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What is she playing at?

  • 21-07-2008 7:40pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭


    Ok first things first, been friends with a girl Sue for the last 3 years- sound girl we met through friends and got on from the moment we met, and have been friends since.

    Basically me and her have always been big weight wise, when she met her bf john 8 months ago she got v comfortable and her weight SHOT up- at the same time i was trying to lose weight.

    Anyway so shes up about 2 stone(2 stone 3 she told me) and im now im down 2 stone so there is a pretty noticable difference weight wise between us.

    Her and John broke up a few weeks ago, she was bawling on my shoulder and said that "he said it was cos she had gotten Disgustingly fat" (shes a size 22 now, was an 18 when she met him) Of course i was pure annoyed at that and next time i saw him i laid into him about it. That was that. They got back together anyway and things were left at that.

    Recently i hit a weight goal that i was delighted about and was in jeans i wanted to be in for ages and i was THRILLED. I was down in her flat that day and i didnt say much about it but John kept saying how well i looked.

    Next thing i know Sue is asking me to leave and saying i fancy john, i was like WTF .Her exact words were "Your coming down here flaunting your skinny body to my BF when u know im trying to lose weight"

    Now 1st of all- SKINNY! Im a size 16 im far from skinny
    I wasnt flaunting nothing i was wearing jeans and a liverpool jersey HOW is that flaunting my body?
    I never mentioned my weight loss in front of John so anything that came outta his mouth was from his head.

    I dont know what to do here!!! My friends think shes just jealous of my weight loss but it seems a bit extreme?


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 286 ✭✭SnowMonkey


    congrats on getting dow to the sise, you wanted :)...

    shes being jelous ...... rude and feeling sorry for her self...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 994 ✭✭✭Carrigart Exile


    she jealous and boyfriend's comments didn't help


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 342 ✭✭Ainekav


    they tell you about this sstuff in weight watchers. its pure jealousy and bitterness and you cant let it get you down. youve done so well and you deserve it after all your hard work and you know in your heart that you did absolutely nothing wrong, so fcuk her, she'll soon come to her senses when she realises shes in danger of losing a good friend. in the meantime, play it v cool, accept her apology, when she gives one, but just be more wary of her in future. surprising as it may be, people can try and sabotage your efforts to lose weight out of pure jealousy and thats the last thing you want.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    She is obviously taking out her own insecurities out on you. Sit down and have a reasonable chat with her and tell her you achieved your goal weight through hard bloody work so as your friend she should be happy for you and that you DON'T fancy her BF.

    When things get back on an even keel, encourage her to join the gym or Weight Watchers with you. A weight gain of two stone in eight months is a significant weight gain, that's essentially 2 stone since Christmas.

    Also, try and avoid remonstrating with her boyfriend in future. If they break up again you won't know what kind of things you say will be taken out of context.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭useful_contacts


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    tell her you achieved your goal weight

    i actually havnt hit my goal weight i had reached a goal for the time (i wanted to be a certian weight by july etc)

    The thing is she was never a girl to let weight get her down, and what annoys me was when i got into the jeans she was the 1st one to congratulate me:confused:


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    She is jealous of your weight loss. You have done really well and need support and not negativity. I would call her on it. Ask her in a nice way why she said what she did and talk it out with her.. Its her own fault she put on weight but she is taking her annoyance out on you....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,428 ✭✭✭sunnyside


    Ainekav wrote: »
    . surprising as it may be, people can try and sabotage your efforts to lose weight out of pure jealousy and thats the last thing you want.

    True in all areas of life not just weight issues.

    It's possible that your weight loss might motivate your friend to loose weight herself. She isn't likely to admit that though.

    Don't let her drag you down. You've done great and will continue to do so.

    Edited to add: It sounds as if her weight is causing issues with her boyfriend which is going to make her evem more sensitive to it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,755 ✭✭✭elmyra


    You've done absolutely nothing wrong. Congrats on the weight loss!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 419 ✭✭wasper


    Ok first things first, been friends with a girl Sue for the last 3 years- sound girl we met through friends and got on from the moment we met, and have been friends since.

    Basically me and her have always been big weight wise, when she met her bf john 8 months ago she got v comfortable and her weight SHOT up- at the same time i was trying to lose weight.

    Anyway so shes up about 2 stone(2 stone 3 she told me) and im now im down 2 stone so there is a pretty noticable difference weight wise between us.

