Fiancé moved out - how to ask for key back

GettingOverIt

To give a bit of background. My fiancé and I split up in June. But then we decided that we would try to continue to have a relationship, just take a massive step back and not be so serious. Without boring you with too many details, this didn't work out. We would argue all the time.

So on Tuesday last, following another evening of tension, he stormed out. I haven't heard from him since. Until today. On Sunday his sister and mother came down to see me. Just basically to say that even though we'd split up, it didn't mean that I couldn't talk to anyone else in the family or anything. Also to collect his computer console.

But I got a text from him this morning saying "If you receive any post for me please send it on to my mother's address”. It seems from his point of view he is letting me know that the relationship is over and he wants to tie up loose ends and we'll go our separate ways. There's no problem with this for me. As I said, the "taking a bit of a break / taking things more slowly" was a disaster so it's definitely the right thing to do. The thing is, he does still have a key. I would like to ask for this back now. Both for the purposes of moving on and also so I know, I definitely know I won't come home one day to find him there.

But I don't want to text him back straight away and ask for the key. It would look like I was doing it out of spite. And I’m not spiteful at all, I really wish him all the best. I’d love to see him happy, and the two of us together don’t make each other happy anymore. Do anyone have any advice on how best to broach this subject, how long to wait etc?

ntlbell

GettingOverIt wrote: »

T
I’m not spiteful at all, I really wish him all the best. I’d love to see him happy, and the two of us together don’t make each other happy anymore. Do anyone have any advice on how best to broach this subject, how long to wait etc?

so actually use the phone what it was intended for pick it up ring him and explain the above...

niceirishfella

I'd get the locks changed.......like you said "you dont expect to come home and see him there" so what he does'nt know, woun't hurt him.

Maggie Simpson

Poor you - these kind of break ups are tough (co-habiting ones!) but sounds like you've both def. done the right thing. If I was in your position, I would reply to him saying that of course you'll send his post & anything else you come across but as he has no plans to come to the house, would he mind posting the key back?

I don't think that's unreasonable.....

By the way, what's the situation with the house? Owned/rented? Does he have any rights to the house?

GettingOverIt

With regards the house it's a rental. I paid the deposit, I've been paying the rent before and since the break-up and the bills are in my name. I've rang the landlord to let them know that we've split up and that he's not living there anymore. As everything is in my name they said there wouldn't be any problems.

They haven't asked for the key back or anything, I suppose they don't mind me keeping it in case I was to want to give it to someone else (always good to have a spare key with a responsible friend.)

Some people have said just ring him and tell him u want the key back well, maybe it's just me, but I think that's really cold. And if I were to ring he would probably feel cornered. With a text you get the chance to read it when you're ready, if you were in the middle of something when it came in. And you have the chance to prepare a response. Calling him up would be like trying to catch him on the hop. "Can I have my key back now?" What's he supposed to say? "No?" I want to be as fair as possible to him.

Maybe I should send him a letter with the post when there is any to send on? I'm not afraid to call him, btw, i just want to give him the same chance to get over the initial "asking for stuff back" that he gave me. it's upsetting. you know that it has to happen but it still stings when it does. If he'd phoned me to ask about the post I would have been very upset. But because he texted me I had the chance to calm down first and realise that it was inevitable.

Aurora Borealis

Personally I'd let that lie for a few weeks and then ask for it unless you think he's going to cause you problems. I've done the petty post break up can I have my stuff back thing in the past and it's childish. Be adult about it. It sounds like you both gave this relationship a fair run.

MJOR

Just send him a text to say sure no problem, can you pop the key back into the letterbox too if you don't mind.

Chips Lovell

GettingOverIt wrote: »

I've rang the landlord to let them know that we've split up and that he's not living there anymore.

There's your answer. Tell a little white lie and say the landlord wants the key back.

Mr. Incognito

change the locks- few euro - ten minutes- end of story

claiva

hi,
I think you should send him a text letting him know that there are no hard feelings between you and that of course you will send his post on to his mothers address. Tell him that you wish him well and ask him if he would like to call in and collect his other bits and bobs from the house (which I'm sure there are still plenty of). Then, just casually mention that he could leave any of your stuff that he has, cd's in his car etc etc....keys !!!
Then it's not like you are being confrontational or spitefull about it.

Tell him that you would like to remain on good terms with him. Don't get drawn into an argument. Breakups are hard to do, but if you can remain calm there is no reason that you can't remain amicable.
Good luck

Miss Fluff

el tonto wrote: »

There's your answer. Tell a little white lie and say the landlord wants the key back.

Straightforward as that to be honest

LegacyUser

I'd get the locks hanged. What if he gets another key cut ... ... !!!!