bitunsure

eveie

ok ive been seeing this guy for the last few weeks, dont know if we're going out at such but i do know he's pretty into me.
so anyway he wouldnt be my type looks wise in fact id go as far as saying i dont find myself attracted to him phyiscally but he is a really nice guy,in fact maybe too nice. he's kinda what everygirl would dream of finding, hes a total gentleman.
ive been single over a year and until a few months ago i didnt want to get involved with anyone, that changed about 2-3 months ago when i started to feel that i would really like to be in a relationship again.
the thing is now that its happening im begining to feel really unsure about it,i donno maybe im afriad of being hurt or something.
i find myself focusing of this guys bad points.....which he doesnt have many of, and i think this is just an easy cop out for me. i keep saying that i dont find him attractive yet i feel so comfortable in his company and i can be 100% myself.
should i give this a go or if im having doubts should i just put an end to it now, am i just running away? im a bit confused about it all.

RedXIV

You're doing a very common move of deciding you want a relationship and going for what was an easy option. as a result, you've realised that you probably think you've settled and there is better out there. if you haven't got the spark, don't lead the poor guy on.

best of luck

Red

Jack Sheehan

What Red said.

trio

I actually disagree - unless you've already slept with him and thereafter decided that you don't fancy him.

I don't want to be crude, and I don't want to encourage you to do something you might regret - all I'll say is that not every guy I've er, "known" has been good-looking, but some of them were downright suprising. :eek:

If you know what I mean. And I think you do.....

I bloody saw them in a different light after!

eveie

ok trio
im not going to base my relationship with any guy purely on sex, thats just looking for trouble.
i have not dlept with him, and even if i did sleep with him at it was out of this world it would be terrible judgement on my behalf if i stayed with him

RedXIV

eveie wrote: »

ok trio
im not going to base my relationship with any guy purely on sex, thats just looking for trouble.
i have not dlept with him, and even if i did sleep with him at it was out of this world it would be terrible judgement on my behalf if i stayed with him

^ congrats, very mature attitude to have

Wurly

eveie wrote: »

i keep saying that i dont find him attractive yet i feel so comfortable in his company and i can be 100% myself.

Do you genuinely not fancy him? Or are you shutting off some of your feelings for him for fear of being hurt?

If you genuinely are not physically attracted to him, then let him go. It's not fair to lead him on, especially due to the fact that he treats you so well. He deserves the same in return.

If you think you may be shutting off your feelings... Well, just take one day at a time - nice and slowly and see what happens.

Btw - what's too nice? Are you not used to being treated well by a guy?

eveie

i do think i am shutting out my feelings, i do find him attractive in some ways.
what i mean by too nice is that fact that he is too nice, which isnt a bad thing dont get me wrong i just didnt think that exsisted really. i wasnt treated well by my ex but thats a whole other days work.
i personaly feel that im avoiding my true feeling because im afraid of being hurt but im not a 100% sure.
the last thing i would want is to mess him about but im just sure if i want to end it, put it this was 80% of me is saying see how it goes the other 20% is telling me to run.

Wurly

Ok well 80% says see how it goes so that's a high percentage. So why not?? You don't have to have a big relationship straight away. Just take it slow then and see what happens. Lots of people are unsure when they start seeing each other for one reason or another. That's why 'dating' is a good idea. Don't jump into anything. Just go with the flow and see where that leads..


But..

eveie wrote: »

the other 20% is telling me to run.

The word 'run' here is a bit strong though. Where is the need to 'run' coming from, OP?

As you weren't treated well by your ex, I can see how a gentleman could be depicted as 'too' nice. But remember, you deserve to be treated well.

whiskeyman

Are you enjoying yourself together?
Are you happy with him?
I'd keep going with it.

Many of us have doubts at the start. I'm not saying you 'settle' for them, but you get to see them under different light as time goes on. Try and forget your doubts.

Hope things can work out and you both can be happy

eveie

yes the word run is a bit harsh i just thought that maybe i was ready for a relationship and now m questioning it.
im taking this very slowly, i do not want to get involved with someone that i dont know.
i also know that i deserve someone who will treat me well and respect me which he does.
i said that my relationship ex would not hinder any future relationships i had but im afraid it is,i actually think im afraid to get involved with someone, why do things have to be so complicated, or am i just making them complicated?
also on one level im kinda gald that this guy is not "good looking" because it means im focusing more on him as person rather then a piece of meat

Wurly

eveie wrote: »

yes the word run is a bit harsh i just thought that maybe i was ready for a relationship and now m questioning it.

Okay, so date him instead for a while and don't get into anything more until you're sure.

i do not want to get involved with someone that i dont know.

Of course not. So get to know him then and have fun. Light and breezy.:cool:

i also know that i deserve someone who will treat me well and respect me which he does.

Well that's great. So start embracing the fact that you've found such a nice guy. Chances are, like me, you've had your share of d1ckheads.:D

i said that my relationship ex would not hinder any future relationships i had but im afraid it is,i actually think im afraid to get involved with someone

Yeah, hun. I totally know what you mean. Its hard for the past hurt not to spill over to your present. It's hard to get past. I'm trying to get past mine at the moment. Not easy.

why do things have to be so complicated, or am i just making them complicated?

You're making them complicated. You are over thinking and pre-empting. You are looking for faults in this guy. Basically, you are self sabotaging your own happiness for fear of getting hurt. Welcome to my world.:pac: When these thoughts come into your head - tell them to feck off. They serve you no purpose. They just upset you and ruin the good time that you are having.

also on one level im kinda gald that this guy is not "good looking" because it means im focusing more on him as person rather then a piece of meat

Well, for what its worth, all of my past boyfriends have 'grown on me' looks wise. I didn't fancy any of them at the start. By the end, I thought each one of them was gorgeous. I would much prefer this than an initial attraction to someone. It's pretty exciting and you can feel yourself getting closer to someone over time - always lovely.

As we get older, looks fade anyway. It really is the person inside the shell that counts. I'm not saying that attraction isn't important, it absolutely is. But you might surprise yourself with how much you really fancy this guy in a few months time.

Go easy on yourself. Make it clear that you don't want a relationship at the moment and that you would just like to date. Go with the flow and see what happens.

If your feelings get stronger, then brill. If not, let him go.

Like I said in a previous post, most of us are unsure for whatever reason when we start seeing someone new. But that's totally normal. You're getting to know the person after all. You can't be sure about someone completely until you know them relatively well. Try not to let your thoughts run away with you and spoil this though. I know this is hard and I am trying to take my own advice here as I type - :pac:.

It's hard to find someone that you can be completely yourself around. I'd hold onto this, if I were you and give it a proper shot!

Good luck pet, I really hope it works out.:)

eveie

tri thanks so much for your advice, makes alot of sense and makes me fel alot better about the situation.
funny thing is, if it was a friend in my position id be saying the same things as you, its just hard to take your own advise i guess

Wurly

eveie wrote: »

tri thanks so much for your advice, makes alot of sense and makes me fel alot better about the situation.
funny thing is, if it was a friend in my position id be saying the same things as you, its just hard to take your own advise i guess

Oh isn't it just!! We always have the answers within us but for some reason, we are allergic to taking our own advice. We should trust ourselves more!:rolleyes:

No probs re the advice - now go have fun with that new man of yours!!:D;)
xx