he asked about, but there is a sizable age gap between the two of them, what 21 year old is going to be interested in a 30 year old ffs!?!?!

christeb

Darragh29 wrote: »

If he had half a chance, he'd already know! I know this isn't what he asked about, but there is a sizable age gap between the two of them, what 21 year old is going to be interested in a 30 year old ffs!?!?!

You're talking like 30 is ancient, the gap isn't that big! Maybe she likes slightly more mature guys.

tobiesheba

Contacting her again could go two ways: If she's interested in him she'd probably think it's very romantic how he pursued her and didn't let her get away.

If she's not she'd probably think he's a freak and is out to stalk.

However I think that seeing as she text him back to say she'd gotten a place that she may be interested, otherwise why bother.

thebaldsoprano

christeb wrote: »

You're talking like 30 is ancient, the gap isn't that big! Maybe she likes slightly more mature guys.

It is, we're all old fogies

Mereckons a lot of it's down to your friends. I've got friends that're all different ages and have gone out with older/younger women with similar bunches of friends. Tbh, the idea of feeling like the only ancient person when heading out with someone who's 21 really doesn't sound that appealing.

Darragh29

thebaldsoprano wrote: »

It is, we're all old fogies

Mereckons a lot of it's down to your friends. I've got friends that're all different ages and have gone out with older/younger women with similar bunches of friends. Tbh, the idea of feeling like the only ancient person when heading out with someone who's 21 really doesn't sound that appealing.

I'm not sayin the OP is an old fogie, the age gap in itself is not huge, but at the particular age that she is relative to the particular age that he is, I think they are just at two completely different stages of their lives. Most 20/21 year olds are just 2-3 years out of school. I don't know anyone who is 20/21 and with a 30 year old. I do know people in their 30's who are with people who are in their 40's but a 20 year old and a 30 year old to me just doesn't happen, I've never heard of it anyway.

Darragh29

tobiesheba wrote: »

Contacting her again could go two ways: If she's interested in him she'd probably think it's very romantic how he pursued her and didn't let her get away.

If she's not she'd probably think he's a freak and is out to stalk.

However I think that seeing as she text him back to say she'd gotten a place that she may be interested, otherwise why bother.

Prob just being polite.

LegacyUser

I'm the age of the girl the op has his eye on. Tbh many girls that age would not be interested in a relationsip with a 30 yr old.

It would have been unprofessional to pursue her through his job unless she'd given very clear signals she was interested which she didn't.

Just forget her. You met a girl you fancied the arse off. TRUST me if she'd have been interested at all she'd have kept txting. Her one response was out of politeness.