Problem with work mate

LegacyUser

This may be long and ranty, so apologies in advance.

Been working in my current job for the past 2 and a half years. I'm the youngest person in the place at 25 (there's about 17 people in my department) and the closest person in age is a 34 year old guy who I'll call Alan. Anyway, we get on quite well and there's 4 of us that would go for the odd drink after work, another man (45) and another woman (40).

I's a public sector job and while the money is brutal we have fantastic benefits that we wouldn't get elsewhere so I'm pretty thankful for the position and security I have. In our department we rotate sections every 4 months. During this rotation myself and Alan are on the same desk and it's been a nightmare.

He's the moodiest person I have ever encountered in my life and every morning I'm on edge wondering what humour he'll arrive in today. Some examples of his behaviour:

- Everything is "shít". If I say something as simple as "Oh myself and the other half went to the cinema last night to see <insert movie here>" He'll respond with "That looks shít". I'll say, "Well you haven't seen it so maybe make an informed decision." and he'll inevitably reply with "Why would I? It looks shít." This applies to pretty much anything...movies, music, tv, books...etc

- He seems to think he should be the only one to take his annual leave. A work colleague recently became a father and he had been keeping most of his annual leave for when the baby arrived so he could help his wife and also get to see his newborn son. He hasn't been taking massive amounts of time off, just the odd day here and there but Alan has a fit if he dares to take a Friday or Saturday. He actually said "Oh look, John has taken another Friday off! What if I want to take time off to watch the football?" I told him he was being ridiculous and he just got in a huff and walked off.

- The public are treated like muck. When the two of us are at the desk and a member of the public comes up, and I'm in the middle of some clerical work (as god knows he never does any) he will actually completely ignore the person standing right in front of him and continue playing solitaire or some other computer game. I end up reaching over and asking the customer to come to my side of the desk so I can deal with them. He does this constantly and when it's pointed out to him he just tuts and rolls his eyes. I'm basically doing his job for him as well as my own and then having to deal with is attitude on top of it all.

- He hates his job. Now I know we don't all love our job but this is incredible. He's been in the job for 6 years and he despises it. I said to him "If you hate your job this much you should go for something different." He never goes for promotion but gives out shít about whoever dares to go for it and actually get it. We don't have a tough job, and as public jobs go we have a pretty nice one. The public aren't irate when we're dealing with them, it's a calm atmosphere, and everyone gets along for the most part. His begrudging attitude is so negative and it's quite draining tbh.

- "You'll learn." This is all I'm ever told when I register my amazement at his hatred for the job. I'm in 2 and a half years and I still enjoy my job. I'm currently doing a college course at night to help me advance and make a career out of it and it's like he hates the fact that we don't all agree with him and find everything shít. God forbid I have a bit of ambition.

You're probably all going to say ignore him or speak to your supervisor, but the last thing I want is more of an atmosphere and with Alan that's what you'll get. He would see it as a personal attack and work would be even more hellish than usual.

I would be the one who spends the most time with him and outside of work he can be grand. The begrudging attitude can still be there but it's easier to ignore out of the office. I've been warned recently that I'm in danger of being guilty by association. As I'm still relatively new to the organisation this is the last thing I want. I take everyone at face value when I first meet them and try to see the good in everyone, but lately I feel like he's taking advantage of that.

He spent all of Monday doing his "I'm depressed" routine, where he sat looking all pensive and sighing loudly while I'm trying to get on with my work. I refused to do the "Ah are ya ok?" stuff that he wanted, I'm here to do a job not put up with this guys shít. He's currently looking for somewhere to live but of course, why should he pay anything more than €350 a month including bills! I told him that was unrealistic for the area he's looking in but tbh what it comes down to is pure tightness. He once told me that when he went on a stag do they did a kitty for the rounds and as he was the closest to the bar he always ended up going up. He said that he was pissed off with that so he "took a fiver out of the kitty for myself every time, fúck them." I was so disgusted by that.

