Going shopping?

dvega

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get
in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to
browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Target.



Dear Mrs. Smith,



Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion
in our store. We cannot tolerate this
behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against Mr. Smith are listed below and are documented by
our
video surveillance cameras.


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking.
2 July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's
on
layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked
the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by
using different sizes of funnels
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed
a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here."

Podge2k7

Ha LOL!

Fey!

I've always loved that joke.

Ishmael

Very Good!

Havermeyer

Excellent, OP. Those tactics may come in useful one day.