Heartbroken

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend since May 2007 & living with him since September 2007 (my family left Ireland and went back to Australia to live there leaving me here to move in with my boyfriend, first time ive ever been on my own) I am 21 & he is 26.

We have had lots of fights since we moved in together but lots of good times too & we are meant to go to Australia in November together but my boyfriend hadn't been talking much to me for the previous two days then last night he left for the whole evening & went to his parents house & set up his old bedroom for him to move back in then came back to our apartment & told me he wants to break up, I was & still am in shock & devastated... we have a michael buble concert on saturday(anniversary present to me), my b'day is in august, im still wearing the €200 italian bought necklace he got me when we went away on holiday... countless pictures & cards from him & the most painful thing of all, memories of good times which is all i seem to be remembering right now...

Since September 2007 when we moved in together we have spent so much time together, ive never lived with anyone or had such a long relationship before... im so so so heartbroken & feel like curling up & dying (not literally, u know what i mean) everytime i tried to go to sleep last night i woke up crying as i remembered memories of us & how his lips felt & how id never be able to kiss him again.... He slept beside me last nite, not sure if its for the last time, I think it is, i dont want to stay alone in our apartment in our bed tonight, thats going to kill me

He told me last night he doesnt think im the right one for him, we dont get on properly, we fight too much, we never had good times (thats a lie), devastated me...

I am going back to the apartment after i finish work tonight & he said he will be there to "organise" things... im falling apart

I dont want to fly back to Australia on my own in this emotional state, I dont want to lose him... something inside me says no dont let him go!! dont do it!! its like a compulsion...

Can anyone please help me? What can i do here? I am so lost.... I dont know what to do, i dont feel like ill ever be okay ever again

MJOR

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way sweetie. You're heartbroken It will get better. He has said some hurtful things to you.

I'm not sure that he wants to stay with you so you might not have any choice in the matter i'm afraid. Do you have any friends that could come over to stay?

If you are going to give it another shot ye should maybe try to be a bit more open and talk a bit more. Lots of the time couples fight because if lack of communication.

If ye decide that its not going to work getting back then take a bit of yime to yourself, do your crying lick your wounds and then make a decision as to whether to go to oz

xxxx

Aurora Borealis

I feel for you OP I really do but as someone who actually thought I was going to fade into nothingness with heartbreak I can tell you without question it gets so much easier. Takes time, though not usually as long as me I think but it was a huge one for me and knocked me badly.. anyway. My advice, keep contact to a minimum for a while, helps salvage a friendship later if you do, get in touch with old friends, go on holidays, get active and eat well. Do not go and party like a lunatic like I did for months because you need to look after yourself when you're at a low ebb like you are not burn up all your resources. Listen to music, keep busy and remember that life brings many opportunities and challenges and this break up will bring you both.

Chin up.

LegacyUser

Thank you MJOR, I feel so scared about tonight, i dont want to go back to the apartment but part of me does cause he will be there & it may be the last glimpse of him i ever see... i want him & i need him in my life, he makes me so happy & we have so many great things planned to do together, my dreams are now shattered..... *sighs*

Karen_*

The pain of a break up can be excruciating OP but it does get easier. It does, even though you feel like you're going to die from it at the time. And its very hard to make sense of too. How could it all go so wrong and why do you have to suffer like this?

I beleive that everything happens for a reason and in the main for our own good. It certainly doesn't seem like it at the time and the reason can often be hard to find but have a look for one. There may be great things waiting for you in Australia.

Do try to occupy yourself and keep busy but also allow yourself some time to think and be alone. Cry as much as you need to and don't dwell on the things he said. You might not be his right girl but you're someones right girl. xx

Sugar Drunk

Hi hun, Im so sorry to hear that. is this the same fella who went off at you for leaving two pots steeping in the sink? Looks like he was just looking for a reason to get angry and stop speaking to you and an excuse to break up.

Can I be honest? I know your not happy right now. But yesterday, when you wrote your other post and were totally unaware that this was coming, you did not seem happy then either. and if your not happy and your walking on egg shells thats not a healthy relationship. I know thats really hard to see right now but you will be amazed at what time can do.

Its understandable to be really upset so dont beat yourself up for it it will take time to get through it. Do you have any close friends you can call up and meet up with? Its the kind of time when you need your mates to help you get through it.

as for australia, you dont need to decide that right now. take some time and see how you feel in a month or two. Theres always a chance you might meet friends who want to travel with you or you might feel a break away will help

Aurora Borealis

Did I miss something.. How do you know it's same OP?
Advice still stands though.

LegacyUser

Your right sugar drunk, i didnt deserve to walk on eggshells....

I just want to say thank you to you all for caring, i have tears in my eyes as i write this (cant cry cause im in work), I am very humbled & touched that people who dont even know me would care enough to try & make me feel better so thank you all, I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel by a long shot yet but im hoping that with time as you have said, things will get better.

Sugar Drunk

similar name, moved in together since 2007, fights with BF who has not spoken to her for two days now etc
sorry if I am wrong OP thought it was same person!?