I had mentioned his behaviour to another woman in work recently and she said that she can see it and that it all comes down to him having absolutely zero confidence. He puts on this big front and seems to revel in this "everything is shít, relationships are shít" routine. He never goes for promotion and claims it's because he'd "never get the job because I'll be honest and won't tell them what they want to hear, fúck them." The other woman in work said that when it came to the odd interview he did, he was a nervous wreck beforehand and he simply bottled the interview.

Maybe I should feel sorry for him but the way I look at it, he's a work mate. I'm happy to go for the odd drink with him after work but I'm not going to let him drag me down to his miserable level and I honestly feel that has been happening lately. He's a 34 year old man and he needs to sort his life out and I guess I'm just sick of listening to him moan. I don't want to have a big confrontation and I don't want to make anything official but I don't want things to continue this way either. I'd previously considered asking for a transfer in order to gain more experience in other aspects of the organisation and this crap seems to be pushing me closer and closer to that.

Ugh, I dunno what I hope to achieve here, I just needed to get all that out. Any advice on how to deal with the situation would be greatly appreciated.

newname

The public are treated like muck. When the two of us are at the desk and a member of the public comes up, and I'm in the middle of some clerical work (as god knows he never does any) he will actually completely ignore the person standing right in front of him and continue playing solitaire or some other computer game. I end up reaching over and asking the customer to come to my side of the desk so I can deal with them. He does this constantly and when it's pointed out to him he just tuts and rolls his eyes. I'm basically doing his job for him as well as my own and then having to deal with is attitude on top of it all.

Where is this mans supervisor in all of this, how can he get away with playing the computer when customers arrive. He should be sacked. I don't think you can do very much other than try to get moved away from him.

AngryBadger

If you're considering a transfer for other reasons I'd suggest going for that.

Otherwise, as I'm sure you know, your options are fairly limited. Pain in the balls of a situation, have a similar-ish one myself, and there's honestly not much you can do.

I suppose you could make a complaint, but my view on that is that if you make a complaint in all likelihood the person in question will get a slap on the wrist, and that'll be it. Then they're back workign next to you but now they have an axe to grind.

Sounds like ye communicate, and you've pointed out his bad attitude before to no avail. He suffers from confidence issues, but from your description he's completely unwilling to do anything about that. You have your own job to do, and he's making that difficult, i certainly wouldn't be worrying about trying to help him out or anything.

LegacyUser

newname wrote: »

Where is this mans supervisor in all of this, how can he get away with playing the computer when customers arrive. He should be sacked. I don't think you can do very much other than try to get moved away from him.

Our supervisor is very hands off and more than likely has no idea of how bad he really is. I really don't want to make a formal complaint as I've seen how that can really damage people in there (those making the complaint, not the one being complained about) however justified they are.

AngryBadger, yeah I don't plan on trying to help him in any way as I know that it wouldn't be reciprocated. I'm tired of wasting energy on him and I know I need to try to distance myself from him, but again I want to do this without causing a fuss. He used to have a close knit group in work just before I arrived. The 6 of them would go on trips together, stuff like that, but then there was a falling out. Basically one of the women got sick of him taking advantage of her generosity. He owed her money for hotels, she'd bring him back cigs if she went abroad and he'd never pay her for them, generally took the píss and she eventually got sick of it and cut off contact. She in another department so it was easier for her. This woman however, has been very cold towards me and watches everything she says because she assumes I'll say something back to him. He told me that she just has an attitude problem and he doesn't know why she cut him off but he doesn't give a crap, yadda yadda. I heard what really happened from about 3 other people.

There have been occasions where he's gotten drunk and told me how he hates his life etc, but like you say he is completely unwilling to change so I'm fúcked if I'm going to spend anymore energy on him in that regard.

I think a transfer may be the only way to go. When I mentioned it before he took as an personal affront. He expects me to stick around because nobody else can tolerate his bullshít.

Sorry for ranting, and thank you for the replies.

Beruthiel

Fed_Up_08 wrote: »

The public are treated like muck. When the two of us are at the desk and a member of the public comes up, and I'm in the middle of some clerical work (as god knows he never does any) he will actually completely ignore the person standing right in front of him and continue playing solitaire or some other computer game. I end up reaching over and asking the customer to come to my side of the desk so I can deal with them. He does this constantly and when it's pointed out to him he just tuts and rolls his eyes.

