Brother three months dead on 29th

seeyouinheaven

Hey there guys,

I'm the person who wrote in a few weeks ago about my brother who died tragically and suddenly from heroin.

Well anyway, the update on my part is that i took up a job where i work long hours and come home too tired for thoughts. And well anyway I don't know why I'm posting here I'm just thinking about how tomorrow's gonna be. He'll be three months dead and I don't know how i'm supposed to feel. right now i just feel alone. and kind of helpless with the rest of my family. everyone is aware of the situation we're just waiting on mam to say something i think. I don't know, well anyway. I'm not sure to go to the church on my lunch break from work or to head off to the grave yard and take a half day off. I doubt that'd be possible. There's thunder and lightning outside right now as i write this. It sort of adds to whatever's going on in my head, well at risk of sounding like an insane person i'll stop here.

I don't know what I'm looking for here I was just hoping to get that off my chest.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

seeyouinheaven wrote: »

Hey there guys,

I'm the person who wrote in a few weeks ago about my brother who died tragically and suddenly from heroin.

Well anyway, the update on my part is that i took up a job where i work long hours and come home too tired for thoughts. And well anyway I don't know why I'm posting here I'm just thinking about how tomorrow's gonna be. He'll be three months dead and I don't know how i'm supposed to feel. right now i just feel alone. and kind of helpless with the rest of my family. everyone is aware of the situation we're just waiting on mam to say something i think. I don't know, well anyway. I'm not sure to go to the church on my lunch break from work or to head off to the grave yard and take a half day off. I doubt that'd be possible. There's thunder and lightning outside right now as i write this. It sort of adds to whatever's going on in my head, well at risk of sounding like an insane person i'll stop here.

I don't know what I'm looking for here I was just hoping to get that off my chest.

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Having never lost anyone close so untimely and tragically, I'm sure I can help. All I can say is that there's no way you 'should' feel. I don't think you nessecarily need to go to a church or a greave, just anywhere where you can be alone. Take a drive somewhere of you can.

Hope all goes peacefully.

seeyouinheaven

thank you for the reply. i don't know. being upset seems stupid. crying is just overrated at this stage. i don't know how to be doing here. I'll arrive to some sort of conclusion tomorrow as to what i can do or something to either deal with it myself or find a way to be home with my family in time to be able to just grieve with them.

I'm not sure. everything is going around my head like a whirlwind and it's only hitting me now again, i saw the date today and it just began to drop slowly back.. It's not easy. I dont know how to deal with it. My counselor who i was seeing told me i can't see him anymore cause i'm not a student at university anymore now because i took up a job, so i have nobody who'll willingly listen. I've a few friends but they're busy with their lives at the moments...


Anyway thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

Man...I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my sister about 18 mts ago and although everbody is different I do feel as if I understand some way what your going through. To be honest I really don't know what to say other than i'll be thinking of you.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

seeyouinheaven wrote: »

thank you for the reply. i don't know. being upset seems stupid. crying is just overrated at this stage. i don't know how to be doing here. I'll arrive to some sort of conclusion tomorrow as to what i can do or something to either deal with it myself or find a way to be home with my family in time to be able to just grieve with them.

I'm not sure. everything is going around my head like a whirlwind and it's only hitting me now again, i saw the date today and it just began to drop slowly back.. It's not easy. I dont know how to deal with it. My counselor who i was seeing told me i can't see him anymore cause i'm not a student at university anymore now because i took up a job, so i have nobody who'll willingly listen. I've a few friends but they're busy with their lives at the moments...


Anyway thanks for reading.

Any time. Is there another counsellor you could see? Don;t rule out just picking up the phone and calling the Samaritans. They're always there and apparently a lot of people who ring them just want to tal something over with them

Fanny Cradock

Hey there!

My sympathies on the loss of your brother.

Why don't you take the day off work tomorrow so you can have few hours to reflect on your own or even with your family. Maybe you just need a little bit of piece to sort your head out. Also, I'm sure that friends will be willing to listen - maybe they just don't realise the relevance of tomorrow. Talk to them. If they are worth their salt they will be willing to listen.

If money is a problem someone here might be able to recommend a counsellor who will be willing to talk to you for a reduced rate .

God bless!

LadyJ

Hi OP,

Sorry for your loss. As suggested already, you should take the day off work and take some time to let this wash over you. I strongly recommend seeing a counsellour. It really can help an awful lot. Posting here will be theraputic for you too. Just get it all out, even if it's a jumbled rant. It'll help.

