Life in tatters

LegacyUser

Hi,

going unreg'd for this one.

Have always felt down in the dumps since I was in an accident about ten years ago. I have a great relationship, very supportive family, etc- so i suppose i'm lucky in that respect.

Trouble is, I've had a few recent upsets in my life, and I feel I just can't cope anymore. I received a compensation payment (around 300k) about six years ago, from the accident I had. Now, I realise, that I had to pay tax on it. I didn't do this at the time. Now, I'm going to owe Revenue a LOT of money, and I just don't have it.

I'm also about 5 stone overweight, which doesn't help my self-esteem. I've made an appointment to see my doctor on Friday, with a hope of them referring me to see someone, but I'm really just at the end of my tether.

I'm so worried about the future, about my weight issues, about the money I may have to pay to Revenue, about my relationship, about my mental health, about everything. Cos all the good things in my life (partner, family, etc) will be effected by all my problems. I've never considered ending my life before, but over the last few weeks, I've thought about it more than a few times.

I'm at work at the moment, and have no-one around me to talk to.

I'm falling.

Dizzyblonde

I know you think there's no hope at the moment but things really never are that bad. You need to focus on the positives and deal with the negatives one at a time.
You say you have a great realtionship and a very supportive family - a lot of people never have those, you're very lucky.
Seeing your doctor is a great start - tell him or her exactly how you're feeling, and with their help tackle your weight issue. And you're worries about your mental health.
Talk to the revenue, hopefully they'll let you pay the tax off at a rate you can afford.
Good luck, and think of your partner and family - I bet they love you very much.

Nevyn

How do you eat an elephant ? one bite at a time.

Make a list of the things that you know you need to sort and then pick one and do it.
Be it ringing the revenue and finding out what the story is or what ever, do it one at a time
and try and lessen the stress you are putting on yourself.

Go talk to your dr about all of your health issues and if you ever feel that down again do ring Samaritans.
Phone: 1850 60 90 90
Email: jo@samaritans.org

LegacyUser

Thanks, your comments are very practical indeed.

Dizzyblonde, you're right. I should try to concentrate on the good things in my life. I'm hoping I will be alowed to pay off my debts at a rate I can afford, but i'm not feeling very optimistic at the moment.


Thaedydal, I will give your 'list' a go. Seems like none of the things can be sorted overnight, but, all the same, I will try it.

STUBBORNGIRL

In bits wrote: »

Thanks, your comments are very practical indeed.

Dizzyblonde, you're right. I should try to concentrate on the good things in my life. I'm hoping I will be alowed to pay off my debts at a rate I can afford, but i'm not feeling very optimistic at the moment.


Thaedydal, I will give your 'list' a go. Seems like none of the things can be sorted overnight, but, all the same, I will try it.

Hi Op,

I feel for you because money can be such a worrier sometimes...I just wonder if you squandered the 300k that you received over the past 6 years or whether it is tied up in a house or something! this is alot of money to jsut have let go in such a short space of time - anyway this is not the real issue here! The issue is how you are going to get your life back on track.

Let me start by saying please dont feel like you have to end your life for all your troubles to be over. There is always light at the end of the tunnel but for some it may take a little longer to see. I have every faith that things will be okay for you so start by putting that list together and ticking each item off as you have dealt with it!

I am brutal with money and always feel like i owe a fortune and even dream that my teeth are crushing in my mouth for fear of not being able to make ends meet and to this day i have always managed! Dont you worry OP there are people there to help you if you need it - try explaining your concerns to your family and partner.I had a friend commit suicide over a few thousand that he couldnt pay off and because of pride wouldnt ask someone to help him! believe me ending your life is not the solution. BE better than those who take what seems to be the easy way out - Deal with the issues at hand! And trust me whatever God puts you through he will bring you through - i live my life by this saying!!

Good luck to you and head up it will all be okay in the end;)

LegacyUser

OP , if you don't mind asking how much tax do you have to pay ?

is it a fixed rate on the original €300k ? or has it increased due to interest ..

id fight it if possible ..

jimmycrackcorm

are you sure about the tax? I understood that non-earned income such as a court award is not taxable although the interest on it is.

LegacyUser

As far as I can gather, for Personal Injury Compensation payments to be exempt from income tax, you must be permanently and totally incapacitated as a result of your injury.

