feel cheated

LegacyUser

Recently my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me. It was my first serious relationship, and we used to love and respect each other so much. However, I feel like she broke up with me purely because she wanted to go away with her friends for the Summer and (in my mind at least) be with other guys while away.

She didn't tell me this was the reason for breaking up with me, but I feel like it was, because she blamed it on constant fighting,but any fighting in the month before we broke up was started by her out of seemingly nothing and it made me feel like she was looking for excuses to break up with me.

I had been with her through so many hard times,and I thought she really loved and respected me. And then to be dumped for a holiday...I feel so completely abandoned,alone,rejected,worthless.

We broke up for a while, the first sumer we were going out..and she complained when we got back together that I didn't talk to her enough,and wasn't like her friend anymore. This time. she treats me like a nuisance if I do talk to her. The last time I saw her,she seemed so completely removed from me,like she didn't care about me whatsoever.

The last month since she's been in the US has been the worst month of my life. All day,every day, I can't stop thinking about her, who she's with,reading her/her friends bebo/facebook trying to find out whats going on,who shes with and so on. It's killing me.

I loved her so much,and she was so beautiful, I know she must be getting hit on all the time/being with guys all the time. I recently had to com home from a holiday in France because I couldnt stop thinking about her. And she has seemingly no worries about me whatsoever...I feel like I've been cheated out of a relationship; she gave fake reasons so she wouldn't feel guilty,etc.

This is probably a terrible thing to do, I don't know why I'm doing it, I just need to talk. I love her so much still.

Overheal

Well it was pretty immature of her to go off and break up with you vaguely like that. You need to do yourself a favor and just forget her. If nothing else hopefully she'll grow up a bit. I'm not saying go jump other girls out of spite but just go do something that doesnt involve thinking about what someone else is doing. You have to realise all this worry is doing nothing but eating away at you and nothing else is going to happen that requires your attention until she gets back - if even then.

hussey

HowDoesThis wrote: »

The last month since she's been in the US has been the worst month of my life. All day,every day, I can't stop thinking about her, who she's with,reading her/her friends bebo/facebook trying to find out whats going on,who shes with and so on. It's killing me.

Stalking won't help. You simply need to let go, I know it is easy to say, but she treats you like complete crap and you sit there pinning for her. No Deal.

Life was around before her, life will be around after. You need a kick up the @rse and get on with life.

If you sit around thinking about all the great times you had, you'll only remember the good times and forget about how she treated you.

You need to get out of this, Go out with your friends, try to enjoy yourself.
But snap out of it

umpsfar

http://hottrickz4u.blogspot.com/2008/03/we-couldnt-care-less-we-are-more.html

Change yourself , and realise ther nicer u are (if ur a nice person) the more u get F**dthe guy on the website did respond to emails

1thing is for sure, you are not helping yourself at present (counterproductive)

Wibbs

I agree with a lot of the previous posts. Take her off the pedestal for a start. I'm sure she's lovely, but she's one of billions of women on this earth, so I'm also sure she's not close to the best one for you. Chasing her will do you no good. It'll delay you're moving on and further make her more distant as you've already found. Think of this as a good lesson. Treat a woman as an equal in the relationship and treat her with respect. If she goes off you or stops treating you like an equal or treats you with disrespect, regardless of how it makes you feel, walk.

Wibbs

umpsfar wrote: »

http://hottrickz4u.blogspot.com/2008/03/we-couldnt-care-less-we-are-more.html

Just a variation on the theme that's fashionable now. The oul pickup artist guff is like the male version of "the secret". It has some good notions but is IMHO overdone and leaves so much out about relationships or even random shaggage. Maybe it needs to be overdone for very socially/sexually inept types and may be useful. It'll only take you so far though and it's so easy to spot blokes trying it. In the last year I reckon I've seen a dozen guys try it. You would swear they were reading a script. And Im a bloke, it must be even more glaringly obvious for women to spot it.

Change yourself ,

If it's good change in your life, I wholeheartedly agree. The thing is to know yourself first to figure out what changes you may need to move forward,

and realise ther nicer u are (if ur a nice person) the more u get F**d

TBH that smacks of bitterness, but maybe I'm missing something. I would say it equates nice with being weak and in that case it is true. The weaker you are the more you'll get ****ed over.

1thing is for sure, you are not helping yourself at present (counterproductive)

Agreed.

Drummerboy2

Believe me this all part of growing up. Its hard to take now but you will have to realise that there is someone else out there who will be just as beautiful as your ex, but will also have a lot more interest in you. In the meantime, while waiting for her to arrive, play the field, have fun, get your ex out of your head. You are crucifying yourself. Your ex has decided to move on, you have to do the same. The rejection is hard to take at first but believe me most people have been through this and come out of it a stronger person. Now my immediate advice to you is to hit the town this weekend and have fun.

Deadeyes

OP I'm not sure I blame her for leaving. You returned from a holiday early becuase you couldn't be away from her! Personally I'd find that bit freaky and quite suffocating. Your not being cheated out of a relationship, if one party doesn't want to be in a relationship then there is no relationship. Your broken hearted at the moment but you need to try and move on.

