Is there something wrong with me !!

LegacyUser · 22-07-2008 3:53pm #1

Of late I've been wondering that there's something wrong with me cause I'm with my girlfriend a while and I'm always kind/caring/loving etc to her and she's the same with me which is great BUT the thing is when I see other blokes with their girlfriends I see them treating them like crap and their girlfriends seem to put up with it maybe they like it... I don't know

and my girlfriends last boyfriend was a p***k apparently.. well from what I can gather of what she told me- so its really got me thinkin is that the way I'm supposed to be with mine ?? is there something wrong with me cause I treat her well and show I love her and that I'd do anything for her .

I don't know what to think

cause I'd hate for her to be wanting me to be a b*****d to her or somethin and me going on as I am but either way I couldn't be like that to her or any girl which AGAIN is makin me think there has to be something wrong with if I can't be like that.
Don't really know what type of an answer I'm looking for

anything would be great to give me some insight as to what I'm doing wrong,thanks

ramtha · 22-07-2008 4:40pm

Your doing nothing wrong. Far from it, but some girls do like the "badboy" type and thats where you is gettin' confused! You don't need to be a pr1ck but what you do need is self-esteem. I'm not saying you don't have it but you just have to keep knowing that your an awesome person and if there are girls out there that want to be with some bitter,screwed up clueless idiots-well,then thats their issue. Don't get caught in the "I'm a nice guy" trap either, so I'm a doormat etc.etc.. Be a good guy with a healthy sense of self-seteem and if someone wants to be with you for who you are- great. If not ,let them on their way.

STUBBORNGIRL · 22-07-2008 4:45pm

Wondering ! wrote: »

is there something wrong with me cause I treat her well and show I love her and that I'd do anything for her .

Nothing wrong with you at all - you are a nice guy and i wish all the horrible men in Ireland would come on and read what you have written, might just change their attitudes.

you can be nice without being overly nice and just as long as she isnt walking all over you then there is nothing wrong with you at all! Continue what you are doing and you cant go far wrong - have you any brothers??:)

RedXIV · 22-07-2008 4:47pm

She's going out with you now right? then why would you change a winning forumula. There is no perfect action that will attract women, otherwise everyone would be doing it.

What your doing now works for the girl you love. Don't be stupid enough to change it because of what you think everyone else is doing.

Be proud, it takes balls to be a nice guy these days

SnowMonkey · 22-07-2008 4:50pm

ramtha wrote: »

Your doing nothing wrong. Far from it, but some girls do like the "badboy" type and thats where you is gettin' confused! You don't need to be a pr1ck but what you do need is self-esteem. I'm not saying you don't have it but you just have to keep knowing that your an awesome person and if there are girls out there that want to be with some bitter,screwed up clueless idiots-well,then thats their issue. Don't get caught in the "I'm a nice guy" trap either, so I'm a doormat etc.etc.. Be a good guy with a healthy sense of self-seteem and if someone wants to be with you for who you are- great. If not ,let them on their way.

yeah plus the bad boy thing allways seems to be with dadys little princess and from the age of 18 to 26/26 then they kinda go oh id actuly like to date a man as aposed to a bumbeling idiot......

dude be who you ar nothing else, just because some blokes treat there women like well garbagge, dont mean you have to...

I like to think of my self as a straight talkin cheeky monkey and allways have a smile on my face.,, i dont try ot be like other people because im not like other people. somne girls find me weird and strange other girl see me the way i am and like it....

the fact of the matter is dont stress if you dont need to

.....

just dont be a door mat....

Tragedy · 22-07-2008 5:14pm

There isnt a universal way to treat a girlfriend, just do what comes naturally to you. If she doesnt like, she isnt for you.

Life's too short to change for someone.

If you're a bad boy, there are women out there who will lap it up, if you're a nice type, the same.
*shrug* Dont over think it

LegacyUser · 22-07-2008 5:16pm

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

have you any brothers??:)

Yep just one older one

ramtha wrote: »

Don't get caught in the "I'm a nice guy" trap either, so I'm a doormat etc.etc.