Aurora Borealis

On the money Sugar Drunk.
OP pour your heart out here as much as you need to. It's anonymous and very therapeutic to share it with others and still be able to hold your head up high when you need to.

LegacyUser

Thank you Aurora

I dont understand why he is not crying? how he can be so calm? I was bawling my eyes out last night & he didnt flinch, just looked slightly sad.... how can men be like this?

MJOR

notregd wrote: »

Thank you MJOR, I feel so scared about tonight, i dont want to go back to the apartment but part of me does cause he will be there & it may be the last glimpse of him i ever see... i want him & i need him in my life, he makes me so happy & we have so many great things planned to do together, my dreams are now shattered..... *sighs*

I wholeheartedly understand that you feel like this, trust me it will get better. Being heartbroken is one of the worst feelings in the world because you start to grieve for the relationship.

For a while you'll feel like going to bed and not getting out of it. You'll feel sick and everything will remind you of him. This will get better i promise.

You won't see it now but in the long run you are better off without him if he doesn't want to be with you.

It's a tough few months ahead girl. You'll be ok though. once the initial shock wears off you'll gather strength.

Its a hard situation because there haven't been any major hurts or insults flying.

Good luck and keep posting. All the girls here are full of advice....

Beetlebum

MJOR wrote: »

I wholeheartedly understand that you feel like this, trust me it will get better. Being heartbroken is one of the worst feelings in the world because you start to grieve for the relationship.

For a while you'll feel like going to bed and not getting out of it. You'll feel sick and everything will remind you of him. This will get better i promise.

You won't see it now but in the long run you are better off without him if he doesn't want to be with you.

It's a tough few months ahead girl. You'll be ok though. once the initial shock wears off you'll gather strength.

Its a hard situation because there haven't been any major hurts or insults flying.

Good luck and keep posting. All the girls here are full of advice....

All the boys here are full of advice too. As Mjor said, it will get easier for you.
That's not just an opinion, that's a fact. I would estimate that almost everybody over the age of 22 has been through some form of heartbreak. Think of all the love songs and movies there are, we all go through it and come out stronger on the other side.

Focus on yourself and whatever you do DON'T beg him to take you back or to reconsider. It sounds like he has made his mind up and if you cling to him or beg him he'll run a mile. He may regret his decision some day but for the moment this is what he wants.

I cried and begged my ex to take me back. I feel like going back in time and kicking myself for being so pathetic. All it served to do was push him away.

You really will be fine. The first day is the hardest.

Aurora Borealis

Beetlebum wrote: »

Focus on yourself and whatever you do DON'T beg him to take you back or to reconsider. It sounds like he has made his mind up and if you cling to him or beg him he'll run a mile. He may regret his decision some day but for the moment this is what he wants.

I cried and begged my ex to take me back. I feel like going back in time and kicking myself for being so pathetic. All it served to do was push him away.

+1

Mistake I made ad infinitum. You live and learn.

anonymous_joe

I think all of us who've been in a similar situation can relate to you.

I love(d) my ex, but she was under huge stress with college and illness and broke up with me on ridiculously spurious grounds. The first week or so I was just numb, but then I pretty much fell apart. I ended up spending four days in a row out of my head on booze, with fairly understandable results. But then I realised I was just destroying myself for no reason.

It hurts, a lot. But the pain does lessen as time moves on.

Worry about yourself first of all. If the guy cared for you, then he'll remember that if you remove yourself from his life. If he didn't, then you'll have cut off contact anyway, and the healing process will be a lot faster.

Just look after yourself, and above all else, keep yourself busy. There will be times especially at first when it hurts a hell of a lot and you just want to give up and cry. Those are the days when you have to just be as busy as you can.

All I can say other than that is to take care, and to wish you luck.

babyguinnessfan

Hi there,

My heart just goes out to you...I along with so many other people here know exactly what you are going through at the moment. As Beetlebum said, the first day is the hardest and it really is. It might sound corny but one thing that worked for me and helped me not to go too crazy when I broke up with my bf last year was one day at a time. You will find the best ways to deal with this yourself - just remind yourself that you are strong (even if you feel like utter sh*te!) and a good person and that this is happening for a reason.

If you meet him tonight try to stay calm - keep it short and sweet. Hold on to your dignity - you can transform into a blubbering heap once he's out the door! A good tip as well is to clear out anything that reminds you of him in the slightest way. Put that necklace in a box and put it away!!

Deep breaths all the way.

Sending you a big hug.

dudara

notregd wrote: »

I dont understand why he is not crying? how he can be so calm? I was bawling my eyes out last night & he didnt flinch, just looked slightly sad.... how can men be like this?

That's unfair on him possibly. He's made a decision, and he's trying to carry it through. So therefore he feels he can't be emotional.

Aurora Borealis

Everyone deals with things in different ways and you don't know what's going on in his head. It's hard on both people when a relationship ends.