Aurora Borealis

You're hurting obviously and I understand, it's horrible when someone backs out of something you saw lasting a lot longer but they are fully entitled to do so and are not cheating on you by doing same. In fact they would be cheating if they stayed in something that wasn’t 100% for you both. Heartache and heartbreak are incredibly hard but you will get through this and you can make things easier on yourself by not being bitter about things. Take a more philosophical approach if you can. What’s for you doesn’t pass you. Best of luck. You will find someone who’s right for you in more ways than she was.

A.B.

Wurly

Hi OP,

I'm really sorry to hear about what's happened.

HowDoesThis wrote: »

she blamed it on constant fighting,but any fighting in the month before we broke up was started by her out of seemingly nothing and it made me feel like she was looking for excuses to break up with me.

She probably was looking for excuses. You hadn't done anything wrong per se, she just knew she didn't love you. She couldn't face telling you this and so she needed to find another reason to break up with you. So she tried to provoke a reaction from you and then blame it on fights.

This is going to sound so lame but give it time as it seriously does heal EVERYTHING! Furthermore, ask yourself. Why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? Imagine she did come back to you - you would be walking on egg shells. Afraid to put a foot wrong in case she broke up with you again. That's not a way to live your life.

Do yourself a favour and stop reading her bebo etc. For a start, it's not healthy and it makes it more difficult to move on. It is not your business what she does anymore.

What is your business is you. And you are wasting your time wondering what this girl is doing and who she is with. You need to get out there with your friends and start living your life again - like she's doing.

She may be beautiful, you both may have been in love at one point... But it's over. A relationship takes two and she does not want it. You need to move on OP. Yes of course it's incredibly painful at the start but it does get better. And when you're over it, you can reflect on what you have learned from the experience. And that's a very empowering moment.

OP, people can fall out of love. Please try not to take this personally. A number of years back, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years in the Sept because I didn't love him anymore. I happened to be going to Australia in the following April. I didn't break up with him because of Australia. If I had still loved him, this wouldn't have been an issue and we would have worked it out somehow. But I just didn't anymore. He did nothing wrong whatsoever. But we jut drifted. We were young and constantly changing. And after a time, we just didn't fit anymore. Maybe that's what's happened here so give yourself a break.

I would suggest getting on the blower to your friends and keeping yourself busy. Time will take care of the rest.

Good luck OP. All will be well. Promise.:)

Aurora Borealis

Tri wrote: »

Imagine she did come back to you - you would be walking on egg shells. Afraid to put a foot wrong in case she broke up with you again. That's not a way to live your life.

+1

Been in that situation repeatedly, it's ROTTEN and really not good for your confidence levels at all! I became an increasing paranoia queen and really clingy every time we got back together. Something he couldn't understand at all even though I tried to explain the effect the break ups were having on me. Apparently in his mind the only real break up we had was the final one. My heart and head sure felt otherwise (There were actually probably closer to 8-10!!!) but that was my fault for repeatedly putting myself in that position, and I see that now( Yup, was a bit slow on the that one! Cringe!!).

Don't do it or even wish for a chance to.

OP as per Tri's sagely post. This will get easier. Without doubt. Just breathe and hang out with your friends etc for a while.

Karen_*

Deadeyes wrote: »

OP I'm not sure I blame her for leaving. You returned from a holiday early becuase you couldn't be away from her! Personally I'd find that bit freaky and quite suffocating. Your not being cheated out of a relationship, if one party doesn't want to be in a relationship then there is no relationship. Your broken hearted at the moment but you need to try and move on.

His gf broke up with him before that holiday. He's broken hearted and you know sometimes people break up and it doesn't have to be because there's something wrong with the dumpee. Have you never been upset?

OP this is a horrible situation and one we've all been in and rejection is a very bitter pill to swallow. And its hard to understand why things went so wrong. She doesn't want to be with you anymore and in time the pain will ease. And unfortunately only time will heal. But you can speed up the process by doing things that make you feel good and looking after yourself. Try and get some good from the situation even though it might be hard to see any. You know she's not for you and its not going anywhere. Its not anything you've done, she has changed. Take each day at a time and set yourself little goals and challenges. Cry if you feel like crying. Allow yourself half an hour every day to think about it and then the rest of the day fill with work and your friends and family. But most of all OP at the moment treasure your self respect and concentrate on building that up.

Deadeyes

Karen_* wrote: »

His gf broke up with him before that holiday. He's broken hearted and you know sometimes people break up and it doesn't have to be because there's something wrong with the dumpee. Have you never been upset?

Apologies I read that wrong which tainted my view

Jack Sheehan

It seems like the reason she broke up with you was not so she could go on holidays without any inhibitions but because she was simply bored of the whole relationship. As much as it may hurt to hear she may have seen your relationship differently from you, less important and less painful to throw away.

In any case there is nothing left to save here IMO. Move on and forget her.