Stress I Guess

LegacyUser

Well this doesnt seem like its going away. I can't sleep very well. Havent been able to for months. All year probably. The only way I can get to sleep is through exhaustion - odd morning hours and skipping days; playing computer games to wear me down.

Any time I do a normal bed time I could be laying there, for hours and hours. Too much crap has built up and I need to get it off my chest. Hopefully its trivial - because i need some plain insight. All in all its gotten me into a habit of only going to bed 'normally' about 10 percent of the time.

last summer I got into this relationship with a girl I had never even met face to face: we'd talk through skype a lot though, texting, and had as much a relationship as long distance and technology would allow. Neither of us was really capable of seeing eachother until christmas at least. But it didnt take long before she started falling for me - her words.

I guess I spooked easy though: I knew I couldn't be with her because of the distances so that was hard enough. But then hearing that so soon was a bit of a rush. So, what did I do but try something on with a local girl. Dumped the first it later turned out the second just - well, its a really long fúcking story: in short, I was her rebound; she still hung around after (I let her, foolishly), I developed feelings for her; **** happened; we dont speak anymore, on extremely bad grounds; etc.

So between all that I have college to attend, and that went not so great this year at all. Ill have to repeat **** to get through. Then the economy means i have no job to fall back on: money becomes an issue; college attendance slips; etc. I let it all just snowball.

Anyway what keeps me up most is thinking about the ramifications of giving up on the first girl. I know its not fair of me to try and win her back so to speak (especially since she tells me shes seeing someone - we speak sporadically every few weeks for a few minutes at a time) but I just feel bad for the way I stomped on her, and thinking about how messed up and lonely I am now. And even now I havent opened up so much as a notebook to study for repeats yet

*looks up* I've seen longer posts. thanks for reading.

TheMelodyOfRain

You haven't intentionally harmed anyone, so the guilt you're feeling is unsubstantiated and due to an error in your thinking. Due to your lack of sleep, your body is probably abnormally high in stress hormones which proper quality sleep will reduce.

What you should do is completely exhaust yourself with exercise everyday for an entire week to the point where if you sit down in the evenings you just start to fall asleep and soon enough the negative thoughts just wont come into your mind anymore.

wicklaman83

personally i think your clinically depressed.i think you should talk to your doctor.talking from experience staying awake for so long,ya get fed up,stupid thoughts enter your head before ya know it your downin pills and alchol.that happened me and i was found just in time seemly.that was 5 yrs ago now.back on track now

JonathanAnon

I used to beat myself up in a similar way. The problem is that when the situation is gone, there is no point in replaying it in your head. When I started to think about the particular girl, I used to just force myself to stop. You have to focus on other possibilities, aside from her, possibility of meeting someone else etc etc.

As far as college goes, I did repeats for three years running and came out with a 2-2 honours degree in Physics in final year, very close to a 2-1. Maybe this is the one thing you could use to take your mind off it. What I would suggest is to dive into the study for the exams, make this your primary and only focus for the next few weeks. The studying should tire you out as well. If you are the athletic type, you should split up the studying by going for a run, for about 21 minutes.