unhappy

Whysounhappy

Hi,
I'm really confused at the minute. I'm feeling unhappy but don't have a clue why. Its so annoying. I'm in my early 30's, I feel like I don't laugh, truly laugh at anything anymore. I Know it sounds weird but its as if I've lost my personality even with the people that are closest to me. Don't get me wrong I've never been what you'd call an outgoing person but I've always had a good sense of humour and used to be quite good with people.
Lately when I talk to people I feel like I sound really really fake because I don't know what to say to them so I come out with the most stupid things even with my best friends, even with my boyfriend and family, I have absolutely no confidence anymore and I seem to just agree with what people are saying to me even if I think they're wrong. Basically I'm a yes woman! Thing is I don't really have opinions on things anymore, I don't know what I think about things.
Nothing interests me, I've really tried to get myself back to how I used to be but its hard.
I just don't seem to think like I used to. I've changed so much and I don't know why.
I'm in a relationship for over 2 years now and its great we just moved in together recently, and he's great but I feel like hes probably going to get bored of me soon too if I carry on the way I am.
I know people are going to suggest going out, doing excercise etc, but I do all these things and none of them have worked for me.
any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Overheal

How long has this been going on for? Do you feel it was triggered by something in particular? Or, do you think it may possibly be symptomatic of Clinical Depression? Do you have any outstanding hobbies or interests, maybe that you haven't pursued in a while?

abitlonely

I don't know. You didn't mention any health, family, financial or employment
problems. You're in a great relationship of 2 years and just moved in.

Hypnosis might be one way to go to get your confidence back up.
You should concentrate on the positives, all the things you have going
well for you. When I get like that, I think about the times when I was
achieving more and how much more confident I was in myself.

Everyone has confidence, you just need to channel it.
Are you confident that:
you say stupid things
you sound really fake
exercise won't help?

Whysounhappy

sorry this is a bit long!
Its hard to figure out when it started. I know lots of things are bothering me at the moment. I'm not particularly happy at work, I have what people would call a good secure job, but I don't particularly like it. My manager is quite a controlling woman, which is fair enough she's paid to contol a large number of people, but she wants everyone to act in a certain way and I feel like I have to suppress my feelings whenever she's around and that I have to laugh at her unamusing little stories, and seem interested in the things she talks about, she's very gossipy and to be honest I don't like gossip but whenever she's around I have to listen to it aghhhhhhh. I mean she not around that often maybe a couple of days a weeks is all I have to deal with her but it does take it out of me. I guess that really affects me.
I know a couple of years ago there's no way I would have sat there and let her ramble on and crucify people I like but now I just sit there and nod, and inside I'm cringing.
I think because I have to listen to so much crap that I switch off and don't listen to her, its about the only way I can handle the situation, but now I've started doing it to everyone else too.
I think thats definately one of the reasons I started acting like this but I just can't get out of it. I have already decided though that I'll leave this job as soon as I get a good enough offer but I'm worried I mightn't be able to shake this behaviour even after I leave.
Also I used to be extremely independant, didn't care too much what other people thought and didn't get insulted by many things,but now I seem to overthink things. I wonder why people say the things they say to me, and I think I'm getting a bit clingy to my boyfriend which is wrecking my head. he hasn't said anything but I have a feeling he's noticed it.
I moved to dublin last year, and started my new job here mainly because he was here and it has been great living with him,
but lately I have been thinking about it alot wondering if I should have followed him like that. I feel like a bit of a fool to be honest.
I don't know I just feel like I've no emotions, its weird.

Whysounhappy

forgot to mention about the excercise, I go to the gym about 3 times a week and I'm quite fit. I also have a healthy diet so I don't think either of those areas are affecting me. I do still socialise with my friends but I don't feel part of it anymore when I'm out with them, and I have a very close family, talk to my parents and brothers a few times a week but again I even feel disconnected from them as if I'm just going through the motions.

lemon_of_old

Hi OP, I feel for you in this situation. From reading your posts it seems to me that you feel you have lost a bit of yourself in the decisions you have made with your life the past couple of years, and now you're sort of floating. It can happen so easily. You moved to Dublin to be with your boyfriend, you got a job you don't like so you could stay in Dublin, you changed your behaviour and personality to keep that job so you could stay in Dublin, but you did these things because you had to, not because you adore your job and you absolutely love living in Dublin (maybe you do, I don't know, I'm just guessing).

Don't get me wrong, it's great that you and your boyfriend have a good relationship and have moved in together, that's a positive thing in your life right now. But I think you need to do something for you. Just for you. Changing jobs is a good start. You say you exercise and go out, that's also positive. But I suggest you start planning something entirely for you. Or a series of things. A trip away, a day at a spa, something like that. Or even do something daring you would never have considered before, like a parachute jump for charity. I know it's the same old advice again and again - take a class, join a club yadda yadda yadda, but think about something you've always wanted to do, a skill you've wanted to learn, a place you've wanted to see, and start planning how you're going to do it. There's so much out there, learn a language, take a class like an ECDL, yoga, art, music, kayaking, surfing, hell origami if that's what floats your boat. It will help you focus on yourself in a positive way, and the feeling of achievement when you complete something you never thought you could is fantastic. Good luck OP.

von Neumann

Hi whysounhappy,

I think you know the answer!

I used to feel like you do,

I was doing all the right things; studing hard, working at a "worthwhile job", searching for the perfect girl, trying to buy a house etc.

But I was miserable! !!

Then one drunken night I had a moment when I just said this is not working......really really not working

and I promised myself I would do what ever I had to do to make myself happy.

I honestly believe it really is that simply.

I know that sounds rediculous, and maybe your saying I can't do X or Y with my life beacuse................

But when I start talking like that I just stop and say what's more rediculous X or Y or spending the rest of my life a miserable git.

Then the answer becomes pretty straight forward really.

Ok I think I've rambled enough, but this really did work for me.

Hope this helped

RedXIV

Hey OP,

With the empahsis you've put on your work environment so far, I'd have to assume this is where your issues are steming from. When your life falls into a repetitive pattern, it does begin to feel like you're losing a piece of your identity, so it's possible that changing from this job which appears to frustrate you, even to something which may require a pay cut may be the solution. and even if this isn't viable, how about taking up a class or something that would help you escape this job in the future? that way you know you are doing something about your situation and you have a mental countdown to when you will be qualified enough to leave.

All the best

Red