"IM GONNA HAVE MY BABY!!!!" (Youtube reference)

LegacyUser

Ok this may seem very strange to some people but hopefuly some will be understanding!!...

I am a normal 19 year old girl. I am involved in a lot of things. Ive just finished my Leaving Cert. I am going to travel this year and then go to University. Everything is totally normal. I have a wonderful boyfriend for the past 3 years. We are very happy together and we can see us staying together for a while.
For the past year, I cant stop thinking about getting pregnant and having a baby. Ofcourse I want to do a lot with my life, I have a lot more ambition than most people in my year had at school. But I just cannot shake the thought that without a baby, I am not complete, or doing what women were meant to do or something stupid like that.
When we have sex, I always think about getting pregnant. Even when Im...pleasuring... myself! I cant seem to come unless I imagine getting pregnant. It goes further than an impregnation fetish...because I do daydream nonstop about how things would actually be if I was. Going through the pregnancy... having the baby, and raising it. I feel really happy when I think about it. I hated kids until I started to think like this and now I love them. Is it just something that kicks in at this age?
I dont think I could go through with it, I know it would be wrong for many reasons, but I just cant stop thinking about it. It can hardly be healthy to have these kind of thoughts, can it??!! I feel like that little 14 year old white trash on You Tube!!
I suppose though, what Im thinking is more natural than anything because that is what women are made to do. I told my boyfriend and unbelievably, he admits that he thinks about the impregnation thing too. Is it just us???!!! Is it more common than people would think? What do I do because I don't want to be going around for the next 10 years thinking something is missing from my life. I should probably mention I have a VERY high sex drive.
Please help, Im becoming obsessed with the idea....

leesmom

i hope this is a joke,however if not i think u need 2 cop on,i had my baby at 19,he is now 15months old and i can say now that this has been the most difficult year of my life and i have had a pretty hard life.
u cannot possibly begin 2 understand how hard havin a 24/7 responsibilty is,not bein able to go the bathroom without bringin ur baby with u,not bein able 2 nip out to the shops to get a carton of milk without thinkin it through, not to mention the hour it could take to get the front door.the sleepless nights,the constant changin clothes,nappies,washin bottles,makin bottles,planning every little outing that is further than the front door,even takin stuff out to the wheelie bin can become a big job when u have a screamin toddler tryin to escape:rolleyes:
it is truly exhausting and u can kiss goodbye to nights out,first of all u have to get a babysitter,then u have to get the endless amount of things ready for the baby,by the time u get urself ready and baby settled you'll only be fit for bed.and if u very luckily manage to still keep urself awake and get to a pub or club u wont be drinkin more than one or two drinks cuz babies and hangovers DO NOT mix!
say goodbye to a tidy appearance for at least the first 6 months,u aint goin have 5mins to brus ur teeth never mind wash and straighten your hair.put your fave outfit on to find u have baby puke all down your shoulder.
look i could go on and on but im hoping you get the message from what ive already written.
you are 19 , you do not NEED a baby:rolleyes:
u need to live your life then you can start thinkin about creating another one.
and no i dont think its too common for a 19 year old couple to be craving a baby,certainly i wasnt craving one and dont know anyone my age that is.
yes i adore my son but it is definately not easy and not something that should be planned at your age when you really have no idea what looking after a child entails.
good luck ,hope you change your mind

robtri

thats just weird, sex should be fun at that age

MagicMarker

Isn't there some rule regarding 'txt spk'?:rolleyes:

OP: There is nothing wrong with feeling like this, although not being able to cum unless thinking of it is slightly worrying tbh.

More importantly, do you plan to act on these feelings?

edit: I guess the thread title answers that for me.

OP, four words.. Don't be an idiot.

Overheal

baradoo wrote: »

Ok this may seem very strange to some people but hopefuly some will be understanding!!...

