Life is a mess

LegacyUser

i can't remember the last time i actually felt happy, well actually no that's a lie but i'll get to that later...

i grew up on a road where there were plenty of houses but no kids my age, also being good in school getting good grades and general good behaviour saw me ridiculed by my peers. school was tough but i just grinned and beared it, got on with my life without showing emotions.

so when i went to college i was hoping things would pick up and they did, i started living, mainly due to the fact people stopped caring if i did well in college (which i do). i got myself some good friends that i don't see every week but i can relate to them and have fun times.

one thing that's really lacking though is the girlfriend side of things. i suck quite terriblely at this.

my first girlfriend was a friend of a friend, i really really liked her, but i basically treated her like ****, i never rang/text/contacted her, our two dates both consisted of going to the cinema. and then we ended up in bed where i failed quite literally. two weeks later i got the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing.

this absolutely shattered me, i wouldn't leave the house for days i put on 3 stone in 6 months and started to be really distant with everyone.

that was a year ago. flash forward to a month ago and i've only started to get back on track, i've now got a good job, go back to college in september to finish my degree, started to go back out trying to get myself on the dating scene.

i bedded a friend that i wasn't really attracted to, it was a drunken mistake, i don't regret it i just chalk it up to experience, now we don't talk about it and i generally feel like **** for treating the girl that way.

so fast forward again to this week. i got talking to another girl that this time i really liked, we loved the same stuff, hated the same stuff, sounded too good to be true. i decided right i'm going bite the bullet here and actually ask this one out for a date - not just the cinema - so i did.

i thought it went well we went out for a couple of quiet drinks so we could both get to know each other. at the end of the night we kissed and parted ways. i was like, that was good everything went well i'm finally happy again and i'll make a good stab at this.

next morning.... "it's not you, it's me".

i was in work at the time trying to keep the tears from rolling but i couldn't, i spent half the day in there sobbing like a little girl who just gotten her doll snapped by her brother.

so to the weekend, a couple of mates and me decided to head where ever the car pointed and ended up in limerick. i got there - somehow managing to hold my emotions back for the drive - and when we arrived i opened the whiskey and went straight for the bottom of the bottle. i don't know what this adds to the PI but i'm just writing whatever is in the greymatter and i type. i was completely drunk very unlike me i like my drink don't get me wrong but i was someone else, i can't remember anything bar waking up in a hallway with an empty bottle beside me. that was friday, saturday i went to the local tesco and bought another bottle, and repeated friday night. i told a couple of lies while drunk like the above girl was my girlfriend and we had been going out for 5 months. now they all were like, james (not my real name) we're proud of you, we must meet her. i'm hoping they'll just forget about it as i fail at life.

what i don't understand is this "its not you it's me" thing, it's said not to hurt you but it does the exact ****ing opposite, it leaves you broken into 1000's of pieces trying to get the pieces to fit again. it just seems like my life has done a complete 360 and is starting another iteration now.

i want it to stop by any means necessary.

Nevyn

Go talk to your dr if you don't have one get one.

RossFixxxed

Thaedydal wrote: »

Go talk to your dr if you don't have one get one.

+1 This does sound like a depressive episode or something similar (i'm obviously not a doctor)

You also seem to be putting FAR too much weight and emotional reliance on other people, i.e. meeting women. You have to look after YOURSELF first before you can go diving into the dating scene (minefield).

Go check things with the doctor and we're all here if you need to talk/rant/vent/explode/laugh/cry etc!

Good luck.

SnowMonkey

RossFixxxed wrote: »

+1 This does sound like a depressive episode or something similar (i'm obviously not a doctor)

You also seem to be putting FAR too much weight and emotional reliance on other people, i.e. meeting women. You have to look after YOURSELF first before you can go diving into the dating scene (minefield).

Go check things with the doctor and we're all here if you need to talk/rant/vent/explode/laugh/cry etc!

Good luck.

+++2

i agree, go talk to your docter... I've been there before man you can let it go on or you can get it delt with really quickly....

good luck.....

MJOR

Its a tough one.... Go to the doctor because things will only get worse. Drinking when you're in a delicate emotional state is never the answer.

Nuggles

RossFixxxed wrote: »

You also seem to be putting FAR too much weight and emotional reliance on other people.

Definitely. The way you react to this stuff is extreme to say the least. You need to go talk to someone professional who can help you get yourself on track.

Casshern88

life_in_a_mess wrote: »

what i don't understand is this "its not you it's me" thing, it's said not to hurt you but it does the exact ****ing opposite, it leaves you broken into 1000's of pieces trying to get the pieces to fit again. it just seems like my life has done a complete 360 and is starting another iteration now.

i want it to stop by any means necessary.

yes i think you gotta just go to the doc, i know most guys would say ah no ill be grand im a man i don't need to go to doctor..... But i think its necessary in this case. Dont give up things will get better.

