I need help

kazzpop

All my friends and work mates have small children- even the young couple next to me are having a baby soon by the look of things - she has a bump.

i ve wanted a baby for the last few years and we tried everything and nothing has worked - the way i was brought up was strict and Sex was never really spoken about. I was given a book to read and told if i had any questions that god would answer them. hense why i am so a shamed that cant even speak to my gp about it. and she is really nice - she has me down for Smear test which i am to chicken to attend for it in fact i am too chickened to attend the doctors at all. because of this - i have a chest infection for the last two weeks and its killing me - i think i will just end everything- its seems to me that i am useless.I cant cope anymore with life and its all really getting to me- I dont have any friends accept for my hubby- who avoids any form conversations, his answer is it will happen soon -! very positive answer but he has been saying that for the last 3years, he would better off with someone else

coco85

Sorry to hear about your troubles...

Unfortunately i cannot help about the baby making aspect of your post- i have no kids at the moment..

In relation to your fear of going for a simple smeat test be assured that it is not embarrasing at all. I had one done a few weeks ago (it was my boyfriends sis who did it -she's a nurse!) Doctors and Nurses do smear tests all the time. My nurse had done six alone the day i had mine done!... They are professionals trained to make you feel confortable and relaxed.

It is important that you get your smear done for your personal health regardless of your trying for a baby..

As for your upbringing and the attitude to sex.. i too was given a book and was not told what to do if i had any questions!!!.. But attitudes have changed, doctors and nurses are used to having discussions about sex... thats what they are there for..

Best of luck with everything, dont be scaredm doc's have to go to colleger for so long to ensure they can look after you properly!!!:)

MizzLolly

Of course he wouldn't be better off.

Come on, try to clear your head. You're not useless. For one, you've made another person so happy that he vowed to spend his whole life with you. He isn't pushing you so why be so hard on yourself? You've nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing at all. The fact that you say you feel shamed is really very sad. You haven't done anything wrong. Sounds like your self esteem has taken a knock. Have you considered seeing a counsellor? Even if you think you couldn't face one, would you consider ringing a helpline, like the samaritans for example?

You need to talk to somebody in a non judgemental environment. Please don't think so badly of yourself. You're not useless. Not at all. It only seems like everyone around you is pregnant because you're thinking about it so much and you want it so badly.

If you see your GP and just tell her everything, how your feeling, what your worries are.. she'll point you in the right direction.

She will hear similar worries every single day, you've nothing to be ashamed of. Just think, if you can get past this hurdle and get the treatment you need, everything will fall into place, you'll see that nothing is as hard as it looks now.

Please talk to your doctor before you let these thoughts run any further.

Take care

Ian Beale

I'll say this straight 3 years has passed already do you want to wait another 3 with the possiblty of no success?Go to your gp,get the tests done and go from there.Also get your hubby to get himself checked out too and make sure theres nothing stopping you from either side.Without knowing if there is or isn't anything medically from stopping you two from having children you'll always be thinking in the back of your head why isn't this working.

Toots

Firstly, if you're feeling depressed, contact The Samaritans. They really are great. I've used them myself and couldn't recommend them enough.

Secondly, I know it's hard, considering the way you were brought up, but your body, and sex, are nothing to be ashamed about. You and your husband are in a loving relationship, and sex is a natural part of that, whether it's to try and get pregnant or not.

Thirdly, please go and see your GP. There's nothing to be embarrassed about! You're aa perfectly normal human being, trust me doctors have seen it all! You need to get your chest infection sorted out. Also don't chicken out of the smear test, it's important for all women to have one regularly. Mention to the GP that you have been trying to conceive. It could just be that it hasn't happened for you yet, but there might be some medical reason, so your GP would be able to run tests to make sure you're ok. She will also be able to help you towards overcoming the depression you're feeling at the moment.

I don't know what else to say really. I hope things get better for you, I'm sure things will start to get better.

Please don't do anything to harm yourself. Trust me, this isn't the answer.

kazzpop

Thanks for replies ! Maybe i am too hard on myself and just needed to bash it out what is on my mind.
I will face up to my fear and go to the G.P. ive nothing loose and everything to gain- if i dont speak out nothing will ever get done.. I ve to much going on in my life that are all negative at mo. and that are getting to me. Maybe i do need professional help.

thanks again guys for helping see sense!

MizzLolly

kazzpop wrote: »

Thanks for replies ! Maybe i am too hard on myself and just needed to bash it out what is on my mind.
I will face up to my fear and go to the G.P. ive nothing loose and everything to gain- if i dont speak out nothing will ever get done.. I ve to much going on in my life that are all negative at mo. and that are getting to me. Maybe i do need professional help.

thanks again guys for helping see sense!

Well done Kazzpop! We're all hoping for you!

LegacyUser

Hi there, don't be so down on yourself, and don't think you are "useless" - there are huge swathes of people out there who are unable to conceive. I'm one of them, we've been trying for about 3 years now too, and the amount of couples I personally know who are having trouble getting pregnant is scary. Google any parenting forum and you will see entire boards given over to infertility and long term "trying to conceive" with assistance. I know where you're coming from and how you must feel, when you see all around you getting pregnant and having children and it's just not happening for you and your partner.

What I'm trying to say is that you are not alone, you are not "useless", your partner would not "be better off with someone else" - he loves you and it's you he wants to have children with! If you can muster up the courage to go to the doctor and explain your concerns, he/she can start you on the road for investigative procedures to see if anything can be done to help you along the road of TTC. It could be something as simple as taking a tablet (clomid) that will help you ovulate. Also, no harm to talk to your partner and get him to go to the doctor too and get tested, that involves nothing more than bringing in a sperm sample, it's non-invasive, and you need to both get checked to see if there is a problem, and find out how to address it. Trust me, your doc will have lots and lots of other women on their books who are asking the same questions and have the same worries, and your GP will be in a position to give you info and advice without batting an eyelid.

If you want to get a bit of knowledge about your body and cycles, and the optimum time to try to conceive in your cycle, without having to face the embarrassment of asking people (like your gp) face to face, a good place to start is this book: taking charge of your fertility by toni weschler, virtually every woman I know is amazed at the mine of information in this book, and it's the one book that crops up again and again on parenting sites as highly recommended.

google site(forums specifically) for infertility, they are also a mine of info on various causes and possible reasons, and are full of women who are going through the same thing as you who can empathise and help cheer you up when you get down. Remember we all have our good days and our bad, where we feel "useless" because the one thing you think should come naturally is not. Try to keep up the positive outlook and the very best of luck :-)

kazzpop

notalone - thank you for reccommending that book to me- i bought it over a week ago and i have read most of it - I have found it excellent reading- it defo shines a light on things that where the dark for me !

Thank you again and sorry for not replying sooner.