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Bored and Alone:(
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25-07-2008 11:08pm#1Here I am a fab 27 year old sitting in alone AGAIN on a friday night....
Quick back ground ref...... I left my partner bout a year and a half ago, we have a son together, we sold our house and I moved back in with the parents to sort my head out... so for the whole time i was back in the parents i was going demented as obviously i had no space and living back in your old bedroom is very hard after living away from home for so long....
So all moved out delighted with my own space and especially happy now my son has his own room, obviously his happiness is whats most important to me....
Why am i so lonely... what do people do who live alone???? as soon as my son go's to bed which is usually 8 o clock, im lost... Ive a good job, a fantastic son great family and friends....but its still not enough... Ive seen a few lads but nothing carrys on for longer than a few weeks..... All my friends are settled so im the only single one outa everyone, its like i just dont fit in any more.
I dont even know what i want to ask, i just needed to write this all down....0
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I know how you feel OP, I got my own place and it was great at the start but now I can go a week or more without any actual physical conversation and the lack of interaction lately has seriously affected how I sleep, I dread the nights at times and weekends I just can't wait to end . I found I'm reading alot lately and I'm good at art so I've become very creative but other than that I try to be out everyday, sitting in and doing nothing will drive you nuts also there's alot you can do with your son that doesn't have to cost anything and it'll help wind you down, being on your own all the time is hard just on your sanity alone so try fill the time. 0
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PinkPrincess26 wrote: »Here I am a fab 27 year old sitting in alone AGAIN on a friday night....
Quick back ground ref...... I left my partner bout a year and a half ago, we have a son together, we sold our house and I moved back in with the parents to sort my head out... so for the whole time i was back in the parents i was going demented as obviously i had no space and living back in your old bedroom is very hard after living away from home for so long....
So all moved out delighted with my own space and especially happy now my son has his own room, obviously his happiness is whats most important to me....
Why am i so lonely... what do people do who live alone???? as soon as my son go's to bed which is usually 8 o clock, im lost... Ive a good job, a fantastic son great family and friends....but its still not enough... Ive seen a few lads but nothing carrys on for longer than a few weeks..... All my friends are settled so im the only single one outa everyone, its like i just dont fit in any more.
I dont even know what i want to ask, i just needed to write this all down....
i wish i was you
i live alone and have no friends. i admitt i have lost all my past friends through my own fault. personal issues and problems that have left me with an inability to socilice. most nights i sit alone looking at my computer screen imaging what could have been if i done things right and thinking about suicide.. but i cant do that until my perant pass first. i cant put them through that.. my only friend is my father.. im crying just typing this
you sound like you have alot to live for. keep your chin up. forget about all the sad things in life and concentrate on the happy things.. eg. your son... a child of your own is the biggest honour god can give you on this planet..0 -
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I'm a loner too, sad loner but I've come to almost like it. I've always been incredibly shy as a kid and smoking cannabis for a long time make it a bit worse. I also get nervous around girls but don't really care anymore.
I am who I am and I'm getting used to it. Doing the myers briggs test was a bit of a revelation for me because I came out as INFJ and without meaning to sound special they make up just 1% of the population and have personality traits that make them a lot different from their extroverted cousins! Some of these can be seen as weakness's in our modern world but there are also many blessings in their character's.:p
I'm not suggesting this is who you are but I do think its helps to see from what personality we are operating from as we can learn more about our strengths and weaknesses. (and its free to do).
Also thought I 'd copy and paste this as lots of us don't know how to be nice to or to love ourselves(so I'm going to teach yous all!!)lol..
How to love yourself? The same way you’d love someone else.
Love may be an emotion, but it is more useful to think of it as a set of behaviors. Love isn’t so much about feeling, as it is about DOING.
Behave in a loving way towards yourself.
Start by speaking kindly to yourself. Do not say anything to yourself you would not say to a child you loved. No trashing, no criticism, no nagging. A gentle, loving reminder of something, at most.
