Have i the right to be annoyed?

LegacyUser

Right this has got to the point where i canot take it anymore and i wana know have i the right to be as angry as i am over this..

With the GF just over a year, met her randomly on myspace and coincidently we were goin the same concert 2 weeks later so we met, got on great and a week after that i asked her out and the rest was history.

The problem is.. well part of it is that her phone is her appendage, as in she sends around 300+ msgs A DAY, usually most to me which can be annoying but i do enjoy talking to her and im just used to now. From the minute she wakes up to when she falls asleep at night she does be texting away.

I dont mind that as such but its the fact she does be texting everyone and anybody. But its all the random guys that aparently shes always been texting. Again i dont mind that, i trust her 100%, but i just dont get why she does it. Like alot are complete randomers she met once years ago or friends gave out her number and shes constantly texting weirdos like theres nothing wrong with it. She was telling be about this one guy who was "sound" shes been texting for years that keeps randomly sayin he loves her and all, like what the ****? AND she still botherd to text him. Any of these could be nut jobs and yet shes telling everything about herself. It doesnt stop there either, she does it online too, through msn and again myspace, its just weird and i dont understand it.

But the one thing that annoyes me most is the fact she does be telling EVERYTHING about the blokes to my face for a good half hour at times. EG "oh he got 600points on the lc or he likes the same music as me and weve so much in common its great that i can talk to someone who can relate to the same things".. Eh hello, thats what your BF and prop friends from school and work and in gerneral are for, not complete randomers and it always feels like its been rubbed into my face, lik there better than me and it really hurts when i think of it that way..

Thing is if i was talking to random girls shed blow a gasket quite literally..

Its always botherd me but i confronted her about it last night and she didnt take it very well. Everything was blown out of proportion.. Saying i do i not trust her and so on.. I was just saying do you not find it strange texting randomers, all blokes, when youve a BF and aload of good friends and shes like no i thinks its fine and told me to grow up etc etc.. So i was saying do you think its safe to be sayin what you do about yourself and she turned it around trying to make out i think shes not capable of looking after herself thats shes stupid etc? Im only looking out for her and i cant for the love of god get my head around it as why shes still persists on doin it..

I asked her why and all she could come out with was i wanna meet new people with simular interests. All blokes? Whats wrong with girls too? Like i dont mind at all as i know where shes comin from on that level but why cant she just go out with friends and meet new people through them like the rest of us do or join some clubs or societies or something..

I really dont understand it and it gets to me sooooo much.

AND ANOTHER thing, she turned it around again saying im a terrible BF, maybe that if i ever bring her out she wouldn have to do. That she only does it cause she sits in bored 24/7, well heres some new shed do it anyway and does..

Terrible BF is far from the truth too and really hurt. Okay, we dont go out much but thats because i dont have a job at the mo and no money but i spend every single penny on her trying to make her happy. Even sold have of my belongings to just aford to bring her to the cinema or what have you.. Seems like she appreciated it but not now..

Where on a break now, so we can sort ourselfs out, which we both agread on and i need too. Ive been unemployed 2 years+ and im 20 and goin into my 3rd year of college and im just lost in life, im getting my head staright and biting the bullet to get on with things and make myself happy for the first time in 6yrs+ and im really determined to do so and i know i will.. But now that i have my head straight and know what i want from life i dont know if this relationship is gonna work anymore, im still in love with her very much as from day 1 but i cant see where its goin and im willing to put everything into it as is she...

Ive never been a "bad" BF by any means but i havent been the greatest in that she claims i dont threat her right and im goin by her words. Hurtfull, maybe but as far as im concerned its honest and i wana make her the happiest i can. Like in the past year weve must have gone to the cinema 15+ times, to the pub say 10+, to dinner twice, and a prob night out maybe once.. by that i mean hitting town clubbing.. The rest were spend in.. For someone unemployed i thinks its fair to say i done as best i could getting all my money from selling my things off but shes right in sayin ive no determination and im lacking that of a real man that i need to establish myself if were to work and im doin that, not for her but for myself too but i still duno what to think anymore..

