Friends a thief!!!

baby_blu

Ok i dont know where to start here.

My friend text me last night at 10pm asking could she pop down she needed to chat- i was asleep and didnt get the message till 6am when i got up for work.I was finished early so asked her to pop in about 10ish this morning(before anyone asks im a cleaner whichs why i finished so early)

So she called in with a black bag, sat down and told me shes turned into a thief, that she cant stop stealing things from shops. I started laughing as i thought it was a joke.

Then she emptied out the bag- there was about 20 rings, some earrings, chains, braclets, socks, a few tops, a pair of shoes, pencils, stickers, mens boxers, face wipes, bras, kids clothes(the list goes on)

So after i picked up my mouth from the floor she explained that these had been taken over the course of the last 2 months, that one day she spotted a chain she liked and took it cos she didnt have the money on her for it, and it went from there. The jewellery is mostly cheap plastic stuff but thats not the point.

She said she is scared and didnt know what to do,thats shes just stealing what she sees(hence the kids clothes and mens boxers i guess) when i told her to go to the police she got thick and stormed out leaving all the stolen stuff on my table...

I only said to go to the police cos it was the 1st thing that came into my head.

I really dont know what to do here, she has a house, a great job. Why would she do this?

Piste

Going to the police wont really solve anything, she'll just get a criminal record.

Kleptomanie is when people have an uncontrollable desire to steal things, I think she really needs to speak to a psychologist. At least she knows she has a problem.

MJOR

People do it for the thrill.... I'm not sure why but they do. Maybe shes attention seeking after all she told you she is doing it.

She needs help to stop. Reccommend she talk to a professional.

RedXIV

Take it from someone who went through this phase, it's not going to stop until she gets caught. I was an amazing thief as an 11yr old. I used to have conversations with the shopkeepers WHILE i was in the middle of stealing stuff. I wasn't just good, i was amazing. Stuff that was almost the same size as me were leaving shops with me. And the only reason i stopped was because i had nowhere to stash everything i had. My dad confronted me (beat seven shades of sh/t too,) and made me go back with every single thing i'd taken. But the point is, i wouldn't have stopped if i hadn't been caught, why should i? i was so damn good.

Unfortunately, this is ridiculously hard to stop for other people you are friends with without getting some kind of a criminal record, you really need a friend who owns a shop or someone who can catch them and not press charges. She probably won't steal while you are with her, but i promise you, you will not change her mind unless she gets caught.


DISCLAIMER: I have not stolen anything since i was 12, I am now a law abiding citizen and will continue to be one. I do not endorse theft and i'm still sorry for what i did. We all make mistakes. Mine were just stupider than most

biko

Why did Winona Ryder shoplift?
It's a compulsion. It could be triggered by anything but once she (your friend) found out how easy it was she continued. It could be the thrill or a cry for help, knowing she'll get caught eventually. If you know the shops the items come from you can just return them in a bag, saying you found them or leave them in a corner.

dudara

It's not uncommon for people to steal. It's all about the thrill and the not getting caught. It coul lead to a criminal record though, if she's caught, so she does need to seek some professional advice.

Going to the police at this stage won't do any good. Right now she really hasn't stolen anything of value and she deserves a chance to nip this in the bud of her own accord.

cowzerp

Sounds like a cleptomaniac, might need psycological help..
Dont tell the guards for god's sake!

Overheal

Tempted not to rant about my own pillaging history I'll just link you to Kleptomania

Stealing that first item sounds to me like non-Kleptic theft but thats probably where it started and is why shes on to mens boxers and kids clothes; pencils; stickers; etc.

Its important that she goes to see a psychologist.

LegacyUser

Your friend needs help, not to be shopped to the police. Have you noticed any change in her over the past few months? has she been on medication or seemed upset?

I used to steal. There Ive said it not said it to anyone before. When I was about 16 I got very disellusioned and depressed and ende dup on tablets called seroxat(paxil). I went on to college but found the tablets made me very distance it was like I was underwater and heard to connect with people. I found classes boring and it was hard to pay attention so Id go for a wander rounf Dublin. The stealing started not because I didnt have the money but because I could. It started with one or two small things from shops - jewellery etc. I was remarkably quick fingered so things went up the sleeve. I also used to go to a shop each day to get a paper. id leave the paper on the sweets section , pay for it and pick up two free bars of chocolate with the paper afterwards.
I finally stopped thank god as I realised if I didnt it would get out of hand. I eventually got off that medication and have been fine ever since.

I know your friends says she didnt have the money the first time she stole but its gone beyond that now. Shes doing it because she can and in a way shes daring herself to. The fact that she has told you is a good thing it means she knows its not right and shes reaching out to someone. She really needs to get some professional help before she goes too far.

baby_blu

cowzerp wrote: »

Dont tell the guards for god's sake!

i wasnt going to i just didnt know what else to say, i know for a FACT she will not go back to the shops to give them back, she cant even remember where half of the stuff came from

she has been seeing a shrink for the last 4 years because she suffers from depression , so unless she tells him about it i guess she cant be helped:(

Oryx

I cant tell what age your friend is, Ive seen this before, but only in my mates, in their teens. It was a phase our group went through where stealing seemed cool and easy. Though one took it to extremes and stole anything not nailed down. (I exclude myself, because I tried it once but the guilt and nerves nearly killed me. Im not designed to thieve:))

With them, the only thing that worked, as RedXIV says, was being caught. Thankfully it was by parents rather than the police so noone ended up with a criminal record. The most extreme girl, who had a huge stash of stuff at home, was made to return every single item, and to apologise to each shop. Im sure it was one of the worst episodes ever for her. But she never stole again.