The kind of public servant I despise. Job for life, never be sacked, thinks the world owes him and couldn't be arsed doing the job our tax money is paying him to do.
I think I'd have lost it with him by now. Seriously, I don't know how you manage.
Why should you be doing his job? Stop doing that at least. If someone comes to the desk again, point the person out to him and ask him can he deal with them instead of playing on his puter, out loud so everyone can hear.

I surely would have told him to quit whinging by now.
It's not your problem if he has a sh!t life. That's down to him and if it bothers him that much, change it. Tell him that too.
When he starts whinging about something, point out what he sould do to change it. If he says he can't, tell him it must not be bothering him that much then or he would.
Other than that, transfer outta there asap!

jon1981

is it possible for a guy like this to be sacked? or is it a myth that you can't be sacked? no wonder people have the bad opinions on the public sector with Aholes like that

newname

People like him drag everyone down. Get away from him and don't look back, he is not your responsibility. He's been there 6 years and he hates it so he is not going to change one bit while he stays in a job he hates.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

The kind of public servant I despise. Job for life, never be sacked, thinks the world owes him and couldn't be arsed doing the job our tax money is paying him to do.

Completely agree and I hate that people like him end up getting us all tarred with the same brush. The majority of the people I work with are hard workers who appreciate the benefits we get and who most definitely don't have this skewed sense of entitlement that he has.

On the issue of the transfer, while I know I'd benefit from the experience, I do really like my department and I get along well with everybody else. Being on the same section as him has really worn me down the past while and there's a good chance I'll be with him on the next rotation too, hence my reconsidering the idea. I'd hate to feel pushed out by someone like this.

His attitude towards the public makes me fume. He treats them like an inconvenience when they are the main part of our job. We're public servants, the clue is in the name! He does everything he can to avoid actually dealing with the public, often getting up and walking away from the desk leaving me there to deal with both the people and the admin side.

After his depressed routine on Monday, I was quite short with him on Tuesday. I was feeling really ill (turns out I have a tummy bug) and he asked if I wanted to go out for lunch (we usually would go out) and I said no, not today. Again, personal bloody affront. He spent the rest of the day in a huff.

Its just so frustrating.

ntlbell

Fed_Up_08 wrote: »

His attitude towards the public makes me fume. He treats them like an inconvenience when they are the main part of our job. We're public servants, the clue is in the name! He does everything he can to avoid actually dealing with the public, often getting up and walking away from the desk leaving me there to deal with both the people and the admin side.

After his depressed routine on Monday, I was quite short with him on Tuesday. I was feeling really ill (turns out I have a tummy bug) and he asked if I wanted to go out for lunch (we usually would go out) and I said no, not today. Again, personal bloody affront. He spent the rest of the day in a huff.

Its just so frustrating.

I have dealt with pretty much the same problem before.

It really got me down and then I realised I wasn't get paid enough to listen and baby sit this nonsense.

You can't make him work and that's not your job, but be frank with him, tell him you don't want to listen to anymore negativity that if he has nothing positive to talk to you about you don't want to hear it.

When someone is standing at the desk and your busy stand up and ask are they ok when they go to talk listen and kindly tell them that Alan is available to deal with there query and make sure he hears and see's and maybe prompt him? (this is what I would do, it's a bit cheeky but your letting him know you know )

I would also have a chat with your supervisor.

Anti

IF i were you i would relax and ignore this insufferable twat, dont let his negitivity and lack of ambition drag you down. From reading your post you seem quite intellegent and well motivated to make something of your life.

Speak to your supervisor and ask to be moved off the same desk as him and be put with someone else. Be truthfull, and dont understate the matter. But also dont make it sound worse then what it actually is.

Vegeta

Anti wrote: »

Be truthfull

Rule number one.

Don't tip toe around this bell end. He is clearly dragging you down. Don't accomodate him for the sake of being nice. You get no thanks from him and it may be damaging your career.

Talk to your supervisor, no formal complaint or anything but tell the whole truth.

