Friends drinking

LegacyUser

Lately Ive been getting a bit worried about my best friends drinking and her behaviour when drunk. We're both girls in our early 20s in college together.
Now I like to go out and get drunk and occasionally maybe have one or two too many but can generally handle my drink. She, on the other hand, is just not able to go out and "have on or two", she insists on downing at least a bottle of wine or vodka (both of which she cant stand the taste of) before we go out, then drinking as much as she can while out, and can never ever remember the night the next day. You'd think the fact that puking is just a regular part of her night would be worrying for her, but she never changes her habits.
When sober she's really funny and witty and seems really confident, but when drunk she doesnt know her limits and tries too hard and insults everyone. She can even be racist at times(TRYING to be funny). She becomes slutty and desperate and everoyne loses all respect for her. It's like she HAS to get off with someone to make her night complete. (she has a long term boyfriend but thats another story all together!!) When I bring her out with my other friends or my boyfriend and his friends I end up feeling embarrised by her. People are always talking about how ridiculous she becomes.
I dont want to make her feel stupid or embarrised but she can't really go on like this. We usually have fun for a while at the start of the night, but as she gets drunker she becomes so annoying and im scared she'll get herself in serious trouble. I really think it's an insecurity thing, that she wants to be funny and feel like she's wanted by boys, but the truth is she's great sober and has a boyfriend who loves her! She shouldnt need to be hammered to feel good!
How do I approach this with her?!!! I can't see her ever just growing out of it and its getting worrying and annoying!

MagicMarker

Either tell her or stop socialising with her, or both preferably.

At this stage it doesn't matter how you approach it so long as it isn't when she's drunk.

Just tell her straight up that she acts like a fool when drunk and she needs to learn what her limits are.

It sounds like she has issues that only a professional can truely help her with.

Chinafoot

Agree with Magic Marker. The "softly softly" approach probably isn't going to work here, you need to just tell her outright that her behaviour is going to result in her being a very lonely girl. We've all acted the muppet when reallly drunk, but if it's a regular occurance then something needs to be looked at a little more closely.

Has there been any indication that she's stressed about anything? Or is it just a case of Jekyll and Hyde when she has a few?

People like this are draining and if you say nothing you'll end up resenting her and her behaviour.

MJOR

I had a friend like that and ultimately her carry on spolied our friendship.... She is still the same now.... Have had to go to town to pick her up from the club because she is so sh!itfaced...

You have to have a chat with her if she won't admit it.....then you need to not be around her when she drinks..


Its most likely she does it for confidence!

AARRRGH

worried4friend wrote: »

I can't see her ever just growing out of it

You're still pretty much a child when you're in your early 20's, so doing stupid things is par for the course.

I think a lot of people drink quite heavily in their early 20's, and then gradually slow down as they get older.

It's quite likely she will grow out of the insecure, immature phase she's going through.

It does sound like she's a bit OTT though. Talk to her about it. If she doesn't improve, talk to her about it again. Keep talking to her about it until she sorts herself out.

If she's not willing to sort herself out, stop going out with her.

madser

Just tell her that your worried about her and that you are afraid something bad will happen her when she gets in a state.

Your a good friend and she'll apreciate your help, she knows deep down herself that her behaviour is self destructive.

Redpunto

Easiest way to deal with it is not to go out with her anymore until she calms down a bit on the drinking. When people are young ye can drink too much but pre-going out drinks for us was one or two, not a whole bottle.

madser

But her friend obviouly has problems and I think blanking her isn't going to help:rolleyes:

Redpunto

madser wrote: »

But her friend obviouly has problems and I think blanking her isn't going to help:rolleyes:

Maybe when her friends goes out and finds herself in a state with no=one to pick her up off the floor she might cop on a bit. The op going out with the friend and aiding her on her binges is definately not helping now.

Dee369369

Why doesn't her boyf go out with ye?does he know whats shes like drunk cos maybe ye could sit her down the 2 of ye and just explain that ye want to enjoy ur night and not have to watch her the whole time and that she shouldn't need the drink so much...etc.

it'll take time though cos i have friends like that and no matter how many times you say it, they'll nod and smile and say ya i have to change but they won't.u just gota be there for her but make sure ur feelings are known.

hunnybunny

She needs a good reality dose. I knew a girl like this. Sadly she was 27 and behaving this way! It sometimes doesnt improve with age!

beautiation

One of my best mates is exactly like this (right down to every little detail, which is making me just wonder...). It's a tough situation alright, because I don't want to stop going out with her as she'd just keep doing it anyway, and it'd be even worse if her best mates weren't there to look after her.
Also, I don't want her to feel we're looking down on her or being preachy, cos who are we to judge how she gets her fun? If we were there mammying her and making sure she wasn't drinking too much and making sure she took it easy all night, I'd imagine that would just annoy her and make her even more likely to obliterate.
So our tactic at this point is to look after her, makes sure she gets home ok, but also to video her when she's pissed and show it to her the next time we're all hanging out. We start it off as a jokey thing, "ah, let's look at us all hammered last night!", but then as we watch the video and she gets more embarrassing and offensive on it, everyone goes quiet and looks away awkwardly, and she looks absolutely mortified. We make her watch it all the way through. I hate doing it, but it's the only way to say to her without being judgemental: Is this really how you want to behave?
You need to make your mate remember the way they've been, make her see that just because she's forgotten it doesn't mean it hasn't happened.
It's beginning to work a tiny bit, she's down from a shoulder to a naggin before we go out these days at least. Tis a start!
Another idea is to organise something like the cinema before you hit the club. She's less likely to get blotto beforehand in that case.
Also make sure someone's talking or dancing with her nearly all the time, don't give her time to get in the corner and down loads really quickly.

Overheal

I've learned on many an occassion, that a lot of the time the best thing you can do is leave them. When you hang out with her or go drinking with her its just reinforcing the idea in her that the behavior is normal. Short of not talking to her anymore, stop drinking with her. Find other ways to socialise.

beautiation

Don't listen to people telling you to ditch her OP. I dunno what kind of life experiences they've had to think something so heartless is the way to go. You stick by your mates, that's the first rule of everything. You won't even be helping her if you leave her on her own. Presumably she does this cos she's unhappy in a way, and her best mates ditching her will just make her much sadder and more likely to really get herself into trouble.

cute_cow

You could have been writing about me about 10 years ago. To be honest I copped on to myself and I gave up drinking altogether.

My advice is to talk to her, and let her know that you are worried about her. She def seems to have a problem if she is drinking a bottle of vodka and hates the taste.

Even if you end up falling out over this, she needs to be told.

FabulousGirl

Talk to your friend and tell her you are worried about her. I was in the same situation a couple of years ago with a friend of mine. We'd go out, she'd get off her face and I'd spend the evening minding her while she either puked everywhere or passed out. Silly me though, I never said anything about it. I didn't want to seem like the square, beng a downer on the night out when the truth was it was HER who was ruining everyone else's night. Now she has health problems associated with her binge drinking and she's only 25.

I'm all for responsible drinking and having a laugh but when it comes to drinking BOTTLES of vodka on a night out... your friend needs help NOW. Maybe she doesn't realise how she's behaving and a quiet word will sort her out.

Good luck.