Sorry this has been a long post and very random, turning from one thing to another but could you people give some thoughts and oppinions on all this? I need to hear it from people outside of the situation..

Thanks to all in advance!

ejvilla

Get out, this girl sounds crazy.

And chill...:)

RedXIV

The bit that threw me off in this story was that she's defending her right to text anyone and everyone yet you can't do the same when it comes to girls? Thats something that needs to be addressed. If she can't accept you doing it, then she should understand your discomfort.

Also, if your 20 and in college, whats stopping you from getting a part time job? 2+ years without one? i've no idea how you're surviving. Tesco's hire weekend staff, bars and clubs always need staff, there are plenty of places you could be going to get work.

Irishcrx

I just had to read half of that to come to a one word simple conclusion.

ATTENTION SEEKER

I've seen girls and even dated ones like this before and it is very irratating, the reason they text everyone and anyone is because they like the attention and it is mainly fella's she texts I take it. And they also enjoy when the fella's start getting all " I love you" , it's a bit immature but mate i'd get out before you get hurt.

Anti

I have her pictured in my head already, messed up blonde hair, dresses like shes from d4... But she sounds nuts, get out and stay away from this crazy girl. She obviously has no idea how to be in a relationship.

Pub07

She sounds like a right twat. If she's telling you to be a 'real man' you should prove you are by telling her to cop the f*ck on and stop texting random guys. That you're not putting up with it anymore and you're willing to walk over it. That texting is some very wierd sh*t to be at. I wonder what would happen if you started (or pretended to) texting random girls, see how she likes it, could be interesting to see how she reacts to that.

Vegeta

You'll never "change" her so you have to ask yourself is it behaviour you can live with long term. If its not then no point in hanging around for the sake of it

You have a problem with her behaviour, you tried to discuss it with her and she did the old turn around on ya and pretty much told you to fcuk off "I'll do what I want"

I'd give it a little more time and bring up the subject again (you need to know for sure that you tried to make it work), if she continues with the activity that really annoys you then why hang around.

Irishcrx

I'll tell you what happened me, was with a girl for 5 months and she was always texting random guy's etc told me to think nothing of it etc and I didn't cause I trusted her (Silly me), found a message one night on her phone, wasn't going through it she left it downstairs open when it beeped as it constantly did and it was a bloke we will call A and we'll call her E , the message was basicly the two of them planning to meet up and have sex. I let it go and said nothing , went out as planned and came home early and A and E were at it like animals in one of the other lads rooms, I walked in and caught them, didn't get angry really I got a laugh out of the two of them scampering to get their clothes together and telling me it's not how it looks, got rid of her right away.

Girls like her never change, and if you try change them they'll just get angry and say your being possesive get rid.

Rob_l

OP thats some crazy approval needing stuff she is up too, as has been said weigh up your feelings if you love her then you have to make it work some how, but you will never change her completely so if its not something you can deal with, get out now!

Silverfish

I'm just wondering if it was the other way around, and it was the OP doing this and his GF posting the thread, would the answers be different?

I seem to remember a few threads before where girls posted that their other halves were texting other girls, and they were told it was perfectly ok and not to be so hysterical, and what harm are a few texts, its not like they're cheating.


If you've an issue with something your girlfriend is doing, and she won't change it, then you need to decide if that's where your line in the sand is, and whether you'll put up with it or not.

If its yes, then stop being so hysterical and let her text her friends.

If its no, then walk away and find someone who will respect your boundaries, because she clearly doesn't.

hockeygirl

Have to agree with everyone here.

When you in a relationship of course its fine to have male friend but to be actively seeking male friend only of 'similar' interest..... thats just ridiculus.

She is 100% attention seeker, she enjoys the attention she is getting off these strange guys. The main reason people uses these services is to flirt.

Alot like that website WAYN.com.. in fact I bet she has a page on that

You were right to take a break... and yes she is right you dont trust, and rightly so why would you! Im amazed you put up with it for as long as you have.