Call up your mate, and allow her to talk about why she does it. She will, hopefully if she doesnt feel you will judge or have her arrested! See if she would be willing to return everything, and face whatever consequences the shops see fit. If she wont, perhaps anonymous concience money to them or a charity might help. If she cant quit stealing though, she does need professional help.

baby_blu

SparklingWater wrote: »

Your friend needs help, not to be shopped to the police. Have you noticed any change in her over the past few months? has she been on medication or seemed upset?

She broke up with her bf about a month ago but she was fine about it, in fact she dumped him, she has been on depression medication on and off for 4 years

baby_blu

Oryx wrote: »

I cant tell what age your friend is

she is 23

LegacyUser

baby_blu wrote: »

She broke up with her bf about a month ago but she was fine about it, in fact she dumped him, she has been on depression medication on and off for 4 years

you would be surprised. Just because she dumped him doesnt mean she was okay with it. Its hard to explain but when you get depressed you start to self destruct and sufer from what is like a version of paradise syndrom. As soon as things go right you start to panic about how it will fall apart and you yourself take steps to make it fall apart. breaking up with her BF and stealing speak strongly. You also start to self destruct by making yourself unhappy, by doing things you know are wrong and could do you harm or make things worse. Its almost like you are daring yourself to see how far you can go or by getting to rock bottom because the mad thing is - when things are going well its scary because you are so afraid of losing what you have. however when you get to rock bottom its actually less frightening because you know where you are and things cannot get worse so you are no longer afraid to lose anything. sorry this may all seem crazy to you but I have at lst managed to acknowledge what I was doing and why.

Your friend needs to see a new counsellor and may need to go on some sort of medication as if its been four years whatever is happening now is not working. Different things work for different people theres lots of options ot there. for me medication and councelling did not work(one counseller refused to see me anymore as she felt she was getting too convinced by my thinking). giving myself a kick up the ass and being determined at all cost to get better did. Try to help and encourage her to seek help and to change what shes doing.

Susannahmia

Lol my cousin used to do that a lot, he suffers from kleptomania. Sounds just like her, he used to steal the most random useless stuff and couldn't stop himself. He went to counselling for a long while and doesn't do it as much now (or maybe he just got better at not being caught ).

valleyoftheunos

OP

Call up your friend and tell her you want to talk to her about it. Tell her you wont judge her, you wont contact to the police and you only suggested that because you didn't know what else to say.

After that let her do the talking, Whilst its only petty theft at this point its clearly a problem for her that needs to be resolved. Professional help is the only way this will happen.

If she has been seeing a therapist in the past it want be quite so large a step to take to see someone regarding this. The fact that she has spoken to you about it, would indicate that she admits its wrong and a problem, try and guide her towards getting professional help.

baby_blu

SparkilingWate1 wrote: »

you would be surprised. Just because she dumped him doesnt mean she was okay with it.

She dumped him cos (NOT BEING RACIST HERE BEFORE ANYONE SAYS I AM) he is indian and she was with him 5 weeks and he kept asking her to marry him and even though she fell for him v hard she knew he was only after a visa (it was obvious cos everytime she said it was 2 soon he threatned to dump her)

She was not 1 bit upset about it ive known her since i was 7 years old and i know for a fact he was annoying her about it and she got thick and left him. she was with a new guy in the club that weekend so she was ok.

baby_blu

valleyoftheunos wrote: »

OP

Call up your friend and tell her you want to talk to her about it. Tell her you wont judge her, you wont contact to the police and you only suggested that because you didn't know what else to say.

ive text her 5 times- called her 7- called up to her house twice- no answer from any of them (i know she was at home cos i saw her looking through the curtin when i was at the door)

Shes ignoring me- i slipped a note in her door at 7pm tonight explaining what happened and nothing...

valleyoftheunos

you've done all you can possibly do. leave her be and she'll some to you when she's ready.

LegacyUser

Poor girl she came to you as a cry for help and you wanted to call the guards-not saying you are suppossed to know what to do but being a good listener was probably all she needed.

You say you know her very well but you didnt know she was stealing,there has to be more underling issues she has which has caused her depression.

What did you say in the note?

baby_blu

raco wrote: »

Poor girl she came to you as a cry for help and you wanted to call the guards-not saying you are suppossed to know what to do but being a good listener was probably all she needed.

I said it out of shock i didnt know what else tosay, i didnt say i was dobbing her in i suggested maybe she give herself up

raco wrote: »

What did you say in the note?

just explained the situation and said contact me

Wurly

I shoplifted in my early teens. It was a form of rebellion for me and the thrill was great.

Then one day, I was caught. I was brought to the police station and got it put on my record (which has now ceased).

I have never shoplifted since.

Maybe her getting caught might be the best thing for her. You can tell her all you like to stop doing it. But if she wants to do it, she will and there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

She's lucky to have a concerned friend like you. Continue to be a good friend to her. I think that's all you can do really.