Getting it "up" problem (not what you think)

LegacyUser

Before I start no this isn’t an “I can’t get it up” thread quite the opposite .
I’ve been seeing this girl for the last couple of weeks and it’s brilliant but the thing is every single time we hug or cuddle... himself down below starts to go hard and as a result I have to stop hugging etc before she finds out what’s happening, this is driving me mad as she loves nothing more than for me to hold and cuddle her which I love too.
When we’re just hugging/cuddling I’m not even thinking of sex or anything like that which if I was then I’d know why this is happening but I’m not which is why I can’t understand why this keeps happening.
So I’m just wondering how the hell can I stop this from happening every time and yes it happens every time ?
Thanks for any replies

anonymous_joe

Probably not much you can do about it. If it makes you feel better it's happened to me too, and I'm sure a lot of other lads as well.

Victor

Its perfectly normal. Leave it alone.

Most women would be flattered.

dr.bollocko

Be proud of it brother!
I dont actually have anything else to say. This is not a problem!

SnowMonkey

its normal ive got a hoooge sex drive like ridiculas

so i no how it feels the elastic on your boxer shorts can come in very handy lol

dr.bollocko

TMI!!!
TMI!!!
/blind now

DD

Have you seen american pie ?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies really appreciate them but I don't want her to know cause I've only been going out with her for a few weeks and I keep thinkin if she finds out that she'll think that all I want to do is do it with her etc,I know she probably won't be offended at all or anything like that and as has been said above she'd probably be flattered but I can't take that risk.
I know she's either A: going to cop on to what's happening or B: Think I don't want to hug etc her cause every time I feel it happenin I always say something to end it which I can't keep doin so as I said she's eventually going to cop onto why I'm doing it which I'm dreading cause that's going to be so awkward to explain why,strange thing is this has never really happened with any other girl I've been with but happens every time with this one .

Acoshla

the same thing happened my boyfriend when we first met, and he is the same as you, just thought it seemed inappropriate and stuff, basically he just sat me down and told me in a jokey way that it didnt mean anything and that he was desperately embarassed by it and happy out cuddling and stuff, do you think you could do that?

maybe just being honest with her will make her react honestly, even if you don't want to go that far for now its still flattering to know you have that effect on a guy

LegacyUser

Spadina wrote: »

the same thing happened my boyfriend when we first met, and he is the same as you, just thought it seemed inappropriate and stuff, basically he just sat me down and told me in a jokey way that it didnt mean anything and that he was desperately embarassed by it and happy out cuddling and stuff, do you think you could do that?

I could but I'd have to find the right time to bring it up(no pun intended there ) I couldn't just go to her the next time and tell her but then again that could present itself as the right moment.

Spadina wrote: »

maybe just being honest with her will make her react honestly, even if you don't want to go that far for now its still flattering to know you have that effect on a guy

I know she won't freak out or anything,she's not timid or anything like that as I said she'd be flattered that she has as you say that effect on me but it's me that has the problem in her finding out.

Marksie

Its just a buildup of sexual energy with extreme attraction, commonly described as horniness.

Happens to us all, sometimes i just have to allow it to move up the spine

bringitdown

Knock the easy one out beforehand - its sure to work .... or have hilarious consequences.

LegacyUser

bringitdown wrote: »

Knock the easy one out beforehand - its sure to work .... or have hilarious consequences.

nah don't think that'd help either .

I can just hope it'll wear itself out soon enough.

Gyalist

Why ?? wrote: »

Before I start no this isn’t an “I can’t get it up” thread quite the opposite .
I’ve been seeing this girl for the last couple of weeks and it’s brilliant but the thing is every single time we hug or cuddle... himself down below starts to go hard and as a result I have to stop hugging etc before she finds out what’s happening, this is driving me mad as she loves nothing more than for me to hold and cuddle her which I love too.
When we’re just hugging/cuddling I’m not even thinking of sex or anything like that which if I was then I’d know why this is happening but I’m not which is why I can’t understand why this keeps happening.
So I’m just wondering how the hell can I stop this from happening every time and yes it happens every time ?
Thanks for any replies

I am afraid that I can't see what you are trying to gain by repressing your sexual attraction to the woman. The fact that you mentioned that you aren't thinking of sex when you are cuddling her is somewhat surprising - unless your sole aim for the relationship is to become her cuddle bitch. You don't think that she'll be flattered to know that you find her attractive? This is a problem only because you are making it a problem. Never ever make apologies for being a sexual being.

Of course, if you are under the legal age of consent feel free to disregard my post.

LegacyUser

Gyalist wrote: »

I am afraid that I can't see what you are trying to gain by repressing your sexual attraction to the woman. The fact that you mentioned that you aren't thinking of sex when you are cuddling her is somewhat surprising - unless your sole aim for the relationship is to become her cuddle bitch.

