Help

LegacyUser

Ok Im going to make this as short as possible....

The thing is, my boyfriend and I have been going out on and off over the last 6 years. We broke up over the distance thing, as he works in Dublin and im in Cork. In the past, he has told me he loves, but we got back together almost 2 years ago and he hasn't said it at all. He told me that things would be much better this time, and for a bot 3 months they were great, but then he seemed to lose interest again. I havent said it either, but I want him to say it first. I do love him, and care so much about him. But I think its very one sided.

I figure that he knows me so well at his stage that if he dosen't love me know he's never going to. And maybe I should break up with him.

He's in Dublin and Im in Cork, he travels every weekend to see me. Although, I sometimes get the feeling that the only reason he comes down, is coz he doesn't want to be in the house in Dublin on his own, and he wants his mammy to do his washing!! We're both in our mid 20's.

Because of work, he cannt move back to Cork, he says can might be able to eventually. But, I dont know if he really does or not. Id love to move in with him, Im not saying right away or anything, but Id like to see us going somewhere eventually. And I dont thing he'd ask me to move to Dublin.

We communicate mainly by tx, I rang him last night for a chat (he's at the Galway races this week - so he's hardly been in contact at all), but after about 5mins he said he had to go back to his friend, coz he hadnt told him he was leaving the table. I thought that was a bit much, as we've hardly been in contact all week and he at least he could spare me some more time. He often heads out with friends during the week, but then sometimes says he too tired on the weekends to go out, unless its someones birthday. And I always kiss him, not the other way around.


Am I wasting my time. I have talked to him about some of the things, but it doesnt seem to be working. He is a good guy, and when we hang out over the weekends its fine. We hardly ever fight, but all this is eating away at me. Do you think its a commitment thing that he's afraid of, or is it that he just hasnt found the right girl? Should I call it quits, or am I just reading to much into things?


I didnt mean to make this so long, but once I started typing I couldnt stop!! Sorry its a bit all over the place aswell.

Thanks

Dory-Tina

hello friend.... i read your post and it was hilarious... not for your reason but that i am in the excate same position. my bf is based in cork i am in wicklow.and he comes to see me every wekend. we have been toether 5 months. i have to admit the start was hard and i thouht it was not ointo work out with the distance .but, to my suprise, i fell for him and we tried to cope with the distance . id say ask yourself " DO I SEE MYSELF WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME "???if u answer yes to the following question then believe me it will all work out. i promise ! hope this helps !:)

Wurly

Hi there OP. Well, who's to say what he's thinking? Perhaps you should talk to him?? He is your boyfriend after all. You should be able to.

Communication mainly by text is never a good thing.

What's with the need for him to say I love you first? Maybe he wants you to say it first? If you feel love for him, why can't you tell him?

My advice is to talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. Stop communicating by text all the time and really, stop jumping to conclusions.

Good luck.

trio

This relationship is like the swan in Swan Lake e.g. dying

Not only do I not think he's found the right girl, but I don't think you've found the right guy, as he's not fulfilling your emotional needs.

After 6 years the relationship has become a habit. Habits can be hard to break. But I honestly do think that this relationship has no future. A couple who communicate mainly by text are not a couple who are madly in love with each other.

And yes, after 6 years you should still be madly in love.

I think it's a waste of both your times.

Colonel_McCoy

Sounds like your stuck in a routine

ongarite

You say he is tired and sometimes doesn't want to do anything at the weekend.
Maybe he literally is wrecked tired and week in work and then 3-4hr drive down to Cork every weekend.
Maybe if you were to travel up to Dublin to see him every once in a while, he would be more energetic and in a better mood.

Trinity

6 years is a long long time to invest in someone you cannot communicate with.

If you cannot be blunt and honest with him after this time then you havent got a great relationship.

After 6 years i would certainly looking to be seeing where its going if anywhere.

The important thing is what you want from this relationship, if its a commitment then i wouldnt settle for anything less or you are selling yourself short.

Talk to him, communicate. Dont let more years slip by. The right guy could be right on your street and you wouldnt notice.

What about you moving to Dublin? Love will find a way. I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. I dont believe in I can't when it comes to love.

As my nan always says, a king gave up his throne for an american divorcee - thats love

LegacyUser

Hi,

Thanks everyone for your replies. Going have a talk to him next time I see him, and just lay it out. We'll see that happens then.

I have told him before that Id drive up to meet him in Dublin, or even to meet him half way. But he has said that he doesnt mind the drive.

Id hate to break up with him, and he has said that he doesnt what to break up with me. I think that Colonel_McCoy is right about being a routine.

Trinity1: Im a big romantic too, so I know where your coming from.


Thanks so much again.

helimachoptor

OP you could try and get away for a weekend somewhere.
I take it from your post he is from Cork originally? and that he stays in his mams everytime he goes home?

Why don't you arrange a week away somewhere, say galway or somewhere and spend some quality time together.

I know from my own experience driving down the country on a friday and then having to think about driving back sunday used to put me in a bad mood!

LegacyUser

Hi helimachoptor, Im actually already trying to organise a weekend away somewhere the weekend after next for us both. Im thinking somewhere between Cork and Dublin. We've also got something organised for a weekend in Galway in Sept with another couple we friends with.

He's happy going along as we are, but Id like to see what the story is. He really is a good guy, and Im not saying Id like things written in stone, but I guess Id like to know if he feels the same way.

In fairness, just writting things down like this is so helpful.