    Her and John broke up a few weeks ago, she was bawling on my shoulder and said that "he said it was cos she had gotten Disgustingly fat" (shes a size 22 now, was an 18 when she met him) Of course i was pure annoyed at that and next time i saw him i laid into him about it. That was that. They got back together anyway and things were left at that.

    Recently i hit a weight goal that i was delighted about and was in jeans i wanted to be in for ages and i was THRILLED. I was down in her flat that day and i didnt say much about it but John kept saying how well i looked.

    Next thing i know Sue is asking me to leave and saying i fancy john, i was like WTF .Her exact words were "Your coming down here flaunting your skinny body to my BF when u know im trying to lose weight"

    Now 1st of all- SKINNY! Im a size 16 im far from skinny
    I wasnt flaunting nothing i was wearing jeans and a liverpool jersey HOW is that flaunting my body?
    I never mentioned my weight loss in front of John so anything that came outta his mouth was from his head.

    I dont know what to do here!!! My friends think shes just jealous of my weight loss but it seems a bit extreme?
    Remember how hard it is to lose weight, well lose her it will be easier.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,584 ✭✭✭c - 13


    In short -

    You've done well to loose the weight, you have every right to feel proud of yourself

    He's dropping not-so-subtle hints to her to get her to drop weight

    She's jealous of your weight loss and taking the fact that she's finding the weight hard to loose out on you.

    Thats it in a nutshell basically


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Jeallloussy.. *drunken singing* *scene missing* I miss the bright side..

    Keep it up man, thats a lot of great progress. its not worth it getting into a fight with your friend though: if she becomes argumentitive dont engage her.

    first one to congratulate you: well yes obviously who wouldnt congratulate you! but it seems low self esteem allowed itself to sink in with her and its turned into bitterness toward you. That doesnt mean she wasnt happy to hear you were trying to improve herself - it just suggests shes not handling it very well :pac:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Can understand her reaction. She gets dumped over being overweight, gets back with the boyfriend & her boyfriends making comments about you being skinny.

    In my experience people get much more jealous if they're suspicious a partner likes one of their friends rather than a randomer. She shouldn't have been off with you but the jealous mind sees things that aren't there & him making comments about you in front of her justifiably threw her into a rage.

    I reckon when it dies down a bit just talk to her & forgive her, so long as she's willing to apologise. MAybe try and help her lose some weight too.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,796 ✭✭✭MJOR


    I'd be so odd if my boyf was complimenting another woman in front of me but i'd blame him not you......

    Well done on the loss though you must feel great!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭useful_contacts


    Can understand her reaction. She gets dumped over being overweight, gets back with the boyfriend & her boyfriends making comments about you being skinny.

    Well he didnt really say much , just "jesus you look great whats that boyfriend of your been doing to ya" and then when i went to the loo my jeans were kinds low and i pulled em up he said "Jesus they are 2 big for u already". Its nothing people havnt said to me already and she has been there when others have said it to me



    MAybe try and help her lose some weight too.

    I asked her before to come on the diet with me and she said yes, then she met john and next time i said it to her she said "he loves me as i am" so i left it at that.TBH im not sure i want to help her lose weight if she starts blaming me if she fails cos she loves her take aways and her beer , and if she indulges and doesnt lose weight this week ill get the blame


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Lets be very honest here. You're proud you lost the weight. Its nice when people comment on it. Might there be a small part of you that liked the attention? Why were you down in the house? Why didn't you leave when he kept commenting on it? Did you honestly not think it would upset her?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭useful_contacts


    Zillah wrote: »
    Lets be very honest here. You're proud you lost the weight. Its nice when people comment on it. Might there be a small part of you that liked the attention? Why were you down in the house? Why didn't you leave when he kept commenting on it? Did you honestly not think it would upset her?

    You gotta be joking! So im not supposed to lose weight in case it upsets someone?

    I was down in her house because she INVITED me down to ask my advice on a few outfits she was wearing to a wedding, i didnt know he was going to be there cos he was supposed to be on the stag night but didnt go

    Yes im proud i lost the weight i had to do it , it was getting to the stage where i couldnt even walk up the stairs without feeling out of breath, people comment on it and i love it cos i feel i have achieved something, but her bf is sleezy and i dont even like him i only put up with him for her benifit and she knows this.

    He commented twice on it, and i didnt even reliase it the second time it was only when she started giving out to me that i knew he had said something else about it


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    You gotta be joking! So im not supposed to lose weight in case it upsets someone?