It doesn't matter how long someone is dead, not a day will go by that you don't think about them so really every day is as significant as the next. A friend of mine and I both lost our mothers at quite a young age and recently we were discussing how morbid it is to do something special (visit graves etc.) on the anniversary of their deaths. We decided it'd be a nicer idea to celebrate their birthdays and remember their lives instead of commemorating the day they died.

It's very hard to lose someone close to you, no matter how it happens. Do whatever helps you the most but try not to bottle up your feelings. It won't help in the longrun.

Good luck.

Snowdrop

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I know from experience though that keeping busy is good it is important to allow yourself time to grieve or it will catch up with you.

People find it very difficult to know how to handle situations like this and tend to say & do nothing for fear of upsetting the grieving person. You can be sure that your parents are fully aware of tomorrows anniversary but unable to talk about it. Perhaps you should just bring some flowers to the graveyard & call in to them after work.

Anyway I hope you and your family get through tomorrow ok. Three months is very early days, it never goes away but does get easier as time goes on.

All the best.

stickyfingers

I am sorry to hear about your brother my condolences to you and your family

I know how you are feeling right no when i lost my brother a few years ago to leukemia i thought my world had ended and i questioned why did it have to happen to him. i took it very bad and bottled up all my emotions until one day when i was out walking and stopped to tie my shoe lace that i could not hold onto my emotions anymore and completely broke down and asked why did it have to happen to him and i even tryed committing sucide but i could not go through with it thinking if i did it my family would be go through hell again when they had to deal with one death in the family. One thing i did was speak to a very close friend who i must say was my rock through this and it was not for him i dont know where i would be today.

Dont let your new job cloud your feelings take time and remember the good times you had with your brother and not think about the bad times when he got addicted to drugs. I know you feel you cannot offer much to your family right now but in time you will i felt the very exact same but in time i got very close to my mother and it will get better i promise you. If you have no one to talk to and as Ikky Poo2 says ring the samaritians they will listen and not judge you at all. One thing i find great when i feel sad or have any other problems is i goto my special place where i can vent my fustrations or sit back and think of all the gud times and bad times we had. Keep your head up and speak to someone it will really help you out.

I am sorry for rambling on so much but if you have any questions please contact me if you like

baglady

Sorry for your loss sweetie, I don't know if anything we can say can help ease your grief but it might be nice to know that there are people here who do care about how you feel. I hope you get through the day ok. From personal experience I really think that talking to people close to you, friends and family, can help, even if you don't know what to say chances are they feel the same. I hope you are ok. I know for sure that things will get better with every day that passes, I believe that to be 100% true!!x

deisemum

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I think most parishes now have a bereavement counselling or support service. You don't even have to be religious to attend. That may be an option.

somethingwitty

Hey OP... I kinda have an understanding of how you are feeling. My boyfriend's brother died of an E overdose, and he was holding all his feelings in. Suddenly after we got close, he told me about what it was like. He said that it has taken a long time, but eventualy he did learn to be ok. Many people go through it, more than you realise. You should even talk to your doctor. I know things feel very strange now, but you will learn to deal with it.

ramtha

Hi Seeyou. Sorry to hear about your brother. I don't know what kind of belief system you have but I firmly believe we go on and if I was going through similar ,would find someone to contact the other side and see could it help me in any way.I apologize if this suggestion is inappropriate as I know this isn't an approach most people would take.If you ever feel the need to do it pm me as I know of a few people that do such work.

tbh

I wish you strength today mate. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other for the time being.

Beruthiel

ramtha wrote: »

if I was going through similar ,would find someone to contact the other side and see could it help me in any way.

Take your loonie beliefs off to the Paranormal forum.

Beruthiel

seeyouinheaven wrote: »

I'm the person who wrote in a few weeks ago about my brother who died tragically and suddenly from heroin.

I remember you.

I don't know what I'm looking for here I was just hoping to get that off my chest.

You don't have to be looking for anything, it can help just to write your thoughts down. Feel free to do so for as long as you wish.

There is nothing any of us can say to you that will fix this terrible thing.
I wish you the strength you need to get through this painful time.

MIN2511

It's never easy to lose someone you love we all know that, i bet you are angry you can't find closure and i bet you want to hurt whoever sold him the drugs.

I can identify your emotions, i lost my brother 7years ago, it was brutal.

I bet everyone says the same thing "time would heal you" but it does suck now, you must feel like you need closure. Closure to move on in your life, so that you don't feel guilty or it being unfair that you are alive and he's not...

Don't worry, it would all work out.

MJOR

Today is a tough day for you. I hope you're doing ok. There is no easy way to get thru the day..

Grief is hard and everyone deals with it differently. As long as you deal with it your way that is all that's important.