I'm only seeing her for the last 2 weeks so it's not that I'm repressing my feelings like I don't want anything like that obviously I/we do it's just as I said I think it's way too early to come out and tell her what's goin on, like I don't want to burst out with "listen everytime I touch you I get one on and oh and I can't wait to have sex with you either"

Gyalist wrote: »

unless your sole aim for the relationship is to become her cuddle bitch

no not at all we both know what's going on

Gyalist wrote: »

You don't think that she'll be flattered to know that you find her attractive? This is a problem only because you are making it a problem. Never ever make apologies for being a sexual being.

As i said a bit above yes I know she wouldn't care if she knew she would be pleased but I can't (at the moment) bring myself to let her know what's happening .

Gyalist wrote: »

Of course, if you are under the legal age of consent feel free to disregard my post.

And yes we are over it

LegacyUser

This is completely normal. It's happened with every boyfriend I've ever had and it wasn't a short lived thing with most. With one boyfriend it happened everytime I saw him and we went out for over 4 years! I only ever took it as a compliment or other times presumed it was some reflex reaction in the male anatomy that maybe had little or nothing to do with me. I certainly was never ever insulted or embarrased by it. In fact if I went out with someone and it never happened I'd be wondering why to be honest. I'd definitely be upset if my boyfriend broke away quickly from every hug or kiss we engaged in. If you do that you'll be sending out the wrong message entirely. If she's with you it's because she finds you attractive... because she thinks of you in "that way". Women are just as sexual as men. Even if she's not ready for sex yet she'll be happy to have some signal that you feel the same way back. It's something that most men are pretty proud of usually. Don't let it become an issue in your head...if you do it could ruin a good thing !

GrumPy

Perfectly normal. She would be more concerned if you couldn't get it up. :pac:

LegacyUser

A Girl wrote: »

I'd definitely be upset if my boyfriend broke away quickly from every hug or kiss we engaged in. If you do that you'll be sending out the wrong message entirely. If she's with you it's because she finds you attractive... because she thinks of you in "that way". Women are just as sexual as men. Even if she's not ready for sex yet she'll be happy to have some signal that you feel the same way back. It's something that most men are pretty proud of usually. Don't let it become an issue in your head...if you do it could ruin a good thing !

This is what I'm afraid of by me breaking away from her that she'll think I don't want to really be near her and I agree too that it could ruin things before they even really start it is just as I said that I think that it's a little bit too early into it to come out and let her know but that's probably just stupid thinkin I suppose,thanks for your reply(s) making me feel a bit better about the situation .

LegacyUser

GrumPy wrote: »

Perfectly normal. She would be more concerned if you couldn't get it up. :pac:

that's why I said in my title...not what you think

chris_oc

Victor wrote: »

Its perfectly normal. Leave it alone.

Most women would be flattered.

ya as long as you don't stab the poor girl with it then I wouldn't see there being to much of a problem:p

MJOR

As a girl I wouldn't mind at all.... Sorry to tell you but its unlikely that it'll stop I'd say.

There's nothing wrong with it at all.

Keep kissing and hugging and I don't think she'll mind as long as you don't push her hand down there 15 yr old style:D

LegacyUser

MJOR wrote: »

As a girl I wouldn't mind at all.... Sorry to tell you but its unlikely that it'll stop I'd say.

There's nothing wrong with it at all.

Keep kissing and hugging and I don't think she'll mind as long as you don't push her hand down there 15 yr old style:D

don't worry I won't .
Thanks for all you replies makes me feel a million times better,fankyou

LegacyUser

A Girl wrote: »

This is completely normal. It's happened with every boyfriend I've ever had and it wasn't a short lived thing with most. With one boyfriend it happened everytime I saw him and we went out for over 4 years! I only ever took it as a compliment or other times presumed it was some reflex reaction in the male anatomy that maybe had little or nothing to do with me. I certainly was never ever insulted or embarrased by it. In fact if I went out with someone and it never happened I'd be wondering why to be honest. I'd definitely be upset if my boyfriend broke away quickly from every hug or kiss we engaged in. If you do that you'll be sending out the wrong message entirely. If she's with you it's because she finds you attractive... because she thinks of you in "that way". Women are just as sexual as men. Even if she's not ready for sex yet she'll be happy to have some signal that you feel the same way back. It's something that most men are pretty proud of usually. Don't let it become an issue in your head...if you do it could ruin a good thing !

Can I ask you or any other girl on here how did you(s) find out that that was happening with your boyfriend ?

MJOR

its not really likely she'll say it to you. It's natural!