Karen_*

Op I split up with someone in December and thought I was going to die from it. I was so hearbroken I went along with the friends charade and only did myself more damage in doing so. I wish I could turn back time and I'd have just sucked up the heartache and I'd be feeling better now. But I'm still feeling alot better than eight months ago. And in another eight months I'll be feeling even better still.

I regret the crying and the showing him how agonised I was. He didn't deserve the ego boost. I'm sure your ex feels quite good about having someone crying over him.

Its a horrible feeling when someone doesn't want to be with you and your feeling really rejected and like you did something wrong. But all this break up means is that you two are not right for each other. sometimes you have to kiss alot of frogs before you meet your prince. And you will find someone who's right for you and it will be wonderful. and until then take each day at a time. Try to live like you're only going to be single for another 6 months and you have to make the best of that time and spend loads of lovely time with yourself and getting to know what you want in life. Connect more with your friends and your family and make some new friends.

Write a diary or a blog starting today with whats happening in your life and how you feel about it. And look forward to seeing how different you feel each week and each month. Set yourself little goals. Even if its that you will go for a twenty minute walk each day. You can get through this. You think you can't but you can.

Puddleduck

Hey ya hun

Listen chin up. I went through something similar, I got the cold shoulder when I was in bits, didnt understand etc etc. I can tell you for nothing that pretty soon after it ended I was sitting here thinking, why was I so upset. Tbh if youve posted here before on erratic behaviour or where hes snappy and you're tiptoeing around him its not worth it, not for yourself, it eats at you after time and before long your a shadow of what you were. Yes it came out of nowhere and naturally youre upset, but trust me it passes, and it gets better. For tonight Id hold yourself together as best you can. It sounds like hes made his mind up. Force yourself not to focus on the good things in the realationship, think of the bad things, the reasons why you should split, pack everything that reminds you of him away, give it to a friend so you cant keep pulling it out and torturing yourself. Keep busy, be it painting your nails and giving yourself makeovers, going out with friends for dinner or drinks, or even the boards beers, you could make some new friends.

Just remember that as crap as you feel now, it passes

MJOR

Men can also tend to be less emotional outwardly and keep things to themselves. In a breakup one party is always hurting more than the other.

I know at the moment its hard to think to a future without him. But you really are better off on your own for a while than prolonging the agony. I think his reaction is hurting you a lot. Try not to dwell on this.

Focus on licking your wounds and how best you can emerge from this with your pride intact.

Anyone male or female who has begged a partner to reconsider nearly always looks back and thinks "shoot" I could have handled that better.

Aurora Borealis

MJOR wrote: »

Men can also tend to be less emotional outwardly and keep things to themselves. In a breakup one party is always hurting more than the other.

I know at the moment its hard to think to a future without him. But you really are better off on your own for a while than prolonging the agony. I think his reaction is hurting you a lot. Try not to dwell on this.

Focus on licking your wounds and how best you can emerge from this with your pride intact.

Anyone male or female who has begged a partner to reconsider nearly always looks back and thinks "shoot" I could have handled that better.

Of course one hurts more because unless it's a mutual decision one wants to try and fix things. Sure one of my exes that I'd had a very intense relationship for a few years was over it and in another relationship within weeks, something that took me months to be able for and even then I wasn't ready. That was probably his way of dealing with it and no way is the right way. It cuts but what you need to keep reminding yourself is that it heals too and you learn a lot of invaluable lessons.

LegacyUser

I printed off this thread so I can read it tonight & stay strong. I also rang my uncle, he is going to come to the apartment tonight & help me transfer my stuff to my nana & grandads (my immediate family moved to Australia but all extended family live in dublin).

I will get to the apartment at 6pm and will have 3 hrs before my uncle gets there to throw everything he gave me out, i remember i tried to throw out cards he gave me once before & it nearly killed me.... not looking forward to this evening AT ALL!!!

*sighs* Im so greatful to all of you who have taken the time to post some advice to me, you have no idea how much it means to me.

Now, who wants to come to a Michael Buble concert on saturday?!

marti101

Thats the spirirt you go to your concert and enjoy yourself.As the saying goes this is the first day of the rest of your life.

No1XtinaFan

notregd wrote: »

Now, who wants to come to a Michael Buble concert on saturday?!

Bring a friend, he is so good live and he'll cheer you right up
Have a great night on Saturday. Like everyone else said, take it one day at a time, he doesn't deserve you

jellie

im glad you have somewhere else to be, theres nothing worse than being somewhere alone & surrounded by memories.

try to cut all contact, it only makes things a million times worse. even if you want to be friends theres no point attempting to be right now when things are so raw.

try to keep busy. helps when youve other things to think about, though its easier said than done. but at the same time if you want to cry then cry. i always felt better after letting it all out.

it does get easier. but it might take a long time my ex broke up with me 7 weeks ago & im doing MUCH better, but definitely far from over him. i still think about him a lot, & still get upset. as silly as it is, sometimes i do things like counting the days since weve had contact & getting to "milestones" makes me feel a bit better. like "woohoo its been 2 weeks without him & im doing ok".