Still alone...

LegacyUser

Im sorry about this guys...its another one of these Im still alone threads!

I am just sick to death of being the girl who guys always want to be friends with and sleep with....but not want to date!

Bit of background to me i suppose....I have had 3 serious relationships in the past, each of which ended badly. I have been single for 8 months now after a short relationship (about 3 months).

I dont mind being single but it gets to me sometimes... I have asked 3 of my closest male friends in the last 2 weeks whether they would see me as someone they could date and they have all said yes........so i dont get why I am still single?

I have looked deep into myself and all that stuff already and I know that sometimes I am not happy with myself sometimes and that could cause problems....but still people want to be friends and sleep with me....but not date me!

Any ideas guys????

Kevster

Hey,

It will take time for you to meet your next partner, but he could very well be 'the one'. I have noticed that some people enter a stagnant period in their lives after a few relationships have failed. It does not mean that anything is particularly wrong with you. What it does mean, however, is that you are now 'fine-tuned' (in a relationship sense) and, quite possibly, the next guy you meet will be 'the one' (as I have already mentioned).

When I speak of being 'fine-tuned', I am referring to the fact that you are basically at a point where you know who you are and, therefore, the guy you meet will have to be compatible with you. There will be no more dating the 'wrong guy' for you, because you are now experienced enough to know what the 'wrong guy' for you is.

If I'm not making much sense, then please tell me and I will shut-up. I am 25 years old now and have been single for three years. I am quite confidant that my next partner will be the one for me.

Kevin

MIN2511

What is it with people and relationships? Not everyone is meant to have a life partner, it shouldn't be a priority and i think men may see the desperation from you...


Why don't you hang out with friends, make new friends, if you meet someone fine and if not life continues

scoey

MIN2511 wrote: »

What is it with people and relationships? Not everyone is meant to have a life partner, it shouldn't be a priority and i think men may see the desperation from you...


Why don't you hang out with friends, make new friends, if you meet someone fine and if not life continues

I think being this flippant about a girls desire to be in a relationship is unjust. For the vast majority of people being single forever is not an attractive prospect. I'll go out on a limb here and say that for women, it's an even less desirable prospect than it is for men.

It's like saying that wanting to have babies is just some rational decision that women make. Or that wanting to have sex is just some logical thing for men, after weighing up a list of pros and cons.

While it is possible that men might "see the desperation", to be honest I reckon that's only really true in extreme cases. Most men acknowledge that women want to be in relationships.

I think the "it shouldn't be a priority" advice that's given out is more geared towards trying to improve mens chances of getting women, as women are into confidence and various other psychological things in men. Alas, men are mostly attracted to physical cues, so, if a woman wants to get more interest from men, the best thing she can do most likely, is look at her appearance. Harsh, but biologically true.

Madame Razz

Ah, in fairness, i dont think its all down to appearance.

I thinik attitude plays a role. Men are definately attracted to a happy confident woman, and certainly pick up vibes from somebody who is lacking in confidence and unhappy, and i think this turns them off.

Op, you mention that you are sometimes unhappy, maybe this is something you could address??

If its any consolation, I too had 3 very serious relationships, and have(historically) never been short of a guy, but I've been single for over two years now, and have had a REAL famine period these past few months! And just like you im the girl that men want to be friends with and sleep with but not date!!!

I've finally acknowledged that I need to work on my self-esteem: which was badly damaged as a result of a sort of brief relationship that turned nasty last year, maybe this is something you could work on or look at??

I know it can be frustrating being single all the time, but id rather be this way than in a relationship for the sake of it.

I say sit back and enjoy life in the mean time....who knows...Mr right could be just around the corner....at least thats what I hope anyways!!:D

Pm me if you want to chat some more about this, and if you're based in the Galway area and fancy a singles nite out some time let me know!!;)

Best of luck!!

von Neumann

Stillalone? wrote: »

I am just sick to death of being the girl who guys always want to be friends with and sleep with....but not want to date!

Are you meeting new guys all the time, or, are you are dating within your immediate social circle i.e. friends, friends of friends?

Had a friend in a very similar position and to be honest her friends where inadvertantly ruining her chances of finding a serious boyfriend.

Madame Razz

von Neumann wrote: »

Are you meeting new guys all the time, or, are you are dating within your immediate social circle i.e. friends, friends of friends?

Had a friend in a very similar position and to be honest her friends where inadvertantly ruining her chances of finding a serious boyfriend.

