Totally Lost

LegacyUser

I need some help at the moment.

I have recently moved to the greater Dublin area to live with my boyfried of 18mths. We were living together for 3mths, happy as i thought, until Sunday.

We were due to go out for the day on Sunday, but as we were about to leave he told me that things weren't working between us and that he wasn't happy and that it was over. Just like that.

I have given up everything to be here with him and start to make a new life, i got a new job, which i love and left my family and friends (who are very important to me) to be with him and now it is all over.

I just don't know what to do. I was in that much shock on Sunday, and probably still am, that I can't think of why this has happenend. I thought that we were going really well, ok we had a few teething problems when we moved in but nothing that we couldn't get over.

I was and still am trying to establish myself in a new job, trying to make friends in a new area, which isn't easy when you are working 5 days a weeks and have committments that take you away at the weekend.

But now this is all over, and i don't know what to do. I have no home to go to, and have to start all over again.

I am surrounded by a great family and brillant friends, but i have never felt this alone. I feel like i am a bag lady with no roots, and i don't know where to go.

Mr. Incognito

Ouch- well sometimes the pressure of moving in can highlight what people want and where they are in a relationship- at least you found out now before you had made mutual friends in a new place- check with your workmates if they know anywhere decent going- you'll always find somewhere.

barbiegirl

I'm a great one for lists. Write down the practicalities getting a new pplace to live, moving things, sorting monies either owes the other, deposits etc. Pick up the phone tell your mates and family they'll help. Do not give up the job as you seem to like it. You will be ok, just keep telling yourself that, a mantra of sorts.
As to the ex maybe he'll regret his decision maybe not. You will grieve for the relationship, but you also will eventually get over it. You seem young so eventually you'll see this as a new start.
Good luck and spoil yourself for the next few months

insomnia08

Did he give you any reasons for breaking up? "it's not working" doesn't look very good to me..Did he ask you to move in with him, or did you suggest it?

If he had asked you to move in with him and now he does this..I would cut all contact and try to forget him (it's not fair to play with people's lifes and feelings like that).

Move out and keep on with your life for a couple of months, and if you can't get over it, it's best you go back home with your friends and family, and get all the support you can.

To me jobs are secondary, try to find your happiness wherever you feel ok and don't look back.

I hope things get better for you very soon x

otnomart

Dear OP my heart goes out to you.
I went through something very similar: out of the blue, didn't see it coming.
I also had to move out and didn't have much support as family and most friends did not live close by.
What I did was:
I took about a week off work to "feel the pain/loss", cry whenever I had to, reflect.
Then I got stuck in the practical side like looking for new place, moving out and so on.
If he ever explains himself/changes his mind, do listen by all means, but also think about how you feel now (not about the past).
Ask your friends and family for support, and also find all your strenght.
Time will heal this for you.

LegacyUser

He asked me to move in with him.

We were making plans to get married and stuff.

He only said that is was not working and that he was not happy. We had a family event on myside on Saturday, which we both went to together. Which when he was at it he was talking about buying Christmas presents and stuff.

I think that is the biggest thing for me, it just does not all make sense. to be making plans and thinking into the future one day and then ending it all the next.

I have had no word from him at all, and i don't expect to, but that is killing me. He had become my best friend, my everything. I can't believe that I will never see him again.

Wibbs

I feel for you. What he's saying seems like a complete crock to be honest. I've heard of out of the blue, I've been at the receiving end of out of the blue, but this takes the prize. One minute it's christmas pressies and the next it's curtains? I like you am mystified and no his "explanation" doesn't cut it. Even if you had just started seeing each other that would be short an explanation.

I know the usual thing is to say you've dodged a bullet, but unless you have evidence to the contrary this is one of those times.

Now you say you have no home. Could you go back to your family, or stay at a mates until you're on your feet again? Could you afford to get somewhere now on your salary? There are always options, believe that.

insomnia08

well..I think he is not being very nice to you. If you feel like breaking up with somebody, but you care a little, or you have cared..that's person deserves an explanation. And of course if you lived together, a bit of support at least helping you moving out or something..

Where are you staying at the moment?

Karen_*

Op I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. Its absolutely horrible and you really don't deserve it. Have a look on the daft.ie website for some house shares in an area that suits you.

Have you any friends in Dublin? Could you come along to one of the meets. some of us are going on the ghost bus tour Saturday. I know its not much help when you're so upset but it might be something to do and to get out and meet people.

Be really kind to yourself at the moment. You've had an awful shock. xx

LegacyUser

I will be living between friends at the minute, trying to work out what i am going to do. I am in work today and thankfully everyone has been great. really supportive and helpful. But i am not from Dublin and the thought of trying to find somewhere to live and start the whole process of getting to know people all over again is totally terrifying.

MJOR

I know you're scared OP and I really feel for you.

I think that your ex has behaved very badly and has been cruel by not even offering you an explanation.

You need a reason so you can start closure.

I'm sure you'll make lots of friends. You have a tough few months ahead and then you can restart your life and hopefullly make a clean break.

Everyone here will offer you great advice. It will get better I promise. ~Take some times, lick your wounds and spend a bit of time alone.

Good Luck x

RedXIV

annon1 wrote: »

I will be living between friends at the minute, trying to work out what i am going to do. I am in work today and thankfully everyone has been great. really supportive and helpful. But i am not from Dublin and the thought of trying to find somewhere to live and start the whole process of getting to know people all over again is totally terrifying.

May not be much good to ya but i'mnot from dublin either, only moved here about two months ago and know all the hassles of looking for places and getting to know people. Unfortunately i can't offer ya a house but i can offer ya friendship if ya get lost up here?

PM me if ya need to

Red