Oh I'm really aware of not to be like those guys that are sickeningly too nice if you know what I mean, I don't try at being nice/loving etc with her I am naturally like that as a person which makes me think that I shouldn't be for my own good which I'm afraid of... actually that's a bit strong a word to describe how I feel but it's the best I can come out with.
I'm certainly not a door mat and she knows it.

RedXIV wrote: »

She's going out with you now right? then why would you change a winning forumula. There is no perfect action that will attract women, otherwise everyone would be doing it.

What your doing now works for the girl you love. Don't be stupid enough to change it because of what you think everyone else is doing.

Be proud, it takes balls to be a nice guy these days

Yep she is but I sometimes just think that she'd prefer me to be a p***k or somethin like that not that she has ever given off any signals that she doesn't like me the way I am..I suppose it's just me then,just when I see/hear of other guys treating their girlfriends/partners like crap I stop and think jeysus kinda makes me seem a wuss or somethin for being like I am :rolleyes:

akamossy · 22-07-2008 5:23pm

I would dump my boyfriend if he acted like a prick and i doubt she wants you to act like that. Keep going the way you are as it's obviously working if she's still with you

anonymous_joe · 22-07-2008 5:29pm

If it ain't broke don't fix it, etc?

Seriously though, act naturally. If you're naturally a nice bloke, then act that way. And find someone who likes the way you act. Your gf must do if she's with you, so there ya go.

drunkmonkey · 22-07-2008 5:31pm

Wondering ! wrote: »

the thing is when I see other blokes with their girlfriends I see them treating them like crap and their girlfriends seem to put up with it

Those other guys girlfriends are muppets, would you put up with a girl treating you like that? Don't think so!

You've got a good thing going, enjoy it and don't worry about what other couples are doing...

It's ok to give your girlfriend an odd slap on the ass if that would make you feel any better:D

LegacyUser · 22-07-2008 5:38pm

drunkmonkey wrote: »

Those other guys girlfriends are muppets, would you put up with a girl treating you like that? Don't think so!

Nope,good point

drunkmonkey wrote: »

!
don't worry about what other couples are doing...

It's not like I go round watching what other couples are doing and trying to be like that just from seeing them it's just highlighted for me the way I am which has never bothered me or I have never thought about it before until recently for some stupid reason

drunkmonkey wrote: »

It's ok to give your girlfriend an odd slap on the ass if that would make you feel any better:D

LOL !

Liam Byrne · 22-07-2008 5:48pm

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

....i wish all the horrible men in Ireland would come on and read what you have written, might just change their attitudes.

As long as there are loads of girls that go for that, can't see it happening......

As pointed out above, the decent guys (or even half-decent guys) generally fall into the "nice guy" trap and get shafted....

No-one's perfect, and everyone has some sort of an edge, but the amount of mind-games and "treat-em-mean" rubbish that goes on is ridiculous!

Be yourself, and if that works, great; if not, no harm done.....I mean, why would you want to be with someone with whom you couldn't be yourself ?

geminilady · 22-07-2008 6:18pm

ugh thats what really gets me is really horrible guys, i cant stand anyone not respecting anyone else, keep doing what your doing, you seem like a keeper! just dont mind them, just follow your own instincts.

LegacyUser · 22-07-2008 6:39pm

geminilady wrote: »

ugh thats what really gets me is really horrible guys, i cant stand anyone not respecting anyone else

I'm the same I hate seeing other guys do that I always think to myself do you know how lucky you are to have a girl like that which is another reason I'm thinking I must be crazy

geminilady wrote: »

you seem like a keeper!

Ha !! that's what she is always saying i.e she can't believe her luck that she's met me and that she doesn't ever wanna let me go BUT yet I can't seem to shake off the way I feel, I know I know it's stupid as I said I have no idea why all of a sudden I'm feeling like this

entropi · 22-07-2008 8:23pm

RedXIV wrote: »

What your doing now works for the girl you love. Don't be stupid enough to change it because of what you think everyone else is doing.

Be proud, it takes balls to be a nice guy these days

+1

I definately agree here, she was attracted to you in the first place for being who you are, not what you think you should be. Btw women can see through the "fake you" if you try put on the whole badboy act and wont like you for that reason.

