Feeling sad, lonely and Used

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

This is a little long and messy but I'll try to keep it as short and unmessy as possible.

I was going out with my ex boyfriend for 5 years. I'm 26 now and he's 30. We broke up
2 years ago and have tried many a time to reconcile but things never work out. He has
had a few girlfriends since but none of them have compared to me (his words). I've had
a few short term flings too but he was always on my mind.

We hadn't spoken since before Christmas but he called me about a month ago and asked if I'd like to
meet up for a drink. I was nervous and scared that my old feelings would come rushing back but I agreed
nonetheless. When we met, the physical attraction was still huge and we ended up sleeping together.
He told me the morning after that although he loves me as a friend, nothing can happen with us because
we've tried enough times to know it doesn't work.

He said he's too old to play games anymore and is looking to settle down with his true love who clearly isn't
me. He said if I was his true love, it would feel 'right' and it doesn't. Then he left. I haven't heard from him since.

I feel so hurt by this. Meeting him was a silly idea but sh*gging him was even more stupid. I thought I was in
control, i though I was over him and could handle it but I've been a mess ever since.

I also think it's very cruel how he met me, used me and then just went off the rader. I was drunk last weekend
and got really annoyed thinking about this and sent him an angry text asking why he even bothered calling me,
why he slept with me and how he could feel nothing now. No reply.

My question is, how do I get over this and how could he be so cruel to me. He used me and given our past I never
thought he'd do that. I miss him and I know if he hadn't called me I'd be fine now like I had been!!

Thanks for reading:(

Marksie

delete his numbers.
no contact at all your end either

Are you mad at him or yourself. I doubt very much he was that cruel, and in these instances it is rarely a one sided case.
You of course said no i dont want to have sex with you and he persisted? no? well as said its rarely one sided.

So move on, let go.
Go into your room, get a pillow kick scream, cry, wail, batter teh pillow with all your force.... it will amke you feel better
Then make a resolution never to call him, and stick to it...but dont seek to jsutify in terms of his behaviour.... look at your own as it DOES take two to tango

Colonel_McCoy

Sorry to hear what happend..............I agree you need to cut all ties to him, delete numbers, email addresses and anything that reminds him of you.

At least now you know your are better off without him, I know you proabbly feel used and angry, these feelings will pass and you can put it down to experience.

Move on you will meet somebody right for you.

beth-lou

As the others have said, I think you need to move on and forget about him.
If he is not feeling it, then you are better off without him. It's better to be on your own than to be with someone who doesn't love you.

At least you can move on now that he has been honest with you and find someone that you do click with. If he was "the one", you wouldn't have been apart for two years and you wouldn't have had a few flings and neither would he. When you do meet that person, you won't have this much confusion or heartache. Sure there will be times when you don't get along, but not this kind of messing.

I know it's hard now, but it might actually allow you to finally let go and move on the pastures greener.

Best of luck and chin up.

Dragan

Look, it's time to take a bit of responsibility for your own actions. As Marksie said delete all contact details and then give yourself what you haven't appeared to give yourself up till now....time and space to get over an ex.

Karen_*

Sometimes they come back on the scene briefly and it feels like a set back but it isn't. Its the final nail in the coffin and it allows you to move forward in leaps and bounds knowing you haven't lost anything worth upsetting yourself about. no regrets that its finished because he (or she) treated you again like dirt and you'd rather spend your life with a decent person. and better still you now know everything wasn't your fault! Win win situation OP and you'll see that in a week or two when you realise that you are feeling even better about the breakup than ever.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, I also naively thought that because we kept going back to each other it meant that we were meant to be or couldn't go too long without each other. Stupid.

I know I'll be fine in a while (damn time being the healer again) but I'm shocked he was so cruel in just blanking me. It's like he sweet talked me all night, got what he wanted and left.

I'm more angry at mysel than him but Marksie, i didn't lead him on. that's one big diference.
When I told him it was great to see him, that I still love him etc. I meant it. He didn't. Cruel.

How Strange

Sadandused wrote: »

Thanks guys, I also naively thought that because we kept going back to each other it meant that we were meant to be or couldn't go too long without each other. Stupid.

I know I'll be fine in a while (damn time being the healer again) but I'm shocked he was so cruel in just blanking me. It's like he sweet talked me all night, got what he wanted and left.

I'm more angry at mysel than him but Marksie, i didn't lead him on. that's one big diference.
When I told him it was great to see him, that I still love him etc. I meant it. He didn't. Cruel.

OP, from what you've said I don't think he's necessarily cruel. You said this on/off thing has been dragging on for 2 years. The only person who knows why he did it is him so there's no point in second guessing and mind reading.

Bottom line, you know where you stand now so move on. And definitely delete his number and cut all contact. That's the only way to stop this pattern of behaviour.

Sorry you had to find out in such a horrible way but now you know so you can start looking forward and go out and meet someone new.

LegacyUser

How Strange wrote: »

OP, from what you've said I don't think he's necessarily cruel. You said this on/off thing has been dragging on for 2 years. The only person who knows why he did it is him so there's no point in second guessing and mind reading.

Bottom line, you know where you stand now so move on. And definitely delete his number and cut all contact. That's the only way to stop this pattern of behaviour.

Sorry you had to find out in such a horrible way but now you know so you can start looking forward and go out and meet someone new.

Yeah I know, I've deleted everything. I do think using me was cruel though. He told me he loved me ffs and then blanked me completely. feel like sending him an email asking why but it would achieve nothing. It hurts so badly though.

Dizzyblonde

Chalk it up to experience and move on. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's important to learn from them.
Don't try to contact him. Put him in the past where he belongs and get out and enjoy life.

Dinxminx

Cut off ALL contact. Otherwise it is way too hard. get rid of anything that reminds you of him and after a while you'll suddenly realise you haven't thought of him in days. That'll turn into weeks, then months...

Good luck!

MagicMarker

I'm sorry, but did he force you to sleep with him?

I fail to see how he used you, seems like you both got what you wanted.

Marksie

Look I am aware that an ex is something that is to some extent a known quantity there for some comfort or support if necessary.
But I always ensure that a line is drawn over physical intimacy, even if you do retain a friendship.
Its a hard lesson to learn, but the sex with the ex syndrome just does not work, It simply stops you moving on and prolongs the confusion.

Miss Fluff

MagicMarker wrote: »

I'm sorry, but did he force you to sleep with him?

I fail to see how he used you, seems like you both got what you wanted.

Ah come on now MM, that's not fair. It's obvious, as stated, from the OP that she really cares for this guy and I am sure in the back of her mind, meeting for drinks and that physical attraction being present made it easy for her to misconstrue things. It's also easy to misconstrue sex as something else when emotions are running that high. Where there's hope there's possibility etc.

OP, your ex is a using twat. His actions prove he is not worth all this upset. It's a harsh lesson to learn but hopefully his treatment of you will once and for all give you closure. Onwards and upwards m'dear and don't entertain any slimy advances in future, he's a snail.