My Problems, Input appreciated

LegacyUser

Honestly I dont know what I am doing with my life. I am sick of people I feel so trapped in Dublin I am tired of going out to the same places doing the same things everythings so monotonous sometimes I feel life is a farce even with good friends and the rest I still feel sad. I dont know why. I am completely vain and dont really feel like im a good person I am self centered especially when it comes to girls. I wish I was different but im not. I have no get up and go i wud love to go somewhere mad but it seems no one else in this city does n i dont think im strong enough to do it myself. I hate irish people I am Irish but i just despise all the backstabbing, judging etc. that irish people in particular seem to do. Irish people are like a pack of hounds just waiting to jump on you if you make a mistake to demoralize you and better themselves. Sometimes I feel Irish people are so fake but then I look at myself and realize I am too. I don't know how I ended up how I did but here I am and I am disgusted with myself. How could I expect respect when I never even respected myself?

Love? I have never experienced it probably because no girl would want to get heavily involved with me because they see I am not a good person. I have sex a lot but as far as intimate relationships? 0. I had one girl who I think I naively semi-fell in love with but then I really hurt her (I was immature and young then) and now its finished I still think about her a lot though and would do anything to change her opinions of me but its just too late


I am a complete disappointment to my family. The member with all the brains and ability who chose to do nothing. Who will amount to very little and contribute next to zero to society. I look at my parents and see all the **** I have put them through and what they have done for me and what they have spent on me and I feel like **** because I know it was all a waste. Sometimes I feel society would gain from my absence (I'm not suicidal by the way I know that comment gives the impression I am but I am not, thank god)


I dont even know where im taking this post I just feel I really need help

Drift

Hey muddled. I don't really have any specific advice for you but it seems from the way you've written your post that you're just a bit disillusioned with your life in general. Most people who feel like this try to shake things up or change things around. You could go for a big step like changing careers or a medium step like taking a year out to go travelling or even a small step like taking on a night course or volunteering with some charity organisation. Selecting a change might help you push yourself out of what seems like a rut you've got yourself into.

More specifically - yes some Irish people are shallow and two-faced but there's plenty who aren't and there's shallow people everywhere in the world. Maybe if you try socialising in different places it might help you find people who are more like the type of people who's company you enjoy. People everywhere are looking out for number 1 but there's some that fit in time for 2 and 3 aswell; they're just harder to find.

Women: The eternal question. You said you've no problem getting random girls to sleep with you but not get relationships. Is it possible you're going for the wrong type of girl or picking them up in the wrong setting. For example there's bound to be a higher proportion of girls looking for one night stands in Coppers than there is the same evening volunteering down at SVP. Obviously your chances of getting some are higher in Coppers too though! It's a horses for courses thing. Decide what you're looking for and then do and act in a way that will increase your chances of getting what you want. It is selfish but not in a bad way.

I've found family are strange. You might think they're diappointed in you but it's more likely they're disappointed that you're not happy. If you work on making your own life more fulfilling to you personally your family will see that you've become happier and that will make them happy for you. Most families only want to see they're other family members happy.

John Mason

oh stop feeling sorry for yourself and change your life

life is shi.t and you are going to have to learn to deal with it.

go travelling for a year or something, join a gym, play rugby

RedXIV

Muddled21 wrote: »

Honestly I dont know what I am doing with my life. I am sick of people I feel so trapped in Dublin

Trapped? in dublin? try growing up in a town with ONE nightclub There's always more options!

Muddled21 wrote: »

I am tired of going out to the same places doing the same things everythings so monotonous sometimes I feel life is a farce even with good friends and the rest I still feel sad.

So change it. Go for weekends away, even nights out to different towns. I do this alot. it's not that big a deal (unless you get drunk enough to walk back to dublin)

Muddled21 wrote: »

I dont know why. I am completely vain and dont really feel like im a good person I am self centered especially when it comes to girls. I wish I was different but im not.

If you want to change something about yourself, you CAN do it. It requires effort and willpower but it can be done!

Muddled21 wrote: »

I have no get up and go i wud love to go somewhere mad but it seems no one else in this city does n i dont think im strong enough to do it myself.

LOADS of people in the city get up and go places, just because the select few you know don't, doesn't mean its not an option. Make friends with people that like to travel. you sound like you want to, all thats stopping you is you.

Muddled21 wrote: »

I hate irish people I am Irish but i just despise all the backstabbing, judging etc. that irish people in particular seem to do. Irish people are like a pack of hounds just waiting to jump on you if you make a mistake to demoralize you and better themselves. Sometimes I feel Irish people are so fake but then I look at myself and realize I am too.

No, you hate the irish people you know. And even then thats an overexaggeration. I know people in this country, AND of our nationality who would do nothing but help someone if they could, never a bad word said about anyone. And these people are more numerous than you think.

Muddled21 wrote: »

I don't know how I ended up how I did but here I am and I am disgusted with myself. How could I expect respect when I never even respected myself?

