How do you get over someone you have loved for years?

LegacyUser

Not going with my unusal log in here.

My ex and myself have been on and off for years. There is a love there but she feels differently than I do and we have a son.

She has in the past met other people while we have been seperated and that really depressed me and now it's happened again but it feels even worse than ever and there is other stuff going on at the moment in my life.

At this point I am so depressed and seriously don't know what to do anymore because it's affecting everything and is no getting to a point which is completely unbearable. I wake up to wishing the day was already finished. There is no-one around that I can talk too for the moment including my son because my whole family is gone away and won't be back for another month at least.

I know I should try and focus on my son and myself (which is usually what people tell me to do) but I still can't pull myself together, don't know how too or feel the energy too.

I don't want to take anti-depression tablets because I just feel this doesn't actually help you deal with your pain.

Before I have dealt with this by drinking stupidly and taking drugs (coke & Es) to forget about everything which works for a very limited time and I'm not going down that route again.

Things feel intolerable at the moment. I can't switch my mind to anything else but the girl I love to bits and her being with someone else and I can't see no end to it.

Anybody who has been through this or has some advise, please tell me how you've gotten over this because I can't go on like this.

SnowMonkey

how could you love some one that you can't be with?

persoanlly ive been threw the same sorta circumstances with out the coke but weed and e's and it didnt help at all it mde me worse.

I think the releationship youve discribed is distructive and going to drive you mad,it did me quite literatly tock 6 years to get from the place i was to the place i am today.

All i can say is maybe its time you let go and find some for your self and stop hurting your self with someone thats hurting you....

Concintrate on work and your somn there whats important, and then when youve got your head cleerer go out there and find your self a woman, there loads of single women and tbh you mind set apears cleer bye syaing

I don't want to take anti-depression tablets because I just feel this doesn't actually help you deal with your pain.

go find a therpist to get you over the hurdels and ule be flying again

drunkmonkey

Your thinking straight, your right the drugs don't make you forget, no more than a slap of a sledge hammer...

From experience I know if you really love someone there's always a little bit of them that will allways stay with you...there's not much you can really do about that...look at your ex as a benchmark, make sure the next one is better...

The only thing you can do is get out there and try meet new girls, you don't have to love any of them but one might come along which could take your mind off things...

Get out there and enjoy yourself....get to know your mates again....chin up, the word is your playground!!

McGinty

Hi Op

Several things came to mind whilst reading your post so I'll try to give a focused response:-

First of all you mention that relationship has been on and off, I think to begin with it is crucial for your own sanity and well being to establish a strong boundary, one where you are both friends for the sake of your son but one that does not slip into casual sex/or other romantic stuff. You need to get this firmly established within yourself first before acting upon it.

The second thing is be kind to yourself, your feelings are stronger than hers, and right now you are feeling the pain, if you could 'pull yourself together' you would be able to, right now you are in free fall from this, I guess what I am trying to say is stay with the pain until it passes away of its own accord, now this may sound nuts, we all try to fix ourselves be it drugs, anti-depressants, food, etc, to smother the pain, when instead we need to just sit with it (now I can manage this sometimes but not all the time so I need to follow myself on this one) but believe me when you do it works.

The third thing I would suggest is use the alone time to work out why you are still attached to a woman who no longer loves you. I was 'in love' (obsessed in reality) with a man for years, I learned that I needed to be alone and work out the issues around him and I learned that I didn't love him in the true sense, I wanted him to ease away all the stuff I was carrying inside, now I am not saying this is your case, but I am providing my own story as an example. Maybe you can do this alone or with the help of therapy, I personally needed therapy cos there was mountains of other crap to deal with.

Finally I don't know if it is a good idea to meet another woman just yet until you sort your own head out and get comfy with your own company, or basically until you value yourself, I was told by the ex I was obsessed with to value myself, I resented his advice at the time, but they were valuable words and I am grateful to him now only he doesn't know it. However, know this when you are comfy in yourself and decided what is best for you, a real love will come your way and you will be glad that you have let go of this.

Final, final, I found when I went through very dark periods that I kept reminding myself that this situation is temporary, and it is, nothing ever stays the same, so the pain you are feeling is temporary. The very best of luck Op and fair play for not going the drink/drugs route, that in itself is a major achievment.