Should i try to make contact?

Trinity

When i was around 11 i found out i had a half sister, we only have a 3 month age gap, she being older.

I met her a few times. I liked her. It was very strange overall meeting my sister who was to me a stranger. She was pretty and very very nice.

I have no idea how or why but we lost contact many years ago. The last time i saw her she gave me 20 pound, i dont remember why!

The last i heard she had married an american and moved to the US.

Should i look for her?

I think of her often, i want her to know she has a niece and 3 nephews. I want to know if i have any nieces or nephews. I want to see what she looks like now, if she is happy, stuff like that.

I dont want to intrude in her life or upset the apple cart, i just want to say hello or at the very least give her back her 20 pound

Is it a bad idea or worth a shot? I have no real reason to think that she would be majorly unhappy to hear from me but my fear is that she will be angry or react negatively to me making contact after all these years

Hellm0

Your intentions seem to be in the right place OP, I would make an effort to make contact however be sure to guage how welcome these efforts are on her behalf(should you get feedback).

ZygOte

i think it sounds like a great idea, if you are worried about her not wanting to be in contact try emailing her if possible first , it may be an easier way of rebuilding the relationship. Try and build it up to a point where you are both ready to maybe meet. it might be a nice way of getting in a holiday, you could visit them or they could vist you perhaps

go for it

Trinity

I dont want to involve either families so i dont know where to start looking. I have looked through bebo for her but i dont know what her marriage surname is.

I know she has a younger sister, in fact i often wonder if either of them by chacce would be here on boards, stranger things have happened!

But i dont want to go putting up personal information about people as in an ad or something!

Trinity

ZygOte wrote: »

i think it sounds like a great idea, if you are worried about her not wanting to be in contact try emailing her if possible first , it may be an easier way of rebuilding the relationship. Try and build it up to a point where you are both ready to maybe meet. it might be a nice way of getting in a holiday, you could visit them or they could vist you perhaps

go for it

Thank you!

My visiting them is not an option but i am sure she must come back to dublin occasionally to see her parents, family etc surely?

ZygOte

Trinity1 wrote: »

I dont want to involve either families so i dont know where to start looking. I have looked through bebo for her but i dont know what her marriage surname is.

I know she has a younger sister, in fact i often wonder if either of them by chacce would be here on boards, stranger things have happened!

But i dont want to go putting up personal information about people as in an ad or something!

could you find a postal address? you could just write a letter and leave it up to her to respond if she is interested.

Trinity

ZygOte wrote: »

could you find a postal address? you could just write a letter and leave it up to her to respond if she is interested.

Thats what i hoped to do or even as you suggest an email. The thing is, i dont think her family would give it to me. I have a poor memory but my general impression was that her family was not too keen on us having contact.

As a mother now myself i can probably understand. However, myself nor my half sister did anything wrong, other then share a parent, their mistakes were not ours.

I dont think any contact from me to her family would be very welcome tbh.

ZygOte

Trinity1 wrote: »

Thats what i hoped to do or even as you suggest an email. The thing is, i dont think her family would give it to me. I have a poor memory but my general impression was that her family was not too keen on us having contact.

As a mother now myself i can probably understand. However, myself nor my half sister did anything wrong, other then share a parent, their mistakes were not ours.

I dont think any contact from me to her family would be very welcome tbh.

thats certainly a little difficult, but as you say its not your fault or that of you half sister. I think you have a right to seek information on her, you are both grown adults and if she doesnt wish to have contact with you then thats fine, but neither your family or hers has that right. If i were you i would look to my family first for information.

Trinity

ZygOte wrote: »

thats certainly a little difficult, but as you say its not your fault or that of you half sister. I think you have a right to seek information on her, you are both grown adults and if she doesnt wish to have contact with you then thats fine, but neither your family or hers has that right. If i were you i would look to my family first for information.

I have just spoken to my mother and i am right, her family didnt want us having contact. My family didnt mind. I will start asking questions but i guess its a sensitive issue for all concerned.

ZygOte

Trinity1 wrote: »

I have just spoken to my mother and i am right, her family didnt want us having contact. My family didnt mind. I will start asking questions but i guess its a sensitive issue for all concerned.

well the very best of luck to you and i hope it works out for you. try not to build yourself up over this and do be careful of upsetting others feelings along the way.

pickarooney

Trinity1 wrote: »

I have just spoken to my mother and i am right, her family didnt want us having contact. My family didnt mind. I will start asking questions but i guess its a sensitive issue for all concerned.

Perhaps understandable when you were kids, but surely it's nothing to them if two adult sisters want to exchange a couple of letters now? It's not like you're any threat to her or her family.

LegacyUser

forget what her family wanted years ago, she's a grown woman now so should be able to make up her own mind. do you know her husbands name or even what State they lived in?

