Can't hack being alone

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone,
I am a woman in her 30's a few days away from 1st year break up of a long term relationship, which killed me at first but got over him and knew he was'nt really right for me in the end....but its the whole being on my own and also not having a close network of girlfriends to go out with, I find it so lonely and upsetting. I have sisters but they are all married and have their own lifes.. i feel sorry for myself all the time like why me??

I did all the joining different things, courses and all that but it still is hard to meet people. I did meet a guy at a course but it turned out he had a partner and 2 kids which he told me straight away but at the time they were kinda broken up so we dated for the last few months but didnt get heavy....as he was still really with her and the kids but had fallen for me...which i was happy with but he has a lot to give up and isi'nt able to do it, so im kinda grieving over this also and missing him and all that.

Im a good looking girl, I know i have a good personality and im slim....I just feel like whats the point in my life...why do i bother i feel like i am never going to meet anyone and cant live with the thought of being on my own for many more years...I dont know if I could do away with myself as all the hurt i would cause but i think about it alot....

I know people will read this and start telling me to join clubs and all that but honestly I look around at the girls like me that are single and in their 30ies and cant find love...i just feel like we are all never going to meet anyone cos i dont see anything out their for us. What are we all doing is there any point in it all.

MagicMarker

VerySad wrote: »

Hi Everyone,
I am a woman in her 30's a few days away from 1st year break up of a long term relationship, which killed me at first but got over him and knew he was'nt really right for me in the end....but its the whole being on my own and also not having a close network of girlfriends to go out with, I find it so lonely and upsetting. I have sisters but they are all married and have their own lifes.. i feel sorry for myself all the time like why me??

I did all the joining different things, courses and all that but it still is hard to meet people. I did meet a guy at a course but it turned out he had a partner and 2 kids which he told me straight away but at the time they were kinda broken up so we dated for the last few months but didnt get heavy....as he was still really with her and the kids but had fallen for me...which i was happy with but he has a lot to give up and isi'nt able to do it, so im kinda grieving over this also and missing him and all that.

Im a good looking girl, I know i have a good personality and im slim....I just feel like whats the point in my life...why do i bother i feel like i am never going to meet anyone and cant live with the thought of being on my own for many more years...I dont know if I could do away with myself as all the hurt i would cause but i think about it alot.

I know people will read this and start telling me to join clubs and all that but honestly I look around at the girls like me that are single and in their 30ies and cant find love...i just feel like we are all never going to meet anyone cos i dont see anything out their for us. What are we all doing is there any point in it all.

WTF? You've been single for a year, but actually dated a guy for a few months of that, and you think of suicide? Are you always this much of a drama queen?

If you want to meet people then try online dating. If you're a good looking girl then you won't have a problem getting responses.

LadyE

Sorry, I have to agree with MM..everyone has these days..normal!!! Dont make such a drama out of it!

Trinity

VerySad wrote: »

Hi Everyone,
I am a woman in her 30's a few days away from 1st year break up of a long term relationship, which killed me at first but got over him and knew he was'nt really right for me in the end....but its the whole being on my own and also not having a close network of girlfriends to go out with, I find it so lonely and upsetting. I have sisters but they are all married and have their own lifes.. i feel sorry for myself all the time like why me??

I did all the joining different things, courses and all that but it still is hard to meet people. I did meet a guy at a course but it turned out he had a partner and 2 kids which he told me straight away but at the time they were kinda broken up so we dated for the last few months but didnt get heavy....as he was still really with her and the kids but had fallen for me...which i was happy with but he has a lot to give up and isi'nt able to do it, so im kinda grieving over this also and missing him and all that.

Im a good looking girl, I know i have a good personality and im slim....I just feel like whats the point in my life...why do i bother i feel like i am never going to meet anyone and cant live with the thought of being on my own for many more years...I dont know if I could do away with myself as all the hurt i would cause but i think about it alot....

I know people will read this and start telling me to join clubs and all that but honestly I look around at the girls like me that are single and in their 30ies and cant find love...i just feel like we are all never going to meet anyone cos i dont see anything out their for us. What are we all doing is there any point in it all.

Ok first of all do you wanna clarify this for me - was he kinda broken up with her or really with her and the kids.

I am sure you do have a good personality and are slim (cos heavy people cant get boyfriends and being slim matters right :rolleyes:) but you were more or less having an affair with a guy that is in a commited relationship with children involved - thats not nice, and while you are with this guy that you should not have been with Mr Right probably walked right by you cos you were too busy with Mr with her not with her to notice.