I went to see a tax consultant yesterday, who's looking into it for me, so either way, I should know for definite soon.

I spoke to my partner last night about everything. He was very supportive. It did actually feel a bit better to have it out in the open, and to have a good cry.

By the way, the 300k I got helped me to buy my home, pay off some short-term bills, and help my parents a little.

Victor

In bits wrote: »

As far as I can gather, for Personal Injury Compensation payments to be exempt from income tax, you must be permanently and totally incapacitated as a result of your injury.

I don't thinks so. There is a (high / supreme) court ruling on the matter and compensation is not income. However, compensation is consequently calculated on what the after-tax income would be. But best to talk to a solicitor or tax consultant.

sunnyside

It's not that bad. If you used the money to buy your home then you most likely don't have a mortgage. Get a loan for the tax bill instead. Secure it against the deeds of the house. Rent a room in the house to help repay the loan. If you own your home your not in that bad a position.

Going to see the tax consultant was a good idea.

MagicMarker

Yeah, if you don't have a mortgage then even with this tax bill you're still better off than most.

Instead of wasting 50 euro on a doctor, put it towards a gym membership instead....

Tbh, if you continue to wallow in your own self pity then nothing will improve.

dudara

MagicMarker wrote: »

Tbh, if you continue to wallow in your own self pity then nothing will improve.

TBH, I don't think that the OP is wallowing - they're trying to take steps to improve things. They just need a little support and constructive advice.

MJOR

Money worries are one of the worst kind. If you do have to pay then you can I am sure work out a repayment schedule that will suit you.

The weight issue is a hard one and one that your doctor can help you with.
In terms of happiness you have a great support network that not a lot of people are fortunate enough to have.

Focus on the pro's and less on the cons and things will be ok #


good luck x

RossFixxxed

You have people there to help you. Sure they'll be affected by it as you said, but they'll surely understand. If you need any help on the finance side give me a shout, i know piles of people in banking and we can possibly set you up a long term loan with a low rate or whatever is needed if I can do it I will.

You won't fall, even if it takes a randomer like me to prop you up. And I'm on a trip to everest next year and seriously need to get into shape. If you're in dublin and ever want to get some exercise I'm trying to get out myself and all are welcome! You'll get by there's a ton of things you can do and there's a lot of great people (and people like me lol) on this board alone and we're all here for you to fall onto!

Ross

tbh

the problem with saying that someone is wallowing is that the word is emotive. It seems to suggest that the OP is gaining some sort of pleasure out of the situation they are in. Having said that, I think I know what magicmarker meant - that the OP seemed to be spending more time freaking out about the situation instead of doing something practical to help fix it. That's why thaeds advice was so good - how do you eat an elephant - one bite at a time. It sounds easy, but that's only because we are not involved in the situation. I think there's probably not one of us who hasn't buried their heads in the sand about something - be it debt, drinking, relationship problems etc etc.

One of the reasons for this is because we tend to bundle things up and file them in the "too-hard" drawer. It's too hard to sort out my debt, so I'm not going to do it. But - one bite at a time. How hard was it to see the tax person? Find their name, get an appointment, clear a bit of time in your day. Now, say they come back and they say "ok, you owe x amount". It sounds scary now, but - you ask them your options, they give you advice and you decide what to do next. Let's say it's go to a bank, for example. Again, not very difficult in itself, but a more scary prospect before you start the process because it's "god, I'll have to go to a tax inspector and the bank, and I don't know how much it is.." etc.

It's not the individual stuff, it's all the unknowns all around it. What the advice here will help you to do is to keep taking small steps, and one-by-one, get rid of all those unknowns.

I can only repeat the advice given. Make a list. Make the steps as distinct as possible - avoid using phrases like "Sort out Tax" - instead "Ring Advisor, Ring Bank, Ring Revenue". Instead of "lose weight" - "Seek advice in fitness forum, find local gym, fix target weight". That will make you feel like you have jobs to do, rather than problems to fix.

