erectile dysfunction

allthingsgreat

Hello. I'm with a new guy. It's still new and fresh etc. One problem. Every time we become intimate, the lights are always turned off, and he has problems with , there's no other way of saying this, getting an erection. I don't know how else to describe it. I haven't really had the courage to say it to him because he drinks and smokes, i thought this might be the problem, and he works 6 out of 7 days per week too. How would someone go about asking him to get this problem seen to? I am holding out for a day when he isn't hung over/tired/drunk to see if there's a difference but for now things are just this way.

Has anyone ever had to confront a situation like this before?

Kazobel

It sounds like "Brewers droop", getting over tired in work then drinking himself silly. If you can't have time with him where he's not drunk or hungover then deal with that issue first otherwise it won't change. Tell him you want a Saturday night, he won't have been working all day, no drink at all. If he says no then you know the problem yourself and will have to make a decision.

LegacyUser

I'm a guy here and occasionally have this problem! and unfortunately it caused the break-up of a relationship I was in. There are two types of ED physical or psychological. In younger guys it is psychological, (this is what I have on occasion). And it is just nerves and even though us men think of sex and try to get it constantly, when we do get it is when the trouble can start.

It stems from Society, whereby women are so independent and free (great thing IMO) and things rush through my head like, "will I be a good lover?" "Will I bring her to Orgasm?" and "will it be be once or for like 15 times?" "If she thinks I'm useless she'll leave me and tell all her friends". This is the sort of crap I encounter in my head and next thing my friend downstairs goes in a sulk!!! And then the feeling of inadequacy of loss of manliness strikes; it is hard to deal with to be honest.

What you need to do is talk to yer man, and tell him you'll be patient and not some sort of man-eater, get inventive; foreplay works great! Tell him layoff the Mas*urb*tion & Pron it helps alot too. Tease him and don't expect a guy to perform on whim like a robot. I'm in my early twenties and this problem started with me from my second time after I lost my virginity, I suppose sex wasn't everything I imagined it to be!

Be gentle and talk with openness tell him layoff the beer and fags, lose weight and eat strawberries (I think they help). Plus Watermelon is a natural Viagra too. Either that or he pop the blue pills, I haven't resorted to Viagra and I feel I am out of the worst of it, men become dependent on Viagra so unless everything else fails avoid!

allthingsgreat

yeah i was reading that alcohol and cigarettes have a huge part to play in it. I have just discovered a very red angry rash thing (almost like a fungal infection or yeast infection) on me, now i'm starting to go mad thinking it's a STI linked to why he's that way but again it could be a coincidence and something else. Either way it's off to the well woman centre with me tomorrow!

allthingsgreat

hi t-rble-below,

Thanks for the message and for the insight, so you had this problem too... Have you ever been with someone who confronted you about it? Like it there any right way that's at least not going to be stabbing to start talking about it? I'm so worried i'll hurt him,cause i really love being around him and getting playful is just one part of the fun. I'm afraid to be playful because well, when the lights are off and i can't even see what i'm doing it doesn't let me do the eye-contact thing or anything else i'm used to. It's a bit traditional sounding, sex in the dark etc... I don't know how to confront him about all this though.. It's getting on my nerves cause i'm usually very communicative when it comes to sexual matters but this time words fail me

Marksie

allthingsgreat wrote: »

I'm so worried i'll hurt him,cause i really love being around him and getting playful is just one part of the fun. I'm afraid to be playful because well, when the lights are off and i can't even see what i'm doing it doesn't let me do the eye-contact thing or anything else i'm used to. It's a bit traditional sounding, sex in the dark etc... I don't know how to confront him about all this though.. It's getting on my nerves cause i'm usually very communicative when it comes to sexual matters but this time words fail me

While there may very well be a simple explanation for the erectile dysfunction as i alcohol and cigarettes. and the work may not help.
This part of your post was very interesting to read.

It may be he does, in fact, have hangups about sex. Men in fact get aroused by visual stimulus. He for whatever reason is cutting that off. Also the playfulness is part of an arousal/connection process.... that is not there as well.
Communication is another big factor and that missing too. If you are going to broach the subject, then do so openly without getting upset and wiothout getting him on the defensive. Try saying things along the lines of "I feel" rather than "you make me".


