I could do with some relationship advice

LegacyUser

My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 and a half months ago.

We were madly in love, but she found herself with less and less time due to a busy college schedule, and she blamed me for us not having enough time together.

I love the girl very much, but I'm also pretty frustrated. She's convinced herself that I'm some sort of liar, on very spurious grounds. I recently mixed a couple of dates when I was asking her about when she visited her parents and she actually accused me of lying for some sort of secret agenda.

The poor girl's not in a great way, she's been sick lately, and she doesn't have many friends left. Most gave up on her because of her illness which was worse a couple of years ago. She's really lonely, and it's having an awful effect on her. She's gotten bitchy, alienating the few people who are still in contact with her.

I'm really worried for her, because I care for her so much, but there's no-one else who does. The problem is, she just keeps telling me I'm a liar, despite a lack of any lies to show me.

Does anyone have any advice?

dudara

I feel for you here. When we're hurting, as your girlfriend appears to be, we often lash out the most at the people who are closest to us. It's as if, in our desparation to prove their loyalty, we push them further and further, until eventually, they leave too.

Mr Benevolent

The poor girl's not in a great way, she's been sick lately, and she doesn't have many friends left. Most gave up on her because of her illness which was worse a couple of years ago.

Is this a physical or mental issue? No disrespect intended, but a mental issue can certainly cause alienation like that. People get pretty low when they're ill, especially longterm, and they take it out on others. I suspect you both need to sit down and figure it out. It's not fair for her to blame you for everything.

LegacyUser

Her problems were physical and related to her nerves.

They caused her severe back pains and hand pain which made her life unbelievably hard at times.

LegacyUser

Do people think I should try and contact the girl, or should I just blank her completely... Or maybe just let her know I'll be there for her when she's ready...

I really don't know what to do for her. Cos she's clearly still pretty emotional about me, and I know I still care for her so much, despite all the **** she's pulled... The poor thing's a mess now, and could probably do with a friend, but I'm not sure how best to offer her that... Or if I even should.

RandomDave

Perhaps you should try and work out whether you think for definite this girl's worth your time?

If she is, then you have to decide if you're ready to talk to her again, and if she's ready to listen. Because clearly she's hurting, at least judging from what you say.

What were the issues that caused you to fall out/break up anyway?

Liam Byrne

RandomDave wrote: »

Perhaps you should try and work out whether you think for definite this girl's worth your time?

As George Hamilton might say - "Danger Here!"....."worth your time" can be lots of things, depending on whether or not the OP is still holding a candle for them....

Not saying "don't".....just saying tread carefully and be sure of what you want out of it....

Also, with the best will in the world, look after yourself too.....I've been there with banging my head off a brick wall, wanting to be there for someone, and being pushed.......it's tough, and you can only take so much on before it starts affecting you too, or you start thinking "I can't give up on her too...."

But if you can manage to get through all that (I couldn't) then it might be great....no-one will know but you....

Best of luck!

anonymous_joe

I think you should probably take more time away from them.

You should also definitely be honest with them if you talk to them again. Tell them exactly how you feel, and let them accept that.

MJOR

As i say in 99% iof cases like this I suggest cutting contact with her. She is an ex and holds a lot of resentment towards you because she thinks you wronged her.

I know she is going thru a bad patch but she needs friends around her. Throwing you into the equation when she is so upset will only make things worse

LegacyUser

I never wronged her... But yeah, she's convinced I did. If she could sit down with me for as much as 10 minutes I could answer everything that bothers her, but she won't.

And she just doesn't have any friends to turn to...

I miss her so much, we were so close, and so happy, but her trust issues have come back and hit us hard. And now she's left herself completely alone, and all I want to do is help her and fix everything...