Suicide

Handsome Bob

Just wanted to get any views on the subject because i'm really at a loss right now.

Recently, someone I know committed suicide. I won't go into details because I don't think that he/she deserves to have their privacy detailed on the internet.

All I will say is that this person left so much behind. He/ She was always the steady person, the reliable person and was held in such high regard. To know this person, you wouldn't think that they'd let things bog them down. Why couldn't he/she talk to their friends? Why did he/she feel that they couldn't burden us with whatever problems he/ she had, god knows we burdened him/ her with ours before.

The worst thing is that he/ she didn't leave any clue as to why it happened. We'll never know what was on his/ her mind.....

Does anyone have any insight to share on this subject?

Nevyn

http://www.console.ie/index.aspx?content=articles&panel=bereavement

Console is a registered charity supporting and helping people bereaved through suicide.

We respect each individual’s unique journey through the grieving process following their tragic loss.

Console promotes positive mental health within the community in an effort to reduce the high number of attempted suicides and deaths through suicide.

National Freephone Helpline - 1800 201 890
They also have support groups.

What does Console Provide?

* A National Freephone Helpline
* Individual & Family Counselling for people Bereaved through Suicide
* Therapy & Support Groups which offer safety and understanding
* Console publications & literature to assist people to understand their grief
* Practical information following a Bereavement through Suicide
* Workshops & Conferences
* Community Outreach Programmes
* Education Programmes and materials for the wider Community
* Suicide Prevention & Bereavement Awareness DVD called ‘A Life 2 Live 4’

LegacyUser

I'd thought about it before when I was at an all time low. What stopped me talking to others about it was the fact that I felt they had their own problems to deal with so I didn't want to bother them with my problems on top of things. Saying that, that was how I felt with regards to talking to my family. They always seemed busy and i just didn't want to have them worry about me on top of everything else.

With regards to my friends, the issues I had were quiet personal so talking to them wasn't going to happen. I am a bloke and blokes usually don't find it easy to talk to their mates about personal things anyway.

paperclip2

Hi OP,

Theres nothing I can really add to help, just to say I'm sorry for your loss.

Take care.

Dragan

LZ5by5 wrote: »

All I will say is that this person left so much behind. He/ She was always the steady person, the reliable person and was held in such high regard. To know this person, you wouldn't think that they'd let things bog them down. Why couldn't he/she talk to their friends? Why did he/she feel that they couldn't burden us with whatever problems he/ she had, god knows we burdened him/ her with ours before.

It's funny. I imagine to a lot of my friends would say this could have been written about me and yet i have been where your friend was and did something amazingly stupid that i will always regret. Thankfully i pulled through that event and my issues.

I have also had friends commit suicide sadly so i can look at this one from both sides of the coin.

The most important thing to remember is that your friend not talking to you is in absolutely no way a failing on your part. It certainly was not a failing of any of my friends or family at the time.

Personally i lack the ability to talk about a lot of stuff and there are somethings that up until recently i never spoke about with anyone.....ever. It's just not really in me to be open about what i am feeling. What i am thinking? Sure. But what i am feeling.....no.

I guess all i can say is that whatever course of action your friend took was not designed to hurt you or anyone else that they knew even though that is what would have happened. I cannot tell you what your friend was thinking i am afraid.

Really sorry for your loss and i hope you get through it okay.

Handsome Bob

Hopethishelps wrote: »

With regards to my friends, the issues I had were quiet personal so talking to them wasn't going to happen. I am a bloke and blokes usually don't find it easy to talk to their mates about personal things anyway.

I'm a lad too, and it's true that it is difficult to share your most personal thoughts. It's not that you don't trust your friends, it's just that sharing feelings with each other is something males don't usually do.

Originally posted by Dragan
Personally i lack the ability to talk about a lot of stuff and there are somethings that up until recently i never spoke about with anyone.....ever. It's just not really in me to be open about what i am feeling. What i am thinking? Sure. But what i am feeling.....no.

It's comforting to know that you trusted your friends.

stcatherine

weirdly, My online buddy and I were talking about this last night.

mental health issues happen to anyone, a lot of my friends think I am the strong confident one, but sometimes being the strong one is so very hard and it weighs me down,and I suffer from depression and anxiety they want me to talk about it but I can't the only person who truly understands me is this online buddy who also suffers from mental health problems.

here's the weird thing, even thou I know and he knows that we both go through the same phases of up and down, we still feel we are burdening each other.