I had a friend in college who did this and her poor suffering boyf stayed with her and I know for a fact she was meeting these guys and doing the dirt on him.. and he was such a nice guy... maybe too nice


And I agree with REDXIV go and get yourself a part time job.. alothough college should be finished now. It keep your mind off things plus you'll feel better for it

AARRRGH

Maxamo wrote: »

goin into my 3rd year of college and im just lost in life

You have a right to be annoyed. She sounds like an insecure child.

Whatever happens, don't drop out of college to get a job just to please her. Stick with your course.

You're not in the wrong. Do what's best for you.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Personally I think she's going a step too far and that a break is exactly what she wanted so now she can guilt free go and meet these randomers. This is obviously just a hunch.

Selling half your belongings to take her out seems over the top and if she was a decent other half, she wouldn't have let you done that (unless she didn't know). Your only 20, you've got your education to worry about and to be honest, from what you have wrote, she seems like a me me me it's all about me, kinda person.

What does she actually do for you. It seems that all her attention is focused on these other people and whatever fantasies about whatever that she's got going on in her head.

You done the right thing by talking to her about it. Her reaction didn't seem like she cared that this was obviously bothering you.

If I was doing what she was doing and whatever girl I was going out with and who I geniunely like told me that it bothered them, no problem. Put a stop to it because it's bothering the person I care about instead of pleasing some random peopel who mean nothing.

The only person she seems to care about is herself.

Start thinking about yourself. Show her that you're now focusing on yourself as it seems that you have other things you should be busy with like getting a job if that's what you want to do while your doing your studies.

Once again, try and think about what she does for you and how she supports you while you seem to be getting worked up about this and that.

Colonel_McCoy

Get out fast!!! She is living in crazy town. You sold half your stuff to bring her out...........thats madness. I have been in relatioshisp before when we were both in college virtually broke and it was not about going out all the time spending a fortune doing this and that, it was about being together.

Delete her number

AARRRGH

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Delete her number

From the sounds of things, this won't stop her texting him. For the rest of his life.

Claire121

Also, if your 20 and in college, whats stopping you from getting a part time job? 2+ years without one? i've no idea how you're surviving. Tesco's hire weekend staff, bars and clubs always need staff, there are plenty of places you could be going to get work.

College is supposed to be full time. I don't see anything wrong with not working when you're a full time student with up to 35 hours of lectures plus assignments and reading, it's hardly the same as being 'unemployed'. What kind of GF expects their BF to pay for them to do things all the time, especially if said BF is a student? Why can't she pay for herself if she wants to go out? I couldn't even imagine letting my boyfriend sell half his possessions so he could bring me out! She sounds horrible........

RedXIV

Claire121 wrote: »

College is supposed to be full time. I don't see anything wrong with not working when you're a full time student with up to 35 hours of lectures plus assignments and reading, it's hardly the same as being 'unemployed'. What kind of GF expects their BF to pay for them to do things all the time, especially if said BF is a student? Why can't she pay for herself if she wants to go out? I couldn't even imagine letting my boyfriend sell half his possessions so he could bring me out! She sounds horrible........

It's grand i suppose if you have a grant or gettin sponsered but i know its taken me two jobs for the majority of college to cover me. admittedly, i can go out whenever i want with that, but those jobs primarily cover rent and food, something which i think all students need?

RossFixxxed

You know the right hand pedal in the car. Put it to the floor and DO NOT LOOK BACK!

Seriously she sounds like a complete drama queen attention seeker. Run. Run quite fast Dougal!

R

marti101

I have to agree she sounds loke a bunny boiler.Get yourself a job,make friends and get away.Have you even talked to any of the guys cos seriously she is going to talk to the wrong person maybe somebody who wont take no for an answer

LegacyUser

Hey thanks for the all reply’s guys…

Anti wrote: »

I have her pictured in my head already, messed up blonde hair, dresses like shes from d4... But she sounds nuts, get out and stay away from this crazy girl. She obviously has no idea how to be in a relationship.

