does he have a gf?

LegacyUser

ive been meeting this guy for a good few months and we get along really well, its just a casual thing to be honest, no comittment on either sides.
last week end i stayed over at his, he was heading off on the sat for business, woke up on the sat and he went to have a shower, he's big into his music so i was looking at his cd's and then i spotted a card, a birthday card.....entitled to my boyfriend. i didnt read it but i was a bit taken aback by it. now i know his birthday was just before we met.
he would always say that he's very honest but ive actaully never asked him if he had a gf, as i just assumed that he didnt.
was i wrong to assume and do you think i should ask him?
my friends say im doing nothing wrong but i dont want to be the "other women" and imo i am doing wrong.
as i said its just a casual thing between us im not looking for commitment at all but i would hate to be the women he may be cheating with, i dont mind having fun but not at someone expense
advice very welcome!

Wibbs

I'd ask him. If it's a concern for you it's best to get that out of the way. If you're meeting him at his place and he's going to yours, then it's less likely he has a girlfriend, unless they see each other rarely. Possible though.

togster

Jesus just ask him

bandit197

He could have got a card from anyone, mother, sister, friend etc. What makes you think it was from a gf??

LegacyUser

we see eachother roughly once or twice a week. the only thing thats stopping me from asking is that he might be insulted that i even thought he did, as i said he's possibly the most honest person i know.....well think i know
also will he think i was snopping around

LegacyUser

the card was entitled "to my boyfriend" in big bold writting

Gran Hermano

bandit197 wrote: »

He could have got a card from anyone, mother, sister, friend etc. What makes you think it was from a gf??

Well unless his mother, sister, friend refer to him as their boyfriend, probably
this:

adviceplease wrote: »

then i spotted a card, a birthday card.....entitled to my boyfriend.

OP - ask him, all one can do on here is speculate. Only way to find out
is to ask him.

eveie

very simaliar thing happened me a while back
saw a card from a gf, and i asked hom about it, and he thought it was "cute" that i was worried, it was from an ex, who he broke up a while bk, hes kinda untidy so it was just left around.
best thing to do is ask him

RedXIV

Gran Hermano wrote: »

Well unless his mother, sister, friend refer to him as their boyfriend

Could even be a mate taking the piss? i sent "congratulations on your son!" to my mates last birthday.

Only way you're gonna feel better about this is asking him. if he says you were snooping, tell him you were only looking through his cds. if he blows up over it, well you're better off knowing now what he's like aren't you?

Just don't accuse, that'll set it off on the wrong foot altogether

easyontheeye

i have cards lying around from my ex's over two years old, im just a lazy bastard and forgot to throw them out...could be a similar explanation

LegacyUser

easyontheeye
i think that could be the reason, hes lazy enough when it comes to his apt.
another reason why i dont think he has a gf is cause i could call him at 5 and \sk to meet him at half 5 and its never a problem but this is still palying on my mind.
i have cards from my exs but there tucked away in drawers but then again he is a man

RedXIV

adviceplease wrote: »

easyontheeye
i think that could be the reason, hes lazy enough when it comes to his apt.
another reason why i dont think he has a gf is cause i could call him at 5 and \sk to meet him at half 5 and its never a problem but this is still palying on my mind.
i have cards from my exs but there tucked away in drawers but then again he is a man

HARSH!

but very true

LegacyUser

lol wasnt putting men down there just most of them are like that, dont think they'd think too much about having a card lying round the palce, whereas we'd panick if they asked us where did you get that necklace

castie

If my current girlfriend went through a drawer or two in my room she could easily find a birthday card from an ex-gf. I dont throw alot of things out.

MJOR

If its in amongst his Cd's it may be from a different year, have a chat and see. It's not unreasonable to want top know here you stand. Sounds innocent though...

SpookyDoll

bandit197 wrote: »

He could have got a card from anyone, mother, sister, friend etc. What makes you think it was from a gf??

It said "To my Boyfriend" on it according to OP !

AngryBadger

OP I'd leave this go altogether. You say that you will routinely call him at say 5pm, and turn up at his place at 5:30pm, there's no way that would be possible if he was seeing someone.

In all likelihood, and even by your own admission, he doesn't have a girlfriend, he may have close female friends, or he may have a slightly wacky suitor who went a bit too far, or it could be an inside joke between hgim and god knows who.