I am the one going through a 'down' phase at the moment, he is there telkling me how great I am, encouraging me to go and see the Dr and accept that my meds are not working and I need to go back and change or increase them, and all the time I am thinking 'He must think I'm a right flake, god he must hate talking to me cos I am always complaining"

now turn the tables round and when he is having a bad phase I am there doing all of the same things for him and No I don't think he's a flake and I don't hate talking to him because I want him to be better .....

and yet he is there thinking all of that ... It's a viscious cycle

I hope this is making sense, the gist of what I'm saying is even when we are talking about these problems with people who understand them, it's very hard for us not to feel ..umm ... 'subhuman' is how I describe it.

So we are even more wary of loved ones and friends ever understanding.

It's not a reflection on our friends, it's 'us' that the issue is with.

Rest assured that your friend did not feel let down by their family or friends.

In my experience the suicidal thoughts arent always something that are hanging around or considered over a period of time, we are unhappy and try to deal with it for days, weeks, months somewhere along that path almost like an on the spot descision the thought hits us and sadly some people go with it.
It's very very sad, but not anyones fault.

I hope this helps, it's very difficult to explain these thoughts and feelings, so I apologise if I've rambled.

Handsome Bob

stcatherine wrote: »

weirdly, My online buddy and I were talking about this last night.

mental health issues happen to anyone, a lot of my friends think I am the strong confident one, but sometimes being the strong one is so very hard and it weighs me down,and I suffer from depression and anxiety they want me to talk about it but I can't the only person who truly understands me is this online buddy who also suffers from mental health problems.

here's the weird thing, even thou I know and he knows that we both go through the same phases of up and down, we still feel we are burdening each other.

I am the one going through a 'down' phase at the moment, he is there telkling me how great I am, encouraging me to go and see the Dr and accept that my meds are not working and I need to go back and change or increase them, and all the time I am thinking 'He must think I'm a right flake, god he must hate talking to me cos I am always complaining"

now turn the tables round and when he is having a bad phase I am there doing all of the same things for him and No I don't think he's a flake and I don't hate talking to him because I want him to be better .....

and yet he is there thinking all of that ... It's a viscious cycle

I hope this is making sense, the gist of what I'm saying is even when we are talking about these problems with people who understand them, it's very hard for us not to feel ..umm ... 'subhuman' is how I describe it.

So we are even more wary of loved ones and friends ever understanding.

It's not a reflection on our friends, it's 'us' that the issue is with.

Rest assured that your friend did not feel let down by their family or friends.

In my experience the suicidal thoughts arent always something that are hanging around or considered over a period of time, we are unhappy and try to deal with it for days, weeks, months somewhere along that path almost like an on the spot descision the thought hits us and sadly some people go with it.
It's very very sad, but not anyones fault.

I hope this helps, it's very difficult to explain these thoughts and feelings, so I apologise if I've rambled.

The great thing though is that you had each other, you were each other's rock and could share with each other.

You haven't rambled, I appreciate greatly your insight.

Aurora Borealis

Don't feel you let your friend down. You can't always tell what's going on inside someone’s head. I had a very bad episode some months back but apart from one or two people no one would have had a clue how bad I really was. It is unfortunately a symptom of how you're feeling that you keep it inside.

From your post here it seems you have been a good friend. Hold on to the good memories of your friend and discuss what you're feeling with yours and/or follow Thaedydal's link for information on support groups.

I really believe these things should be spoken about openly. It de-stigmatizes it.

LegacyUser

hi Op sorry for this sad news,i have some insight into sucide as i was there myself-the mental torture is horrible and it used to give me comfort that i knew i could end my suffering if i committed sucide-

luckily i got some therapy and support about my issues,which came from my childhood-anyone who suffers from depression has deep feelings inside that they cannot release-so it is depressed inside the body-if they cannot be released or understood people become so overwhelmed that they cannot take the pain of it anymore.

Having severe anxiety and panic really does overwhelm you and you just feel so powerless.

I just want to say that it is possible for anyone to recover from anything if they are prepared to do the work-sometimes some people just cannot find an outlet to survive.

Know that your friend has ended his/her suffering and is at peace now.I bet he/she is sending you all love and happiness from above now.