Do not engage in any negative discussion. It is a reward to him when he gets a reaction or confirmation out of you. If he makes a negative comment on anything just blank him, seriously, at most if on the spot give one word short answers with the odd silence in there, just concentrate on your work and ignore the negativity.

I know that's easy to say from behind a keyboard but man the fcuk up its your bloody career and a job you love at that. That's a rare thing.

If he talks about something good and positive then by all means have a discussion with him.

Its funny but I bet he has a shrine to you at home, Fed_Up_08 is my bestest friend.

Look its a sh11ty situation, don't slag him behind his back, tell the truth to him and your supervisor and complete your work to a high standard.

Ebonyellie

He sounds like the lovely guy who 'served' me in the tax office today. Seriously, people like that are deeply unhappy within their jobs but are too lazy to do anything about it, they feel that they have the right to be miserable, moan and do feck all and yet expect wages at the end of the week, its pure arrogance. He begrudges everyone around him, hes his own worst enemy, you shouldnt let him occupy space in your head. I work with a miserable little sod like that, moaning about everyting, wont do a thing and he feels good renumeration is his due cos hes such an arrogant tosser, it really annoys him when i come in smiling monday morning and tell him i had a fantastic weekend( i only say it to wind him up and it so works) he asked me this morning had i change of a fifty, and i said " i only have twenty five euro" and he said "i meant cent" - ties in with the meaness you were talking about!
by the way i totally understand how annoying it is when he writes off a film or whatever when he didnt even see it, how ignorant! people like that never get rid of the chip on their shoulders cos its nature to them so dont let him drag you down

Hobart

Fed_Up_08 wrote: »

He's the moodiest person I have ever encountered in my life and every morning I'm on edge wondering what humour he'll arrive in today. Some examples of his behaviour:

Firstly you should look at what is putting you on edge. Under no circumstances has this guy the right to make you feel less than normal. It's also obvious that you think about this guy long and hard before he arrives, you need to stop this and concentrate on starting your day in a positive mood.

- Everything is "shít". If I say something as simple as "Oh myself and the other half went to the cinema last night to see <insert movie here>" He'll respond with "That looks shít". I'll say, "Well you haven't seen it so maybe make an informed decision." and he'll inevitably reply with "Why would I? It looks shít." This applies to pretty much anything...movies, music, tv, books...etc

I presume he is single? This is a classic sign of a lack of confidence in oneself. Again, I would not put myself in a position wherby I have to listen to this self-indulgent crap. I would not tell him about the movie/meal/drink etc...that I have had or are planning to have. I would tell other colleagues (and purposely within ear-shot of him) and if he made one comment to me about a conversation that I had had with a colleague, I would politely and firmly tell him that "well everything I talk about to you is ****, so I don't really value your opinion" It's amazing the result a quick and curt put-down can have. I not saying that you should be nasty to this guy, but putting him in his place is a must.

- He seems to think he should be the only one to take his annual leave. A work colleague recently became a father and he had been keeping most of his annual leave for when the baby arrived so he could help his wife and also get to see his newborn son. He hasn't been taking massive amounts of time off, just the odd day here and there but Alan has a fit if he dares to take a Friday or Saturday. He actually said "Oh look, John has taken another Friday off! What if I want to take time off to watch the football?" I told him he was being ridiculous and he just got in a huff and walked off.

I would completely ignore this facet of his personality.Again, would say to him that if he has an issue with what others are doing in relation to their allowances, that maybe they should take it up with them or, alternatively HR. Finish that sentence by saying that frankly you are sick of listening to him and his constant BS everytime somebody has the temerity to take a day off.

- The public are treated like muck. When the two of us are at the desk and a member of the public comes up, and I'm in the middle of some clerical work (as god knows he never does any) he will actually completely ignore the person standing right in front of him and continue playing solitaire or some other computer game. I end up reaching over and asking the customer to come to my side of the desk so I can deal with them. He does this constantly and when it's pointed out to him he just tuts and rolls his eyes. I'm basically doing his job for him as well as my own and then having to deal with is attitude on top of it all.