Keep hugging:D:D:D

brianthebard

Why ?? wrote: »

Can I ask you or any other girl on here how did you(s) find out that that was happening with your boyfriend ?

roffles dude how do you think they figured it out?you already know that its not going to stop happening and you shouldn't be bothered,but perhaps the bigger issue is talking to your gf.even if you've only been together two wks you don't want to start giving each other neuroses and body issues just to spare an awkward talk.she already knows you get hard.

entropi

All i can say on this is "if it ain't broken, don't fix it":D

Honestly its just a natural reaction in blokes, i'm sure most of us could say it happened to them too. I could probably just slot this under physical intimacy though, and just be happy it still happens. Let the girl know what the deal is, she may just be flattered as another poster pointed out already.

chuckles30

It's happened with every bf I've had....even the first time we've kissed/cuddled. It's natural. If it didn't happen, I'd be more worried. Just stop thinking about it so much and enjoy your cuddle. You don't have to say anything about it - she'll know what's happening, so it's not like you have to explain anything. She's probably more likely to be wondering why you keep pulling away.

wylo

seriously op, youve to get over it, its called a horn, men get them all the time, in the morning, the afternoon, the evening,sometimes when kissing a girl,sometimes when hugging, I even get them from holding a girls hand sometimes. Honestly youll do damage to the relationship if you start acting weird and backing off from hugs and kisses like a 5 year old kid who hates girls. Women dont mind one bit,
This isnt a problem, its the opposite of a problem!

LegacyUser

Had the same prob myself bro.. when i first startd goin out with GF anything would set "it" off.. hugging, kissing, holding eachother etc.. i was terified she'd find out and not be too pleased about it and there was no way i could bring myself to sayin it to her after goin out just a few weeks like yourself, wouldn know whatd she think about it.. Was goin around hands in pockets tryin to hide it, avoiding hugs and kisses etc..

But after awhile it gradually startd to stop, it was probably actually after the first time we got intimate together it began to stop. Im guesing it was just a build up of sexual tention even tho it wasnt on my mind. Same thing still happens every now and again if we dont see eachother for a few days/weeks.. Not that im too worried now..

Just relax man, its no prob, all natural..

COH

Next time it happens just gently take her hand, look her in the eyes, and say "baby, meet my boy THOR"

LegacyUser

COH wrote: »

Next time it happens just gently take her hand, look her in the eyes, and say "baby, meet my boy THOR"

I'll keep that in mind CO,thanks .

LegacyUser

Why ?? wrote: »

Can I ask you or any other girl on here how did you(s) find out that that was happening with your boyfriend ?

It's something that's pretty tough to disguise if you're in a full on standing up hug with someone or if theyre standing up in front of you.Girls notice all sorts of things on the sly! Some guys are intent on letting you know too and make sure to thrust it up against you when hugging etc so you're left in no doubt. That's not the best way to go though, especially not with someone you've just started going out with. Chances are your girlfriend probably already knows and if she's still with you it's probably because she's happy enough about it.

By the way it's not something that's ever been a source of awkward conversation in my experience. There's no way she's ever going to say "eww what's that?" and you'll find yourself sitting there trying to explain it to her. If she mentions it, it will be because she's ready and wants to take your relationship a bit further or at least wants to hear you say she turns you on....and probably because she wants to return the sentiment!

Chillax and enjoy it . You're completely normal .The only way this could possibly be a problem would be if it becomes one in your head and you start pulling away from her.
Or if you spend alot of time in the company of her and her parents.Don't do that

LegacyUser

^^Thanks and no I don't stand in front of her and 'Thrust' it into her and no her parents are not in the vicinity either and I know alot of posters have said that she probably does know but I really don't think she does cause she's the type that would say something if she knew as I said she's not timid in any way now if she did know that'd be great it'd be out of the way but I don't think she does,ah well she'll find out soon enough I suppose probably without me saying anything

katie08

I remember when i had only known my boyfriend two weeks he invited me to watch a dvd at his house, he made sure i lay in front of him & he cuddled me from behind & i knew for sure he was erm "happy":rolleyes: but it didnt bother me, kind of made me a bit shy at first but we girls understand its only natural!

coco85

[quote=Why ??;56592797and I know alot of posters have said that she probably does know but I really don't think she does cause she's the type that would say something if she knew as I said she's not timid in any way now if she did know that'd be great it'd be out of the way but I don't think she does,ah well she'll find out soon enough I suppose probably without me saying anything [/quote]

This happened me a few times with new boyfriends... i was really flattered.. i am the type of girl who would say something!!!.. but i never did i just smiled to myself!.. i was secretly delighted!!! Dont worry about it as everone else said its perfectly normal and dont worry if she likes you then i cant imagine her ever bringing the issue up as a 'problem'!..

Take care:)

LegacyUser

Thanks I just feel really self conscious about it mainly cause mainly cause she's been with a few P***ks before and told me all they were really interested in was sex with her so that's why I'm afraid of her finding out incase she thinks that that's all I want from her .