Well if your not planning on changing anything then, yes, you will have to learn to live with no self respect. But at your age and the world we live in, it's not that hard to revamp your life.

Muddled21 wrote: »

Love? I have never experienced it probably because no girl would want to get heavily involved with me because they see I am not a good person.

well if you believe this then thats what people will see. How you see yourself is one of the things people don't realise is transmitted very early on in a social situation. Fix this, then you can worry about the women aspect of your life

Muddled21 wrote: »

I have sex a lot but as far as intimate relationships? 0. I had one girl who I think I naively semi-fell in love with but then I really hurt her (I was immature and young then) and now its finished I still think about her a lot though and would do anything to change her opinions of me but its just too late

It's not too late you know. Sure enough, some people will tar and feather us for life for mistakes of youth but most will realise that thats all they were. mistakes. and if you learned from it, then they are valuable mistakes.

Muddled21 wrote: »

I am a complete disappointment to my family. The member with all the brains and ability who chose to do nothing. Who will amount to very little and contribute next to zero to society. I look at my parents and see all the **** I have put them through and what they have done for me and what they have spent on me and I feel like **** because I know it was all a waste. Sometimes I feel society would gain from my absence (I'm not suicidal by the way I know that comment gives the impression I am but I am not, thank god)


I dont even know where im taking this post I just feel I really need help

Family don't give up on family for lack of success. It'd be a lonely world if they did. You're in a crappy place now but if you pick yourself up from it, you can change everybody's opinion of you, most importantly, you're own.

I can sprout this stuff all day but until the message sinks into your head that this is all down to you, and your desire to change it, i may as well be talking to a wall.

Nevyn

You can't do anything about the past it's gone, you can't do anything about the future it's not hear yet but you can do things today.

If you want to change yourself and your life, you can.
If you want to contribute more then give of your time and do voluntary for a good cause.

Why do you need someone to go do something different with ?

If you are not happy in your own company then how can you expect others to be happy in yours never mind wanting to be in a relationship with you ?

Oryx

Muddled21 wrote: »

How could I expect respect when I never even respected myself?

You get what you give. If you want respect from other people, give it to them. Love? If you want it, be prepared to take a risk and give it. If you dont want to be hurt, be careful not to hurt others. Noone else owns your life, and noone else is going to make it perfect for you. Its down to you.

Love? I have never experienced it probably because no girl would want to get heavily involved with me because they see I am not a good person. I have sex a lot but as far as intimate relationships? 0. I had one girl who I think I naively semi-fell in love with but then I really hurt her (I was immature and young then) and now its finished I still think about her a lot though and would do anything to change her opinions of me but its just too late

If you want to have closure with that girl, contact her briefly and tell her that you feel bad, and apologise. Then you can feel better within yourself that you did, regardless of how she takes it.

I am a complete disappointment to my family. The member with all the brains and ability who chose to do nothing. Who will amount to very little and contribute next to zero to society. I look at my parents and see all the **** I have put them through and what they have done for me and what they have spent on me and I feel like **** because I know it was all a waste. Sometimes I feel society would gain from my absence (I'm not suicidal by the way I know that comment gives the impression I am but I am not, thank god)

Then stop accepting your uselessness as the status quo and change things. The best way to make up for what you think youve done wrong is to stop doing it.

I dont even know where im taking this post I just feel I really need help

Sometimes posting like this is a way of setting down the stuff in your head and seeing it more clearly. To me its a sign you want to change things, and thats a really good start. And here you have the added benefit of what others think of it too.

insomnia08

I'm sorry to hear you feel so miserable. It looks like you need a big change in your life.

Why don't you go abroad? Try get a job abroad, make new friends, live in a different culture.

About relationships, commit to somebody. Many people think having a relationship and happiness in that sense it's just going out meeting someone and have sex, and then "boom" you fall in love and live happily ever after. That's why many people feel very fustrated.

Make a list of all the things you would like to change about you and the relationships with others, and make some little change everyday.

If you feel you are a bad person, think of what you did and try to change it, try to ammend it or at least don't do it again.

Good luck and don't lose faith. Be positive!

LegacyUser

I must admit your honesty is impressive and you seem well able to articulate your thoughts.

If you're worried about family, you should spend more time with them.
I think my parents brought me up well and I ended up pretty well educated.

Maybe I'm not getting on in life to my full ability, but I am trying and willing to change.

Spending time 'at home' could help you see that all your family wants is for you to be happy and that they'll continue to help as best they can.

I think you got your bad impression of Irish people from not getting out of Dublin enough.

If i've a problem with my professional life or want to speak politics or something, i'll talk to a city mate. For relationship or other personal stuff, my country friends are the best.

Totally agree with leaving the city more, maybe take 6 months out, got to Thailand... Going down the country for 3/4 days can really provide a release.

As for love, you can't force it - only put yourself in places where you're more likely to meet people of similar interests. Join a few clubs / night courses...

Btw, there's plenty more people in your situation out there. Best of luck