I am a normal 19 year old girl. I am involved in a lot of things. Ive just finished my Leaving Cert. I am going to travel this year and then go to University. Everything is totally normal. I have a wonderful boyfriend for the past 3 years. We are very happy together and we can see us staying together for a while.
For the past year, I cant stop thinking about getting pregnant and having a baby. Ofcourse I want to do a lot with my life, I have a lot more ambition than most people in my year had at school. But I just cannot shake the thought that without a baby, I am not complete, or doing what women were meant to do or something stupid like that.
When we have sex, I always think about getting pregnant. Even when Im...pleasuring... myself! I cant seem to come unless I imagine getting pregnant. It goes further than an impregnation fetish...because I do daydream nonstop about how things would actually be if I was. Going through the pregnancy... having the baby, and raising it. I feel really happy when I think about it. I hated kids until I started to think like this and now I love them. Is it just something that kicks in at this age?
I dont think I could go through with it, I know it would be wrong for many reasons, but I just cant stop thinking about it. It can hardly be healthy to have these kind of thoughts, can it??!! I feel like that little 14 year old white trash on You Tube!!
I suppose though, what Im thinking is more natural than anything because that is what women are made to do. I told my boyfriend and unbelievably, he admits that he thinks about the impregnation thing too. Is it just us???!!! Is it more common than people would think? What do I do because I don't want to be going around for the next 10 years thinking something is missing from my life. I should probably mention I have a VERY high sex drive.
Please help, Im becoming obsessed with the idea....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzmTOCFnMgg

Now youre not 15 but - Reality Check!

Can't you just get a puppy? Youre only 19 - you have all the time in the world to get preggers and raise a kid.

zzantara

To Leesmom:
Great Post-very well put together-you put down on paper what every parent goes through-and you are right,we all love our kids dearly put it really is one tough job.
Good Luck-you sound like a GREAT (but tired !) Mum and

---

it does get a little easier

---

and then you have another one !!!!!!!!

leesmom

magicmarker i dont have time to be typing the long way,tryin to get my babs brekkie ready:mad:

Overheal

leesmom wrote: »

magicmarker i dont have time to be typing the long way,tryin to get my babs brekkie ready:mad:

dude got owned :pac: good luck with Lee, Mom!

Deadeyes

baradoo wrote: »

But I just cannot shake the thought that without a baby, I am not complete

So you get pregnant and you don't feel complete, you have the baby and you still don't feel complete. Then what?
Your never going to feel complete if you base your thinking that getting or achieving something is going to lead to that feeling, because there is always going to be one more thing that you'll think you'll need. Talk to a professional about your feelings, because I think that your thinking about getting pregnant for the wrong reasons.

Wibbs

OK folks back to the thread subject. We've all done the one handed typing bit before that sounds wrong somehow..

Wibbs

OP it's not that unusual and as you say it's nature. It's trying to get you up the duff at your most fertile. Your also in the crazy romantic period in your relationship. The part where every hormone is telling you to get pregnant with this guy. It'll be the same for him, especially if he's in the throes of first love. It's also something that you have to put your higher mind to. We all have different natural urges, that we ignore or delay until times when they're appropriate for us and those around us and this would be one of them.

Overheal

I stand by the puppy suggestion until some of the other wimmins start waking up and logging in to give their more informed opinions. Pups are lots of love, and lots of work too. its not quite as hectic as having a child im sure but stress levels will surely go up when he poos all over your floor and annhihilates the couch

Its a good way to channel off some of those maternal instincts. My mother went ahead and did it now that she's just got the Girl left (and she's already turned 18 and works all the time) so nobodys home to need her motherly love anymore. Solution: 3 dogs.

MJOR

LOL Wibbs,

Anyway to be honest you are totally dellusional if you think getting pregnant at 19 is a good idea. It's so time consuming and can be a real strain on a relationship. Leesmom put it perfectly.

There are certain things you should do before emarking on a baby making crusade.

1. Get an education
2. Get a well paid job
3. Have a great time out partying and dancing
4. Work abroad for a summer
5. Get a roof over your head, a sofa a bed those kind of things buy them.
6. Have some holidays with your guy.
7. ENJOY being a young adult.

Thats my opinion for what its worth!

Lord Muck

Hey , i dont mean to sound condescending towards you ,but maybe 19 isnt the right age to have a baby for you.There's nothing sick or twisted with what your thinking , but chill out for a few years and just enjoy yourself , you'll have all the rest of yuor life to be a mammy. Ideally you'd like to be in a decent job , live in your own house before really considering bringing another person into the world. At 19 you have so much more ahead of you .

dudara

You're letting this desire consume you rather than thinking rationally. Perhaps it's a way of avoiding some other issues.

