Used by my Ex - My own stupid fault!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I know I'm probably gonna get berated for this but here goes..

Myself and my ex recently got back in tocuh having not spoken for a few months.
We had been together for 4 years, are both 27 and it ended badly, very badly.
Two years have passed and we started emailing again, all friendly and nice and
then decided to meet for a pint. We were both aware that this wasn't a smart move but
we did it anyway. I guess we missed each other.

We met up about 3 weeks ago and had a few pints and chatted. It was nice and it felt good
being in his company. We kissed at the end of the night then parted ways and said we'd stay in
touch. We continued to email each other every day in work, just silly emails like how bored in
work in are, websites to look at to keep us entertained etc. All friendly and nice. We met up last
weekend for pints and talked about how although we care about each other, we've both moved on
and getting back together isn't an option. There is still major attraction there though and stupidly we
slept together that night. It was great.

I haven't heard from him since. Nothing, nada, zilch. Last week he emailed me everyday. He instigated
all the emails and I replied. He was always the one emailing first though. Now, nothing. I feel like he got what
he wanted (his rocks off) so now he has no need to email fake friendly emails.

The thing is, we did say to each other, lets just remain friends, occassionally hook up and see how that pans
out so I know I have no right to feel hurt or used. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not angry at him, just hurt.

I was tempted to write him a mail this morning just saying that I see what's after happening, he got what he
came for and that's it, I don't want to keep up any facade of friendship but I know he'd write back saying 'get
over yourself, your not part of my life'.

Sorry this is so long. Should I just suck it up, not let him know how I feel and just leave it or will I tell him?
I don't really want him to know that I care but i do feel used ( even though it's self inflicted).

Thanks

helimachoptor

Op Maybe he just want a shag.

Or

Maybe he's feels messed up, sleeping with you probably brought a lot of buried feelings out for him.

Call him and ask him whats going on!

Wibbs

Maybe call him as helimachoptor said. I dunno, it sounds like he may hav gotten closure from the night in question. His sudden cooling is not on though, especially with someone he was with for 4 years. Maybe you've dodged a bullet for the second time.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Maybe call him as helimachoptor said. I dunno, it sounds like he may hav gotten closure from the night in question. His sudden cooling is not on though, especially with someone he was with for 4 years. Maybe you've dodged a bullet for the second time.

Yeah, I think I have dodged a bullet and it's probably best to just delete his number and let it go. I don't want him to know that he has hurt me so much. He obviously doesn't care taht much for me so why should I expose myself to him.

The lack of contact is so blatant though. Weeks of emailing and then nothing. What a cold b*stard. He could've at least emailed me and said I think it's for the best if we mimimise contact. I would have said fair enough, see ya around. He knows I wouldn't have pressured him cause I don't wanna get back together either. I just think it's a bit callous to go about it how he did.

I feel a bit stupid being hurt but he meant a lot to me. I obviouldy don't to me, I did once but not anymore. Wish he hadn't emailed me so much cause that was leading me on. He never wanted friendship, he wanted sex. He wasn't upfront with me. He's full of **** so I'm beter off without taht in my life.

Onwards and upwards I guess. I will now erase him.

barbiegirl

could be a bast**d but I'm goin to give him the benefit of the doubt. He could be very very messed up, he still has feelings for you but thought he'd moved on, very confusing. Boys have feelings too. Try sending an exploratory text, something like "looking forward to the weekend?".

AARRRGH

He didn't use you.

For the same amount of effort he could have had sex with a stranger.

More than likely he is feeling a bit confused, and feels you might be a bit confused too, so is staying off the radar for a while.

I notice you haven't contacted him either. Send him an e-mail telling him how you feel.

Karen_*

As Barbiegirl said, send him a text. No harm in that at all and see if he replies. If he doesn't then leave it like that. Its horrible feeling used so don't go in eyes wide open again. Its ok to feel, hurt, angry, stupid, etc but you're only human and you may have made a bad choice by hooking up with him again.

Obviously being friends with benefits is going to hurt you so you can't do it going forward. And you're worth so much more.

Colonel_McCoy

So you haven't heard from him since and he has not heard from you. You 27 now, old enough to cut out the waiting games and contact him. If he doesnt reply you have the higher ground and can have no regrets...........but its been said many times in post exs are exs for a reason! But we all have been there!

Liam Byrne

Assuming the worst of him, aren't we ?

There's just as much of a chance that that night might have made him feel something again and he's unsure how to deal with it; or that familiarity got the better of ye and now he's worried that the friendship has been damaged.

What I'm saying is that there's at least 3 possible scenarios, and you've jumped on one (pardon the pun!!).

You NEVER know what's going on in someone's head until you ask, and it's up to you whether or not you want to ask.

If it was a stranger for a one-night stand, then fair enough - you'd hardly be entitled to ask, but given ye'r history I think you might be entitled to here.....just don't go in all guns blazing - or needy....

Best of luck!

LegacyUser

Actually, i should have added that I did text him on Wednesday just saying hey, how are ya?
He replied saying 'Fine just working away'. He didn't end it with a question to keep the conversation going so that to me said right, he's not interested.

To go from everyday contact to sleeping with him to nothing is hurtful.

beth-lou

Send him a simple email asking how was his week. nothing to it, then the ball is in his court.
Although you have to ask yourself, do you want to get back with him? If not, maybe it's best to leave well enough alone.

Jack Sheehan

He didn't use you, you're both adults. In all likelihood he's feeling similar to you right now, wondering why YOU haven't emailed or called. Believe it or not men get neurotic as well and simply assuming that he used you is not going to help. Contact him. The worst that can happen is he makes a bull**** excuse about why he didn't call or the best that can happen is that you sort this whole mess out.

Seriously, dont wait for him to call, ring him.

Aurora Borealis

His head is probably melted from the two of you getting together again especially if it ended badly. Don't focus on what he's doing or not doing, focus on yourself, take some time to figure out if you want anything from this yourself and then call him in a few days if hasn't called you.

I doubt it's a case of just getting his rocks off. He could do that a lot easier without any head wreck really if he wanted to.