    Of course not, thats not what I was saying. You yourself said it seemed a bit of an extreme reaction for simple jealously, I was exploring other things that might have set her off. If you're saying that you were in no way fishing for compliments or that you were enjoying feeling slim compared to her then ok, I believe you, but I think it was worth asking.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭useful_contacts


    Zillah wrote: »
    Of course not, thats not what I was saying. You yourself said it seemed a bit of an extreme reaction for simple jealously, I was exploring other things that might have set her off. If you're saying that you were in no way fishing for compliments or that you were enjoying feeling slim compared to her then ok, I believe you, but I think it was worth asking.

    Oh i wasnt fishing for compliments, i didnt even reliase he hadnt gone to the stag until he walked into the bedroom when she was tryin on outfits


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,006 ✭✭✭PurpleBerry


    Zillah wrote: »
    Lets be very honest here. You're proud you lost the weight. Its nice when people comment on it. Might there be a small part of you that liked the attention?

    What a ridiculous comment. OP, you have every right to a) be proud of yourself and b) like the attention. You've earned it. Your "friend" is jealous instead of being happy for you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,821 ✭✭✭useful_contacts


    Neesa wrote: »
    What a ridiculous comment. OP, you have every right to a) be proud of yourself and b) like the attention. You've earned it. Your "friend" is jealous instead of being happy for you.
    thanks:p


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Neesa wrote: »
    What a ridiculous comment. OP, you have every right to a) be proud of yourself and b) like the attention.

    No, thats a ridiculous comment. I didn't say anything contrary to A or B.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,006 ✭✭✭PurpleBerry


    Colour me incorrect Zillah, but you gave me the impression that you think the OP was flaunting and attention seeking. You gave me the impression that you think she is in the wrong to feel proud of herself and enjoy the attention she gets (from anyone).

    Like I said, I could be incorrect on this. But i would like to point out that not everyone who loses weight covets attention. Recently after having lost loads of weight I was at my in-laws and they were ooh-ing and ahh-ing over me. I never felt more self-conscious in my life!! But they were just being open about it, I'm more private. :o

    It's also possible to enjoy attention from complete strangers. I remember one day an eldery lady offered to share her seat with me on a crowded bus and she said "Here, you're only a little thing, you sit here" and I'm not ashamed to admit I was pretty pleased. From being bullied for being fat to being called "only a little thing" by a complete stranger felt nice :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    Neesa wrote: »
    Colour me incorrect Zillah, but you gave me the impression that you think the OP was flaunting and attention seeking. You gave me the impression that you think she is in the wrong to feel proud of herself and enjoy the attention she gets (from anyone).

    I was suggesting that if she were flaunting or attention seeking to a degree, that that could explain her friend's strong reaction, and wondered if she thought that could be the case. I said absolutely nothing about whether it was right or wrong to feel proud or enjoy getting attention.

    She can go shake her ass in the Pope's face for all I care.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,728 ✭✭✭dilallio


    If her friend's b/f was making nasty comments about her weight previously (before the break-up), it's quite possible that he's now trying to get her to lose weight, by telling her that the OP looks so well now, since she has lost loads of weight, and she could do the same. It's also possible that he realises that these comments may put a wedge between his g/f and the OP, especially if he didn't like the OP lecturing him after their previous breakup.
    OP - Well done. Hopefully, your friend will realise what a good friend you have been all along. All you can really do is to be there for her, and try avoiding her b/f as much as possible.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,006 ✭✭✭PurpleBerry


    Lets be very honest here. You're proud you lost the weight. Its nice when people comment on it. Might there be a small part of you that liked the attention? Why were you down in the house? Why didn't you leave when he kept commenting on it? Did you honestly not think it would upset her?

    Does "Did you honestly not think it would upset her?" sound to anyone else like a reprimand? I read that as

    "Cop on and don't go up to your friends house even though she's asked you to, getting her all upset because she hasn't lost any weight and you have."

    And

    "Why didn't you leave when he kept commenting on it?"

    Sounds like

    "You brazen hussy! Flirting with the poor man. Him slobbering all over over you while your poor friend had to watch."

    I just don't see how placing the blame onto the OP is helpful. It's so obvious that my 8 hour old nephew could've called it.

    Friend is jealous of OP. OP has come on here wondering if she's done anything wrong. The majority of us are telling her "No, in fact you did something great by losing unwanted and unnessecary weight. Well done. Your "friend" is jealous andshe is being very unsupportive of you."

    We're not arguing. We just have different points of view.


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