Do you have other ambitions for your life other than having a kid at an age when you are really no more than a kid yourself?

leesmom

i could put up a video of my toddler throwing a temper tantrum,climbing on the tv stand,emptying the kitchen presses,pulling the clothes out of my wardrobe,emptying the bin,throwing my make up down the toilet,plastering sudocream all over the walls and carpet,peeing on the floor,refusing food like im trying to poison him:eek:then you'll realise that it's not all fun and games and little cutie babies in beautiful clean clothes fast asleep in their buggy,if only:rolleyes:
at the moment my ds is pulling the hoover out for about the 50th time this morning,they don't seem to get the word "no",its all fun ,fun fun

Karen_*

OP forget about you for a moment and what you want. Will you be with your partner in the longterm? Have you got a stable home and the means to provide for the child? Are you willing to sit in for the next 15 years and mind the child? Are you willing to give up your life? think about what you can offer as a parent and is this really going to be fair on a little baby. I had a baby at 19. I love him dearly but I don't think it was fair at all on him to have him so young without the stability that all children deserve.

littlebug

baradoo wrote: »

I should probably mention I have a VERY high sex drive.
....

that's something else that changes when you have a baby ... the drive, the energy, the time and opportunity, the privacy.....

Leesmom described life with a baby perfectly. I was 32 when I had my first baby, married, education complete and career established, travelling and partying done. Still... those first few years were the most difficult of my life. my children are now 6 and 3 and it's only in the past year that I've started to feel like an individual again and have time and energy for ordinary things like...eh... friends, hobbies etc.
I do remember getting the urge for a baby in my late 20s and it was an incredibly strong feeling and it's obviously a natural instinct in (some) women but you really do have to look at the bigger picture.

seamus

OP, you say "I don't want to be going around for the next 10 years thinking something is missing from my life.".

Have you thought about the opposite - what if you have this child and then in ten years time you realise all of the things that you were unable to do because you had to take the child into consideration. At that point, you still have the child so you can't go back and have those experiences again.
If you hang on for those ten years, then you can decide that in fact you do still want a child and you still have all the time in the world to go have one.

I don't have a child, but I can't explain to you how frustrating the next five years would be for you if you had one. All of your friends will be going to college and/or getting jobs and going out partying 3/4 nights a week, staying in someone else's house partying for 72 hours at a time, going on impromptu road trips, going on cheap piss-up sun holidays. You will be unable to take part in a lot of the fun which makes being a young adult great and there will be no way to go back and revisit that time.

Peewee_lane

Hi OP (Im 24 btw)

Women are baby making machines - we are built to reproduce, we have the reproduction organs and thats why your body feels strongly about having a baby.

I get 'broody' a couple of times every few months, my breasts get larger and sore as my body gets ready each month to dispense an egg into my womb, and when its not fertilied, my body gets rid of it.

My friend had a baby young, now shes finally getting to go back to college and she thinks she may be pregant again. She said on the phone the other night - "you dont know what its like to be looking at a bare press and not able to feed your child". Shes working a great job now and cant give it up for social welfare and a life of not being able to give your child what you want to give them!

Oh by the way - mam and dad wont be picking up the slack! You shouldnt think they have your back.

Look, alot of women get these urges but you have to cop on, write a bucket list and get on with life. Life is long by the way! It doesnt end at 19.

sunny2004

I dont get the Title of the OP's post ?
It and the post dont really match, honestly I have a feeling its a wind up !

dee8839

I'm 20 and in 3rd year of college. And in those 3 short years I have had since I was at your stage, just out of Leaving Cert, I have had more fun and more experiences than in the previous 17. I've lived in New York for a summer. I've gone on a girly sun holiday. I've had a great relationship. I've survived a break up. I've had 3 rag weeks. I've lived away from home with strangers. I've moved to 3 cities. I've experienced the working world, and the university madness.

If I'd had a baby after my Leaving Cert, I would have done very few if any of these things. University, if it would even have been possible, would have been a case of study then home. No summer abroad, no holiday, no flirting....because you'd be stuck in the life of a mother.

Wait. Enjoy the other things in life. Finish college. Get a job. Then you can have a baby and not fear that you'll live to regret what you never got to do with your life.

Overheal

sunny2004 wrote: »

I dont get the Title of the OP's post ?
It and the post dont really match, honestly I have a feeling its a wind up !

its a reference to said youtube video.

