Drinking Problem

LegacyUser

I've finally realised that I have developed/been developing a drinking problem. In my case its not how often I drink its how I actually drink. I might not have a drink for weeks, and it wouldnt bother me in the slightest but then when I do go out I cant seem to stop. One pint is never enough and I can never seem to know when I've had enough. Its starting to have a serious adverse affect on my relationship as after a session I often get narky and say hurtful things to my girlfriend that under normal circumstances would not even cross my mind.

I never really saw it as a problem before as I wasnt going out and getting drunk 2 or 3 nights a week and had managed to convince myself that any time I did get drunk it was just a once off. Ive only realised now that its been binge drinking.Just wondering are there many others with the same kind of problem and if so how do they cope with it. Is it a case of giving up booze alltogether or just copping on and make sure drinking is in moderation?

There is a history of alcoholism in my family and I wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy so it really worries me that I have only realised now that I have already made a start down that road. I have considered AA however the religion/higher power aspect doesnt appeal to me.

seahorse

The higher power aspect can translate to mean anything you perceive it to mean, including your own innate power or the power of the group. It does not have to be related to religion at all and that is a common misconception.

Having said that, it doesn’t sound to me like you need AA. Well, if you do then I do and so do most of the people I've ever met in my life! If everyone I ever met who went out every few weeks and lost the run of themselves went to AA the pubs would be empty and AA would never find room to accommodate us all!

Again, having said that, you need to cop onto yourself with regards to talking drunken hurtful shyte to your partner. There's no need for that. You should be able to take a drink without getting abusive.

Karen_*

If drinking is causing problems in your life then you need to think about stopping. If everytime you drink you have some sort of problem with narkiness or not being able to stop then the problem is not going to suddely go away. It will get worse. Not saying you have to go to AA but only you can decide that. Can you just quit yourself? Give it a try. If not drinking for prolonged periods doesn't bother you then it might not be too hard to do. But it doesn't sound like you're geting any fun out of booze. And if not then what's the point?

Don't let the religious side of AA put you off. At the end of the day its just a bunch of people who want to stop drinking and are there to support each other. And alot of them aren't into the God thing. Its a very small part of it really. But a great big excuse if you really want to deny you've a problem and look for a reason not to go.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I just assumed there was a religious aspect as I know a few people in AA and they talk about the power of prayer helping them. Perhaps thats just the way they see it.

The fact that I sometimes come out with hurtful remarks or look for an arguement with my girlfriend for the sake of it is something that really bugs me because Im one of the least argumentitive people under normal circumstances.

The enjoyment factor has certainly gone so Im going to try and pack it in myself and see how I get on.

hunnybunny

Stop drinking if you are becoming abusive and narky! Some people just don t know when to stop.
I knew a girl with the same problem. She couldn t just have one drink, she d get blind drunk become totally obnoxious, loud and rude. Make a total show of herself. She d wake up the next day hardly able to remember. When we would tell her she would be morified. Yet she would still repeat this behaviour again and again. Its like she never learnt her lesson.
At least you can see what you are doing wrong.... If drink makes you this way STOP DRINKING, it shouldn t be a problem, if as you say you don t drink that often..

COH

Maybe your just addressing issues with your girlfriend that you dont have the courage to when your sober? Just a thought.

If going on the sesh regularly means you think you need to hit AA then maybe I should sign myself up too

Karen_*

Well the OP thinks his drinking is causing him problems so its obviously a bit more than just going on a sesh. If drinking is causing a problem every single time you drink then drinking is a problem full stop. It might not be for most of the people on a sesh but it is for some. And if they lose a girlfriend or wife because of the odd sesh then they have to ask themselves whats more important.

OP try cutting it out altogether as its not a given that you have to become an alcoholic. And if you need a bit of help there's no shame in that and its out there.

AARRRGH

I gave up drinking a few months ago. Best decision I've ever made! You don't realise how much control alcohol has over you until you quit.

AA... yes it's about a higher power, but the people who run it always seem to interpret this in a Christian way.