Lol, nothing like that anti, the exact opposite actually.. But yea im not sure she knows how a relationship works. It takes two after all…

Irishcrx wrote: »

I'll tell you what happened me, was with a girl for 5 months and she was always texting random guy's etc told me to think nothing of it etc and I didn't cause I trusted her (Silly me), found a message one night on her phone, wasn't going through it she left it downstairs open when it beeped as it constantly did and it was a bloke we will call A and we'll call her E , the message was basicly the two of them planning to meet up and have sex. I let it go and said nothing , went out as planned and came home early and A and E were at it like animals in one of the other lads rooms, I walked in and caught them, didn't get angry really I got a laugh out of the two of them scampering to get their clothes together and telling me it's not how it looks, got rid of her right away.

Girls like her never change, and if you try change them they'll just get angry and say your being possesive get rid.

I think I painted the wrong picture of her. Shes nothing lik the above and I know for a fact thatd she never ever EVER cheat or do anything behind my back. Hell she tells how she liked/likes as in whos good lucking and sound and ive no prob with that as I do the same. Its only natural sure. Were as honest as honest can be with each other and share everything that goes on and im not been fooled into any of this, I just know for a fact.

Shes had a very rough life to date, bad past and bad experience with blokes. From the beginneing all I wantd to do was be a good BF and change all that, to make her feel good and wanted but it doesn’t seem to work. Well it did for awhile, but recent times... idk..

Irishcrx wrote: »

I just had to read half of that to come to a one word simple conclusion.

ATTENTION SEEKER

I've seen girls and even dated ones like this before and it is very irratating, the reason they text everyone and anyone is because they like the attention and it is mainly fella's she texts I take it. And they also enjoy when the fella's start getting all " I love you" , it's a bit immature but mate i'd get out before you get hurt.

I don’t really believe shes an attention seeker, infact she has a shy personality and quite hates any attention shes been given by anyone at all.

The problem just is that shes texting all these random guys and she thinks its fine. I do believe her and I know for a fact that shes only up for a chat but any fella that a young good lucking girl randomly starts talking to would automatically thinks “hold on a good looking girl just started talking to me randomly she must like me or be attracted to me” etc.. cause that’s what id be thinking for as sure as hell…

And to make things worse, shes not a flirt but really comes off that way cause shes sooo friendly and chatty with people..

I just don’t get it. But I understand that at the moment she has no friends as such as there all busy and all she does is either sit in work or at home and couldn’t feel more down..

Im just want her to understand I don’t think its acceptable and thatd she listen to my wishes cause I know I would for her. Im half thinking of showing her this thread and letting her see what outsiders think. But I know for a fact thatd it put the final nail in the coffin between us.

At the moment I haven’t time for this, I wanna sort myself and take advantage of the break and get back on track and try everything again with her.

Im gonna sit her down when we get back and tell her what I want from this relationship, give it a trial basis and if things don’t pick up we’ll have to pack it in if we cant see eye to eye and give each other what we want..

I think that’s fair enough..

Claire121 wrote: »

College is supposed to be full time. I don't see anything wrong with not working when you're a full time student with up to 35 hours of lectures plus assignments and reading, it's hardly the same as being 'unemployed'. What kind of GF expects their BF to pay for them to do things all the time, especially if said BF is a student? Why can't she pay for herself if she wants to go out? I couldn't even imagine letting my boyfriend sell half his possessions so he could bring me out! She sounds horrible........

As for the job situation, yes I do really need one. I have no income at all. I wasn’t given a grant at all even tho I qualify. Im on a full time course with a 38hr week, 9-5 most days with only an hour break. Then theres the getting to and from college on top of all the work and projects ive no time for a job although id happily take up a weekend job for a few bob but know were seems to be interested in a guy looking for 8-16hrs a week. I also have really bad anxiety and its pretty much preventing me from getting work or doing anything with myself and that’s an issue ive to really deal with and sort out and im trying my est now because I need to do it for myself and nobody else…

Claire121 wrote: »

What kind of GF expects their BF to pay for them to do things all the time, especially if said BF is a student? Why can't she pay for herself if she wants to go out? I couldn't even imagine letting my boyfriend sell half his possessions so he could bring me out! She sounds horrible........