OP have you ever tried sitting for a toddler before? Theyre animals. Some kick, others scratch some, even bite. my own babysitter's little devil had a grip from hell, and frequently tried to hang from my cheek >.<

dudara

sunny2004 Leave the moderating to the moderators.

dudara

Wibbs

sunny2004 supposition on windups/trolls etc is against the charter. If you do have any issue the report the post or take it PM with one of the mods. Even if it is a windup, I'm quite sure there are plenty of women out there who have these issues and will get the benefit from the thread.

Piste

Maybe you could try babysittng, that might satisfy your baby need. Advertise around the area and see if you could get some babysitting jobs. You'll get to play with little babies and dote on them and equally see what little horrors they can be. It might make you realise you'd be better able to handle having a full time baby when you're a bit older.



Then again it might backfire completely and make you even more broody :P


One thing I have to say though - -even if you never considered it- is that please dont try to get pregnant without consulting your boyfriend, it's just not fair on him if you "forget" the pill or something.

AngryBadger

dudara wrote: »

You're letting this desire consume you rather than thinking rationally. Perhaps it's a way of avoiding some other issues.

Do you have other ambitions for your life other than having a kid at an age when you are really no more than a kid yourself?

+1 Big time. OP, don't take this the wrong way, but you're only just off your training wheels. There's nothing wrong with having a baby, but there's everything wrong with having a baby you can't take proper care of.

I don't see any need for people giving out to you,it's not as if you're trying to get pregnant right?

To me you sound immature about the whole idea of having a baby. It's one thing to be smitten with the fantasy of having a baby, it's another thing entirely to actually have a baby. From the way you've posted above your perspective seems to be entirely idealistic, with no place for the harsh realities of having a child.

Obviously you're legally an adult, so no-one can tell you what to do as such, but for what it's worth, I'd put off any baby-making idiocy until you've AT LEAST finished college, and to be honest, I think you'd want to be working a few years with a partner you trust, and some financial security before anyone in their right mind would consider having a baby.

paperclip2

seamus wrote: »

OP, you say "I don't want to be going around for the next 10 years thinking something is missing from my life.".

Have you thought about the opposite - what if you have this child and then in ten years time you realise all of the things that you were unable to do because you had to take the child into consideration. At that point, you still have the child so you can't go back and have those experiences again.
If you hang on for those ten years, then you can decide that in fact you do still want a child and you still have all the time in the world to go have one.

I don't have a child, but I can't explain to you how frustrating the next five years would be for you if you had one. All of your friends will be going to college and/or getting jobs and going out partying 3/4 nights a week, staying in someone else's house partying for 72 hours at a time, going on impromptu road trips, going on cheap piss-up sun holidays. You will be unable to take part in a lot of the fun which makes being a young adult great and there will be no way to go back and revisit that time.

Oh God, is Seamus bang on the money or what! I am 13 years down the road from where you are now OP. My daughter is at the stage of independence where she doesn't need me as much as she did. I'm only now starting to realise just how much I have missed out on. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my daugter for a second. She is one the lights of my life, but in order to raise her right I had to make a helluva lot of sacrifices. Being a parent is a wonderful adventure but if you take it on at the age you are now it will cancel out a lot of other great adventures for you. Enjoy your youth, (God I sound like a right granny!), when its gone its gone.

LegacyUser

Hey OP I'm the same as you only I'm 20 and a guy-of late I've been thinkin of having a baby too it's feckin crazy I can't stop thinkin of being a dad :eek: yet I'm in no position to be one, I wish someone could explain to me why I'm feeling like this and how to stop !!,at least you have talked to your boyfriend about your feelings and he feels the same I'm keeping mine bottled up cause I don't know how my girlfriend would take it if I told her that for some reason I can't stop thinkin of havin a baby not that I want one now but just have these strong desires to have one -she might take it the wrong way but seriously take the advice of the other posters .

LegacyUser

i' 34 and due my baby in sep and ****ting it, I've lived, college, shared living...parties etc etc and 19 is way way too young, you need to live your life and forget about babies as you have a gud 10 yrts of partying to get down to doin...ENJOY....

stovelid

baradoo wrote: »

.

Babies need a lot more than love, believe me. Can you financially provide for a child at 19? Can you honestly say that your partner will be around for the next 16+ years?

You have, at very best, another 15-20 years in which to have a baby. That's 15-20 in which you can find (or remain with) your long-term partner, have some fun, build a career, and travel. What's the rush?

