Am I insane?

LegacyUser

Right to put this in just a few words... Went out with this guy for a few years, he broke it off and met someone else few weeks later and broke my heart in a big way. Months later I start seeing a friend of ours for while. Liked him but finished it after while as wasn't ready or over ex completely. Ex went mental when he found out. Never spoke to me again. I lost the plot at his reaction and almost turned stalker trying to apologise and get him to talk to me. Finally copped on after a few months ( yeah it took that long!!) and left it. So months later I'm doing ok except for the odd time where I still miss ex but was out last night and got trollied and ended up with a friend of his, same circles and I feel like I've committed a murder or something I feel that guilty.
Why should I even care at this stage?! Or should I and have I been a complete bitch?

Somebody sort this head out please!!!

AngryBadger

Don't see any reason for you to feel guilty here.

fuzzywiggle

You've done nothing wrong. He doesnt want you to move on. He really had no right to go mental over you being with someone else and you shouldnt have apologised. He's not your boyfriend anymore. Forget about him and live your life doing whatever you what. Really. I can't stress that enough. If he had his way you'd never move on.

BizzyLizzy

to guilt or not wrote: »

Somebody sort this head out please!!!

Why are you living your life through someone else? Why can't you be yourself? Do your own thing. Find your own friends. Stop being so dependent. Discover your own worth. Take up yoga. Put the past behind you. Reinvent yourself.

You only have on life - LIVE IT!

LegacyUser

First sorry to hear of the headmelt you are going thru!
It sounds like you are coming out of it, but having setbacks here and there like this one....

If you really want to get over this you will have to stop bedding his friends, in a way like it or not it is a direct or indirect way of trying to get his attention and he wont thank you for it Im sorry to say.

But anyway, you know that already!!!!

An ex of mine wouldn't move on for ages after I broke it off with him, then the first girl he "got with" after me was my brother in laws sister. He is loaded and she is a freeloader, beautiful and way out of his league under normal circumstances. Well she screwed him to the wall for as much cash and charles as she could get out of him, so far, so ho hum, I didn't give a cr@p as long as it stayed out of my face, but then he tried to bring her to a wedding that I was attending with my new partner, needless to say I was not amused, the whole thing was just one step too far and incestuous. The fact that he was invited in the first place was a mistake but the bride could not un-invite him.

When he was doing it on his own time fair enough, but he was going to try to push it into my face at the wedding of my (not his) close friend I really couldn't stand it. And not to mention my brother in law was disgusted too. In his mind he would be making this triumphant entrance with this beautiful girl and would be stealing all the thunder, but in reality it just seemed a pathetic, predictable and jaded stunt.

Anyway my point being, your ex will just see these stunts an attempt by you to get attention for yourself. He will not be jealous or hurt, he will just feel his privacy is being invaded and will wish you would stop being so clingy and move on with your own life.

I am not saying this to make you feel bad but to shock you into reality.
You have to stop bedding his mates, you are letting yourself down.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon, maybe lay off the booze for a bit....and steer clear of his circle!

rescue26

You dont owe your ex anything, you can be with whoever you want. But if you were with the friend because you knew it would get back to him or he would find out then you need to move on and go meet someone who has nothing to do with your ex cos your obviously still hung up on him but if it just happened that you thought the guy was lovely anyway and he just happened to be a friend of your ex, well then tough luck to your ex, he shouldnt even come in to it, its nothing to do with him. My point is if your only with his friends to get back at him some way its only yourself your hurting.

Beetlebum

Oh OP, I feel for you so much..

I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. My ex of 4 years broke up with me and met a girl the very nexy night!! I wrote a thread on here about it at the time and it really helped. I was so cut up over him and felt like my world had been torn apart.

Just like you, I scored one our mutual friends. I wasn't particularly attracted to the friend but I wanted my ex to hear about it. Naively I thought it would make him jealous or make him see how desirable I am to other men. Ha, fat chance!! He went crazy at me, called me a slut, said he never wanted to speak to me agin etc.

I, like you, felt awful. He, like your EX no doubt, felt inital anger and then nothing. I met him a few months later and he told me he saw right through my little stunt and felt pity for me. It was a pathetic thing to do.

OP, that mess was 2 years ago and I never thought I'd heal. I couldn't be happier at the moment though. I am single and that's where it's at for me at this time. I am fully over him and when I look back at my heart broken self, I want to give me a big hug!!

Don't be hard on yourself but try your best to forget about him and move on.

You will be fine. I'd sign a contract stating that i'm so sure of it.

Take care

Quazzie

As long as you didn't deliberately go after his friends to try get back at your ex then you did nothign wrong. your ex is your ex and therefore you have no current obligation to him apart from what feels moraly right to you

AARRRGH

You are single so you can do whatever you want, but I think in an ideal world you wouldn't be sleeping with your ex-boyfriend's friends.

MJOR

Just put it down to experience and don't do it again if it makes you feel bad!