I thought it would be the norm for a BF to splash out and buy everything, well pay for most things being a gent no? I always thought so..
I don’t know why she cant pay for herself at times. She says its not me bringing her out but herself then..

And she didn’t know until the break began last week that I was selling my stuff to pay for her and us. She nearly murdered me for doing it..

STUBBORNGIRL

Anti wrote: »

I have her pictured in my head already, messed up blonde hair, dresses like shes from d4... But she sounds nuts, get out and stay away from this crazy girl. She obviously has no idea how to be in a relationship.

Why you use blonde hair as opposed to Red or brown bemuses me - and as a blonde I take offence to it. dont parralell me to this psycho!

that aside Op, this Girl sounds fecked up in the head. That is not healthy to be texting that many texts a day. As one of the other posters said here - she is an attention seeker! Would she continuously be texting in your company - cause that is so not right! GET RID! Another maniac who wants her cake and eat it!

Contrary to belief you can still go out and do things without spending a penny you know! Anyway use this bit of advise for the next girlfriend you are going to get cause this present girl should be shown the door! let her move on to that guy who she has so much in common with - I'm sure they will have a wonderful life together!

Also just want to add fair play to you for educating yourself and best of luck in college - you deserve all the happiness one could have!

jellie

apart from the insane amount of texting, you say she complains you dont bring her places, & you listed the things youve paid for. does she ever pay for anything? & how much is she spending on all this texting? surely if she used the money shes spending on phone credit on other things she could get out a bit more & stop complaining about being bored.

BroomBurner

OP, you've said you don't think she's an attention seeker, but I'm afraid she is. If she was happy with the attention you ae obviously showering on her, she wouldn't need to be out texting randomers. In fact, when you're mad in to someone, you generally tend to break away from mates, etc., at least in the beginning because you feel like you don't want to "waste" a spare moment on someone else.

As for getting a job, by all means, get something part-time, in a shop or something, but don't spend it all on her, she doesn't deserve it.

Finally, as for being a bad BF, I hate that term being used, it's a cop out used by many immature girls, and some men. Unless you are physically or psychologically abusing someone, you are not a bad BF/GF. You may just not be good for each other.

pretty*monster

maxamo wrote: »

I thought it would be the norm for a BF to splash out and buy everything, well pay for most things being a gent no? I always thought so..
I don’t know why she cant pay for herself at times. She says its not me bringing her out but herself then..

What planet is she living on? In this day and age it's completely unacceptable for a woman to expect her bf to pay her way.

Silverfish

maxamo wrote: »

I thought it would be the norm for a BF to splash out and buy everything, well pay for most things being a gent no? I always thought so..
I don’t know why she cant pay for herself at times. She says its not me bringing her out but herself then..

Yeah, you need to get as far away from her as you can. She seems terribly deluded. Think of what the rest of your life would be with this person.

PurpleBerry

maxamo wrote: »

Shes had a very rough life to date, bad past and bad experience with blokes. From the beginneing all I wantd to do was be a good BF and change all that, to make her feel good and wanted but it doesn’t seem to work. Well it did for awhile, but recent times... idk..

And in an argument she told you that you weren't a good BF? Sounds like she knew exactly what to say to hurt you the most.

If I'm right then she is manipulative and malicious. I've known people like that. They will say things that they know will hurt you badly, whether they think them or not.

dudara

There's a simple rule in relationships: It's OK to look, but don't touch.

As far as I'm concerned, having text conversations with strangers is equivalent to touching. In a relationship one person gets your complete focus, not 20 random strangers who really only exist as phone numbers on your SIM card. It really does sound as if she doesn't know how a relationship works. The question is... are you willing to try and work through it with her?

COH

Burn her... lifes too short

GrumPy

Sounds like the exact opposite of my gf. :pac: Texting is a really informal type of communication and I really dislike it tbh, but it's kinda normal this day and age to randomly text throughout the course of a day.

Personally, a couple of texts (at least) a day are needed, but 300+? That would drive me insane, whereas no texts at all, would kinda piss me off a little.