Sure being a nice guy hasn't gotten me the attention of ALOT of women over the years like some of my mates, but i'm not gonna change because other people are like that. I'm not a sheep, you shouldnt be either:)

LegacyUser · 22-07-2008 8:39pm

Wondering ! wrote: »

Of late I've been wondering that there's something wrong with me cause I'm with my girlfriend a while and I'm always kind/caring/loving etc to her and she's the same with me which is great BUT the thing is when I see other blokes with their girlfriends I see them treating them like crap and their girlfriends seem to put up with it maybe they like it... I don't know and my girlfriends last boyfriend was a p***k apparently.. well from what I can gather of what she told me- so its really got me thinkin is that the way I'm supposed to be with mine ?? is there something wrong with me cause I treat her well and show I love her and that I'd do anything for her .

I don't know what to think cause I'd hate for her to be wanting me to be a b*****d to her or somethin and me going on as I am but either way I couldn't be like that to her or any girl which AGAIN is makin me think there has to be something wrong with if I can't be like that.
Don't really know what type of an answer I'm looking for anything would be great to give me some insight as to what I'm doing wrong,thanks

I don't really get your problem. For a start you can't really judge any relationship unless your in it. So all these guys 'treating their gf's' like crap' could be anything from aggressive to just you judging a book by its cover.

There are alot of guys who do treat girls like crap and they seem to like it. This is true.

On the other hand there are ALOT of guys who suffer from low self esteem and this manifests itself in their 'niceness' towards their gf's by 'niceness' I mean doing whatever the gf wants to keep her happy at any costs i.e. sacrifising friends (a big no-no for anyone)

Its a fine balancing act. If you think you've got it right fairplay. But I suspect that seeing as your posting here your not entirely happy with it. Are you a bit of a doormat? Do you succumb to pressure from her? Are her problems your problems? Do you live her life and not your own? Does she only seem in a good mood when you do what you are told? does she resent you having a life outside of her i.e. visiting friends?

If the answer is yes to any of the above, then yes you should feel bad as your violating your own rights in favour of her good mood. If the answer is no, then your fine and you have nothing to worry about.

Too many laid back nice guys (and girls) get their 'niceness' abused by manipulative and possessive partners who know they can push things as far as possible. I've seen many of my friends go from laid back chilled out down to earth guys to nervous wrecks who have their lives scheduled around their gf and have to be there for them through thick and thin with nothing allowed to come between it. Friends go out the window and no matter how much they do for their other half, more is always expected (i.e. i love you i miss you why am I not all you need? )

LegacyUser · 22-07-2008 9:14pm

HALOCOMET5 wrote: »

I don't really get your problem. For a start you can't really judge any relationship unless your in it. So all these guys 'treating their gf's' like crap' could be anything from aggressive to just you judging a book by its cover.

That's true in some cases i.e judging a book by its cover but I'm also going on by the way some of my friends treat theirs.

HALOCOMET5 wrote: »

by 'niceness' I mean doing whatever the gf wants to keep her happy at any costs i.e. sacrifising friends (a big no-no for anyone)Its a fine balancing act. If you think you've got it right fairplay. But I suspect that seeing as your posting here your not entirely happy with it. Are you a bit of a doormat?

As I said in a previous post I ain't no door mat and it's not like that at all,she's a great girl she's perfect for me and she says I'm perfect for her.

HALOCOMET5 wrote: »

Are her problems your problems?

No but she knows she can talk to me about anything that's ever bothering her and vice versa ! so what am I supposed to say to her if she seems upset or is upset over something ? just say go away I don't want to know incase you think you can dump everything on me

HALOCOMET5 wrote: »

Does she only seem in a good mood when you do what you are told? does she resent you having a life outside of her i.e. visiting friends?

No ! as I said it's nothing like that nobody ever tells anyone what to do or pressurises either one to do something they don't want to do.
I've realised now thanks to all the great replies I've gotten that things are all good and that it's just me being a feckin eejit

for no reason,thanks again guys

Is there something wrong with me !!

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