Worried about ex

LegacyUser

My boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago.

His behaviour leading up to the break-up was very erratic and I thought he was depressed.

Folllowing the break-up he has been very insensitive towards me, and I have cut all contact except to say hi, how's things if I bump into him.

However, in the last 3 weeks he has emailed and texted me and contacted my friends about how upset he is that I have cut contact saying things like "every day that passes without contact is hard" and "I hate that you hate me". I have told him that I don't hate him, and I've explained that I don't want contact so I can move on with my life. I have replied to his messages, but asked him to stop contacting me.

He doesn't want to get back together or anything.

My mother cried when she read the last email he sent as it was all about being in a dark place and she felt it was so sad and pathetic. I have asked him to go to the doctor so many times. He was such a great boyfriend until very close to the end of our relationship and it is very difficult for me to bump into him when his behaviour is so out of character, as I feel he won't listen to me, and everytime I see him or hear from him it upsets me.

He says there is nothing wrong with him and that a doctor can't heal his broken soul and other such rubbish. I am considering contacting his family as I am afraid that he is on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I don't want to appear like a crazy ex though. Would it be inappropriate to contact his family and show them an email he sent? We went out for 3 years, and he was a very normal, stable boyfriend for most of that time, until very near the end of our relationship.

I don't think he will commit suicide or anything, but I'm afraid about what's going to happen next. I want to cut contact completely for my own sake, but I can't when he seems so down. Any advice?

RossFixxxed

It seems very melodramatic to be honest. There's nothing you can really do and you have to get on with your own life as I say. To be blunt i'd just cut him out altogether and move on.

R

Nevyn

I suggest you get in touch with friends of his and family and say you are concerned and ask that they get in touch with him and leave it at that.

If him getting in touch and interacting with him is hurting and upsetting you then I suggest you stop. It's hard but you have to look after yourself .

dade

any idea what caused him to go off the rails at the end, this could be the cause of his continued problems and until that is dealt with he wont be able to move on

bannerbabe

:(I was the exact same situation and I kept going bak and taking him bak and now he is the one in a relationship and I am the one picking up the pieces of an emotional 5 yrs wit him. Its the one thing I will always regret because our relationship was filled with emotional blackmail and its only now I can see what an idiot I was.... The only option I had was to cut complete contact with him.......... Time drags on in these situations and before u know it yrs have passed and u are in a worse place than when u started.... be brave hold ur head up and move on...
u are only responsible for ur own actions.....

jellie

im in a somewhat similar situation. my ex broke up with me nearly 2 months ago now, & his behaviour for the last while had been completely out of character & hes gotten himself into drugs & things. he still contacts me from time to time - when hes drunk or off his head - & i know hes messed up. i do really worry about him.
like you hes made it quite clear he doesnt want to get back together, but ive got messages with stuff like "**** it i miss U".

but the thing is, hes not my problem anymore. HE ended it. its nothing to do with me how messed up he is.

In my case ive finally realised that its all about power. he knows contacting me upsets me (ive asked him not to) & while he can still upset me im still thinking about him & he still has power over me. & once i realised that it made it easier to ignore his messages & not let them affect me.

This may not be the case with you, but the first bit is the same: HE ended it with you, hes NOT your problem anymore. regardless of how we feel about them, sometimes you have to put yourself first & think about how dealing with that stuff will affect you. for me i know its time to let go & try move on. its not easy but its the only option.

LegacyUser

dade wrote: »

any idea what caused him to go off the rails at the end, this could be the cause of his continued problems and until that is dealt with he wont be able to move on

Not sure. There's depression in his family. There were a few major events that happened in the last year. I try not to think what happened though. I just want to figure out how to get him help, because I don't think he's going to stop contacting me. And really he was a great guy to me til all this happened. The contact isn't harassment or anything either.

He'll send me a text saying "I saw you in X place and want to talk to you, but know you don't want to talk". And I won't have seen him in that place, but know he must have been there. I meet him a lot too, and that won't stop happening unless I move to a different county (which I won't, job, family, friends, etc).

His last email that I mentioned is bothering me, because I'm not sure if he's just trying to force me to give him attention (because I'm ignoring him) and if it'll just be an ego boost for him if I start worrying about him to his family. I keep telling myself to ignore him because he hasn't listened to me about going to get help. But I'm a nice person and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. However, I don't want to meet him and talk and be friends either as that is too difficult for me. What a mess!