Do priests get boners and choke the chicken?

ronbyrne2005

And is it a sin in their church?

Xavi6

Of course they get boners, sure they're around altar boys the whole time :rolleyes:

Zillah

Of course they do. Yes, they're not supposed to.

hussey

N.P.T.

I assume they are allowed this :eek:

I wonder do Nuns get wide-ons? As they movies I have, they all do ... and they love showers too

smellslikeshoes

Priests are human after all, obviously it wouldn't be encouraged or anything but I would assume they would do quite regularly since they aren't allowed to have relationships.

Overheal

You have the devil in you and you need to shake him out of there. violently.

Ponster

Where exactly is it written that priests aren't allowed masturbate ?

BraziliaNZ

I think in the bible there's talk of cutting your own hand off if you have knocked one out, or something

truecrippler

hussey wrote: »

N.P.T.

I assume they are allowed this :eek:

I wonder do Nuns get wide-ons? As they movies I have, they all do ... and they love showers too

It typically happens during REM sleep

Thats scary, popping a boner when Michael Stipe is floating around your head.

philologos

Ponster wrote: »

Where exactly is it written that priests aren't allowed masturbate ?

It's for all Christians. It's to do with the fact that looking upon someone lustfully is forbidden in Matthew 5:28.

smellslikeshoes wrote:

Priests are human after all, obviously it wouldn't be encouraged or anything but I would assume they would do quite regularly since they aren't allowed to have relationships.

Or they could just join the Church of Ireland, Methodist, Presbyterians etc, where they are allowed to be married as the Biblical text allows.

1 Timothy 3:2 wrote:

Now a bishop must be above reproach, married only once,temperate, sensible, respectable, hospitable, an apt teacher,

1 Timothy 3:12 wrote:

Let deacons be married only once, and let them manage their children and their households well;

FunkZ

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I think in the bible there's talk of cutting your own hand off if you have knocked one out, or something

Jaysus if only I had 8 hands for each day of the last 7 years of my life!

Ponster

Jakkass wrote: »

It's for all Christians. It's to do with the fact that looking upon someone lustfully is forbidden in Matthew 5:28.

God wrote: »

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Seems to be a stretch to forbid it based on that IMO.

generalmiaow

I think it was Genesis 38:8 - 10

Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. And what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord, and he slew him also.

Hence "Onanism" - this is also partly the reason for the ban on contraception - recently though, people have been saying that this was coitus interruptus

Fulton Crown

Accuracy here please...Priests are not ALLOWED to have boners..this is a natural phenomenon over which they have little or no control.

Matthew 1.7 says "If thou shouldst get a boner ..do not whack it off - rather goest to the nearest altar boy (OK the one with the blonde hair)and have him whackest thou off"

makes a lot o fcukin sense to me that....:D

generalmiaow

also check this out:

Leviticus 15:16-19 wrote:

16- `And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water and be unclean until the evening.


17 - And every garment and every skin whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water and be unclean until the evening.


18 - The woman also with whom a man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water and be unclean until the evening.


19 - And if a woman have an issue and her issue from her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days; and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the evening.

:eek:

ronbyrne2005

Choking the chicken is good for health apparently so could a health case be made for it? Is it possible to do the job without lustful thoughts?

Fulton Crown

ronbyrne2005 wrote: »

Choking the chicken is good for health apparently so could a health case be made for it? Is it possible to do the job without lustful thoughts?

MMM...gonna give it a go ! Back in a couple o hours.....!

Sherifu

"My mickey is hard right now."
"You really shouldn't be here father."

Overheal

But to answer your question: Priests get boners, then they choke the Children.

Alicat

generalmiaow wrote: »

also check this out:
Originally Posted by Leviticus 15:16-19
16- `And if any man's seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water and be unclean until the evening.


17 - And every garment and every skin whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water and be unclean until the evening.


18 - The woman also with whom a man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water and be unclean until the evening.


19 - And if a woman have an issue and her issue from her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days; and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the evening.

So you can **** all day, wash your hands, and you'll be forgiven by the Lord after dinner?


Edit: Hold on a minute, that last one; So woman gets her period and she's "put apart" for seven days? :eek: Banished? All because Mother Nature wanted to give woman the responsability of carrying Man's child? :eek: W*nkers.

Sherifu wrote: »

"My mickey is hard right now."
"You really shouldn't be here father."

Hahaha :pac::pac::pac: Good ol' Tommy :rolleyes:

Voodu Child

Alicat wrote: »

So you can **** all day, wash your hands, and you'll be forgiven by the Lord after dinner?

What if you **** during dinner? Are you forgiven straight away, or do you have to wait until the next evening?

They should really be more clear about this stuff.

Captain Darling

voodoo_child wrote: »

What if you **** during dinner? Are you forgiven straight away, or do you have to wait until the next evening?

They should really be more clear about this stuff.

Just after the main course, knock off a swift one, then have your apple crumble. Instant forgiveness. I could swear i read that in the bible somewhere.

hussey

voodoo_child wrote: »

What if you **** during dinner? Are you forgiven straight away, or do you have to wait until the next evening?

They should really be more clear about this stuff.

So I don't need permission when I say "You want mayo with that" ?

Mr. Presentable

Priests get boners, but they don't choke the chicken.


They bash the bishop!

Can't believe no one got that one in before me

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Isn't masturbation a sin for all Catholics, regardless of whether they are priests are not.

Priest come under the 11th commandmant: thou shalt not get caught.

Fulton Crown

Fulton Crown wrote: »

MMM...gonna give it a go ! Back in a couple o hours.....!

Nah !! Dosn't work .......