Moderation doesn't work, so just quit altogether. You won't regret it.

harpman

You raise a part of addiction thats not well known, and thats the bewildering change of behaviour.
Like you I was always Mr soft'n'cuddley, and people(none more so than me) were shocked when I started to get lippy and insulting.Where did it suddenly come from and why despite my promises to myself did it keep getting worse?
Later on when , we got lectures on addiction in Rehab it was all explained in B+W.It don't mattter whether you are Dana or Mother Theresa, once you cross the invisible line,Mr/Mrs Nasty will come out sooner or later.
It is peculiar though, because Alcoholics by nature hate confrontation(when sober).

I don't like saying this but its a progressive disease, so(if you are an alcoholic) what your going through now is a Pantomine compared to what lies ahead-if you don't stop.A Dublin AA guy said that to me years ago when I was sceptical of all the AA mantras.
Did I listen to him?Did I ****
And Boy did I wish I did!
Anyways what your going through is normal but addiction is a crafty, complex beast so I would advise try the meetings if you can't do rehab.
Doctors, Shrinks,Business people,Priests, footballers,Nuns.The whole team is in there.:)
Don't worry about Higher powers and all that malarky.Thats way down the line and not something anyone can push on you.
Congragulations mate!I know you can't see the bright side now, but as Dublindude sayes there is a whole new life waiting for you-a much better one.

LegacyUser

Thanks again for all the replies. The most worrying thing for me is that its not a regular habit, I've gone out for pints before and came home grand, its just the odd time something clicks and I dont stop drinking and thats when I turn into an A-hole. Added to the fact that I usually have no memory of saying anything at all the next day, makes me feel an even bigger idiot.

I was probably a bit damatic in my opening post and made it sound like every time I had 1 pint I had to have 20 more, its not like that but I suppose the realisation hit me that when I have too much I change so much just got me in to a panic. As I said, there is a history of alcoholism in my family and Im terrified of ending up like that.

The moderation thing crossed my mind but then I realised if it was that easy I wouldnt be in this situation, so its going to have to be a total cut out of booze if I want to sort myself out
(which I do!)

Handsome Bob

Two people close to me have serious drinking problems. And a pattern i've noticed is that they are both unhappy with themselves. One is down due to his job (he's a barman and did nothing with 5 years of studying in Trinity) and the other has personal issues (which he takes out on his friends when he's drunk). Are you unhappy with something OP, a sperate aspect in your life to your drinking?

Jack Sheehan

dublindude wrote: »

I gave up drinking a few months ago. Best decision I've ever made! You don't realise how much control alcohol has over you until you quit.

AA... yes it's about a higher power, but the people who run it always seem to interpret this in a Christian way.

Moderation doesn't work, so just quit altogether. You won't regret it.

Moderation doesn't work? Mabye it didn't work for you but it works for many people.

seahorse

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

Moderation doesn't work? Mabye it didn't work for you but it works for many people.

+1

Very true; moderation doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me.

By the way, the people who run AA are the members of AA, and they each have their own individual interpretation of what 'higher power' means.

AARRRGH

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

Moderation doesn't work? Mabye it didn't work for you but it works for many people.

seahorse wrote: »

Very true; moderation doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me.

Do either of you have a drink problem?

If not, why are you saying moderation works?

The OP has a drink problem. He is not a normal drinker who drinks in moderation.

I suggest you read up on alcoholism (start at http://wqd.netwarriors.org) before you recommend people with drink problems drink in moderation.

Fact: People with drink problems cannot drink in moderation.

WorriedDrinker wrote:

when I do go out I cant seem to stop. One pint is never enough and I can never seem to know when I've had enough.

seahorse

No Dublindude; thankfully, I don’t.

dublindude wrote: »

I gave up drinking a few months ago. Best decision I've ever made! You don't realise how much control alcohol has over you until you quit.

Maybe you'd be best suited to advise the OP since it seems you are battling a drink problem yourself; but I have heard that the moderation approach works for some alcoholics. In fairness, you cannot just assume it works for nobody on the basis that it hasn’t worked for yourself.

Maddison

Hi Op,

as you probably know realising that you have a problem is the 1st step. My mum was/is an alcoholic & I know how destructive alcoholism is. You have a chance now to help yourself so please do. I have no relationship with my mother apart from hearing drunken rants every now & again, she has liver disease & water on the brain amongst other alcohol realted illnesses. AA may not seem like your favorite choice for help but Its a start, mabey you could go visit your doctor for his advise. But please, please get help. I really hate to see a good person being destroyed by the ''demon drink''

Good luck, you have all my best wishes.