Act lovingly towards yourself. Eat good food. Get enough sleep. ~EXCERISE~
If you have done something bad and you feel guilty about it, do something about the guilt. Set things right, apologize, make restitution, whatever is required, and then when you have done that, let yourself off the hook. No one is served by you kicking yourself.
If you talk lovingly to yourself, and act lovingly to yourself, you will be on your way.
Many of us are not taught how to be nice to ourselves.
Also, I utterly assure you that suicide is not the awnser. We do go on and doing something drastic like that is never the awnser. Learn the lesson of what this is teaching you and if thats to accept and love yourself for who you are, do it...I am and I too often dreamed about ending it all.0 -
In the end. Though Jack b. Badd puts it perhaps too directly
.
His point is valid.
There is only one person who will change the circumstances... yourself.
Belive it or not, i can be quite shy in group settings. I also have a long commute to and from work and live in the sticks.
It would be very easy to allow myself to fall into the rut and not go anywhere... indeed for several dasy I may not actually "see" anyone I know.
But in making the effort to call, mail, pm, post i keep the essential contact.
Making the effort to see them is about that as well..making the effort. You dont have to be the life and soul in the group, but juts being there gets you interrelating.
Kazobel for example talks about artistic tendencies... take it a stage further..if you have an interest, look for a group (mine was a craft group, then tantra then boards beers group etc etc.). It expands your social awareness. But take it in slow stages.
if you do feel that you have no social skills then start looking at resources to help improve them.
But as in most issues these stem from the sense of who you feel yourself to be and how you feel others percieve you to be.
Ramtha copied an pasteds a transformational path that is the starting point for many different schools along those lines.
But its about being aware about yourself and what you want and taking steps to achieve it.
If past thoughts are weighing you down, remember that they are gone, dead. That you do have something unique to contribute that you are worth it..
I guess thats a general idea for all those who feel stuck in the rut and lonely.
But there is a difference between accepting that you may at times prefer your own company and just letting the rut develop...the difference between accepting who you are and accepting an unacceptable situation.
So OP. You have many positives in your life, but are still searching for something more..in the end thats good as the human contition is about pushing and going forward..not stagnanting.
the practical upshot is what are you going to do about it?.
To do that you must determine what things your want exactly to both change and achieve.
Then make a list.
Dont try to change them all at once. But take a look, and change one thing, starting small. Dont try to bite of more than you can chew. Doing one small thing will give you the impetus and confidence to do another, and another, bigger and better.
If you fail, you tried and you learn and try agin.
The robert the bruce's spider syndrome.
Again I am going to quote a presonal example to illustrate:
I am changing my career..or want to. Rather than get miserable and whining about the current job. I spotted something i am intersted in:
Holsitic massage, so have signed up for a diploma course. One night a week.
When i achieve that I will move onto the next, lifecoaching,
Then it will be my aim to move onto the biggy... qualified tantra teacher.
small steps, all both adding experience and confidence to oneself and building up, expanding my social circle and who i am.
Thats the aim ;-) and i posted that to illustrate the thinking...not to brag. So i hope you get the idea.
make that list, start small and begin to take the steps
(though having reread that i may join a how to type without spelling mistakes group ;/)0 -
In the end. Though Jack b. Badd puts it perhaps too directly.
Moi, blunt? Nevar!
Seriously though, OP, taking up a class or joining a group is a great way to ensure you won't be sitting in front of the telly alone at 8pm every night of the week.
Plus you'll get to meet people with similar interests. You have no idea how much this will cheer you up! The boyfriend and myself recently found a group of sci-fi nerds who meet up regularly near where we now live. After months of being bored to tears by incessant soccer talk, a night in the pub with these guys was like heaven
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I'll be out with friends over the weekend, dead sound bunch of people the lot of them (maybe not me!) all are welcome and we're regulars in a few nightclubs. You gotta start meeting randomers to make friends. Or take a course, I've a few I'd like to take if anyone would like to join me, my mates wouldn't be interested to be honest, Meditation, Martail Arts, cyclin etc etc. Go nuts!
There's a lot of lonely people out there we need to now start introducing them and kicking some doors down for people to fell less alone. I'm gonna start things rolling in my own way with this post!
R0
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