I can relate to you on the "not you its me thing " Ive got it myself before and it burns especially if the Bi**h had to do it through a text message. But alcohol is not the answer.

Think about starting a new hobby take up tag rugby, or going to the gym or something that will put you in another peer group and will give you access to making new friends and possibly dating opportunities.

JonathanAnon

You need to ease yourself off the beer for a while. It is a depressant and accentuates problems in your head that wouldnt seem so bad if you were sober. If you go to the doctor, it is likely that they will put you on a course of anti-depressants.

I assume that you are probably not sleeping, which is really hard. Especially that time when you just wake up/ lying on in bed. Wrecks your head. It is important to get straight out of bed, dress yourself well and head out.

I'm not sure what I can suggest about women. You just need to find some perspective on the 'game' of pulling women. After all that's all it really is when you are young. And being a game it is not something that should be taken as hugely important, or something that you can base your happiness on. You may be looking for happiness in others that you cannot find in yourself.

SnowMonkey

hey mate thaught of a few things that would help to

have a shower when your feeling pretty low helps perk you up..
music can be a big help to positive music so
james blunt
daimin rice
paddy casey are a no no up lifting happy stuff will have the c cord which is none as a happy frequency which means it help's release seratonin... but Ultimitly go see your gp, and dont be embarissed over it...

impr0v

Due to your relatively solitary school life at a young age you're emtionally underdeveloped. Your reactions to ordinary every-day setbacks of the romantic variety are typical of those of a 13 year old, but with the added problem that you've now got access to drink.

Being rebuffed as you describe is how you grow up emotionally when it comes to that aspect of a relationship, once you deal with it. Don't run away or attempt to chronically depress yourself and make things ten time worse with a blazing alcohol addiction.

So you've ****ed up a few relationship attempts, everyone has;- and you've met a girl that you liked but that didn't reciprocate your feelings, big deal. It's a relatively frequent occurance for most guys. If everyone reacted the way you did, and decided their life was a mess, society would be even more full of depressed, drunken and angry males.

Try and gradually embrace that rejection feeling, so as to understand it and know better how to deal with it the next time. That way you'll be able to go into more of those situations without fear. It's a slow and painful process, but unfortunaly you've 9 or 10 years to catch up on so welcome to the accellerated program.

allybhoy

I agree completely with impr0v on this 1. In fact there are loads of smilar threads to this one on PI. You need to stop thinking your life is an episode of Eastenders or some crappy mtv hills shows and deal with your problems rationally and maturely. I mean you only went on 1 date with this girl so your reaction to her not wanting to see you anymore is completely mind boggling. If you think your life "is a mess" because a girl doesnt want to see you after one date then id hate to see what you would be like dealing with something major like being diagnosed with Cancer. Grow a pair of balls and suck it up, dont go to a doctor as they will only try and prescribe some form of antideppressant that you dont need. Get a hobbie, join a gym, try and loose some weight, it will give you more confidence in your life, and if you feel you go mental on alcohol then try and quit for a month and see if you can do it. Good luck

Enigma365

i thought it went well we went out for a couple of quiet drinks so we could both get to know each other. at the end of the night we kissed and parted ways. i was like, that was good everything went well i'm finally happy again and i'll make a good stab at this.

next morning.... "it's not you, it's me".

Hey mate, you are investing far too much emotionally into your dating experiences. The whole point of going for a drink with someone new, is to see if you click. The majority of times, you will have a good time but one or both of you will feel that you just want to be friends or whatever. This shouldn't be taken as failure in any shape or form, its how dating works!

Karen_*

Everyone gets rejected at some stage OP. ok so you weren't right for a few girls. That doesn't mean you won't be right for someone. Not everyone is going to fancy you. Plenty will. Your reactions are way OTT though so start doing things that will make you feel good. And don't be doing that with the whiskey. 'its not you its me' means exactly that. It means you're a lovely bloke but I'm just not interested. I wish I was but I'm not. And there's plenty of women you won't be interested in.

Talk to someone. Tell someone how you're feeling and then try to pick yourself up and move on from it. You're a great guy and they are great girls but you're not each others great guy and girl.

NabyLadistheman

All of the above is great advise but tstart to think of the positives. Your meeting people, evrybody has bad experiances. Some people out there stress asd they cannot even talk to girls. You will be grand in this department. As you've said yourself you have a good job, your back to college to finish off your degree then happy times. Go to the Doc, don't use drink to deal with your problems. You sound like your life isn't that messed up, just have to tweek a few things. Best of Luck