Explaining how babies are made

Bally8

Sorry if this issue has been discussed before, I did a search and couldnt find it.

My 9 year old daughter asked me yesterday 'Tell me the truth Mom - really how are babies made?' I managed to put her off by asking her what did she think and why does she now think that there might be a different way. By the time I had ran out of ways of avoiding the truth something else distracted her and she forgot what we were initially talking about.

I know she is at an age where she should know more and I should be telling her more but I dont know how far to go with her. I asked my OH his opinion and he said no way should I tell her about sex. So Im not sure now how to explain it all.

I am going to wait until she asks again but I want to be ready with a proper answer for her the next time. I want her to be informed but im not sure how much information a 9 year old needs.

Any advice welcome

Latchy

You could make it sound simple without being to expilct by using words to dsecribe how a man and a womons bit's work together to make a baby like ' the mans key is put into the womons lock ' etc or make your own words up .If it's more about sparing your blushs then hers then that might be the best way to go .

Nevyn

Why start there ?

With my two ( who are 10 and 8 )we had conversations about how they were a mix of my dna and their dad's dna and how they look and who had thier dad's chin and who has my eyes and who looks more like either side the the extended family.

So they know that they are a mix of their parents dna and that the dna grows into a baby in a woman's womb and they have seen their Auntie get big with their cousin.

They know that their bodies will under go changes so that they will grow into a woman's body and a man's body and part of that and getting hair like a grown up means that their bodys will be able to make the seeds that mixes the different dna together to make babies.

How exactly that happens they have not asked about the mechanics, they know it has something to do with sex, which they told me is kisses and touches with a person you love sometimes naked, some times not and usually when adults are in bed.

They know that not everyone chooses to have a baby and the dr has medicine that can be take so that the dna doesn't mix and start a baby.

There are so many ways to introduce the facts of life slowly and gradually to them,
the most recent was looking at the flowers and berrys on a wild rose bush and apples on an apple tree. Reproduction is going on all around and it normal and natural and that way it puts it in a context that they know when it comes to the more explicated facts of human reproduction.

Here you may find this helpful.

http://www.crisispregnancy.ie/parentresource.html#n0

'Busy Bodies- A book about puberty for you and your parents' was developed to provide appropriate information to 5th & 6th class students on the physical and emotional changes that they may experience during puberty. The booklet was developed to help both parents and teachers in the delivery of Relationship & Sexuality Education (RSE) in the home and in school.

The booklet was produced by the Health Service Executive South working in partnership with the RSE Support Service, the National Parents Council (Primary) and the Crisis Pregnancy Agency.

The 'Busy Bodies' booklet, based on the 'Busy Bodies' DVD that is used in primary schools, provides appropriate information to 5th & 6th class students on the physical and emotional changes that they may experience during puberty including:

. How boys' bodies grow and develop during puberty
. How girls' bodies grow and develop, including menstruation
. How babies are made
. Enjoying growing up

Click here to download a copy of the booklet.

To order a copy of the Booklet, freetext BUSY followed by your name and address to 50123. Schools can order bulk copies of the booklet free of charge, through their local health promotion department.

My son is 12 and they had a talk in school before the holidays. The "Busybodys" book arrived in the post a few days after. What I don't like about it is that it goes into all the details about both boys and girls and I don't want to give that book to him. If only I could get my hands on a boys only booklet....Busybodys is a bit too graphic really.

Beruthiel

Get a book for kids on the subject.
I had a book lying around from the time my daughter was 4. When she asked the question, we were able to go through the book which had enough answers in it to satisfy her.

Nevyn

Why don't you want him to know about what happens to girls who are his friends and maybe his class mates ?

The number of times over the years I had to explain to grown men how the menstrual cycles works had been ridiculous.

Because I don't think he needs to know yet all the girl details.

Nevyn

Well then I would sugest something along the lines of.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Boys-Body-Book-Everything-Growing/dp/1933662743
The Boy's Body Book: Everything You Need to Know for Growing Up YOU

But if he is in a mixed class chances are he is going to hear things and I know I would prefer for both mine to hear the correct things from me first.

Thanks for that Thaedydal. Yes he will be in a mixed class, but still.....

Nevyn

It's totally your call as his parent OsciiBoscii and I respect that.

littlebug

Bally8 Chances are your 9 year old already has some ideas of how babies are made and is looking for clarification or confirmation from someone other than other kids. I remember at 8 overhearing something my uncle said about making babies and knowing exactly what he meant. I was an avid reader and read all my mams magazines including the problem pages... and that's where I started to figure it all out. A couple of years later anything I hadn't figured out was clarified when I found a book my mam had bought for my 14 year old sister.

Actually my parents never did get round to telling me how babies are made

Quality

I agree with little bug, I think your daughter may already have some idea of what happens.. sex is everywhere... TV, newspaper, radio...

I have a 9 year old daughter. I try to be open and honest with her when it comes to the reproductive chat. She knows what a penis & a vagina is. She knows how a baby is made... but obviously without the hardcore graphic details.

I dont see the point in lying to her or confusing her. I have also explained that this happens when 2 grown up people love each other, and that it is not right before that.

Personally for me, Children are never too young to be sexually educated. I want her to feel comfortable to talk to me.

But in saying that it is your child and your choice. And at the end of the day it is your decision.

Davidth88

Ill be honest I think people mix up sexualisation with sexual knowledge.

I find sexualisation of little children , for example playboy ' bras' for 8 yo girls repugnent , however I think at that age sexual knowledge shouldn't be a taboo subject.

Is that hypocritical of me , possibly.

I haven't yet ot to the stage of having to discuss this with my little one ( 2.5 YO ) however I hope I would be open .

I like Thaedydal's advice , I hope I am as pratical as that ....

Bally8

Thanks guys for the responses. I have already used some of the advice given this morning. She was talking about a friend of hers who is very fast at running and very tall. I said 'oh yeah, thats because she has it in her genes.' And proceeded to explain that genes were not the ones on her legs but bits of a mum and dad that make up how a person is. I said for example I am small and her Dad was tall so she will probably be somewhere in between.

I am very happy with how the conversation went. No mention of babies or sex but I think it laid the foundation for future conversations.

Im in a bit of a tricky situation when it comes to talking about people loving each other first before they make a baby- my friend recently had a baby and is on her own and my daughter's own DNA doner did a runner when I was 3 months pregnant. I have told her that we were very young when I got pregnant and I thought I loved him- he was so georgous. She is so curious to hear about him so things like that delight her.

Well thats a whole other thread!!

Thanks a million for all the advice. I must go get myself that book