How'd you mean, i'm curious....?

Karen_*

OP there are loads of great things about being single. I'm in a very happy relationship at the moment with myself and I only have my toenails to fight with. I'm never ignoring myself or eyeing up women:D

Seriously though OP there's nothing wrong with you. Everyone has famine periods but they are a good thing really. If you can be happy being single then you've a better chance of having a great relationship. Manukahoneys advice is spot on actually. Stop worrying and enjoy your life because you only get one of them and worrying will not change anything at all. You never know whats around the corner.

MIN2511

scoey wrote: »

I think being this flippant about a girls desire to be in a relationship is unjust. For the vast majority of people being single forever is not an attractive prospect. I'll go out on a limb here and say that for women, it's an even less desirable prospect than it is for men.

It's like saying that wanting to have babies is just some rational decision that women make. Or that wanting to have sex is just some logical thing for men, after weighing up a list of pros and cons.

While it is possible that men might "see the desperation", to be honest I reckon that's only really true in extreme cases. Most men acknowledge that women want to be in relationships.

I think the "it shouldn't be a priority" advice that's given out is more geared towards trying to improve mens chances of getting women, as women are into confidence and various other psychological things in men. Alas, men are mostly attracted to physical cues, so, if a woman wants to get more interest from men, the best thing she can do most likely, is look at her appearance. Harsh, but biologically true.

She posted in PI for a reason, she's bound to get different opinions and mine still stands.
She seems to be trying too hard to be in a relationship, and is disappointed because she's still single.
I can't understand why it's so important to her, it's draining her. It seems every guy she meets she's onto them for relationships; if i was male and i meet a girl and she starts talking about relationship i would be outta there quicker than you can say j for Jack.

jellie

You mention a few times that men want to sleep with you.. do you sleep with these men?

Im only asking because i know theres some men who will see a girl who sleeps with them easily as not the kind of girl theyd want to go out with. Ive had a conversation with a male friend before about this & it went something along the lines of him wanting a "nice girl" & any girl whod just hop into bed with him didnt fit into this "nice girl" catergory - yet its perfectly ok for him to hop into bed with anyone :rolleyes: (hes actually a nice guy even if he sounds like a fool)

(not accusing you of anything, just asking)

LegacyUser

Kevster wrote: »

Hey,

It will take time for you to meet your next partner, but he could very well be 'the one'. I have noticed that some people enter a stagnant period in their lives after a few relationships have failed. It does not mean that anything is particularly wrong with you. What it does mean, however, is that you are now 'fine-tuned' (in a relationship sense) and, quite possibly, the next guy you meet will be 'the one' (as I have already mentioned).

When I speak of being 'fine-tuned', I am referring to the fact that you are basically at a point where you know who you are and, therefore, the guy you meet will have to be compatible with you. There will be no more dating the 'wrong guy' for you, because you are now experienced enough to know what the 'wrong guy' for you is.

If I'm not making much sense, then please tell me and I will shut-up. I am 25 years old now and have been single for three years. I am quite confidant that my next partner will be the one for me.

Kevin

I think this is exactly right! However It just gets me down sometimes to think that i may never find that person....

@sar84 no i dont sleep with these men because i know thats how they would see me.

LegacyUser

OP,
It's like reading my own self. In fact I was going to post something similar but I keep resetting my password and the new password is not reaching my e-mail.
(BTW, Admin, is there anything I can do?????)
Even the 3 months thing is spot on for me. And it actually ended last night....

Yes, there have been a few times where I've jumped into bed with fellas on the first or 2nd date. BUT, the ones I've had a "relationship" with I've always made them wait. So this rule somehow does not apply to me in any case.
I'm also not MAD into a relationship. I have my own life, hobbies, friends etc.
It's just that I want to share myself with someone in more than a sexual way, on a completely different level. I don't know how it is with men but I think it's in a woman's genes to be a part of a twosome.
And in general, ok all people are not into being part of a relationship, but the one's who aren't, why are they leading the ones on that want???? This is the part I don't get.
I would pay MAD money to be able to just go ahead and not want to have a partner. I swear, I'd love to go into a chop-shop and just chop the need off, but I can't and this leaves me wanting an OH. Come on, why is it called Other Half??????

LegacyUser

And just wanted to add I'm good looking. Like say at least 8/10. Sorry, false modesty is not my forte...