MJOR

You're better off avoiding the booze if you can't just have one or two quiet ones. Nobody like a cranky or abusive drunk so you're just as well off it.

Some people cannot control the booze it controls them. You sound like one of thnese people. Not everyone needs to drink to avoid their issues you seem to be using the old drink as a crutch.

Stop before you can't control yourself. At the momenyt its not hugely affecting you but maybe soon it will.

A few drinks is not worth risking ur relationship

mazcon

seahorse wrote: »

No Dublindude; thankfully, I don’t.



Maybe you'd be best suited to advise the OP since it seems you are battling a drink problem yourself; but I have heard that the moderation approach works for some alcoholics. In fairness, you cannot just assume it works for nobody on the basis that it hasn’t worked for yourself.

Moderation never works for alcoholics. It may work for heavy drinkers who have yet to develop full blown alcoholism. If moderation worked there would be a lot less alcoholics in this country!

paperclip2

mazcon wrote: »

Moderation never works for alcoholics. It may work for heavy drinkers who have yet to develop full blown alcoholism. If moderation worked there would be a lot less alcoholics in this country!

As far as I can tell 'moderation' is only a part of either progressing into full on alcohoism or the initial stages of sliding off the wagon. I have seen several alcoholics try it and it never worked. The person who devises a way to make moderation work for 'real' alcoholics will be a very wealthy individual.

OP I don't know if you are an alcoholic but, as has been said, if your drinking is causing you problems then well done for taking steps to address it. Most of the muppets out of their heads on drink who cause damage to people and property on the weekend aren't strictly alcoholics either.

(Not implying that you are a muppet OP !!)

MuPpItJoCkEy

Alcoholism or if you just want to call it a drinking problem is hard for ones self to judge when they are stepping over the line. For some people they need to lose everything that meant something to them for them to realise that drink was a problem because at the end of the day, all the will have left is themselves and a bottle of whatever they want. Hopefully the bottle will love you as much as certain people may have.

Alcohol or drinking problems aren't always meassured in how much you are drinking but more so on how it is affecting your life.

For example, there are people who rarely go out but when they do, they drink themselves into oblivion and cause havoc either at home or while they are out. Alcohol is a problem in this case but this person rarely goes out drinking and yet it had an effect on there lives.

So all I am saying is that it's not always about how often you are drinking, it's how it is effecting things around you.

I see you must have a partner if you want to have a baby. Thing is, do they drink much too. Will it become a case of you trying to give up the drink while the OH is there and drinking as regularly as you use too? If you do fall preggers and watch them drinking all the time, maybe you'll realise that you think they drink to much and you'll find yourself telling him what other people on here have already been telling you.

Quitting the drink while being pregnant is a good thing but does that mean you'll hit the bottle as soon as the baby is out and try to make up for lost time because now you'll have to think that your priority will be being in the best condition to take care of this little being that you have brought into the world.

Maybe a lot of the above doesn't concern you. I suppose all I am trying to say is that alcohol can cause a lot of damage as I have seen first hand and seen a lot being lost to it by people who didn't think they had a problem until they were left without anything. At this point when you have nothing left, it's even harder to sort yourself out.

LegacyUser

I can honestly say this is like my fiance wrote that post word for word. He too can be hurtful and verbally abusive after a session even thou he mightened drink for a few weeks, and basically now we've ended up in counseling over it as although he could never remember what he said drunk , i did and do and it made me resent him.

The counselor said that he doesnt believe that giving up drink is the answer as he said that when my partner gets like he does it means that he has drank so much his inhibitions have gone and whatever control over old hurtful feelings he had that he keep inside, start to come out ,and because im the only person there, im who he takes it out on .

He said that if he gave up drink the problems that he hasnt dealt with , that he has hid away, will stay there unaddressed so rather than giving up drink he is going to see if he can find out the real reason he kicks off and is so hurtful and deal with it from the core rather than by masking it by giving up drink.

Im writing this cause maybe you can relate to it , maybe you can .. i just thought i would let you no that your certainly not the only one who does what your doing. But if you dont want to lose your partner then i suggest to try get to the real problem.

Good luck Op