XXXXX

madser

Do something or do nothing, theres no set way to greeve, if you feel like going to a church and light a candle or just stay at home and do nothing, my heart goes out to you, keep your chin up and try to stay positive, maybe you could organise lunch with friends or family where you could keep yourself positive:)

Aurora Borealis

Hope you're doing okay today.

Aurora x

dlofnep

Hope all is well. Keep your chin up. Anytime you need to get something off your chest, just drop a line. Speak to someone. Anyone.

paperclip2

Honey you do whatever you need to do to get through today. Don't feel like it needs to make sense to anyone else.

Thinking of you.
xx

seeyouinheaven

thank you for the replies guys. i ended up working late. and now im home and things seem quiet. Everyone is in their room and i don't think anyone really spoke to anyone here cause there was nobody to be seen when i got in the door and the house was very still and quiet. I'm about to go to bed now. It's been hard to keep a straight face all day. I Don't know how to be normal in a world where it's frowned upon to be upset in public or to just want to be quiet. I didn't manage to do anything to commemorate him. I sat on the bus looking over the liffey driving by the streets he once walked. I still look out of the bus passing ormonde quay. I keep thinking i'll bump into him one day. I used to think when i was out walking with friends that if he comes over to me asking for a fiver i'd be embarrassed because of how he lives. and now i'd give anything just to have him come over. I'm an idiot but i'd empty my purse into his hands and give him everything just to have one more minute to let him know i cared even though sometimes it seemed i didn't. The situation used to make me angry when he was alive. it wasn't easy, we never had money it always went to helping him out. and now what seemed so much is now so little...

Ugh. i wish things were different. I know he's gone but i don't feel his absence yet, he's still around. i don't think it's fully sunk in yet even though the funeral plays in my head again and again.

Thank you for the replies all day. i only read them now, i didn't want to get upset so i didn't look at this in work. but thank you to all those who wrote me. i really appreciate knowing there's someone out there. i might ring the samaritans, for now i can hardly get a word out of my mouth about him. i get very choked up or angry to the point that i can no longer speak

LadyJ

I know how you feel. It's hard to think about how we were sometimes embarrassed by our lost loved ones because it's such a guilty thought. My mother had a brain hemmorhage when I was 9 and she was left with short-term memory loss (ie. tell her something and 5 minutes later she wouldn't remember it at all). This condition knocked her confidence totally and she became almost child-like.

This mortified me as a child. I would try to keep my friends from talking to her and I used to tell her she wasn't my mother anymore. It was horrible and I felt so guilty after she died. What I wouldn't have given just to have to repeat myself over and over to her all day long, just for one more day.

No one likes their family all of the time and certain situations can be embarrassing and frustrating and we might look back and regret our actions but we are only human. Forgive yourself.

McGinty

Hi Op

I am very sorry for your loss and having lost my sister nearly three years ago (it doesn't feel that long) I could identify with a lot your saying. My sister committed suicide, she was depressed but it still came as a huge shock and I think when you lose someone like that or to drugs it leaves those behind wondering could I do more. I know I felt for a long time I could have done more, I can only say with the help of two years therapy (had my final session last night) that I came to terms with the grief and stuff that centered around her death. I still miss her terribly and you know you said you didn't commenorate your brother but just walked around the places he walked, well to my mind that is commenmorating. I personally hate going to my sister's grave, I get nothing from it, except anger, and I like to think of her elsewhere. I think we can think of, celebrate, mourn our lost ones in many many ways. I also found in the first year of her death, well the first two years that I cut myself off from people, I found I couldn't relate because I felt isolated by the grief. I am so sorry for your pain right now, and there is no magic formula, other than time (fricking cliche but a true one) you don't forget or get over it, but you learn to accommodate the loss, it is like your heart is ripped apart and slowly it mends itself but the scar is permanent. I remember I found a pair of my sister's shoes, they were six inch pink ones, she had bought me a pair of black ones in the same style, we both have big feet and have a mania for shoes espicially high ones, well when I came across them, the memory of us both wearing them was so real and vivid, and I remember hugging those shoes as if I was hugging her, that was only three months ago and the pain came back but it went again. You will find yourself doing daft things like that, but they are not daft they are part of the process, so you can only go at your own pace. You are very welcome to pm me at any time, (I am in the process of moving so if I don't respond that quickly it is because of that), even just to sound off. I do hope you can get another counsellor or something, because I was pissed off when your counsellor stopped the therapy because you were working, they could have recommended someone else. Anyhow I am rambling, but just to say hugs to you and go at your own pace and be kind to yourself.