I remember looking up an old friend of mine that i hadn't seed in 10 years, too me about an hour on Google and Yahoo to find an email address. all i had was a home town and her maiden name (I'm not a stalker honest) she had since married and moved states but i came up with an address pretty easy. it's worth looking you could find an email address send one off and if she doesn't respond then you have your answer. it's better that than wondering what ever happened to her.

Trinity

found a friend wrote: »

forget what her family wanted years ago, she's a grown woman now so should be able to make up her own mind. do you know her husbands name or even what State they lived in?

I remember looking up an old friend of mine that i hadn't seed in 10 years, too me about an hour on Google and Yahoo to find an email address. all i had was a home town and her maiden name (I'm not a stalker honest) she had since married and moved states but i came up with an address pretty easy. it's worth looking you could find an email address send one off and if she doesn't respond then you have your answer. it's better that than wondering what ever happened to her.

Sorry I didnt see this! I have no clue where she lived or lives. All i heard was that she married an american guy and moved over. I dont have a lot to go on do i.

I think her sister maybe on bebo, but shes not my sister and i think it might be a bit upsetting for her if i contact her, she is younger than us. Plus her profile is private so i would have to invite her as a friend. If she recognises the name she might say no and if she doesnt she might say no anyway

It may no even be her!

AARRRGH

Trinity1 wrote: »

Is it a bad idea or worth a shot?

Go for it!

I'm sure she'd love to hear from you.

Good luck!

Drift

Hey Trinity,

I know you asked your mother about when you were younger. Have you told her that you would like to contact your half-sister. It's possible that your mother might have some ideas on how to get in contact with her. She might know of friends/relations of the other family that you could use as an intermediary without going through the direct family.

It's just a thought.

Edit: Also it may be worth asking for advice in the adoption forum because although it's not quite the same issue it would be similar to situations that people there have experienced.

Trinity

Drift wrote: »

Hey Trinity,

I know you asked your mother about when you were younger. Have you told her that you would like to contact your half-sister. It's possible that your mother might have some ideas on how to get in contact with her. She might know of friends/relations of the other family that you could use as an intermediary without going through the direct family.

It's just a thought.

Edit: Also it may be worth asking for advice in the adoption forum because although it's not quite the same issue it would be similar to situations that people there have experienced.

Its more complicated than that tbh. But i dont want to put up too much personal family history My Dad said he would still be on speaking terms with the mother if he happened to bump into her but has no contact details. My sister lived with her gran but i think she may be passed away. I think it was possibly the gran had the main problem with contact, Its understandable really.

I hope i dont come across as shooting down everyones suggestions i appreciate the advice its just a little scary

Drift

Trinity1 wrote: »

Its more complicated than that tbh.

It always is for everything in life! Anyway, I hope you find her because you seem to be doing this for the right reasons. Good luck.

Trinity

Drift wrote: »

It always is for everything in life! Anyway, I hope you find her because you seem to be doing this for the right reasons. Good luck.

All I want is to see how she is, I dont know why her family would object or what they think i could possibly want from her

If she had become rich and famous and i suddenly wanted contact then perhaps my motives could be questioned but i assume she is as ordinary as me

Anyway thanks a million I will try my best!

Miss Fluff

Try www.friendsreunited.co.uk, it is very good. Also don't just restrict it to Bebo, you should also try Facebook and MySpace as well. Your intentions are honourable and it sounds like you had a lovely relationship with your sister when you were in contact. Go for it I say, really hope you find her:)

LegacyUser

I would try facebook rather than bebo, particularly since she's moved to the US.

If you can't find a profile under her maiden name, you can try her sisters and anyone else she would know who might have a profile.

You can usually see a list of who someone's friends are, even if the profile is set to private. You might be able to pick out your sister from that list.

LegacyUser

hi op i had a half sister who didnt know about us till she was 20 but she lived in the same area and worked in the local supermarket,me and my sisters used to spy on her and fight over who she looked like most(she looked like me!) but we never mentioned anything at that time because the mum didnt want her to know who her dad was,my dad was a looser who i didnt live with either but i could understand that.

eventually she asked questions and found out about us and i met with her once but we didnt really hit it off,our families were very dysfunctional and we felt we didnt really have anything in common,like we didnt click,i felt there was some pressure to be sisters but it was harder for us to just be sisters,i have other half sisters but had grown up with them so felt closer,i just accepted the situation for what it was and let it be,we never crossed paths again but if i saw her out id be excited to see her.

My dad fathered quite a few children from different relationships so i guess without any adult guidance there was no relationship to salvage.I dont feel guilty though now because we are all doing our best out of a difficult situation.

MMW

Do you have an old address for her? Try sending a letter if you do, I had an old school friend contact me this way over 10 years after leaving school. If her family are still at this address they will surely pass on any post and if they are gone a forwarding address might be available, just be sure to put your own address at the back incase it gets returned to sender (no longer at this address)

BrokenArrows

is her bebo restricted. if not you can just look through her friends and find who you are looking for.