The cool thing is that the more steps you do, the more "unknowns" you remove, but you'll also find that as you accomplish more, the fear of those remaining "unknowns" will be greatly reduced. You build up momentum

And finally, remember this - you're not the first person that this has happened to, and you're certainly not the last. You're just human - and we all make mistakes. It's not what happens to you that defines you, it's how you deal with what happens to you.

best of luck

Evil-p

I'm so sorry to read your post. Sometimes it feels like life has given us more than we can bear! You need to establish if you are depressed - in a clinical sense - because if that is the case the doctor can put you on something to regulate how you are feeling. I suggest you join your local weight watchers class to help you lose weight. Believe me losing 3 pounds on your first week will give you a huge boost and it will help you feel more in control of your life. I know its futile to talk about that you are lucky to have a partner and family but this cloud will pass and you start to count your blessings.

Maybe go for a drive this weekend with your partner, walk on the beach, buy an ice-cream cone. This issue with the tax will be resolved. Its your choice whether you spend your days stressing or whether you take a few breaths and try to enjoy life. Either way this will be sorted out one way or the other.

Feeling as horrible as you do does pass in time. Can you remember back to times in your life thinking it couldn't get any worse but it passed and you found happiness again? You will this time!

Best of luck to you, i hope you find the peace you need!

debby08

there are some people worst off than urself,sum cant even afford to buy there 1st home so tink off them n u feel beta,life can feel crap sumtimes,believe me,i no .but then i tink of others that aer not as well off as some of us and are homeless wit no family or no1 to talk to n it dont seem that bad.

Beruthiel

debby08
I detest text speak, it makes my eyes bleed.
Please write in english while posting in this forum.
B

LegacyUser

RossFixxxed wrote: »

You have people there to help you. Sure they'll be affected by it as you said, but they'll surely understand. If you need any help on the finance side give me a shout, i know piles of people in banking and we can possibly set you up a long term loan with a low rate or whatever is needed if I can do it I will.

You won't fall, even if it takes a randomer like me to prop you up. And I'm on a trip to everest next year and seriously need to get into shape. If you're in dublin and ever want to get some exercise I'm trying to get out myself and all are welcome! You'll get by there's a ton of things you can do and there's a lot of great people (and people like me lol) on this board alone and we're all here for you to fall onto!

Ross

Thanks to everyone for the advice & constructive criticism. And Ross, your post above is truly lovely. You don't often come across strangers who are willing to directly help!

I went to my doctor on Friday. She prescribed me some anti-depressants, and referred me to a counsellor. We talked alot about how I'm feeling, and although I found talking to her extremely difficult, I'm glad I went. Today is my first day taking the medication, and I'm a bit wary/scared about it, but I'm taking it one day at a time.

I also had a long chat with my partner yesterday. Things had been kind of fraught between us over the last few weeks, probably cos I had been so irritable, and he didn't understand why. I told him everything I had told the doctor about how I was feeling. He got very upset, and promised that he would help me to get through it.

I actually DO feel lucky that I have someone in my life who will support me. I am not going to forget that.

When I first posted last week, I was going through a patch of wondering if my relationship was going to work out at all. We were bickering a lot, and I thought it was because he was just being a dick, and not very tolerant. I now know that I was the one being short/difficult with him, because of my state of mind.

In relation to the Revenue, I spoke to the Tax-consultant. He says that because the compensation I received was not based on earned-income, then the compensation wasn't taxable. So that's one less thing to have to worry about.

In relation to my weight issues, the doctor & I spoke about it alot. She said that I don't seem mentally able at the moment to embark on serious weight loss/dieting. She said that after a few months of taking the pills, my mood/spirit will hopefully be improved, and then she will refer me to a dietician to do it properly.

RossFixxxed

Delighted to hear that!

They do take a while to kick in, so do be patient. But there is definitely a good feeling associated with the fact you're taking action eh? Don't worry about a serious weight loss programme as the doctor said. But in the mean time you can take small actions as your mood improves. Lord knows we all enjoy a skeaky chocolate bar, ben and jerriessgahhhhhh *drool*. So don't cut yourself off altogether, you have to live too! Small little improvements over time will keep you feeling motivated and positive.

You've taken a huge, difficult and VERY important step here. I'm always so proud and pleased that people can do this for themselves, it's absolutely brilliant and I hope other people reading this can take something from what you have done.

As I said we're all here if you need us! Keep it up and keep us posted!

Ross

LegacyUser

Thanks Ross. I'll post up soon to let u know how they're going..

tbh

if you want to share the experience of being on the meds, check out the long term illness forum - under sci -> Biology and Medicine.