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

OP it's not that unusual and as you say it's nature. It's trying to get you up the duff at your most fertile. Your also in the crazy romantic period in your relationship. The part where every hormone is telling you to get pregnant with this guy. It'll be the same for him, especially if he's in the throes of first love. It's also something that you have to put your higher mind to. We all have different natural urges, that we ignore or delay until times when they're appropriate for us and those around us and this would be one of them.

Thank you Wibbs!! And I am putting my higher mind to it...I think people are getting this a bit wrong. I mean, I wouldnt go through with it. I couldnt! I know that it is a lot of hard work and please dont tell me that I just dont seem to have a clue about babies, I really do. I know all about it I got the talk of my close cousin who had hers when she was 18, and raised him going through college with no help from mammy and daddy. So please dont tell me to cop on and call me an idiot.
Im not going to go and get pregnant. But its like when I think about it I don't even think about all the hard stuff. Im just thinking happy families and I KNOW it isnt like that.

Im just trying to stop my hormonal crazy thinking from catching up with my actions.

Its just this little private fantasy thing that is driving me insane.

I think the IM GONNA HAVE MY BABY mislead people... it was a reference to the infamous You Tube video.

Dont worry Piste I would never do that to my boyfriend!!!

Hello Dubman20 god its good to know that Im not alone!! ****ed up isnt it?

Glowing

Look at this this way, when you have a baby, you are actually having a person.

By the time you're 25, you'll be doing school runs and buying uniforms. Do you really want that when all your friends will be finishing up college and heading to Australia to live the high-life?

stovelid

baradoo wrote: »

Thank you Wibbs!! And I am putting my higher mind to it...I think people are getting this a bit wrong. I mean, I wouldnt go through with it. I couldnt! I know that it is a lot of hard work and please dont tell me that I just dont seem to have a clue about babies, I really do. I know all about it I got the talk of my close cousin who had hers when she was 18, and raised him going through college with no help from mammy and daddy. So please dont tell me to cop on and call me an idiot.
Im not going to go and get pregnant. But its like when I think about it I don't even think about all the hard stuff. Im just thinking happy families and I KNOW it isnt like that.

Im just trying to stop my hormonal crazy thinking from catching up with my actions.

Its just this little private fantasy thing that is driving me insane.

I think the IM GONNA HAVE MY BABY mislead people... it was a reference to the infamous You Tube video.

Dont worry Piste I would never do that to my boyfriend!!!

Hello Dubman20 god its good to know that Im not alone!! ****ed up isnt it?

No offence, but you sound in no way mature enough to have a child. It's a human being that comes with enormous lifestyle changes and responsibility, not a little fantasy or a desirable possession.

LegacyUser

No offence, Stovelid, but you are failing to grasp the main problem I am having. Your comment actually does not address my problem in any way. I know that it causes lifestyle changes and I dont see a baby as a little possession.

Perhaps if you read my post properly you would understand what Im trying to say.

BTW, how come you quoted me and then said that I sound too immature to have a baby? I find that strange... Fair enough if you said "too young to have a baby", but trust me, I am more mature that most people my age.

LegacyUser

baradoo wrote: »

Hello Dubman20 god its good to know that Im not alone!! ****ed up isnt it?

Yep it sure is ,I don't know what has me like this too ,it's something that has just engulfed me of late and like you before the thought of having one scared the fook outta me. I didn't think it was possible for guys to feel "broody" I don't wanna feel like this though,anyway havin one on purpose now is a bad idea .

stovelid

baradoo wrote: »

No offence, Stovelid, but you are failing to grasp the main problem I am having. Your comment actually does not address my problem in any way. I know that it causes lifestyle changes and I dont see a baby as a little possession.

Perhaps if you read my post properly you would understand what Im trying to say.

BTW, how come you quoted me and then said that I sound too immature to have a baby? I find that strange... Fair enough if you said "too young to have a baby", but trust me, I am more mature that most people my age.

I did read your post. That's why I quoted it. I know a baby causes lifestyle changes, because unlike you, I have one and my lifestyle is currently experiencing severe change.

I have no wish to argue at length about your maturity. You asked for opinions, I gave one.

Others will no doubt do so as well.

Good luck in what you do anyway, and remember, you can have a child and a life if you get the sequence right....

LegacyUser

baradoo wrote: »

No offence, Stovelid, but you are failing to grasp the main problem I am having.

Perhaps if you read my post properly you would understand what Im trying to say.