For sure the best way to deal with this issue is to embarrass him into doing his duties. If it was me that was in the same situation as you described above, I would simply call his name in front of the member of the public and say something along the lines of "Hi Madam/Sir, Alan will deal with you in a minute", quickly followed by "Alan?" and a nod in the direction of the customer. I would then immediately stand up from my desk and take a toilet break or whatever and force the guy into dealing with the customer.

- He hates his job. Now I know we don't all love our job but this is incredible. He's been in the job for 6 years and he despises it. I said to him "If you hate your job this much you should go for something different." He never goes for promotion but gives out shít about whoever dares to go for it and actually get it. We don't have a tough job, and as public jobs go we have a pretty nice one. The public aren't irate when we're dealing with them, it's a calm atmosphere, and everyone gets along for the most part. His begrudging attitude is so negative and it's quite draining tbh.

Again, I would not listen to this crap. A curt response involving sh1tting or getting of the pot would be my answer to this guy. Again, if he has gone for promotion in the past, mention this to him along the lines of "well if it's so bad why did you try and go for promotion in such and such?".

- "You'll learn." This is all I'm ever told when I register my amazement at his hatred for the job. I'm in 2 and a half years and I still enjoy my job. I'm currently doing a college course at night to help me advance and make a career out of it and it's like he hates the fact that we don't all agree with him and find everything shít. God forbid I have a bit of ambition.

Again I would tell him that if I felt as miserable and as down as he does in a few years, that I would have long left by then. Put up or Shut up should be your answer to this guy.

You're probably all going to say ignore him or speak to your supervisor, but the last thing I want is more of an atmosphere and with Alan that's what you'll get. He would see it as a personal attack and work would be even more hellish than usual.

I would be the one who spends the most time with him and outside of work he can be grand. The begrudging attitude can still be there but it's easier to ignore out of the office. I've been warned recently that I'm in danger of being guilty by association. As I'm still relatively new to the organisation this is the last thing I want. I take everyone at face value when I first meet them and try to see the good in everyone, but lately I feel like he's taking advantage of that.

I would have absolutely zero got to do with this guy on a social level. The fact that you seem willing to entertain him outside of normal working hours, will only give him the encouragement to continue and try and belittle the job. Cut off all social activity with this guy immediately.

He spent all of Monday doing his "I'm depressed" routine, where he sat looking all pensive and sighing loudly while I'm trying to get on with my work. I refused to do the "Ah are ya ok?" stuff that he wanted, I'm here to do a job not put up with this guys shít. He's currently looking for somewhere to live but of course, why should he pay anything more than €350 a month including bills! I told him that was unrealistic for the area he's looking in but tbh what it comes down to is pure tightness. He once told me that when he went on a stag do they did a kitty for the rounds and as he was the closest to the bar he always ended up going up. He said that he was pissed off with that so he "took a fiver out of the kitty for myself every time, fúck them." I was so disgusted by that.

Self-absorbing wanker tbh.

I had mentioned his behaviour to another woman in work recently and she said that she can see it and that it all comes down to him having absolutely zero confidence. He puts on this big front and seems to revel in this "everything is shít, relationships are shít" routine. He never goes for promotion and claims it's because he'd "never get the job because I'll be honest and won't tell them what they want to hear, fúck them." The other woman in work said that when it came to the odd interview he did, he was a nervous wreck beforehand and he simply bottled the interview.

Maybe I should feel sorry for him but the way I look at it, he's a work mate. I'm happy to go for the odd drink with him after work but I'm not going to let him drag me down to his miserable level and I honestly feel that has been happening lately. He's a 34 year old man and he needs to sort his life out and I guess I'm just sick of listening to him moan. I don't want to have a big confrontation and I don't want to make anything official but I don't want things to continue this way either. I'd previously considered asking for a transfer in order to gain more experience in other aspects of the organisation and this crap seems to be pushing me closer and closer to that.

Ugh, I dunno what I hope to achieve here, I just needed to get all that out. Any advice on how to deal with the situation would be greatly appreciated.

This is going to affect your career. Believe me it will. The "guilty by association" thing is a classic. Seriously, you should have sfa got to do with this guy from this moment. The fact that you are willing to come onto an internet forum and rant about this guy, and still consider going for the odd social drink with him, is beyond me.