Alice1

Why, don't take COH's advice cos he being very bold:p

If you keep pulling away every time you have a kiss or cuddle the poor lass is gonna think she has bad breath or something!

Once you don't erm "thrust" against her, she's not going to mind - if she notices.

Now, stop thinking about it and enjoy the developing friendship.

LegacyUser

Alice1 wrote: »

don't take COH's advice cos he being very bold:p

Awwww and here was I thinking that that was the best thing to do.....lol

Alice1 wrote: »

If you keep pulling away every time you have a kiss or cuddle the poor lass is gonna think she has bad breath or something!

Ah I never just pull away from her immediately I do it slowly and just come away very subtly so she doesn't think I'm doing it for a reason which is working at the moment but as I said she's going to cop on eventually.

StonedParadoX

you know lads
you have cleared up alot of thoughts that iv had about this

i always wondered what my mates did when that happened to them
i never bothered to ask cuz i hate talking about sex and all that jazz with them cuz i have very little experiance

thank you so much
i remember gettin a massive hard on time huggin this girl i liked and jesus christ it got real awkward talkin to her after

what scares ME is that someone said that girls know whats going on
alot more then you think!!!

how odvious is a hardon ?
cuz im a guy and i dont think i ever notice other lads hardons

hunter164

Leave it next thing you know her hand might be down there and you're getting what you want.

Amtmann

Why ?? wrote: »

Before I start no this isn’t an “I can’t get it up” thread quite the opposite .
I’ve been seeing this girl for the last couple of weeks and it’s brilliant but the thing is every single time we hug or cuddle... himself down below starts to go hard and as a result I have to stop hugging etc before she finds out what’s happening, this is driving me mad as she loves nothing more than for me to hold and cuddle her which I love too.
When we’re just hugging/cuddling I’m not even thinking of sex or anything like that which if I was then I’d know why this is happening but I’m not which is why I can’t understand why this keeps happening.
So I’m just wondering how the hell can I stop this from happening every time and yes it happens every time ?
Thanks for any replies

My friend, I can relate to that! It's always happening.

I handled it like so: we cuddled, I got hard, she noticed. I sort of jokingly said, "sorry, not deliberate!" and that I don't really have any control of that department. I also told her that it doesn't necessarily mean that a guy wants sex. She was/is understanding, and finds it kind of intriguing now! (She was a virgin, and very inexperienced, BTW)

Bottom line: you're not alone here, buddy!

And anyway, isn't it a compliment?

LegacyUser

StonedParadoX wrote: »

i remember gettin a massive hard on time huggin this girl i liked and jesus christ it got real awkward talkin to her after

what scares ME is that someone said that girls know whats going on
alot more then you think!!!

how odvious is a hardon ?
cuz im a guy and i dont think i ever notice other lads hardons

That's what I'm like, I'm now even more self concious that she knows but isn't saying anything and when I look at her now I'm thinkin to myself "do you know ??" and also now worryin me is I'm thinkin is she talkin about it to her friends which will absolutely kill me with embarrassment if she is

Furet wrote: »

My friend, I can relate to that! It's always happening.

I handled it like so: we cuddled, I got hard, she noticed. I sort of jokingly said, "sorry, not deliberate!" and that I don't really have any control of that department. I also told her that it doesn't necessarily mean that a guy wants sex.

That's exactly what I'll probably say if/when she says somethin to me cause as I've said before she isn't timid or shy in anyway and I know she'll joke about it if/when she does find out which is good to know...well I hope she does anyway.

Furet wrote: »

(She was a virgin, and very inexperienced, BTW)

Well my GF isn't a virgin and I'd say is probably more experienced than me as I've said she's been with one guy who was only with her for sex etc so adding to my fear is that she'll think that that's all I'm interested in

Furet wrote: »

Bottom line: you're not alone here, buddy!

Thanks to all the great replies I've gotten on here I know that now and feel a million times better bout the whole thing

Furet wrote: »

And anyway, isn't it a compliment?

I think it is....well it depends on the girl really too,I can tell you if I knew my GF or any girl for that matter was getting 'wet' down there over me I'd be over the moon but then again guys attitudes differ when it comes to things like that .

cute_cow

Victor wrote: »

Its perfectly normal. Leave it alone.

Most women would be flattered.

+1

If it wasn't happening, as a girl, I wouldn't feel too good. Leave as is. Be happy that you can!!

LegacyUser

cute_cow wrote: »

+1

If it wasn't happening, as a girl, I wouldn't feel too good. Leave as is. Be happy that you can!!

There's loads of girls after replying saying that it's flattering and that they'd be disappointed etc if their boyfriend didn't get hard when with them which is great but what can I guy expect from his girlfriend in the equivalent form ?? or are we the only one's that feel like this ??