I know what you're saying,it's hard to fully explain but I know how you're feeling

baradoo wrote: »

trust me, I am more mature that most people my age.

And I can well believe that you don't sound childish etc well not to me anyway

BubbleWrap85

My Mam had me when she was 19. And I know for a fact she regrets not being able to go to college or study properly and get a proper job. I know others can manage but she didn't. She was just finished leaving cert and then I came along.

I know she'd love to have travelled and all the rest but she wasn't given that opportunity. These feelings will pass. If you do try babysitting and the likes you'll see that it is certainly not all fun and games!

My friend had a baby just after leaving cert. She was unable to go to college for the first year as she was minding her son. She went to college the following year, but found it difficult to find somewhere to live for the year as no college student wants to live with someone with a baby! She moved in with another woman with a baby, who luckily had a ar to drive them to college. She went to her lectures and went home. Rarely went out. When she did she couldn't drink much as was said already, babies and hangovers do not mix!

Don't go through with this. Live your life, and then you can think about somebody elses.

StormWarrior

I think you should ask a friend or relative if you can babysit their baby for 24 hours. Bet you soon change your mind.

leesmom

did someone say babysitter??:eek:get me one of those !!:D
i understand what you mean about being more mature than most people your age,i feel that way too ,even before having my son,my circumstances made me that way,i do think people shouldn't be judged before you know their full circumstances.
do leave it at least until you have gone through college to have a little one though,you will be glad you did when you finally do have kids.;)

coco85

OP.. just to let you know that the suggestion about getting a puppy works!!!...

My partner and i have been talking about having a family for some time now.. both of us have been abroad, gone to university, good jobs, steady income..have done the partying etc etc but our house is not fully built yet and we want to be in the house before we even try and get pregnant....

So we bought a puppy to ward off the broodiness.... it worked.. figured it would be good practise(joke) but it was damn hard work!!!.. the beauty of having a puppy is that he could go to my moms or sis's house if we wanted to go away for a weekend, we can leave him alone if we want to run to the shops, we can both still work and have the puppy..

Trust me it works and wards off the broodiness!!!!...

Some of the best and most memorable times of our lives were when we were in University!!!..most of my best friends are ppl i met in university.. trust me- get a puppy, go to university, get a great job and go from there.... you say you 'think' ye will be together for a while.. you would want to be damn sure ye will be together forever before even thinking of bringing another human being into the world...

And.. as for accident on purpose pregancy- please don't do it to him.. my friend did that to her boyfriend, she told him she was pregnant on the day he was going to tell her he was breaking up with her(i have this on good authority-my bf is his best friend)- they now lead a miserable life staying together for the sake of the child.. (but thats another argument for another day)

Take care... and get a puppy!!!:)

Jack B. Badd

baradoo wrote: »

I am more mature that most people my age.

Tbh, OP, you do seem a hell of a lot more mature than the average 19 year old (no offence to all the 19 year olds out there). As far as I understand your posts, you seem to be aware that this intense desire to have a child now is irrational. It's infringing on many aspects of your life and making things difficult.

What Wibbs said is probably right, it's your body telling you that you're at your most fertile and now would be a great time to get knocked up from a physical point of view. However, you seem to be well aware that you're not ready emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. and you still want to live your life (for want of a better word) before having kids.

Depending on how intense this desire is, you should possibly consider talking to your doctor. They may be able to refer you to a counsellor who could help or may even find that this is the byproduct of a hormonal imbalance - I'm totally speculating with this btw!

I might be totally misunderstanding your problem here (let me know if I am) but good luck anyway

dudara

baradoo wrote: »

but trust me, I am more mature that most people my age.

Now you're probably not going to like me for saying this, but when I hear that kind of statement, I think exactly the opposite.

At 19 you've barely started to develop into the final adult you will become. I think a lot of posters here would say that they really developed after the age of 25. It's not elitism on my part saying this, it's the simple fact that living through a few more years will give you more life experience.

Dudess

Absolutely. I was just talking to someone about that the other day. The second half of the 20s (27 in my case) is when you start to feel like an adult and more confident etc. The first half of your 20s kinda seems like an extension of your teens.