Drop him, and drop him hard. Be straight and curt with him, until he gets the message from you. He is showing the classic signs of complete insecurity, but it is you with your willingness to listen and retort on this crap that is actually helping him to rant more. It is not your function in life to be a shoulder to him, cut all ties with the guy now.

LegacyUser

Hobart wrote: »

Firstly you should look at what is putting you on edge. Under no circumstances has this guy the right to make you feel less than normal. It's also obvious that you think about this guy long and hard before he arrives, you need to stop this and concentrate on starting your day in a positive mood.

Yep you're totally right. I love my job and I'm bloody good at it and I know I have the potential to go far. I enjoy coming in to work because it's something different each day and I enjoy working with the public, but he's just stressing me out lately.

Hobart wrote: »

I presume he is single? This is a classic sign of a lack of confidence in oneself........... I not saying that you should be nasty to this guy, but putting him in his place is a must.

Yeah he's single. It's hard because we've been friends for over 2 years now and I was able to ignore the moaning in the past and tbh I just put it down to stereotypical public servant rubbish, but I didn't let it get to me. Being on the same section as him (and we're kind of cut off from everyone else) has been a real eye opener. He's gotten so much worse and I can't handle it anymore.

Hobart wrote: »

I would completely ignore this facet of his personality.Again, would say to him that if he has an issue with what others are doing in relation to their allowances, that maybe they should take it up with them or, alternatively HR. Finish that sentence by saying that frankly you are sick of listening to him and his constant BS everytime somebody has the temerity to take a day off.

Yeah I told him that he was being ridiculous on that score. He just responds with getting huffy and offended.

Hobart wrote: »

For sure the best way to deal with this issue is to embarrass him into doing his duties. If it was me that was in the same situation as you described above, I would simply call his name in front of the member of the public and say something along the lines of "Hi Madam/Sir, Alan will deal with you in a minute", quickly followed by "Alan?" and a nod in the direction of the customer. I would then immediately stand up from my desk and take a toilet break or whatever and force the guy into dealing with the customer.

I'll be honest and say that I don't have the balls to do this. He's been there a lot longer than me and regardless of his behaviour, I'd be looked down on for calling him up like that in front of a member of the public.

Hobart wrote: »

Again, I would not listen to this crap. A curt response involving sh1tting or getting of the pot would be my answer to this guy. Again, if he has gone for promotion in the past, mention this to him along the lines of "well if it's so bad why did you try and go for promotion in such and such?". Again I would tell him that if I felt as miserable and as down as he does in a few years, that I would have long left by then. Put up or Shut up should be your answer to this guy.

I'm at the "lalala I'm not listening to you" stage and I tend to not respond when he starts. I've said to him on many occasions that he should get a job he likes but he has no response.

Hobart wrote: »

I would have absolutely zero got to do with this guy on a social level. The fact that you seem willing to entertain him outside of normal working hours, will only give him the encouragement to continue and try and belittle the job. Cut off all social activity with this guy immediately.

I agree, the only reason I have socialised with him recently (which hasn't been much I can assure you) is because the others I hang out with most in work were going out. I saw the fall out from the last group and I'd hate to be the cause of something like that. But I know you're right and I don't plan on indulging him any more.

Hobart wrote: »

This is going to affect your career. Believe me it will. The "guilty by association" thing is a classic. Seriously, you should have sfa got to do with this guy from this moment. The fact that you are willing to come onto an internet forum and rant about this guy, and still consider going for the odd social drink with him, is beyond me.

Drop him, and drop him hard. Be straight and curt with him, until he gets the message from you. He is showing the classic signs of complete insecurity, but it is you with your willingness to listen and retort on this crap that is actually helping him to rant more. It is not your function in life to be a shoulder to him, cut all ties with the guy now.

You're totally right and the damage that could potentially happen to my career is the biggest worry for me right now. I don't want things to be uncomfortable for anyone else but I need to take control of the situation otherwise I'll be the one that suffers in the end.

I appreciate the frank reply and I've sat here nodding as I read every point you've made. Definitely going to tell him to go jump on Monday when he starts.

Thanks again.