Just tell her your not comfortable with it, and if she's not happy with that then it's your choice weather or not shes worth keeping.

Ostrom

dudara wrote: »

There's a simple rule in relationships: It's OK to look, but don't touch.

As far as I'm concerned, having text conversations with strangers is equivalent to touching. In a relationship one person gets your complete focus, not 20 random strangers who really only exist as phone numbers on your SIM card. It really does sound as if she doesn't know how a relationship works. The question is... are you willing to try and work through it with her?

+1

It does take two, and she owes you her attention if she wants a healthy relationship. Texting is not 'making an effort' to meet new people; the point is often raised here how little 'communication' there is when all you have are a few lines of expressionless words - its lazy. Expanding her social circle could easily include you if she was bothered

(For the record I hate it - to the degree you are talking, and I hate that people will happily maintain a supposed connection with minimum effort through text)

Dee369369

If she won't let you do it then how can she justify doing it herself?
I personally find it disrespectful of any bf/gf to be txting other guys/girls when they are professing their love for that person.what does she say back to those texts?
You need to sort out what you're gona say before u meet up with her,tell her how u feel and what you expect and if she can't do that maybe they mean alot more to her then she's letting on.
Good luck with it.

LegacyUser

So would i really be a fool for ignoring everythings thats gone on between the 2 of us and wanting to start fresh and give it another go?

Many of you prob dont understand me when i say i really love this girl and i know she loves me too and thats not the problem. I think we just dont see eye to eye and for the past year or so we have had different expectations from each other and find ourselfs let down when we dont meet em... Idk anymore...

Im torn in two pieces the past month and im really confused, everyones telling me to leave her and find someone else but its really not that simple at all. I know for a fact that il still always have her on my mind, even if i did meet another absolutely amazin girl in time. I couldnt bare lettin her go. Id miss her too much and even the thoughts of things after this make me break down so bad...

Im just sooooo lost and i dont know how to feel or react anymore. Im full of anger aswell as hurt, im soo depressed and just not happy although most of that has been the case the past few years anyway...

I just need help im not able for this anymore...

My friends are saying im a fool for putting up with her that its about beeing together and spending time together and just getting on. Shes saying i dont threat her like a prop BF and bring her out and do things for her i should be and im thinking should i be doing this? Because at the same time weve both got friends in relationships who either never really go out and still get on great and then weve others who are always out with the BF's expences which i dont mind so much as i explained i would want what i put into the relationship back.. i.e if i brought her out for a night id appreciate it back or some sort of gift, I think itd only be fair..

Anyway i always thought we were a happy medium in that when we'd spend time together we'd just chill out together in mine or hers or even friends then maybe head out every 3/4 weeks.. But she obv thought diff..

LegacyUser

Its okay people, i think i esentially ended everything just there and i feel really ashamed for what i said and done, i didnt mean it and i dont wana lose her now but its too late.

I just exploded, what can i do to redeam this?

Bottle_of_Smoke

That's hardcore. If she gets 8 hours sleep a night that's a text every 3minutes, 12 seconds.

Are you possibly exaggerating?

She knows it's wrong but is more than willing to take the risk if it means attention.

Being shy has nothing to do with looking for attention.

MagicMarker

Maxamo wrote: »

Its okay people, i think i esentially ended everything just there and i feel really ashamed for what i said and done, i didnt mean it and i dont wana lose her now but its too late.

I just exploded, what can i do to redeam this?

what happened?

Sounds to me like you're better off tbh.

Solarball10

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

She is living in crazy town.

+ 1. OP, you need to get out of here! Bloody hell, if my OH was texting loads of random girls like that, I can tell you he'd be out of the door. On the other hand, maybe you should start doing just that, and see how she likes it. She hasn't a leg to stand on if she gives out to you about it, because you can say: "But darling, they're all really nice girls, and they like the same music/sports/etc. as me! It's so GOOD to talk to someone that shares the same interests, don't you think?"

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Delete her number

Don't agree with this. Well I mean you CAN delete her number, but tbh if ye've been going out a while, her number must be imprinted on your brain, so there isn't much chance of you forgetting it!