If you settle for less that is exactly what you will get. Someone elses left overs. Raise the bar a little and aim higher, its no use having a good personality or being good looking if you are throwing it way on a loser that is wasting your time and betraying others on his merry way. Looks are not everything. Moral standing and principles go a long way too, as well as thoughfulness which you dont seem to possess.

Try thinking of his partner and kids, then see how hard you have it.

Edit cos i am being harsh but you know what i have to be in situations like this. You are grieving for someone you cannot have, you shouldnt have and even if you got it you woiuldnt be happy as you wouldnt trust him and he would probably do the same thing on you.

Put your past behind you, do you work? Is there anyone in work you could go out with? How about going to some boards beers?

I myself have no friends and its a bummer when your relationship goes tits up and you realise how bloody alone you are but in my case i have 2 children and its not easy to get out. Dont look for a man to fill your lonliness cos if you found one tomorrow he may be gone next week. you need to make yourself some friends that are in it for the long haul so i suggest you do the clubs thing again or find a way to make them.

abitlonely

Trinity1 wrote: »

Mr Right probably walked right by you cos you were too busy with Mr with her not with her to notice.

He'll be due around pretty soon again so?

Trinity

abitlonely wrote: »

He'll be due around pretty soon again so?

Who knows, but she has more chance of meeting someone nice if she is not hanging around wasting her time with a married fella (more or less) and starts moving in the right circles i.e friends and single blokes.

Karen_*

I split up with someone this year and am 33. Now I was very upset and I think that when you break up with someone you feel being alone more. i.e before I was going out with him it didn't bother me being single and I didn't give a hoot whether I met someone or not.

I'm not with anyone, I do want to be in a great relationship but only a great one, no more crappy miserable ones for me. In the meantime though I can't lie down and die. I'm still a person and I really don't want to take the attitude that I WILL be miserable until I find a man. I want to enjoy my life with whatever it throws at me.

So yes, I have joined things and I've made friends on here and I've got a job and a family and friends. I have a purpose in life other than to be one half of a couple because if I don't meeet someone then I'm not going to spend the rest of my life bitter and miserable. And I certainly can't judge all men on the very few rotten ones I've met.

don't be going out with someone elses man, its not good Karma. Treat others as you'd like to be treated.

OP you're just going to have to make the best of the situation. Learn to like your own company and then you'll be better company yourself. And you have to keep trying. If you're life isn't as you'd like it then you have to keep trying to improve it.

How Strange

OP, rather than joining clubs etc you need to re-evaluate your life.

You are more than the sum of the man you're with or not with as the case may be.

I empathise with you to a point but after that I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself and ask yourself if you really want to define your self worth by having or not having a man. Yes, being in a relationship can be very good and yes the world (of advertising at least) does seem to revolve around couples most of the time but FFS this isn't the 1950's.

Women can be single, independent, attractive and ENJOY life.

I think you need to take stock of what you have, be happy for the life you've got and see how you can improve it and make it better rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself because you're single. There are far worse things out there and I'd bet money on it if you were told tomorrow morning that you had a serious illness you'd look back at your life and wish you hadn't sat around feeling sorry for yourself so much.

As for meeting people in clubs and societies, well if you go to these things with the intention of meeting a man and not meeting people don't be suprised if you don't make any new friends. Also, stay away from the attached men. Have some self respect and some self esteem and see that you're better on your own than stealing another woman's man and settling for sloppy seconds.

sryk

Your problem is that you feel so desperate in finding mr rightt.
Patience bears fruits.
So wait maybe its not your time, you have friends right so enjoy your present with your friends for the time being.
Why in such a rush ?

LegacyUser

I feel your pain OP, I would just say to you dont bother looking for single men in their 30's, Im sure someone somewhere has the stats to back me up, but they simply do not exist in modern Ireland.

Either go for an older man in his 40's -he will often have baggage in the form of an ex wife and kids, pick one that is somewhat amicable with the ex if you can or else you are getting into a world of pain. I found an older man who was so happy to get another chance he treats me brilliantly.

Or go for a younger man in his 20's, they wont have baggage but be prepared to lug your sorry old bones around music events and pubs for a bit longer than might suit you. On the upside the romance side will be great and younger fellas are good fun. One of my friends is serious with a man 8 years her junior and it works well.

Dont expect to meet men in their 30's -they just do not exist!

Good luck in your quest OP