In this day and age, 19/20 is WAY too young to be having a baby. It might seem considerably older than 15/16 but it's not really. I know there are plenty of late teens/early 20-somethings having babies and they just get on with it and they're crazy about their kids (like leesmom - some fantastic posting there chick ) and they're really happy too, but how many of these are planned? If it's not planned, well then you just have to get on with it, but if it can be avoided, do. It's a MASSIVE, all-consuming job. I'm not a mother, I can only go by friends of mine, and it looks like the toughest thing in the world. Plenty of joy too, but you'll still experience all that joy if you wait until later. As someone said, you'll be doing the school run at 25 - that's just mindblowing. I'm 30 and it would be like me having a 10 or 11-year-old. Christ, to me, it doesn't seem THAT long since I was 10 or 11!

You have to do a MASSIVE amount of growing up. One of my mates had her first baby at 19 and she's 25 now and much older than me - even though, chronologically, I'm almost four and a half years older than her.

And this day and age is not like our mothers'/grandmothers' time when they were all having babies in their teens and early 20s and could all help each other out and the cost of living wasn't so high that they needed a second income so they could be stay-at-home mums for the long term. Now, you're more likely to be in the minority of your friends if you have a child young - my cousin was just saying how lonely she can get having no friends with kids to get a bit of support/advice from - and she's 33. Plus, not going back to work is pretty much not an option any more - more stress again.

And also, when you said in your opening post you could imagine being with your boyfriend "for a while"... alarm bells. Surely you can only imagine being with him and nobody else if you want to have a child with him?

LegacyUser

Emmmm..... I dont think I would go through with it.


Just to address some comments or clear anything up:
Dudara, I am saying I am more mature than most people my age because I am. I want some help and advice here, so why would I lie about things like that. Obviously I have to tell people the truth because I want people to try to help! Trust me, I am way more mature than many 19 year olds. I didnt say i was mature, I said I thought I was quite mature for 19...
Hi Jack B Bad... thanks for that. Like I said I do have a very strong sex drive and I think the "impregnation fetish" thing may come hand in hand with this. Im afraid that it will get the better of me!!!
Dubman20 I took a pregnancy test twice in the past year and I was ****ting myself for the few days before it. I would have killed for a negative. Having a baby, in reality, would put the ****s up me, but inside my head its a different story.
Humans are only put here to reproduce anyway...arent they??!!..

Dudess

Citing Darwinian/basic biological reasons is all well and good but they don't take into account how much time and society have moved on. Fact is, society is not conducive to very early parenthood the way it once was. The cost of living is so high you need to have a career firmly established if you want financial security for you and the little 'un. Relationships are far more volatile now - people aren't as likely to stay together out of a sense obligation like they used to - particularly very young people. It's isolating when you're in the minority (as opposed to being in the majority many years ago) and if there's one thing you hugely need as a parent to a very young child, it's support/advice.

Humans were once like wild cats - their sole purpose in life was survival/propagation of the species: hunting/killing for enough food on which to subsist; breeding. That's not relevant anymore...

Jack B. Badd

Dudess wrote: »

Citing Darwinian/basic biological reasons is all well and good but they don't take into account how much time and society have moved on. Fact is, society is not conducive to very early parenthood the way it once was. The cost of living is so high you need to have a career firmly established if you want financial security for you and the little 'un. Relationships are far more volatile now - people aren't as likely to stay together out of a sense obligation like they used to - particularly very young people. It's isolating when you're in the minority (as opposed to being in the majority many years ago) and if there's one thing you hugely need as a parent to a very young child, it's support/advice.

Humans were once like wild cats - their sole purpose in life was survival/propagation of the species: hunting/killing for enough food on which to subsist; breeding. That's not relevant anymore...

Tbh, Dudess, I think you're preaching to the converted. On a rational level the OP is aware that she does not want a child at her age. She has cited a number of very good reasons as to why having a child now would be a bad thing. She does, however, have an irrational and potentially damaging (imo) desire to get pregnant now. She is aware that this goes against her rational needs and desires and is worried that she make the mistake of succumbing to it in a moment of weakness. The rational arguments that have been given to her here appear to be ones that she's already thought of herself and, as far as I can see, will do little or nothing to combat her real problem which is her irrational desire.

The OP seems to be trying to find some way of explaining why she feels the way she does in order to combat it. I have no idea why she does (I have sod all in the way of maternal instinct personally so I can't really relate), apart from the probability that this is what many women approaching their prime feel like. I do think that going to a doctor or a counsellor probably couldn't hurt. It's probably along the lines of many other obsessions.

Marksie

flame diving: Banned one week, infracted and post deleted