As foir your skin condition...wait untl you get the well woman verdict before worrying too much

madser

I'd be more worried about his drinking and smoking to be honest, I agree with the other poster who said it's probably brewers droop:o

allthingsgreat

thank you for the kind replies. I was thinking of (after i get this weird skin thing that seems a lot like a yeast infection checked out)... I'll see can i get him sober and relaxed and hopefully then i'll get a chance to mention it... I don't want to be too intimidating.. I've already whispered in his ear "tell me what to do" kind of thing but he isn't as responsive...cause he's either drunk or tired. Right i'll sleep on it and think about what i can say...

thanks again for the replies and indeed if there are any more suggestions please do share.

Kazobel

It sounds like he has a drink problem, trust me this...

allthingsgreat wrote: »

I've already whispered in his ear "tell me what to do" kind of thing but he isn't as responsive....

...would normally be responded to with the phrase "Do you still have your school uniform?" no normal guy wouldn't respond to that.

This is what you have to worry about

allthingsgreat wrote: »

cause he's either drunk or tired.

SnowMonkey

Kazobel wrote: »

...would normally be responded to with the phrase "Do you still have your school uniform?" no normal guy wouldn't respond to that.

:eek: id soooo respond to that

LegacyUser

Not sure if anyone was listening to the Lunch time chat show on Spin103FM today?
Basicially it was high lighting the increase in the amount of young guys, 19 or 20 years old etc, who are turning to Viagra to "keep up" with the sexual demands of todays women, or "ladette's" who after a night out on the drink, go home with a guy and expect the man to give a performance not unlike a pornstar!

I think in this case maybe the OP is putting too much pressure on her BF, resulting in performance anxiety?

Kazobel

SnowMonkey wrote: »

:eek: id soooo respond to that

I rest my case

Expected wrote: »

Not sure if anyone was listening to the Lunch time chat show on Spin103FM today?
Basicially it was high lighting the increase in the amount of young guys, 19 or 20 years old etc, who are turning to Viagra to "keep up" with the sexual demands of todays women, or "ladette's" who after a night out on the drink, go home with a guy and expect the man to give a performance not unlike a pornstar!

I think in this case maybe the OP is putting too much pressure on her BF, resulting in performance anxiety?

To much pressure? ffs he has to perform at least once for her to even give him a grade and thumbs up to the ladette's, it's about time men had put in more effort than 3 minutes, fart and roll over to go asleep.

LegacyUser

allthingsgreat wrote:

hi t-rble-below,

Thanks for the message and for the insight, so you had this problem too... Have you ever been with someone who confronted you about it? Like it there any right way that's at least not going to be stabbing to start talking about it? I'm so worried i'll hurt him,cause i really love being around him and getting playful is just one part of the fun. I'm afraid to be playful because well, when the lights are off and i can't even see what i'm doing it doesn't let me do the eye-contact thing or anything else i'm used to. It's a bit traditional sounding, sex in the dark etc... I don't know how to confront him about all this though.. It's getting on my nerves cause i'm usually very communicative when it comes to sexual matters but this time words fail me

Hi allthingsgreat,

My ED caused alot of trouble for me as you can read in my previous thread below.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055316299

The relationship I was in as described in that thread is now over, partly due to my ED and other incompatibility issues. The first time I got it was with a really hot "ladette" as described by Expected, except I rarely drink and was cold sober during those times. I changed my condom brand and now never pullback the foreskin, this was another cause of it.

As for broaching the issue I was in a one-night stand recently (which is kinda of half way towards a relationship now!) and I told her before hand that I might not "perform on cue" and she was totally ok with it and talked openly of how "she must cure me" we ended up having great sex and I was not afraid of her and she wanted to please me not the opposite, and I then in turn pleased her. By being gently and softly spoken and lots of intimate cuddling (best part) it helped to ease my nerves and get my engine revved up again! I guess what caused it in me was my nerves and the fact that I am still pretty inexperienced in the whole love making department.

Best of luck!