If you bring this up then I think you're starting to head out of "casual" territory. Right now you're just friends with benefits or whatever you want to call it, if you start questioning what he's telling then you're raising the bar, and while this is a nothing thing really, I'd feel you're setting a precedent, there's a chance that he won't get the messagew "I don't want to be the other woman", but he will get the message "There better not be another woman", in which cases all kinds of messiness may ensue.

And anyway, it's a casual relationship, there's no committment there, and while I may get flamed for this, he's under no obligation to be completely honest with you about anything (except sexual health!). If you ask him and he tells you there is no gf really all you're doing is agreeing to believe him, I don't know if that's really worth much in this kind of relationship.

seahorse

Of course you should ask him; well, you should have asked him at the start, to be honest. It surprises me that some women are prepared to involve themselves in a relationship, any sort of romantic/sexual relationship, without asking that question. I wouldn’t dream of being lax on that score myself; I'm not going to be any mans bit on the side.

If you don’t ask him and he turns out to have a girlfriend he could (quite reasonably - in his mind :rolleyes:) take the position that you've nothing to complain about as you were never deceived. Some people actually have the neck to pretend telling lies and omitting truths aren’t equally devious. If down the line you discover he has a girlfriend he doesn’t want you to know about he'll try to wiggle out of having deceived you in this exact way - I can hear him now: "You never asked"!

Liam Byrne

You've got me wondering now whether I have any old cards from old g/fs lying around the place.....

Did the card specifically refer to this year's b'day ? Or is there a chance that it's an old one ?

AngryBadger's right, though....while I personally wouldn't be on for any type of "relationship" that "involves" more than two people, there are many that might be; think about whether you want something more before you ask the question (and, ironically, if you DO want something more then think carefully about whether you ask it, so that you don't come across as suspicious or paranoid....)

Best of luck, though.....

cutiefox89

my advice... Dont bother with him, sounds like a loser - look for someone nice with a good car or friends

LegacyUser

ok well he's not a loser, but im going to have to ask him.
as someone else said, some people think its not lieing if you dont deny anything. ive never asked him and i should have.
im not looking for anything serious but dont want to be involved with someone who has a gf, i dont want to be the other girl and yes i know if it wasnt me it'd be someone else but ive got some morals.

Sugar Drunk

easiest thing is to ask him. dont make a big deal about it just be honest and tell him you saw it when you were looking through his CDs.
think of it this way isnt it better to ask and know now when its not too serious a relationship than to wait until it becomes more serious and still be wondering? id alway prefer a man to be honest and up front with me and im sure guys feel the same once a big deal is not made of it.

no point in trying to 'forget it' as it will just prey on your mind now its the problem with us women we think and worry too damn much!

SandraG

Does he have housemates? The reason I ask is that I doubt he would have you stay in his regularly if he also had a gfriend who I would assume would also stay there? Do you tend to see him midweek or weekends? If he had a gfriend I would presume he would be seeing her on the weekends the majority of the time so it would be difficult for him to explain seeing you? The best thing to do is ask him but he will think you want more than something casual unless you explain to him why you are asking (as in you wouldnt want to do that to his gfriend)?

LadyE

cutiefox89 wrote: »

my advice... Dont bother with him, sounds like a loser - look for someone nice with a good car or friends

Yeah! Of course he is a loser.....I mean, how dare he have an old card lying around/mates who are taking the piss etc etc etc.:rolleyes:

If your gonna ask him, I would ask him casually..I mean, if this is as casual as you say it it, then Id have to agree with Angry Badger, he has no obligation to tell you anything abot the card.

I also agree that if you can see him with such short notice then chances are he isnt seeing anyone!

Best of luck with it!

LegacyUser

yep he lives with two other lads, the more im think of it the more im swaying towards him not having a gf, but im going to ask in a casual manner this evening

WilmaRidesAgain

cutiefox89 wrote: »

my advice... Dont bother with him, sounds like a loser - look for someone nice with a good car or friends

WTF ???

What has his car or friends got to do with anything?

OP, its probably an old card from before, yeh just ask him casually as if you take it for granted that it is from an ex.......see what he says!

LegacyUser

will do williamridesagain!
if it doesnt work out we should go out for a drink some time....thats a joke, dont give out to me....moderator

Wibbs

cutiefox89 wrote: »

my advice... Dont bother with him, sounds like a loser - look for someone nice with a good car or friends

Oh that's a good philosophy. Not conducive to a good life.